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Who mutilated this fair sylph?Ashley Todd is the brave young patriot Ken and Jim have been writing about nonstop since yesterday evening. She got robbed of her pocket change by an angry dyslexic Negro monster lurking behind a Pittsburgh-area money hole, and then Twittered about it all the way home, and now nobody believes her story because America is still a very sexist nation. This morning we found one billion tips in our inbox containing various sordid revelations regarding this tragic victim. Let’s take a look…

  • This poor gal was not only gently assaulted with a dull knife, “She further stated that the male actor approached her from the back again and hit her in the back of her head with an object, she doesn’t know what the object was, causing her to fall to the ground where he continued to punch her and kick her and threaten to ‘teach her a lesson’ for being a McCain supporter,’ Richard said.”
  • “Officials have reportedly requested a polygraph test be performed because her statements about the attack ‘conflict with evidence from the Citizens Bank ATM where she claims the incident occurred.'”
  • “When Ms. Todd reported the incident, ‘nowhere did she say to the officer that [the assailant] made reference to the bumper sticker. I don’t know how she came to the conclusion that he noticed the sticker,’ Cmdr. Ross said.”
  • Ha ha ha oh God and then this hysterical reaction from the Executive Vice President of Fox News: “[T]his incident could become a watershed event in the 11 days before the election. If Ms. Todd’s allegations are proven accurate, some voters may revisit their support for Senator Obama, not because they are racists (with due respect to Rep. John Murtha), but because they suddenly feel they do not know enough about the Democratic nominee. If the incident turns out to be a hoax, Senator McCain’s quest for the presidency is over, forever linked to race-baiting.”

So THANKS A LOT, Ashley Todd, John McCain was about to win this whole thing until you RUINED IT with your little MAKEUP STUNT.

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271 COMMENTS

  1. If Ms. Todd’s allegations are proven accurate, some voters may revisit their support for Senator Obama, not because they are racists (with due respect to Rep. John Murtha), but because they suddenly feel they do not know enough about the Democratic nominee.

    …is he insinuating that Barack Obama may have beat this woman? This guys is a bag of extra chunky diarrhea!

  2. So, does the Executive VP of Fox News think, perhaps, that Obama lied about going to Honolulu to visit his grandmother and instead drove to Pittsburgh to carve his first initial backwards into this woman’s face? Maybe he did the carving with Occam’s razor.

  3. B is for backwards
    A is for attacker
    R is for Republican
    A is for arrested
    C is for c–t
    K is for knife

    O is for obvious fraud
    B is for black
    A is for America (the real one)
    M is for make believe
    A is for a girl from Texas pretending to get mugged in Pittsburgh has reverted the whole country back to preschool levels of intelligence.

    The Barack says “Chaaaaaange”

  4. [re=146542]The Neoskeptic[/re]: Yes.

    But um, Executive Vice President of Fox News – what does an alleged black mugger who might exist in your nightmares but doesn’t in real life have to do with American Voters ‘not really knowing who Obama is’?

    What the MOTHERFUCK are you talking about?
    Someone please link this man’s email address. He and I need to have a one-sided chat.

  5. …oh yeah, most of the time when someone is punched hard enough to get a black eye THEIR EYE SWELLS or THERE ARE BURST CAPILLARIES IN THE EYE! So either that is make-up or an old injury. Now that I have finished playing WebMD, I will go back to playing solitaire.

  6. [re=146548]Serolf Divad[/re]: please don’t make me go to newsbusters. i kicked that self-flagellating habit YEARS ago. right-wing schadenfreude….sooo….tempt…ing…..must..not…click…..

    d/oh!

  7. Sure, all the robbers I know are very concerned with the upcoming Presidential election . . .
    honey, have you cast your ballot yet? Yes dear, now where is that crack pipe? I know I put it here somewhere.

  8. NOTE TO FOX NEWS: Futures trading on the NYSE was frozen this morning because the sell limit was hit, like it hit the magic point where the market automatically shuts down to avoid a total free fall. If you think this hoax is/was/could be a “watershed event” ya’ll need to check into the loony bin with this Lee Atwater-Karl Rove-Steve Schmidt three-way love child named Ashley Todd.

  9. I wish AngryBlakGuy would just come out and tell us what really happened.

    (I’m sure that joke has already been used about a billionty times….)

  10. On a gentle aside, polygraphs totally eat. No one should ever request a polygraph to refute or confirm anything. You guys all know this, but never under any circumstances should a law enforcement officer request them for anything, except maybe to find out whether Jerry watches Melrose Place.

  11. [re=146548]Serolf Divad[/re]: Holy shit! When you read the police report backwards, it says “Paul is dead.” Why doesn’t the mainstream media report this?

  12. [re=146559]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Correct about the black eye thing. Black eyes are not the color of mascara. They are purple, red, and a little yellowish around the edges. I used to get in a lot of fights.

  13. Remarkably nice penmanship, albeit dyslexic. Could this be related to the fact that one the highest paid McCain-Palin staffers is Caribou Barbie’s makeup artist?

