say it ain't so joe

John McCain’s Brother Cussed Out 911!

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Terrible seething venomous rage runs in the McCain family, it appears. Whereas a normal person sitting in a traffic jam would say, “man, this sucks,” John McCain’s brother Joe calls 911 to complain and then says “fuck you” to the operator who is confused about why he’s calling an emergency hotline about a common everyday occurrence.

Several fantastic points about this story: the operator called him back, and of course got his voicemail, which said something to the effect of, “I am John McCain’s brother doing very important things right now,” (like calling 911 to bitch about traffic). And then he called 911, AGAIN, to complain, AGAIN.

The most wonderful thing, however, is how much Joe McCain sounds exactly like John McCain on the phone.

Joe McCain calls 911 about a traffic jam [YouTube]

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Delicious


  • The Cold Sea

    Petulance runs in the family. Mom and dad would throw the boys in a tub of ice cold water when they acted up. They didn’t do it enough, obviously.

    Seriously, what a bunch of elitist twats, these McCains.

  • Styrofoam Boots


  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Sounds like Joe McCain is in Barry’s tank also, since this helps Brother Walnuts out so much, esp. in the Commie part of VA.

  • ExecutorElassus

    Hey, we’re making progress! He didn’t call the operator a trollopy cunt, so something’s clearly working!

  • ManchuCandidate

    No Traffic Flow
    No Movement
    No giving thanks to all the Emergencies you do
    But what it is, though old so new
    To fill your heart like no Two words could ever do

    I just called to say FUUUK you
    I just called to say how much I care, I do
    I just called to say FUUCK you
    And I say you can lick the taint above my ass!

  • Bostoprov

    From 2 weeks earlier…

    “Hello? 9-1-1? Yeah, this sandwich that I’m eating is awful. It’s terrible. My wife just doesn’t know how to make a sandwich. God, help me!”

    “Sir? What is the nature of the emergency?”

    “Fuck you, bitch. God, this sandwich sucks…” –Click…

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Ooh, forgot: FIVE AND A HALF MINUTES, ALAN! He was sitting in traffic for FIVE AND A HALF MINUTES!

  • nurple

    Oddly, kind of amazing that this is not amazing. This is almost getting lost in the general shit-storm. How come events like this seem to cluster together?

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    This is the one draw back of voting for Obama. McCain can continue the history of wacky siblings and children that we have come to expect from our Presidents.

  • hockeymom

    wow…the mcain/palin families are just so….helpful.

  • Palin-Plumber2012

    McCain’s brother has Rudy Giuliani’s phone number?

  • Tawmn

    Sounds like he has the same colorful language as his brother as well. I wonder what the parrot in the McCain household sounded like while they were growing up?

  • Kev-O-Tron

    So douchiness runs in the family? Is it some kind of gene? Is being a complete jerk a McCain tradition?

  • Mumble Softly

    This brightened my otherwise sad day in which I am watching global stock markets plunge to untested lows. Bravo Mr McCain. Maybe Joe deserves the VP spot instead of that cunt Palin.
    The two mccain brothers could gang up on Obama and open up a can of whup ass on his …….on his……. on his ASS !!!

  • Panderfinder

    he was all mad because he was stuck in traffic in Communist Northern
    VA. you know, where his BROTHER lives!

    it appears that the mccain family is as mentally stable as the buchanan family.

  • shellbomber

    @joemccain: this traffic needs to go away!

  • Blue Myself

    God, now 911 is in the tank.
    When WALNUTS becomes Prez, the Emergency Response System is the first thing that goes.

  • Servo

    My brother’s a HERO, goddammit!

  • chaste everywhere

    Shouldn’t someone find out what this guy’s “very important family political project” might be?

  • GreatLakesNation

    I think we can all agree that a large black man stole the cellphone from ‘Joe 9-1-1’ and called to complain about traffic. And fondled his breasts.

