• February 14, 2012

The jurors in the corruption trial for corrupt Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens are now in their second day of deliberations, and they’re having trouble! It seems one among them is running around the jury room shouting schizoid psychobabble at the others, which is just not productive at all, and so the other jurors have tattled on her! “In a note to the judge, jurors asked that one of their panel be sent home. The note described the female juror as rude, disrespectful and unreasonable.” We hear that this lady juror’s name is Michele and she’s been calling her colleagues “anti-America” whenever they say anything.

The judge has responded to the jurors by telling them all to grow up and stop being so mean to each other. This is good for the defense, because it only takes one crazy cat lady to hold her ground for a hung jury and accordant mistrial.

And in this jury, all it takes is one Republican and/or Democrat! The verdict here is likely to determine exclusively whether or not Ted Stevens will keep his Senate seat in November, and the Democrats need a win in Alaska to have any hope of reaching the filibuster-proof 60 seats, so pretty much everything ever is on the line in that jury room, and it would be a shock if this thing didn’t end in a mistrial.

Stevens Jury Reports Chaos; Judge Urges Calm [Washington Post]

{ 42 comments }

NoWireHangers October 23, 2008 at 3:44 pm

Fuck. Well, no one ever said defeating tyranny would be easy.

Kabanx October 23, 2008 at 3:44 pm

Of course there’s an angry, paranoid, unreasonable, psychotic person at the trial of Ted Stevens. Oh wait, other than the defendant?

NoWireHangers October 23, 2008 at 3:44 pm

Isn’t early detection of “teh crazy” the reason they screen jurors in the first place?

grendel October 23, 2008 at 3:45 pm

That crazy lady is holding out for an addition on her house and some nice furniture to put in it….

What’s the chances of finding a certifiably crazy person in a random group of 12 people in Alaska who can’t get out of jury duty? 100%.

Serolf Divad October 23, 2008 at 3:45 pm

Probably a Palin supporter who wants to make sure a spot reserved for her when the Tribulation arrives and everyone who doesn’t hate America has to flee to Alaska from the lower 48.

Scarab October 23, 2008 at 3:45 pm

Wait, wait. I’ve heard this one… she’s wearing a Star Trek uniform, right?

WagTehGod October 23, 2008 at 3:50 pm

So there are non-crazy people in Alaska? I’m confused.

shortsshortsshorts October 23, 2008 at 3:50 pm

The article is subscriber only, you Elitists.

magic titty October 23, 2008 at 3:51 pm

Hung Jury (harhar).

Jim Newell October 23, 2008 at 3:51 pm

The trial’s in DC, not Alaska.

TJBeck October 23, 2008 at 3:52 pm

Bring in Bono!

dano October 23, 2008 at 3:52 pm

Wait a minute…Michele Bachmann is on the Ted Stevens jury?

Doglessliberal October 23, 2008 at 3:52 pm

Check her bank account for large deposits recently (or after the mistrial is declared).

TJBeck October 23, 2008 at 3:52 pm

On second thought, Ted Stevens does deserve a jury of his peers.

shortsshortsshorts October 23, 2008 at 3:53 pm

With defenses such as “he’s a good man” and “I respect him” those deliberations should have been over within 15 minutes yesterday. This is like the O.J. trial for a wrinkly old man.

Doglessliberal October 23, 2008 at 3:53 pm

[re=145086]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: yeah, you have to register with the Wapo on line, but it is worth it (free).

GlennBecksTaint October 23, 2008 at 3:53 pm

This is why Alaska needs the death penalty for all crimes.

slappypaddy October 23, 2008 at 3:54 pm

He would not be convicted by a jury of his peers.

queeraselvis v 2.0 October 23, 2008 at 3:57 pm

Hmmm. Somebody on the jury must’ve slipped up and told Catherine Stevens that Bill Allen had delayed her weekly truckload of anti-sagging cream.

mattbolt October 23, 2008 at 3:57 pm

Where do they even find these jurors? To be impartial, you need to not know Ted Stevens and be completely politically neutral. So, your talent pool consists of people who have no fucking idea what’s going on in the country around them. And they’re trusted with making this decision. I mean, even bitters have political opinions, you need to find a room of people of sub-bitter awareness.