  14. Now THIS is who Obama was talking about with his “lipstick on a pig” line – how prophetic of The Messiah!

    I mean this girl’s so plump SHE has Walnut cheeks too.

  15. so according to that fox twerp, she’s basically going to be the GOP’s version of that dude who tried to catch the baseball, when it all ends in defeat and they need someone to blame/scapegoat?

    excellent!

    i wonder if she proposed this crazy hoax to anyone, and if so, what i’d have done to overhear the conversation…

  16. [re=146559]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: How can someone that trashy not know what a black eye looks like on a woman? She’s from Texas, for Christ’s sake.

  17. I have been punched, kicked, anal raped, smeared with dog poo, and burnt with cigarettes by the entire Republican Party for the last eight years. Where’s the outrage people? I am not an animal!

  18. As much as I hate to give Walnuts any credit, I doubt he had anything to do with this. This is the case of a psychotic gal and her misguided attempt to help the sinking cause. Because once the self cutters bail on you, who’s left?

  19. The wingnuts either put this poor cracker up to it or she’s saturated with FoxScrews infohate. Puhleez. The wingnuts have thrown McWaddly under the bus. This is how they eat their own with a stunt: a backwards ‘bs,” a black eye with no swelling, a report not jibing with the ATM data. Tawana indeed.

  20. [re=146546]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:
    Yes. I know from personal experience of receiving a shiner, her eye should be swollen shut for a couple of days.

    I await when the newsies reveal that she is the love child of Morton Downey Jr (a joke that should have probably been beaten to a pulp last night)

  21. [re=146584]dano[/re]: And when you get in a fight the first thing that always happens – always – is you have something happen to your lips. They’re flubbery and they stick out from your face, and a 2-year-old’s elbow can make ’em swell up like a freaking tennis ball. Nice eye, btw. No swelling, not even bloodshot. Sounds like a photoshop job to me.

  22. This is one of the most enjoyable moments of the campaign to date.

    Between the Lucifer Theory and Ashley, Mrs. Palin looks–I don’t know, almost competent.

  23. One definition of a maverick is ‘an unbranded range animal, especially a calf that has become separated from its mother, traditionally considered the property of the first person who brands it’.

    Haha, Ashley Todd, Barry stole your pure maverick-y unbranded goodness. John McCain will never want you now that backwards B got you first. And you look like a cow.

  24. Oh this is SO fake in SO many ways….one more fat, white, needy chick. Hey, i was mugged and he took my six and a pack of newports. And NO, i did not contact the media.

  25. The great part is that I bet Ashley’s personal hero, WALNUTS! is dying to kick her in the c–t right about now for all the great press she’s stirred up on his behalf in a swing state. Hahaha!

  26. I’m really disappointed that no one has tried to make some sort of Scarlet Letter joke yet, however contrived. For shame, internet funnymakers.

  27. Silly girl. I’m sure this sort of trick would be easy to pull off on those gullible locals in College Station, Texas. Little did she know that trying to pull the wool over the eyes of the savy, cosmopolotain Pittsburg Police Department requires fakery skills of an entirely different order.

  28. [re=146566]Wag Das Hund[/re]: She’s now claiming sexual assault as well.

    Is this 1930 or something? Attacked by an imaginary black man? When will we get over this?

  29. Seriously, I hope Barry sends her flowers after this is all done, because she just handed over Pennsylvania (if there was any doubt at this point that he’d win it, that is.)

  30. [re=146571]magic titty[/re]: You are awesome! Just like last night. Lookee, Wonketeers, we took out Michele Barfmann, we can take out this twit, too. Everybody put down your lattes and follow the magic titty to the tastefully (I’m sure) decorated offices of Faux Nooze….

  31. Godisonourside.com has released the following: Paul Volcker has been arrested for the assault of Miss Todd. Blackface materials were found on an early morning raid of Mr Volcker’s mistress’s Pittsburgh apartment. Upon questioning, Volker admitted he was enraged that Miss Todd would attempt to remove money from a bank. He then went into a rant about Big B Bernanke and his backwards ways.

  32. [re=146626]WonderWomyn[/re]: I know. Next thing you know, we’ll be hearing from Ahmadinejad that his entire country was attacked by a black man even though Hopey had nothing to do with it and was just out for a walk in the Middle East.

  33. To be honest, the shiner looks like the only authentic part of this story. If you look at the pic, she has a clear “butterfly” under the other eye, which is exactly what happens to high orbital bruises, and few people would think about faking it. Of course, the fact that the bruise is real doesn’t mean that her claims are.

  34. Armed robbers for Obama! Change is coming! (I just strong-armed a Chiclets machine. Carved an upside down backwards lower-case b in the glass to throw them off.)

  35. [re=146625]Cape Clod[/re]: Yeah, the good ol’ boys in Texas would have strung somebody up already. Police detectives in a city of over 300,000 people tend to be a bit more on the ball.