  • HuskyMescan

    John immediately called Joe about this. I have the transcript (thanks to FISA):
    John: “Did you fucking call 911 and complain about traffic, what are you trying to do to me?”
    Joe: “Fuck you!”
    John: “No, fuck you!”
    Joe: “No, fuck you!”
    John: “Fuck you!”
    Joe: “Fuck you!”
    (goes on for about 45 minutes)

  • Palin-Plumber2012

    Hahaha, better change that voicemail after 11-4, you won’t have other political projects, unless you want to leave the message, “This is Joe McCain, I can’t come to the phone right now, I’m busy delivering a very important spoonful of creamed corn to my brother the decrepit Senator.”

  • tinybubbles

    NoVa commie traffic is in the tank for Barry.

  • ManchuCandidate

    The old moldy Jerk Turds do not fall far from the Jerk Ass.

    You don’t get to be a 4 star admiral by being nice.

  • Carrie_Okie

    [re=146724]Palin-Plumber2012[/re]: exactly my thinking.

  • nurple

    Mumble – the stock market is looking for a bottom. OH I AM WINNING TODAY…

  • Bostoprov

    [re=146734]shellbomber[/re]: You win the wittiest post award.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=146739]HuskyMescan[/re]: (goes on for about 45 minutes)

    Until Walnuts gets winded, is too weak to hang up the phone & has to call Cindy to fire up his oxygen tank. There, story ended.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    OH MY GOD it is so clear that the 9/11 operator is in the tank. I mean, what the fuck? Joe was clearly distraught by his dementia, and this bastard treats him like he is AN EVERYDAY CITIZEN. If the government was doin’ its jawb this man would NOT be driving.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=146735]Blue Myself[/re]: Naaah, he’s going to need them. But they’re going to be arm wrestling over who has to give Walnuts mouth to mouth.

  • Bypartizoa

    On November 5th:

    “Hello, 911? This is John McCain calling. A black man just won an elections that was supposed to be mine.”

  • NoWireHangers

    I call 911 to curse out the operator when I get my period. Then I go to Target and shoot boxes of Tampax with my handgun. It really helps the cramps.

  • distracts

    Scott Thuman looks like an arrogant jerk. Like a cross between GOB from “Arrested Development” and Chuck from “Gossip Girl.”

  • OzoneTom

    Cindy was right, “the only way to get around the state is by small private plane.” Any state obviously. Except a state of rage.

  • Dave J.

    That drawbridge is in the tank for Hopey, this is disgraceful.

  • loquaciousmusic

    Don’t give the guy a hard time. Maybe he’s just a Public Enemy fan.

  • GlennBecksTaint

    Hey Joe McCain – stop spreading the wealth with your phony 911 emergency calls!

  • Kev-O-Tron

    Joe McCain was confused. McCain campaign policy states that all things (including traffic) are the fault of 9/11.

  • AdRock

    Actually, I believe this is McCain’s new robo-call.

  • CatrinkaS

    This begs for its own yard sign – Joe the Angry Brother, Joe the Insane 911 Caller, Joe the Relative, Joe the Representative of the Lunatic Fringe…

    It’s really just SO unstable.

  • problemwithcaring

    [re=146759]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Of course the operator’s in the Blackie’s tank. Did you hear the “Riot” act he gave poor Joe the Special Needs Brother?

  • WalnutsThePlumber

    i think what you’re all forgetting is that if we hadn’t spent money on this TERRIBLE SOCIALIST PROJECT that is the capital beltway in the first place, joe mccain wouldn’t have been stuck. obviously dwight eisenhower is IN THE TANK

  • RadioFreeBabylon

    No wonder Obama can afford to go to Hawaii to visit granny. He’s got Amy Strozzi, Ashley Todd and Joe McCain working overtime to derail what little hope McCain still had. And of course Tina Fey will have a helluva good time on Saturday with the line, “The Vice-President is in charge of the Senate!”

    If I was Obama, I’d let out a few more body-surfing images, just to rub it in.

  • ihasasad

    He’s Joe the Brother

  • bitchincamaro

    Where’s a collapsing bridge when you need one?

  • Lemming Caution

    [re=146719]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: that’s what I was thinking! Billy Carter, Roger Clinton…Joe McCain!

