SHARE

The McCain website has this fantastic new feature in which you design your own “Joe the Plumber” anger bear sign, about taxes. As the example above demonstrates, however, there is high potential for CHILDISH ABUSE with this thing, and so far we’ve submitted nine different signs that the website *promised* to e-mail to us, and none of them have come. Not even our most benign — dare we say courteous? — submission, “I am Walnuts the fucktard.” We give up. Now you people go ahead and try, and if you get any good ones past the filter demons, please send them our way. [John McCain]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC

352 COMMENTS

  1. I am so going to vote for
    The One

    I am Trig’s Mom
    The Grandma

    I am drillin’
    The Arctic

    I am in charge of
    The United State Senate

    I am Angry
    The Loser

  2. Hmm, anyone else pause for a moment on the page that pops up after you hit “submit” and think about “helping” them call some undecided voters? That would be a hoot and a half.

  3. I AM AN INVESTMENT BANK CEO EARNING AN 8 FIGURE INCOME PLUS BONUSES

    I HATE PAYING TAXES. TAXES ARE FOR POOR PEOPLE.

    MAY I PLEASE HAVE ANOTHER BAILOUT PLEASE?

  4. Still waiting for mine:

    I AM so fucking tired of THE Republicans

    I AM at war with THE Iraq

    I AM not supporting THE Mooseburger

    I AM not buying THE attempt at pandering

    and

    I AM waiting for THE four signs I just made

    NB: This Joe the Plumber meme is epic fail. Also, this is the first time I was ever on the McCain website. It’s sort of a weird half-breed muslin relative of Obama’s website, i.e., it has all the trappings of a social-networking campaign site but it doesn’t exactly work.

  5. I AM Disgusted By

    THE Retards You Attract.

    It’ll go well with my collection of defaced Bush lawns signs. [Yes, I really DO have same. Long story…]

  6. [re=142092]President Beeblebrox[/re]: No doubt. The first time I signed up on the Obama website, I swear I had three emails within 10 minutes and then my local campaign HQ called me that night. Literally. They have their shit together over there.

  7. “Working hard” isn’t going to get you +$250,000 unless the work in question is drilling through a bank vault.

    How did so many people swallow the absurd myth that the rich work harder than the poor?

  8. What with being a civil sort of guy I decided to go easy on their obscenity filters but I still haven’t gotten my signs yet.

    I went with:

    I am Attila the Hun
    I am Sam the Old Accordion Man
    I am Caribou the Barbie
    I am Willard the Rat Trainer

    I think if I carry my sign to a McCain rally I’ll use Willard the Rat Trainer

  9. [re=142106]Dave J.[/re]: Walk into any local Obama office, and you will see barely contained mayhem, but a LOT of computers and telephones. It’s what we do best.

  10. I am often in stitches over the belief, widespread among YouTube commenters of the Redneck Asshole Persuasion, that everyone in America who is rilly rilly rich, is rilly rilly rich ’cause they work so rilly rilly hard. Difficult to believe that these naifs actually *know* any Rich People, isn’t it? They have such a romantic view of them, see them as Moral Guardians or something.

    I’ve been rich enough to have seen the Rilly Rilly Rich up close and personal. Not a pretty sight.

    So mine were:

    I am KEN LAY
    The DECOMPOSING CROOK
    Don’t tax me for working hard!

    and

    I am RICHARD S. FULD
    The CEO of LEHMAN BROs
    Don’t tax me for working hard!

  11. [re=142108]Garble[/re]: I KNOW!! Don’t they *know* any rich people? If you start to ask them if anything unjust ever happened in their little town (right of way unfairly revoked, etc. etc., powerful business edging an upstart business out) you’ll start to hear from them, just like you hear from *most* people, that the rich in their area treat the poor like shit.

    But somehow, when it’s at the National Level, all The Rich are Great and Good and Enjoy God’s Special Favor and Affection.

    I can’t figure it. It’s like they’ve been hypnotized.

  12. I am “Leon Phelps” the “Ladies Man”

    someone needs to submit one on-the-level sounding and see if it goes through, so we can know if this feature is even for real and not just a way to scrape email addresses.

  13. [re=142108]Garble[/re] + [re=142149]iolanthe[/re]: It’s because apparently the Government (“for the people, by the people”) in the world’s bestest democracy(tm) can’t be trusted with money, let alone be trusted to spend it for the greater good, but rich people (who presumably got rich by not giving their money away) can. It’s obvious, innit?

  14. I AM Joe Lieberman
    THE grotesque shit monster

    I AM Lindsey Graham waiting for
    THE right woman to come along

    They can’t turn those down, right?