  36. The backwards B on her cheek, it doesn’t look like it was done with a knife you know? It looks like it was scratched on there with a toothpick or a key or something. If you hold a struggling person down and try to cut a B in their cheek with a sharp knife, the person is going to look like two-face by the time you’re done. I know. I’ve tried.

    That and, have you guys ever had a black eye? I have – and there’s no swelling on hers. If you get punched in the eye, it swells up and you can’t see. And for some reason your nose runs constantly. It doesn’t get artfully darkened just underneath. Shoe polish might do that though.

  37. Haha now so many Pixies songs actually make sense. Wave of Mutilation, Broken Face, and Is She Crazy all have a new meaning for me. Thanks Sara!

  38. [re=146575]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: …as a black man, I’m already under investigation for every crime that has occurred over the past 75 years!

  39. While the economy is, as usual, tanking precipitously on a Friday the Faux News people have time to fill their cycle with “journalism” about an emo girlie-girl? Yippie! Enjoy the tin hattery!

    What fun debauchery will get dumped today!!??1!!

  40. [re=146626]WonderWomyn[/re]: Wag Das Hund: She’s now claiming sexual assault as well.

    Is this 1930 or something? Attacked by an imaginary black man? When will we get over this?

    We already did the Tom Robinson/chiffarobe thing last night (ref. Ewell v. Mockingbird et al.) If it weren’t so pathetic it would be funny, except it *is* funny. In a pathetic way…Oh God, when will it be late enough to drink?

  41. [re=146626]WonderWomyn[/re]: Is this 1930 or something? Attacked by an imaginary black man? When will we get over this?

    We already did the Tom Robinson/chiffarobe thing last night (ref. Ewell v. Mockingbird et al.) If it weren’t so pathetic it would be funny, except it *is* funny. In a pathetic way…Oh God, when will it be late enough to drink?

  42. [re=146584]dano[/re]: [re=146589]ReelectTilden[/re]: …I have a feeling after she is convicted of filing a false police report she will be shown exactly what a true black eye looks/feels like!

  43. Sarah Palin will soon announce that Todd must not secretly abort but keep her black Barack Obama rape baby. Then Palin will then adopt and use the 4 year old, whom she will name Clarence, as her primary campaign prop in 2012.

  44. [re=146659]Nathalie08[/re]:

    What I’m saying is that I suspect a lot of marginal McCain supporters are going to switch over to Obama, now, out of embarrassment at how low the GOP and its supporters are willing to sink.

  45. Teh Wonketteers must be clicking on the Post-Gazette link like crazy, because it’s slow as hell. Anyway, the P-G is reporting that dear Ashley actually took the polygraph test last night. Now she’s going to help make a composite sketch…

  46. [re=146548]Serolf Divad[/re]: “Obamabots love this stuff…it’s like a drug high to them”…try reading any of these in the Troy McClure filmstrip voice….

  47. SHOCKING NEWS – this is the second lead story on foxnews.com! Ohh man can’t wait to see it get buried when she’s revealed to be a liar. Somebody carve a dildo on O’Reilly’s head, now we’ll be talking.

  48. True or not, why did the first and only photo of her post-assault go directly to Drudge? That had to be the McCain campaign. McCain and Palin have both spoken to the woman. They jumped on this real-or-not assault immediately as part of their campaign.

  49. [re=146636]slomojoe[/re]: I did notice that yesterday, but without swelling, bloodshot eyeball(s) and all the other black-eyeness at ground zero, I’m thinking nosireee, no way.

  50. [re=146680]Carrie_Okie[/re]: “Political Genius” fatboy is trying to his credibility (or the illusion of it). Rove will always be known for one thing: election fraud.

  51. It does not surprise me that this chick is an Aggie. I’m from Texas (Houston and Austin– the good parts) and Aggies are the biggest bunch of racists that have ever existed. College Station is the most abysmal, backwards place, and Aggies fucking love it there! The only black people that go to school at A&M are on their football team, because that’s the only thing Aggies think black people are any good for– sports! They still have slave and/or “gangsta'” parties there for godsakes! Dear lord, what a stupid bitch!

  52. As a former Pittsburgh resident, I’m calling Shinnanigans. While yes, any city does have its nasty folk, Pittsburgh isn’t really the first place I think of. During my four years there, I found most of the residents to be very friendly, actually. I lived in what people thought was a rough neighborhood, but no matter what time of day I walked through it, the only interaction I got from anyone was a “Hello” or a “How are you doing?” Seriously. Say what you want about Pittsburgh, but her people are some of the best around, IMHO.

    Now, while PGH does have its share of crackheads and psychos (I remember one guy shooting up the McDonald’s in Wilkinsburg one morning), I highly doubt that they’d flip out because someone’s car had a McCain bumper sticker on it. There are much bigger issues affecting the city’s people than what political party you’re supporting. Being a working class urban area, it’s most likely Democratic, but again, a bumper sticker isn’t going to make someone carve you like the tree you kissed your first love under. That’s just looney tunes…

  53. Oh noes — the ATM video camera does not jibe with Ashley Todd’s made-up black assault on her lily white Republicaness!!