Aurelio October 23, 2008 at 3:57 pm

Someone wants a mistrial. Hmm. Now who would want that?

WagTehGod October 23, 2008 at 3:58 pm

[re=145089]Jim Newell[/re]: Ha ha, I have been so brainwashed but the librul media that when I hear “crazy” I just assume they’re talking about Alaska.

I will now go seek absolution from St. Bono Of The New York Times.

Doglessliberal October 23, 2008 at 3:59 pm

[re=145109]mattbolt[/re]: worse, people who live in DC who have no idea what is going on, and you get an idea of that just by walking around here. Yoou are saturated with news.

MoodProcessor October 23, 2008 at 3:59 pm

[re=145089]Jim Newell[/re]:

Thanks for the clarification, Jim. At first I was going to blame teh crazy on ammonia poisoning that I’m sure most Alaskans suffer; lot’s of salmon in that diet.

Now we know it’s just the DC public water supply. Yummy jet fuel.

S.Luggo October 23, 2008 at 4:07 pm

— “… the female juror as rude, disrespectful and unreasonable.” —
Point?

Gopherit October 23, 2008 at 4:09 pm

They truly found a jury of his peers.

swarm of bees October 23, 2008 at 4:09 pm

The crazy Ted Stevens’ juror and the lady who tried to handcuff Karl Rove should have a show together– “The Odd Couple: 2008″.

WhatTheHeck October 23, 2008 at 4:09 pm

This is one way to get the retrial started after the election so as to not make Alaskans look more crazy/greedy than they are already.

Cape Clod October 23, 2008 at 4:21 pm

[re=145093]Doglessliberal[/re]: I wonder if there were any hand signals between her and Stevens lawyer.

Mista Eko October 23, 2008 at 4:25 pm

I remember this from the fourth season of The Sopranos. Except the mob was content with subtlely threatening a man’s life and family. It takes GOP tacticians to pay a woman to go batshit insane.

teebob2000 October 23, 2008 at 4:26 pm

Wonder if she wobbles around the jury room saying, “I don’t trust Obama… He’s a… I read… He’s an Arab… No?”

pdiddycornchips October 23, 2008 at 4:27 pm

Wait, there are non-crazy women in Alaska?

Doglessliberal October 23, 2008 at 4:28 pm

[re=145176]Cape Clod[/re]: true story: I was cross examining a witness once and she was pausing before each answer. I caught on that she was getting answers from her husband, who was partially obscured by their lawyer at the defense table. He was overtly signaling and nodding his head to her. It was unreal. I was PISSED. Luckily, when I invited the judge’s attention to this little charade, he was, too. Didn’t do a lot for the credibility of her testimony. Oh, and it was a bench trial, so their pissing off the judge didn’t help. Heh.

bitchincamaro October 23, 2008 at 4:33 pm

I understand the prosecution chose not to present the taped phone conversations between Stevens and the contractor. Isn’t that more of a problem than one paper-slippered juror?

johnbpt October 23, 2008 at 4:38 pm

If you think this woman is REALLY crazy, then you’ve never served on a jury in DC. From the sound of it, I’d say she’s right about average.

Crazybroad October 23, 2008 at 4:39 pm

Wait, how did Bachmann make it past voir dire?

blader October 23, 2008 at 4:40 pm

someone needs to take away that notepad from that pussy foreman

Barrett808 October 23, 2008 at 4:41 pm

Eleanor Abernathy, I love you and your cats!

choinski October 23, 2008 at 4:45 pm

Well, at least crazy ranting Stevens is being tried by his peer.

lawrenceofthedesert October 23, 2008 at 5:00 pm

Jurors don’t find the situation appealing, but lawyers certainly will be. Sounds like they got to 11-1 guilty and everybody wanted to go home, hence “she didn’t follow the rules.” Big question: if they acquit after Ted insisted his wife did it, will the state go after the missus?

Jim Newell October 23, 2008 at 5:22 pm

[re=145193]Doglessliberal[/re]: Whoa, you do fancy things for work.

sadderbutnowiser October 24, 2008 at 2:56 am

I’m surprised that Nadine survived voir dire. But good on her, she’s got her audience at last …

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