Wonkette
Dingbat embarrassment Michele Bachmann has blabbed her way into a losing battle to keep her congressional seat in Minnesota’s 6th District. The new polls are out, and they say Batshit Bachmann is down three points. The sixth-level druid Elwyn Tinklenberg now has the lead, 47%-44%. Magic is everywhere.
But a bitter Bachmann foe from the 2006 GOP primary is claiming 6%, as an independent. Considering Michele’s seat was totally safe a week ago, this is all incredibly hilarious. She was even a special prime-time speaker at the RNC convention in St. Paul last month!
And now the GOP won’t even pay for her teevee commercials. Oh how the nuts have fallen. [Survey USA]
Seriously, though, of all the things that Bachmann has said over the years, I don’t understand why it would be THIS that would shock everyone. Honestly, I watched the interview and thought “Yeah, that sounds like her”, but nothing made me gasp. She normally at least gives me a jolt.
Maybe it’s the hair. I miss the short hair and the crazy eyes.
OMMMGGGG
Just wait. Tomorrow, Bachmann will share her harrowing tale of being robbed at an ATM by a bow & arrow wielding assailant who carved her ears so they looked pointed… Fears of violent roaming bands of elves will drive the 6th district’s voters back into her camp.
Oh, wow, if Tina Fey is Sarah Palin, then Rena Sofer could totally do a Michele Bachmann impression. You know, if there was ever a need or anything.
Damn. Now that she’s going to be out of a job with congress, she’s going to have to go back to her day job, playing Jeff Garlin’s wife in Curb Your Enthusiasm.
I’m seeing a Bachman-Palin talk show on Fox. Kind of The View for Bitters.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! You cursed brat! Look what you’ve done!! I’m melting, melting! Ohhhhh, what a world, what a world. Who would have thought that some little elf like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness!
This almost makes me want to believe in karma, or cosmic justice or revenge or something.
But….nah!
Wow. Lots of late night stories. Yay! I’m kind of sober enough to read them.
On the Border: Just add Kitty Harris and the Pennsylvania Cut-Nut and you’ll be guaranteed a prime Fox News timeslot.
betcha she gets a gig on faux spews. you betcha!
After the election, Michele Bachmann will surely become The Jesus Christ Professor of Law at either Liberty University or Regent University.
Pleaseohpleaseohplease Jean Schmidt, say something.
My prediction is that she and Sarah will wind up in lesbo porn movies together.
She needs to put up the fall crop of babies anyway.
On the Border: That Hasselbeck chick would have to play the Barbara Walters part on your FOX show ’cause she has the most experience as a Media Bitter. And she could tell them where to get their breasts done over; they won’t know, since there are no plastic surgeons in Real America.
Ha ha!
These people are really not leaving the stage very gracefully are they? Good luck in punditville Mrs. Bachmann.
I feel used.
ohiogal: Now see, that’s the upside of the New Depression. Nobody can afford to replenish the hooch cabinet.
AnnieGetYourFun: Speakin’ jes’ fer myself, I never heard of this whackjob until Wonkette dialed her up. And since the post came very early, I’m pretty sure that a Wonketter started the million-dollar hullaballoo with a link too the Tink. Damn, I iwsh there was a nice cold bottle of Veuve Cliquot around here somewhere…
3 points? I want more. More!
I think the media should take a PENETRATING LOOK at why Bachface’s eyes get so wide while she talks. It’s clearly thyroid related. It’s outrageous that we should make fun of a thyroid problem sufferer. The media should look at that. I would LOVE to see that.
FreshCliches: Why? Who’s that? Do we need to GET HER? Come on, cough up something really repulsive about her. I’m in until at least 2:30.
MrsNateSilver: God, now I REALLY wish I had a nice cold bottle of Veuve Cliquot around here somewhere. I’d offer you a snort out of gratitude for this good laugh.
I’ve been calling Bachmann’s campaign office reporting un-American people all day. My old professor for teaching without a flag pin. My mom for working on the Fourth of July (she’s a nurse, but if her patients were pro-American they’d be healed by virtue of it being Independence Day. They were very polite the first 17 times, but finally they started telling me to call the police when I saw an anti-American person. I told them Ashwin Madia (who is running to represent a neighboring district) looks like an Arab to me, but they told me he was a Hindu which I suppose is close enough to Indian. I asked what she’d meant to say about Obama’s anti-Americanism before Matthews tricked her, and they said socialized healthcare is anti-American, so yes, Virginia, Obama is. I asked why they thought the RNC had cut them off and they hadn’t heard about that at all. I really need a girlfriend.