    If she goes to jail, will she not be able to vote for WALNUTS on the 4th!?

  54. hey everybody,

    O.k., i live about 4 blocks from the ‘incident’ and i’ve really got to comment on this. I feel like my city’s reputation is at stake. Bloomfield, the area in question, is NOT the bad part of town. I’m not sure we even HAVE a bad part of town. Liberty Ave. is the main street that cuts through Bloomfield. She claims she was attacked at the corner of Lib. Ave and Pearl at 9 pm. 9 pm?! There would be people around. Everywhere. There are several restaurants within a block of that ATM and a Starbucks. Obviously I wasn’t there at the time, but as a native I have to say I CANNOT BELIEVE this girl was mugged, attack, knocked down, beaten and received a ‘B’ shaped rug burn and NO ONE SAW. What’s more, that NO ONE HELPED. This is Pittsburgh god d*mn it. We good folks. Especially in Bloomfield. So whatever. I just had to get that out ’cause my neighborhood is on the line.

  55. Ms. Todd’s allegations are proven accurate, some voters may revisit their support for Senator Obama, not because they are racists (with due respect to Rep. John Murtha), but because they suddenly feel they do not know enough about the Democratic nominee.

    Let’s assume that this story is true (big if, you know that the story is weak because Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity are not masturbating on the air about it), somehow a random idiot acting like a random idiot means we don’t know enough about Obama? If you don’t know about his control over all black gangs, and how he will use them to take out all Republicans and make them Muslims, you shouldn’t be voting. That is just willful negligence on your part.

  56. Wait, an attack of a white woman by a black man is going to cause people to revisit their thoughts on whether or not they know Barack Obama? Does this mean that every time an old white man does something bad in this country (about once every 1.5 seconds), voters will revisit their feelings about McCain? Actually, since Barack is half white, that means we have to constantly question how well we know him, every time anyone black or white does anything bad at all. This is going to be really, really exhausting.

  57. [re=146569]Liverspots[/re]: “But I’m thrilled that Drudge will at long last be rendered totally obsolete.”

    Um, Drudge has been way more wrong on much bigger issues than this more times than I can count. The right wing nutjobs don’t care if he’s wrong, as long as he tells them what they want to hear. As is the case with many propogandists, I don’t think he believes 90% of the crap he spews but he knows what will drive ad rates.

  58. [re=146674]Nathalie08[/re]: She’ll probably have to do Community Service. My head exploded due to the irony. Someone please make a community organizer joke while I scrape my brains off the ceiling.

  59. Any number of Todd’s defenders have tried to explain away the backwards B by claiming it’s an upside-down B, carved by an attacker standing/kneeling over Todd.

    Unfortunately, according to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: “Ms. Todd told police during at least five hours of questioning last night that her attacker said to her, ‘You are going to be a Barack supporter.’ She told police the man then sat on her chest, pinning both her hands down with his knees and used what she believed was a dull knife with a roughly 5-inch blade to carve the B.”

    So she says the attacker wasn’t facing her upside down. Oops.

  60. Honestly, how long did she spend planning this whole thing? Like 1 minute, consisting mostly of eating Cheetos? !!!!!OCTOBER SURPRISE MCCAIN ’08 FUCKYEAH!!!!

  61. [re=146754]bitchincamaro[/re]: Sean Avery would have dressed her more appropriately before applying her makeup…what a skank…Sean Avery, I mean

  62. All of this can easily be explained:

    She refused medical treatment because health care is for libtards.

    The ‘B’ is backwards because the mugger wants to get vain undecideds who
    are looking in the mirror all the time to accidentally see it and vote Barack. And the wound is superficial because it won’t really matter after Nov. 4th so why waste all that energy cutting deeper?

    She twittered her whole adventure looking for an ATM because what isn’t twitter-worthy about that (after all, look how interested people are)? And of course there was no video evidence from the ATM camera because she closed her eyes during the attack, thereby rendering herself invisible.

  63. As someone who lives a few blocks from where this alleged attack occurred:
    1. Liberty Ave. is well populated well into the night. There’s no way that there were no witnesses.
    2. She was in Bloomfield. Land of hipsters and Italians — not exactly the “wrong side of Pittsbugh”
    3. This is Pittsburgh. Someone would have done something if they’d seen the attack. Maybe in Texas they ignore public face carvings but we don’t go that way in the 412.
    4. If all the McCain supporters leave town now, good riddance.

  64. [re=146588]tremendous[/re]: Aw, don’t insult that poor guy by comparing him to Ashley! He just wanted to see the Cubbies win! Hasn’t he suffered enough?

