This is painful: Chris Matthews spends nine minutes trying to get a straight answer out of McCain spokeslady Nancy Pfotenhauer — she of “Real Virginia” fame. And Nancy makes a fool of herself, because the only other option is to say, “Yes, Chris, for fuck’s sake, we all know Palin’s an idiot, so can we move on? Is it Election Day yet? Can I have my cocktail now?” [YouTube/DailyKos]

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  1. Aristotle was not Belgian.

    The central message of Buddhism is not “Every man for himself.”

    The London Underground is not a political movement.

    The Vice-President is not in charge of the Senate.

  2. American Bukkake, Tweety-style. I love how Matthews asks Bill Burton if he wants to step up and git some and he all like whoa no no no yer doin’ righteously fine braw and then out comes the executive producer and the sound guy and two oompaloompas and the fursuiters and its like a tsunami all of a sudden that smells like bleach and throughout Pfotenhauer never loses that narcosmile. You just have to respect her professionalism.

  3. I have nothing to add aside from after 99.47 1/2 tries my Wonkette FINALLY sent me an actual confirmation email. Hooray for everything.

    Carry on.

  4. I hate this woman more than you can imagine, but it’s still painful to watch Chris put the smackdown on her. I knew Nancy was excruciatingly awful when she and Carville were on with Wolfy B to talk about Palin when she was first picked. Carville criticized the pick because Palin was a nobody with no experience and Nancy Pants said, “I don’t think women across America will appreciate that you are underestimating her abilities because she’s a woman. She has executive experience and she has Russia as a neighbor.” And from then on I knew this bitch was evil. So its with mixed glee and cringing that I watch her get her bumbum handed to her by Cantankerous Chris.

  5. I watched this live in absolute shock. I thought TingleLeg was going to magically reach through the Brady Bunch box and start slapping Poopenheffer, ” Listen! To! Me! Apocalypstick is an IDIOT! Say It! Say It!”

  6. The role of the Vice President has changed in the last 8 years. Now the Vice President has to extend the Executive Branch, and cover the misgivings of the President. The Vice President has to be there, writing policy at 3 a.m., when he (or she) has to drive for the moran at the wheel. The Vice President is in charge of the Senate, because we need Executive OUTREACH. Cheney knows what you people need, and Palin merely wants to follow blindly in those patriotic steps. You people don’t understand how hard it is to create a dictatorship. You people don’t understand the recent legacy of freedom. Palin may be too much of an idiot to understand what a Veep does, but at least she knows how to take the ball and run with it. God bless ‘merica.

  7. This is a video that never gets old. I’m sorry, but Nancy Poopenfeffer loves turtlenecks WAY too much. That and high collars. It’s like she’s constantly trying to hide a hickey.

    Bill Burton just LOVES seeing Matthews take Puttiflopper apart; the grin wraps all the way around to the back of his head.

    It’s going to be a long 13 days….

  8. The Constitutiion plainly states in Article III, Section V, Paragraph 2, Line 4 (as revised) that Sarah and Nancy must have nine minutes of lesbian sex on Hardball after the election, with Tweety calling them filthy sluts.

  9. Been trying to tell my local group that this “little ole sweet thang” from Alaska is Ambitious Beyond what Cheney ever thought of doing. She wants to be Empress of the Universe, and she has the garb to do it– all that’s lacking is the crown. Oh, wait a minute, Dianna of Wales!! She’s not using her tiara— surely she’ll let our Gal-in-Waitin’ use it; hell, she’s just gonna “borrow” it, and then as a tax write-off, “give it to charity”.

  10. [re=144116]I Haz A Rez Erection[/re]: Oh jesus. Our apologies — the commenting system is run by broken robots beneath the Black Sea, and nobody even answers our emails anymore. Or, I should say, no robot.

  11. That old white dude was a bit condescending to ms fuckenwhateva, but I think his overriding message is accurate. How come the GOP couldn’t dig up a cliffs notes of the constitution? evena 30 yeard old dog eared copy would suffice.

  12. [re=144118]Kinbote[/re]:

    and a hundred monkeys can actually write Nietzsche’s work— hell, a moron gets lucky every once in a while (yes I took Stix, altho years ago)…

  13. [re=144114]SloppyCronkite[/re]: I assumed Nancy was referring to Palin and her five kids.

    [re=144116]I Haz A Rez Erection[/re]: Welcome, friend (Ken, ban this asshole already, Jeez!)

  14. They are the two Repub mouthpieces I despise the sight of, so it was with a vicarious thrill that I watched Tweety send them packing within mere days of each other. I think the next girl to take the hot seat should be Sean Hannity. The absolute highlight of the past 17 months was when Ron Paul supporters threw a few snowballs, making him tearfully frightened for his life.

  15. [re=144145]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Actually his screen name itself is kinda funny. (Best since Trohpy(forparticipation)wife, I think. So there is some potential for funny there.

    Either that or he reads a lot of Sherman Alexie short stories.