Mara47: Oh, totes. I would never have heard of half of these nutjobs if it wasn’t for Wonkette. But what I’ve read of Bachmann FROM Wonkette, well, it hasn’t been pretty. I didn’t mean to sound like I’ve followed her career.
Everything I know about completely fucking insane politics, I learned at Wonkette.
AnnieGetYourFun: No, I want Sarah Silverman.
I mean I want Sarah Silverman, dammit!
MrsNateSilver: Wide eyes of the batshit crazy Republican variety are usually caused by micorgasms - small orgasms that are triggered in the genitals of conservative women whenever the speaker mentions Ronald Reagan, socialism/communism, and wiretapping.
For Republican men, substitute “young men” for “Ronald Reagan”.
Mara47: Bless you for being a true champagne snob. Only the best French gay socialist sparkly will do. To think that I used to drink sparkling white wine.
I just realized that this comment could be construed as sarcastic. It is not meant as such. I really am that elite.
Thanks to Wonkette, I’ve known Bachmann was out there and batshit fucking insane for nearly two years. I almost feel like we Wonketteers helped her fail.
And then I read that the RNC was just last month and now I feel like drinking myself to death.
Clever video link for Bachmann McCarthy Overdrive
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJBpL5ORWUo
What’s the word?
Is she taking a dive? Who makes actual mistakes on this level? NEVER saw Hardball?
I personally can’t wait for her to blame her loss on ‘darkies, feminazis, Bill Ayers, Rev. Wright, the socialist lezbo Nancy Pelosi, and the Muslin terrorist Kieth Ellison’. I think her last Botox injection went straight into her pea sized brain, causing ‘Botox byproxy syndrome’. Others suffering from ‘BPS’ include Katherine ‘Pink Sugar’ Harris, Nancy ‘Fake Virgina’ Pfotenhauer. and Elizabeth ‘Dumber than a bag of hammers’ Hasselbeck.
AnnieGetYourFun: Oh good. It’s a Movement. I was afraid it was just for walking what’s left of our wits.
AnnieGetYourFun: Absolument! And not to worry; I take my elitism very sarcastically, thanks!
thesycophant: Fine! But not with my Veuve Cliquot. Okay. I’ll stop saying that now.
Bachmann should fake a NegroCarving ™ on her facial area in order to win back some sweet sweet sympathy votes.
tinklenberg!!!!! from now on this will be known as getting tinklenberged!!!
fuckinredneck: At this point, what does she have to lose? Mebbe the people up North in MN don’t listen to the news so much?
Hint for Michelle: Have a friend do the carving; don’t trust your mirror.
answerbird: Thanks. Now with this image stuck in my head I will lay awake in bed all frustrated for an hour, then rudely wake up my wife.
You know, it’s funny. Not only have we gone from Bush Derangement Syndrome to Barack Derangement Syndrome, but also Rove’s plan for a permanent majority may actually work out. Except being the total opposite of what he intended, he was right on the money.
The forecast calls for four to eight years of unwarranted bile. Should be fun. I’m gonna knock on wood now, just because.
Lascauxcaveman: I’LL DO IT
But, before I go, I just have to say that I can hardly believe how funny this is all getting. Every fifteen minutes there is more comedic gold!
I’ve been trying for a week now, and I still can’t say Elwyn Tinklenberg all the way through without giggling.
She wanted a witch hunt and wound up burning herself at the stake. I love it when The Universe works right.
I, for one, welcome our new druid overlords.
wade williams: Just think- in the land of Lake Wobegon, the leading candiadate for Congress is a man named Elwyn Tinklenberg. Elwyn. Tinklenberg. ELWYN!! TINKLENBERG!!! This is just how the Lutheran apocalypse was written…
In the words of a (Ron) Paulite from long ago “Amazing, Amazing”…
I’m so glad to read this. I was afraid that, since she’s purty and stoopid, Joe the Plumber might try to keep her around for a while so he could jack off to her C-Span footage. And then where would we be? Tinklenburg-less, that’s where. And I, for one, refuse to live in a world without Tinklenburgs.
…anyone who loses to someone named “Tinkleberg” should be exiled from society, to some remote state where no one visits nor lives. Minnesota?
Minnesota is in the tank
Christ, who is the extreme right wing going to turn to when all their ignorant, nut job, fascist bastards are kicked out of office?
Now who are they gonna tell us is too big to fail? ME?!?
AnnieGetYourFun: ZOMG!!! I have been trying for days to figure out who Bachmann reminds me of: Rena Sofer as crazy cheerleader Eve Cleary on Melrose Place!