  65. [re=146748]Mr. Kroh[/re]: [re=146742]LostProphyt[/re]: This former Pittsburgher concurs. It’s hard for me to imagine this happening in the city. OK, the Hill District and East Liberty can be problems – but those places at their worst are not all that bad. I should know, I went to Duquesne, right next to the Hill, and spent some late nights in the area.

    If anything the “bad” parts of Pittsburgh are just empty, not exactly teeming with big ol’ Negro bulls just waiting to do harm to an innocent white girl who wanders through with a McCain sticker on her Chevy Corsica. And Bloomfield is NOT the “bad” part of the Burgh. Just sayin’.

  66. Now I have to say something for Aggies. Yes, there are many conservative students and many stupid conservative students (who sport shirts saying to “Beat The Hell out of Obama”). But from a search of Facebook groups, Ashley did not go to Texas A&M, she went to Blinn in nearby Bryan. SO SHE IS NOT AN AGGIE. SHE IS WORSE.

    Amazingly enough, the town newspaper recently endorsed Obama.

  67. [re=146758]DoktorZoom[/re]: This is starting to sound like a sexual fantasy of hers. Who ever previously said this poor girl needs to lose her virginity was right! She appears to be into the dark chocolate too.

  68. from the NY Post:

    After the attack, Todd posted this message on a GOP college blog: “Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and prayers – I’m phonebanking, so let’s all work together and get John McCain elected.”

    She’s taking polygraph tests and phonebanking (maybe from the police station?), and despite being sexually assaulted, is totally dedicated to getting John McCain elected.

    I love America!

  69. i’m not sure I can wait for this to start seriously blowing up in her face. i want to see the ATM video footage of Ms Todd not actually being at the ATM badly. Really badly.

  70. Non sequiter: McCain gets booed in Denver by protesty mile-highers while his left eye winks uncontrollably.

    Uh oh, he just called a “snow machine” a “snow mobile”; further proof of the lack of awareness he has in his own campaign. Sarah’s not going to be happy about this back-handed insult.

  71. If she thinks some parts of pittsburgh are rough neighborhoods, she better stay out of Wall Street.
    Now, that’s a mugging!! And they carve “sucka” on your ass after they rape you.

  72. Fox News really is in rare form on this.

    “Ashley Todd, a 20-year-old white volunteer for John McCain’s presidential campaign, says she was mugged at an ATM machine in Pittsburgh (my hometown) by a big black man.”

    “That [Obama’s pres. bid] does not mean that he has erased the mutual distrust between black and white Americans.”

    Gee, I can only imagine what nefarious forces might be behind fueling the “mutual distrust” between whtie and black people.

    Watch out for “big, black” people. They’ll rob you any chance they get. At least that’s what Birth of a Nation taught me. Unbelievable.

  73. === PATTERNS:

    — The partisan mugging happened in Pennsylvania, a critical swing state.

    — After he had the money, a real mugger would have run away. He would NOT have cut her face because of who she’s voting for, particularly since that would make her scream.

    — In almost all stickups on the street, the guy uses a gun, not a knife. This may indicate an intention to cut someone (to get news coverage) even before the guy supposedly “noticed” her bumper sticker.

    — The person cut was not a man, an old person, an unattractive person, a black, or Asian. Instead, the victim just happens to be a pretty young white woman. (Unfortunately) this makes people angrier.

    — Real street muggers are probably drug addicts and are unlikely to be interested in politics enough to disfigure someone for no reason.

    — It is also unlikely that a Democrat would hate McCain enough to cut a stranger’s face — an act which could only show the intention of getting news coverage. However, crowds at McCain rallies routinely call for the assassination of Obama.

    — The victim was not just someone who happened to have a McCain bumper sticker like millions of other people. She was also, “coincidentally”, a volunteer for the McCain-Palin campaign and a member of the campus Young Republicans. This may indicate that the goal was to enrage Republicans and get them to contribute, volunteer, etc.

    === TWO OTHER SUSPICIOUS THINGS HAPPENED:

    — More than 50 letters containing white powder have been mailed to banks all over the country.

    — There were bomb threats to several Senate offices.

    ==== GLOBAL PATTERNS:
    — None of these terrorist incidents happened until after the last debate and after it became clear that McCain was probably going to loose.

    — There have been no terrorist incidents in the U.S. since 2001; now there have been three within a week. That distribution is improbable and indicates they may be coordinated.

    — All the incidents occurred either nationally or in a swing state, but none in a red or blue state. Since there are fifty states but only five which could go either way, this coincidence has a probability of 1 in 10.

    — All the incidents tend to frighten people. Frightened people vote republican.

    — The republicans have been pushing the false idea that Obama is a dangerous terrorist who will do anything to win. AM talk radio will now claim that these incidents are evidence of that.

    — These attacks are NEVER potentially fatal. Serious terrorist threats ALWAYS are.

    — More than FIFTY fake anthrax letters were sent, not just one, as in all other anthrax incidents, fake or real. This was a publicity stunt.

    — Even after the story went national, the guy still sent fake anthrax letters, knowing that the recipient would probably know it’s fake.