  16. [re=144126]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Win.
    Why are any of these right wing surrogates subjecting themselves to this any longer? Don’t they know it’s over? Are they being paid gigantic stacks of cash? Otherwise they should just real quicklike switch sides, and hope nobody notices. “You’re right, TingleLeg, Apocalypstick is a dangerous, bad joke. Bill Burton, jump in here. How can you possibly defend Caribou Barbie’s words?”

  17. Nancy’s response after walking out of the studio and getting into her car: “F**K F**K F**K! Baby Jesus, what did I did to deserve this punishment???”

  18. [re=144131]TeddyS[/re]: no, no, no. Somebody has to go dyke on michelle bernard. I have no business desiring that woman as much as I do, but I have Jury’s bar fantasies about picking her up.

  19. [re=144151]Datsun510[/re]: But “Tingleleg” is going against HeilBachmann! He can’t be behind Mooselini! There are important matters to remember here. Bill Burton… well. but “Tingleleg,” sir, is a friend. He’s the guy that shows up at 2:00 a.m., late to the party, but everybody sleeps well.

  20. One day Nancy Pfotenhauer’s practiced, glued-on smile will refuse to appear on her face.

    She’ll try all her old tricks to make it happen, sitting in front of a mirror straining her mouth like Dirk Diggler trying to massage a long-dead boner into existence.

    “COME ON!!!” she’ll growl at herself in a half-grimace, “COME ON, GOD DAMMIT!”

    But her lips will remain limp, lifeless, killed by all the lies.

  21. [re=144185]fuckinredneck[/re]: Actually, that’s the exact reason she shoots her lips up with the botox. But before long the guilt will mount so high she’ll need to inject the bacteria into her brain and hope it eats away at whatever flickering clump of nerves monitors morality.

  22. Once, twice, who’s going to be number three?
    There’s nothing better than watching neoturds getting their panties handed to them after a good probing.
    Republicans are too proud in their dietary consumption of bullshit to know when they are making asses of themselves.

  23. There is a VP office in the Senate. If you can find it, and there is proof that Cheney can find it, then I tip my hat to you. Cause I couldn’t tell you where it is and I’ve spent quite a bit of time dodging tours on all levels.

  24. John McGramps hasn‘t yet figured out he has hooked into Alaska’s, no, the world’s Deadliest catch in Palin.
    And there ain’t no Dutch Harbor for him to pull into, to get away from that idiot with the brains of a crab.

    Ye be doomed captn.

  25. Well! It’s clear after three different iterations that Palin does believe there to exist some kind of constitutional authority beyond what’s been exercised historically by the VP. She said it in the debate, in that windy outdoor Fox interview, and now as if to a 3rd grader. She thinks it’s a matter of the VP’s choice; that’s what she keeps saying. But by the way she repeats it, I think she’s been coached to push that idea, even though she and we and her elite handlers know it’s not factual. It sounds to me like it’s meant to be part of their divided houses argument — a suggestion to the low-info types that she’ll have some control over the Senate’s functioning (which is attractive if you are part of the base that likes her better than you like ‘nuts and wishes she were the one up for the office of veto-er). Usually this kind of bullshit just floats right by — it is nice that it has turned into a pounce-worthy gaffe and is getting debunked by the teevee people. They should have pounced hard the first couple times. I think they only landed on this one because they can edit off the front of the answer where she makes clear that she’s about to start addressing a small child directly, which leaves them with a clip where she sounds like she’s mentally disabled. Which is hilarious, and is everybody’s favorite kind of Palin clip.

    Speaking of teevee people, that Chris Matthews fellow continues to be a braying jackass and I don’t think he’s doing the Democrats any favors by bullying that skinny blond lying Republican lady.

  26. I want ya all to know I read almost all the way through every goddamn one of these replies, and it was my intention to be looking at porn.

    That’s a compliment.

    & now, porn.

  27. It’s the Curse of Baghdad Bob. Only when every American who ever laughed at Baghdad Bob is forced to stammer helplessly like that, shall we be freed from the horrible spell.

  28. [re=144108]trondant[/re]: Took the words right out of my mouth.

    “Apes don’t read the Constitution.”

    “Yes, they do. They just don’t understand it.”

  29. Poopenheifer always looks (and sometimes sounds with her grunts and groans) as if she has just filled her drawers with diarrhea. That creepy grin- as if she has just sharted and is deeply disturbed at what she may be sitting in, but is pretending all is well. She is horrifying, but I cannot turn away.

  30. A normally sensitive human being can’t help but feeling a bit sorry for Ms. Hassenpfeffer. It’s sort of like watching somebody pull the wings off a fly. A rather attractive and sympathetic fly. Then I remember that she, and Dana Perino, and a lot of TV news anchor ladies, are the ones putting a nice face on the rape of the constitution, the looting of the national treasury by a handful of Plutocrats, and the extermination of anybody who isn’t white and christian, and I get over it.
    I hope the Poofterhoser cried herself to sleep last night.