  • Buffy and Hildegard

    This is clearly a jihadist plot (9-1-1, 9/11 — coincidence? I don’t think so!) against John McCain perpetuated by the Alexndria (pronounced “fake”) Virginia 911 operators’ union.

  • binarian

    Clearly he’s the Billy Carter for the new millenium.

  • Dreamer

    What did he think 911 will do about the trafic – send him a helicopter. That is one dude with major entitlement issues. Just imagine if his brother was the POTUS.

  • Dreamer

    [re=146738]GreatLakesNation[/re]: LOL

  • Borat

    You’d have to be really lonely to think to call 911 to complain about something. That’s the kind of thing you call your 99 year old grandmother to complain about

  • Viva la Cynthia

    Um, that’s probably something my brother would do, so I can’t really say anything. :-/

  • Dreamer

    [re=146739]HuskyMescan[/re]: I am betting one of them called the other’s wife an nasty name.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    People, people… y’all are missing the whole point. Joe simply heard that all his niggras back on the family plantation in Mississippi were coming up out of the cotton fields and voting for the ultimate uppity niggra, and he was trying to race back there and quell the uprising. And the damn drawbridge was IN HIS GODDAMN WAY GODDAMMIT. Now do you understand?

  • The Neoskeptic

    he did it for the LOLz, you cunt trollops!

  • Maus

    [re=146708]The Cold Sea[/re]: “Petulance runs in the family. Mom and dad would throw the boys in a tub of ice cold water when they acted up. They didn’t do it enough, obviously.”

    Yet another sign that nonstop corporal punishment only makes people bigger brats when they’re out of sight of mom and dad.

  • gjdodger

    What was Joe McCain thinking? This is going to undo all of his brother’s momentum from Ashley Todd being attacked by that Obama supporter.

  • larz

    If McCain wins, Palin can fire the whole 911 staff.

  • BruceLee5000

    [re=146717]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: KUDOS. You beat me to it by a long shot.

  • DangerousLiberal

    Whatta fuckin’ douche. First the Bible Spice clothes fiasco, now this. Douches, each and every one. And who the fuck is Ashley Todd, other than a college kid with a twitter* account and an active imagination. Oh, and some not so latent racism.

    Christ, I leave the country for four days, and what the f……

  • LittlePinky82

    LOL and John McCain talks about being with the working class people. How many working class people do y’all know who call up 911 and piss about traffic? Good grief. I had a little traffic trouble this morning heading into a class but I didn’t dial 911 and yell at them about it. What was he expecting? A police escort with all the flashy sounds?

  • LittlePinky82

    [re=146708]The Cold Sea[/re]: A tub of cold ice? Looks to me they should’ve done it the southern way a nice spanking.

  • DangerousLiberal

    *Twitter–the dumbest internet thing ever invented. Now available for racists!

  • LittlePinky82

    [re=146724]Palin-Plumber2012[/re]: OMG lol I so didn’t think about that.

  • ohboy

    why does john get the motorcade but not joey?!! not fair!!!

  • HuskyMescan

    [re=146843]Dreamer[/re]: a noun, a verb and trollop-c*nt…the McCain legacy we’ll all remember.

  • LittlePinky82

    [re=146725]Tawmn[/re]: LOL well my uncle a good long time ago used to have this awesome parrot that would actually speak and it would sometimes say “shit.” LOL. I imagine the McCain parrot with some interesting and colorful language like it’s feathers.

  • BruceLee5000

    [re=146739]HuskyMescan[/re]: FTW! Acting this out in raspy, spiteful McCain voices is AWESOME!

  • LittlePinky82

    [re=146726]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Apparently so. On some radio program (sorry I can’t remember who it was from) was saying how McCain said his family never owned slaves and it was found out he lied about that. There are some decedents of those who were slaves of the McCain family (children from the rapes) and either every year or other year or something like that the family who had a parent who was a slave all have a get together to catch up and whatnot and apparently John McCain has never showed up. Other family members apparently have but never him.

  • PortlandSmartAss

    He was just proving the problem with big government … what was that stupid 911 operator (employee of bloated government) DOING taking his call?? And then calling him BACK?!? Clearly an overpaid and unnecessary government employee.