    — Fake anthrax might be sent as a prank, but FIFTY of them indicate that the guy is serious, yet he makes no demands; it was all just for show. Somebody is trying to affect the election.

    — The republicans have done things like this before (Watergate, and Nixon’s dirty tricks unit, stealing both elections, etc.).

    === THEORY:

    Rove’s thugs did it. Their goal was to blame Obama’s supporters and again claim that Obama is pro-terrorist.

    === THEORY VALIDATION (PREDICTIONS):

    — Prediction: All the fake anthrax turns out to have been sent to republican senators only, or republicans and just one democrat.

    — Prediction: Any future incidents will continue to occur either at a national institution or in a swing state, but never in a red or blue state.

    — Prediction: If a national news organization points out that all the targets were financial/republican, there will suddenly be attacks against democrats.

    — Prediction: The stamps on the fake anthrax letters will have no DNA under them (from saliva), indicating that whoever sent them is not just a disgruntled redneck, but is in fact extraordinarily sophisticated.

    — Prediction: the FBI will be unable to find who did any of these things, indicating that Rove was very, very careful to make it untraceable to him.

    — Prediction: If the FBI does find the guy, we says that it wasn’t his idea; someone suggested it to him. That “someone” will not just be a republican, but will have a history of actually doing things to support the party.

    — Prediction: These “terrorist” incidents will happen again before the election. In particular, more fake anthrax will be mailed even after the mailings are known by everyone to be fake.

    — Prediction: future incidents will be more visible and newsworthy as polls show McCain still way behind. They may involve bombings, airports, threats to a crowd instead if individuals, threats to children, etc. — anything that causes a gut-level emotional response of anger.

    — Prediction: Future incidents will become increasingly partisan. You might see notes left at the scene saying something like “Obama’s Warriors For The People did this”.

    — Prediction: Future incidents will all be things which could be done by an individual; they would not require a group conspiracy like 9/11. You will not see simultaneous bombings or hijackings, for instance. This is consistent with only Rove and two or three top people needing to know who’s behind it.

    — Prediction: The most extreme incident in this sudden wave of domestic terrorism will be on November 3.

    — Prediction: these incidents will stop after the election.

    _________________________________
    — faye kane, homeless brain
    Read more of my smartmouth opinions at http://blog.myspace.com/fayekane

  74. [re=146799]restlessleg[/re]: You’re being really superficial. Once you look past the backwards ‘B’ carved into her cheek and all that black make-up on her eye, there is a truly unattractive woman-like repubtard-thing under there.

  75. [re=146624]persiflage[/re]: Joe Biden tried to carve something into my cheek, but he didn’t have room so he continued down my neck and back. I finally wrestled the knife away when he carved the word “literally” into my taint.

  76. [re=146778]american mutt[/re]: It’s called rape fantasy. It works like this: Hypothetically, say you have a nice white girl who really wants to be interfered with by a black man, consensually. But doing so would make this hypothetical white girl feel guilty because consensual sex with black men, to her, is close to bestiality. So our hypothetical white girl makes up story that allows her indulge her fantasy of having sex with a black guy without the guilt that comes with AGREEING to have sex with a black guy. I mean, hypothetically.

    Also, and still hypothetically, we would have had much less to talk about today if our hypothetical white girl just tossed back a few Midori Sours and found her way to an Omega Psi Phi party.

  77. Speaking of Tawana Brawley, here’s an ancient joke that’s stuck with me ever since I read it in the Village Voice (they printed it as evidence of lack of racial trancendence upstate, not to make anyone laugh):
    Q: How did they know Tawana was drunk when they found her?
    A: Because she was shit-faced and half in the bag!

  78. Obviously dyslexic negro assailants aren’t quite what they used to be in my time.

    Back then dyslexic negro assailants didn’t use the dullest butter knife from their collection of fine cutlery to commit their dastardly crimes.

    Btw, Ashley, nice goth makeup.

  79. [re=146566]Wag Das Hund[/re]: No, she’s not. She can’t be. Nobody’s THAT stupid. Jeebus, not even one of the PALINS could even THINK of lying this badly!

    That said, I hope she sticks around forever, telling the world how Tim Kayne fathered her Cabbage Patch Doll mere minutes before Ed Rendell molested it.

  80. [re=146788]tremendous[/re]:That’s probably what the police mean when they say her account of the story doesn’t match the physical evidence at the scene.

    It would be awesome if she was too scared to actually get out and get money to help her story. Too much fea of the brownz.

  81. Here is another update: Ms. Todd had tried to blow up the Obama campaign bus in PA earlier, but she burnt her lips on the tailpipe. This could account for the swelling.

  82. The one other thing for the treasure trove (others have mentioned this) is that her signature quote on her myspace page is “Lying is the most fun a girl can have with her clothes on.”

  83. [re=146846]GreatLakesNation[/re]: Didn’t the same thing happen to Seal? One night he fell asleep, next morning there were crazy-ass marks carved into his face.