Clearly she needs some eleventh hour help for her campaign….I’ve got it…how about a story where she get’s mugged by an arab, no large black man, who carves something on her face. Yeah! That oughta do it! Energize the base! Wait….shit…already been done. Michelle, you’re doomed.
The dems aren’t playing fair, what with their +1 bonus to all attacks made with a sword or longbow.
On the Border: Don’t give them ideas - especially since every RNC tactic and White House policy the last 6 years seems like they were cribbed from an AOL commenter.
Her REAL name is Michele PALIN!!!1
More fun facts from the 6th district:
The independent challenger is a guy originally from South Africa named Aubrey Immelman, thus raising the stakes in the odd name portion of the contest. He’s a republican college professor who says he has no plans of winning the raise, he just wants to drain off enough of her votes to make sure Bachmann loses.
So go Aubrey, go Elwyen.
Hunter Gathers: Won’t she just blame John McCain? You know, like Sarah Palin is?
Do you see the irony? MiBa the religious fanatic is going to lose…to TINKY WINKY! Jerry Falwell would be so proud.
if next week tuesday is really going in the direction it appears to be going, we’re going to owe something serious to somebody somewhere.
quick: find a repub to save for the karmic balance.
The independent polling so well is one Aubrey Immelman, a pysch professor of mine some odd years ago. A South African moderate independent is siphoning away conservative votes in the much redder Stearns County area of MN-6. Truly the age of miracles.
hockeymom: Not only is his name weird, he’s a professor of Pyschology at St. John’s (no, not that one) and he specializes in criminal behavior and used to be a profiler.
*Ding Dong the witch is dead, the wicked witch, the bitchy witch. Ding dong the crazy bitch is dead!*
+2500 XP on the Druid reference.
A. J. Ayer: Funny, she doesn’t look druish…
I don’t know how she ever got elected, in the first place.
Elves rule! <]:-)
Everytime I hear the name Elywn Tinklenberg I think of a magical elf. He’s Minnesota’s Tinkerbell, guiding us away from that evil Bachmann.
binarian: Well, she did get her garage vandalized, but so did every other Twin Cities-area politician.
Who would have ever imagined her own 6th District was un-American huh?? Eat it bat-lady.
I’d tap that - crazy poon is goood!
I just hope Tinkleberg doesn’t let a win (hope, hope, hope) go to his, well, head, and go all Tim Mahoney on us. Stay humble, Tinkle guy, stay humble. Just ’cause you win (hope, hope) , it ain’t because you’re hot but because Chris Matthews got the loony lady on national (well, basic cable) TV.
Bachmann Tinklen Overberg
Jukesgrrl: ” they won’t know, since there are no plastic surgeons in Real America.”
Hang one, there Jukesgirl (whatever): I am smack dab in a red, red, red state and smack dab on the realest of it, the Rural Bitters–where– once you can afford a double-wide, only slightly used–there ain’t nothin’ left to live for.
White trash women will put off moving out of the five-wheeler they have parked in front their parents’ house just to afford bigger boobs. Do you have any idea what that does for their tips (no pun intended) at-the truck stop’s cafe?
Hell, honey, them boobs paid for theirselves.
Where IS TinkyWinky anyway? I have never seen a photo of him (I guess I’ll have to Google him). Who is this fearless sprite of the Northern woods who is doing battle with the Shit Demon? With a name liky Elwyn I keep expecting pointy ears.
Okay, the Tinkled One is more elf than hobbit and yes, I do think his ears might be a little pointed. And I’d say he tends more towards Tolkeinesque and not so much Keebler. The Repulitard Shit Demon is goin’ down down down.
What a world.
Fivetree: “The Repulitard Shit Demon is goin’ down down down.”
Which is justice, justice, justice.
I was wishing Jim Inhofe would say something like that, but it would only win him more votes in OK.
stolichnayaaa: Win.
What can I say? I am officially “In the Tink”.
So what will she do with herself now? Her best choice might be to become a fundamentalist preacher, one of the spirit-filled type that will accept a woman. Being totally bat-shit crazy could be an advantage!
Zhu Bajie
This wome is wacko! McCarthyism we don’t need! Please vote for Elwyn Tinklenberg!!!!!!
Michelle Bachmann is NUTS,NUTS,NUTS! I’m from MN-you can imagine my horror; as if our self serving George Bush #2 governor (Tim Pawlenty) isn’t bad enough, we have Michelle Bachmann making us look like a bunch of idiots, too…no one knows how she got elected into a congressional seat, anyway, because she is known for being CRAZY! Her and Sarah Palin will probably become bosom buddies-they remind me of each other; self serving and attention seeking, very ego driven.