  • LittlePinky82

    [re=146738]GreatLakesNation[/re]: And knifed a “B” in his face.

  • LittlePinky82

    [re=146820]Buffy and Hildegard[/re]: It’s a union! Quick where’s Joe McCarthy when Joe McCain needs him!

  • edgydrifter

    PEANUTS! has always suffered as second fiddle to WALNUTS! While John was pulling seven Gs in his jet-powered phallus projector, Joe was struggling to parallel park the company delivery truck. While John was trading in his starter trollop for a leggy, pill-addled heiress, Joe was trying out his best lines on the waitress at IHOP. John grunts “hennngh” and a dozen servants and bodyguards come running, and Joe can’t even get an ounce of respect from a damned 911 operator. Oh, how he must seethe with rage!

  • Mara47

    This is taking sibling rivalry to whole new undreamed-of heights. What a thrilling ride we’re on, Wonketeers!

  • HuskyMescan

    [re=146919]edgydrifter[/re]: haha..the story moves me. Poor PEANUTS!

  • Rozalia

    Lol!!!! That is truly fucken funny! PEANUTS!!

  • CthuNHu

    Can we predict what happens tomorrow?

    Steven Schmidt argues with a Girl Scout with a ninja merit badge over whether he should get a discount for buying Thin Mints by the pallet-load, gets beaten up and has a trefoil carved into his head with a Swiss Army knife?

    Roberta McCain shows reporters 1938 photos of the family dog peeing on toddler John S. McCain III?

    The Ohio McCain headquarters gets cut off from the internet, accuses the Obama campaign of “launching a highly sophisticated DOS attack,” and calls in state police, who discover that a cable has been yanked out of the wall and used as “an improvised restraint” in the server room that also happens to have a “vibrating couch, assorted bondage equipment and other sexual paraphernalia” in it?

    Meghan goes on Ellen Degeneres’s show for “a very special and personal announcement”?

  • Miller

    “Hey 911, these kids won’t get off my damn lawn and I’m too busy with important campaign business to do it myself. Fuck you.”


    Well sure the Republican s are providing great support for Obama’s campaign, but what about the Democratic Senate Candidates? Can’t a few of the Republican Senate candidates take Michele Bachmann’s lead and advocate the return of slavery as an economic fix or call for the immediate investigation of UFO sitings?

    Come on Republicans. Don’t be playing favorites with Obama when so many Senate Candidates need your help too!

  • BobLoblawLawBlog

    [re=146728]Mumble Softly[/re]: I’m with you. I was so bummed there was no Billy Carter or Roger Clinton to remind me what total fuck-ups lurk in the shadows of some politicos’ family trees. And now Joe. Bless you, Sir! You are a true American!

    Traffic jams do suck, though.



    Are you guys kidding? We’ve had Jeb Bush’s loony brother in the spotlight for eight years now. Where have you been?

  • Luke Warm

    Joe thinks emergency services are just another pork project in Commie Northern Virginia

  • problemwithcaring

    It’s so obvs he uses that voicemail msg to get laid. Douche. He is in desparate need of his own reality TV show, ala Ashley Simmpson.

  • slithytoves

    What political project? It’s not like McCain actually has a campaign or anything.

  • JJva

    Joe of all people should know that us commies in Alexandria move a little slower than freedom loving real Americans.

  • The Jackson Five

    Joe the Brother and Ashley the Cut-Nut are gonna cause John the Walnut to beat the living shit out of Cindy the Trollop Cunt tonight.

  • faketree78

    911 is in the tank!


    His voice message reminds me of the voice message of Timothy Hutton’s brother: “Hi, I can’t come to the phone right now. I’m involved in very important acting projects.”


    Republicans having been really jerking around the police today, huh?

  • coolcatdaddy

    At least he didn’t say “c*nt”…

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    “Hey, 911, what part of my brother’s FIVE AND A HALF YEARS as a POW did you not understand? Now get that damn bridge lowered!”

  • peteymca

    Why was Joe McCain trying to go to Maryland anyway? Maryland is in the tank!