    It might have been the same imaginary negro assailant!

    OMG, maybe SEAL ATTACKED ASHLEY TODD

  84. lulz, yes, if Barack Obama himself attacked this woman and pushed her down where she fell onto some black eyeshadow and asked her to scratch his first initial into her cheek while looking into a mirror, then the guy from Fox is right and this will totally be a watershed moment 11 days before the campaign.

    And, as he says, if this is a hoax, she gets to be blamed forever by Sean Hannity as the ONE AND ONLY REASON that McCain lost the election, and why everyone in the world is in the tank for Obama. And she and Joe the Plumber will probably get a sketch comedy show on Fox.

  85. [re=146674]Nathalie08[/re]: “can she goes to jail for fake allegation if it’s not true?”

    Depends on her record, which is probably pretty clean. She could get a fine and probation, though. Maybe community service. Maybe mandatory counseling. Depends on the jurisdiction (God, I love this country. Really I do).

  86. [re=146777]lizardmess[/re]: Opps, I just assumed she was an Aggie, since the reports said “College Station, Texas.” Anyway, what I said still stands, and yes, Blinn is worse because they aren’t even Aggies– they’re AGGIE WANNABES!!

  87. This morning, I woke up and my eye looked just like hers and I started freaking out that maybe I had been assaulted by an enraged negro in the middle who snuck into my apartment and attacked me because of the bumper sticker on my car down the street. Then I remembered that it was just the raccoon-eyes I get when I forget to wash my mascara off the night before.

  88. [re=146854]facehead[/re]: Can someone save the HTML and a screenshot of this, hosting it on photobucket and elsewhere for when she inevitably deletes her myspace account?

  89. Honestly, for me, this claws back about 50% of the damage done by Biden’s stupid remarks about a 6 month attack. Is he that full of himself that he has no internal odometer to manage what poopy comes out of his mouth. Joe, babe, just coast and talk about the economy. I am very bitter about this.

  90. This is the very definition of a stupid muppet stunt.

    Since 99% of the earth is convinced that this is not true. I propose that we speculate about whether someone put her up to this.

    I have it on good authority (my imagination) that Todd Palin rode his snowmobile to PA and convinced her to do this.

  91. now the Halloween mask and costume people have to bundle together a Ashley Todd Halloween costume consisting of a big backwards B tattoo fake sixty bucks, a McCain button a fake black eye makeup.
    and a stupid look mask, this girl is going to be the biggest Halloween costume this year
    her life is so screwed.
    WOW

  92. [re=146752]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: “Does this mean that every time an old white man does something bad in this country (about once every 1.5 seconds)”

    HOW DARE YOU BRING RACE INTO THIS

  93. From her MySpace:

    Thankfully my closest of friends have assured me that when I finally am a victim of political assassination or brutal murder for running my mouth, that they will be honest at my funeral.

    Maybe this did happen, and she got mugged, and then she ran her mouth…

  94. I’m worried this story is going to unfold like every other goddamn story from the last eight years. 1) What an evil dingbat/criminal. Oh well, time for some justice. 2) Wait, there are more people involved? Didn’t anyone think this was a dumb idea? 3) Why is McCain protecting her? How is the police report suddenly a matter of national security? 4) OMG, Congress is going to give her a medal? 5) Seymour Hersch says that all leaks point to Palin? 6) Teen girls all over the country are putting backwards “B”s on their faces and helping cops round up thousands of random black dudes on election day? Hugh Laurie is a sex symbol? Didn’t anyone else see Jeeves and Wooster?

  95. [re=146769]kaffejulie[/re]: “2. She was in Bloomfield. Land of hipsters and Italians — not exactly the “wrong side of Pittsbugh” ”

    Excuse me? She’s a Texas Republican princess. Any place with hipsters and Italians IS the wrong side of the tracks.

  96. [re=146898]Gopherit[/re]: It’s official. There is no work getting done anywhere in the country, except on Wall Street where they are burning money for heat.

  97. FREE ASHLEY TODD….(CHANT)
    I suspect we will next hear about an elderly white grandmother with a Palin button being gang raped by an Mexican illegal Alien, a turbin headed EYE-rakey and a west coast, liberal media type, any moment now……
    I can hear the wheels grinding at the McCain headquarters now….

  98. I think it’s believable, yea, and Karl Rove promised to take her to the RNC halo ween parta. He’s gonna stick his head up her ass and wear her like a hat.

  99. [re=146917]facehead[/re]: Weird chick. She’s a paultard, into rock/punk music, watches the Family Guy and has by all appearances a healthy attitude about sex. What is she doing working for McCain/Palin?

  100. [re=146909]Delicious[/re]: “Thankfully my closest of friends have assured me that when I finally am a victim of political assassination or brutal murder for running my mouth, that they will be honest at my funeral.”

    Oh man, the classic delusions of grandeur from a borderline twentysomething. Oh honey, now you found the way for the WHOLE COUNTRY to give you sympathy, love, or hate (you feed off any and all of these.)