  31. [re=144215]mc_frontalot[/re]: This isn’t a gaffe. She’s been briefed on this junk by Cheneyites who think the vice president should have the kind of monarchical authority over the legislative branch that the president supposedly has over the executive. Cheney’s known to sign letters as “Dick Cheney, President of the Senate”. Nuff said.

    That shit’s even scarier than Nancy Pfotenhauer’s “Yes yes tweety do it to me more, for the Real Virginia” rictus grin.

  32. Almost sad, if it wasn’t so bloody pathetic. I kind of expected poopenheifer’s head to start spinning around and begin to spit out obsenities and pea soup.

  33. We prolly have only a couple more weeks to make fun of spokesliar von Pfuffenstuffenstein [thanks teebob]. Meanwhile I’m hoping that my name for her, Pfootenarscher, gets traction too. I wonder if her five spawn sit around a pentagon-shaped dinner table? And do they look like bobble-head dolls too?

  34. There is something, is it just disturbing, or more sinister, that many of the Republican spokespeople in this time of disillusionment with the party are pretty women. Pfotenhauer, Bachmann, Perino, Palin. I get a sickening feeling we are living the struggle between Sam Spade and Brigid O’Shaughnessy.
    Someone is messing with our dreams!

  35. Snow, Perrino nor Pfotenhauer should be allowed to appear on television without Don Henley’s “Dirty Laundry” playing the background:

    “The bubble-headed bleach blonde comes on at 5,
    Tells you ’bout the plane crash with a tear in her eye.
    It’s interesting when people die, give us dirty laundry.”

    And the line about “Did they do the operation, is the head dead yet?,” clearly is a reference to WALNUTS.

  36. Awesome- it’s like a deer with bad plastic surgery caught in headlights.

    (seriously, am I the only one who thinks that when she went in for rhinoplasty, she said “I want the ‘Whacko Jacko’ model?”)

  37. [re=144253]braamer[/re]: But that one ended well — Miss O’Shaughnessy got the chair! Technically for murder, but really for her lying, lying, simpering, lying ways. May justice be served again.

  38. Never really understand why the GOP likes to use spokeswomen who look like ice-queen country club wives. The country club men are already voting for whatever cannibal the GOP nominates, but the rest of America just see Stepword wive sorority bitches.

  39. Tweety the Tenacious knows the Fourth Estate’s gig. If we did the knighthood thing, he should be dubbed Sir Tweety the Tenacious.

    I wonder what constitutional powers are imagined for the husband of the vice-president? Since husbands of governors can review private documents and fire state employees, maybe he’ll be in charge of firing US attorneys who are disloyal or anti-American.

  40. [re=144151]Datsun510[/re]: They’re sticking around cause the shopping perk is fabulous. They know they’re not going to win, but there’s no reason they can’t get a few outfits out of it.

  41. What Palin didn’t mention are these other official duties of the Vice President of the United States:

    1. He manages the White House Kitchen.

    2. He manages the Office of White House Protocol.

    3. He manages the secretive National Intelligence Agency (NIA), a division of the Executive Branch, that sends clandestine spy teams to rough spots to wipe out terrorists, rogues, operatives, insurgents, gangsters, spies, ruffians, arms traffickers, drug dealers, murderers, mobsters, villians, dictators, gunrunners, pirates and jewel thieves.

    4. He manages the White House Gift Shoppe.

  42. I tried to look ol’ Nancy up on Wikipedia, since I have the hots for her and all, but all I found was ‘Friedrich Pfotenhauer’ (president of the Lutheran Church – Missouri Synod from 1911-1935) and all I could think of how awful it was to be called ‘Friedrich Pfotenhauer’. That’s just asking for it. Don’t Lutheran’s love their children?

  43. Yeah she’s a professional alright. Professional masochist. What drug and how much of it would it take to get the average person to sit through 8 minutes and 32 seconds of being told “Your boss is an IDIOT!!!! And YOUR an idiot for working for her!!!”.

  44. [re=144355]lazynamepicker[/re]: The nose job isn’t so bad. But I was thinking that she needs to fire the person who did her upper lip. She’d look better with her real face.

  45. Nancy Poopenpecker looks (and occasionally sounds, with her awkward grunting and groaning) as if she has just eaten 3 bags of “WOW!” chips and has dumped a load in her pants. That creepy smile, we’ve all had it, when we’ve feared we have just sharted, or as Reese in “Malcolm in the Middle” so quaintly put it, “gambled and lost”, and are trying to pretend all is cool until we can get to the bathroom.

  46. if you ask dick cheney the role of US vp is to rule the fucking world, but before him, i don’t think the vp did much, except wait to be able to run for pres. but dick has changed EVERYTHING, so no wonder princess sarah is confused, she can’t say “be like dick and rule the world”. i hear the gop told her, “your job it to sit in the front row and look pretty!”

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