    The worst thing is, the more the media trashes her for lying and false police reports, the more these idiots will feel she has been “wronged” and that there’s a coverup.

  101. …now that McCain has played out the “Joe the Plumber” meme, I’m guessing “Ashely the beaten and robbed McCain supporter” will be introduced on the stump now.

  102. Actually, I am proud of my country right now. I thought we only got unnaturally obsessed with crimes against pretty blond, blue-eyed white women. Turns out we can still get all obsessed about an ugly, fat one too…Gold bless the USA.

  103. The best part about the Fox guys commentary is: a crime by a black person which scares people from voting for a totally unrelated black person is somehow not racism. If the “attacker” had been a white guy whose massive liberal guilt had caused him to disfigure this chick, would *that* cause anyone to vote one way or another?

  104. Once when I was in Texas, I was attacked by a bunch of rednecks in a pick up and dragged twenty miles down a dusty dirt road because I thought OJ was innocent. Looking back, I suppose I deserved it.

  105. [re=146677]magic titty[/re]: I said she should be on the “show” and apologize to Obama and McCain. He wrote back “I have nothing to do with the young woman. What show?”

    My next response will be “any of them, they are all the same!”

  106. What a gyp! This gets revealed as hoax before I get halfway through the snarky comments here.

    It does give me some good ideas for what to do to unwind when I’m in PA canvassing for Hopey next weekend.

  107. YESSSSSSSSS

    I do feel bad for this girl’s family. She sounds like an overprivledged and spoiled little rotten brat, and may even have similarly reprehensible political beliefs but I doubt they did anything so terrible as to encourage this. They may not be the same sort of crypto-racists that the Young Republicans she associated with were.

  108. I’m guessing that black eye is the result of some drunken shenanigans that she needed to come up with a good excuse for. Is there a Pennsylvania chapter of Late Night Shots?

  109. You know, – one what to look at this, is that she is an unstable person, who is not responsible for what she did……………….OR……………. this is just an exposed example of the republican bull-shit pulled in the last three elections.
    Did the McCain people know about this, – probably not, their way too savvy for this pathetic shit.
    But the fact remains, that republicans feel, that there is no reprehensible act that they continue to commit, that doesn’t justify the electing their prick candidates to office.
    When will the middle class republicans wake up and realize that they not only are the pitiful pawns of the republican power brokers, who spin these poor UN-informed, overly enraged, middle class worker drones, to dance to their pied pipers, right wing, regular Joe, flute.
    Leave these poor bastards to their NASCAR, Bowling and Entertainment Tonight schedule, of mind gelling techno sedatives and just be honest about being soulless, evil, millionaire pricks who use people like baby wipes and toss em when they are exposed or realize their predicament.
    Its like were living in the MATRIX, the republican MATRIX.
    Wake up you dumb bastards, and take back your lives, ……………..or turn on the TV, and grab some pringles, I hear wheel of fortune is on………………..

  110. truth is harsh as is diarrhea
    the republicans deserve all the harsh criticism they can get.
    screw them for years of hate mongering.
    douche sounds about right

  111. i think palin shoulda shot this moose. right after she beat/carved herself silly. obamas not that bad, your taxes aren’t going to go up unless daddy is on wall street. Y’all elected this numbskull in bush and mccain thought he could get elected with the same tactics bush used. i know the swing will happen again, but it’s our turn. we right the budgets and keep peace, and then the republicans turn around and bounce it back up so we can stockpile cold war style weapons and huddle in a hallway to keep from radiation…cause that works, earthquake curls keep nuclear holocaust away. don’t worry the jews are to blame, your grandfathers helped to create israel, don’t worry. Hey maybe carvings work for turkeys pretend asault-ees, and republicans alike, ball up and maybe jeff davis will be elected president instead so you all can be saved from the abomination, obamanation, whatever. it’s progress so that when republicans take the house back in 8 years we atleast have SOME progress. America looks like a freakin backasswards state compared to “socialist” europe/canada and their healthcare and better monetary value. yaaaaaaaaay, republicans

  112. We are witnessing the Political version of Schwarzenegger’s movie Running Man:

    Ladies and Gentleman, we’ve had Joe the Plumber, Joe Six Pack, Sarah the Pit Veeper, RIP all of them. Now by popular demand we bring you Ashley the Campaign Volunteer!!!

    McCain: This is TV politics, that’s all it is. It has nothing to do with people, it’s to do with ratings! For fifty years, we’ve told them what to eat, what to drink, what to wear… for Christ’s sake, Barack, don’t you understand? Americans love television. They wean their kids on it. Listen. They love game shows, they love wrestling, they love sports and violence. So what do we do? We give ’em *what they want*! We’re number one, Barack, that’s all that counts, believe me. I’ve been in the business for thirty years.

    Barack: Well, I may not have been in political show business for as long as you have. But I’m a quick learner. And right now, I’m going to give the audience what *I* think they want….

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