  15. I am aware of the internets.

    I am hoping that the series of tubes don’t clog.

    I am worried that the technology is in the tank for Obama.

    (A trilogy of thoughts by John S. McCain III)

  16. I’m starting to get disenchanted with the McCain campaign. Evidently they rejected my second batch too which included

    I am voting for the Democrat
    I am Jabba the Hutt
    I am Louis the Fourteenth
    I am Cleopatra the Queen of the Nile
    I am Roscoe the Aquarium Repairman

  17. What’s the deal with the lower-case “e” in “DON’T TAX Me?” Is it some kind of code? It is, isn’t it? You fuckers! If the red moustache flies at midnight tonight, I’m pointing the finger straight at you, McCain!

  18. [re=142181]LarryFeltonJ[/re]: I think we can conclude at this point that they realized that the snarky ones were outnumbering the genuine ones by 20:1, and have just scrapped the whole thing. I submitted a few “who could argue with that?” ones (“Tim the Mechanic,” “Dave the Contractor”) and those haven’t come through either.

  19. I think the sign generator is racist. It must have a white-list of acceptably bitter names and go-nowhere Victorian occupations that it will allow. I mean who would anticipate needing to block Polly Golliwog the Minstrel Songstress? If anyone wants to try my theory they could start with Cornelius Fisting, Haberdasher.

  20. You people obviously aren’t real Amurricans! Jim the Fireman came right through. I think they have a pre-approved list of jobs/names. Wonder if Mohammed the “cab driver” would go through.

    The sign comes as a PDF and is, like most things McCain, tired and hideous. But HAH! Drop it in Illustrator and it’s completely editable.

  21. [re=142083]PrairiePossum[/re]: “I AM AN INVESTMENT BANK CEO EARNING AN 8 FIGURE INCOME PLUS BONUSES

    I HATE PAYING TAXES. TAXES ARE FOR POOR PEOPLE.

    MAY I PLEASE HAVE ANOTHER BAILOUT PLEASE?”

    this is pure genius!!!!!! lmaooooooooooooooo

  22. I went the obvious:
    I am VOTING FOR
    the OTHER ONE
    I would seriously be surprised to have that arrive in my inbox.
    Also, too, as well, “I am WALNUTS the FUCKTARD” is the best sign ever.

  23. Let’s so how I do with mine…

    I am Cindy
    The Reformed Addict

    I had it sent to my Ms. Bud account, so we’ll see. Fingers Crossed!!!

  24. [re=142149]iolanthe[/re]:

    These are the same people who were all pissed at the “wall street fat cats” for profiting from the mortgage melt down, and wanted them to pay for their own bailout. Now when Obama wants to tax these same “fat cats”, “joe sixpack” is all “nah, that’s socialism! TERRORIST!!!!”

  25. I just made one for myself: I am Stephie the 8 peso whore

    for my brother who works at Budweiser – I am Greg the Alcoholic Beer Man

    for my dad – I am Steve the Disgruntled Mailman

    for my mom – I am Sue the Crazy Cat Lady

    for my fiance – I am Leslie the Angry Black Man

    and for my cat – I am Daisy the H.B.I.C.

  26. I tried foreign languages, just in case:

    I am JUANITA
    The PUTA MADRE

    and

    I am ADOLF
    The JUDENBRENNER

    I figured they’d really go for the German, being fascist bastards and all.

  27. [re=142108]Garble[/re]: [i]How did so many people swallow the absurd myth that the rich work harder than the poor?[/i]

    Exactly! The whole republican “class warfare” mythology is founded on the idea that

    (1) the golden rule does not exist
    (2) any true story of rags to riches obliterates the argument that the game is rigged for Halliburton no bid contracts.

  28. Must stop but continuing endless giggle fits with this thread…

    I AM Tobias
    THE Never-Nude Actor

    I AM W.
    THE One That Fucked the GOP

  29. I AM hoping I can fuck
    THE VP too, Todd

    I AM smarter than
    THE average republican

    I AM sure NAMBLA loves
    THE McCain/Palin Ticket

    I AM not surprised
    THE RepublicansWillLose

    I AM sure Palin was
    THE wrong VP choice

  30. They’re tough. I couldn’t even get through:
    I AM Bill
    THE Weatherman
    I mean, what if a real weatherman wants a sign? He could put it on the six o’clock news.

  31. So racist!
    It gave me “kristen the CEO”
    but refused “nasser hussain the professor” who really is one of my professors.
    I guess the mccain campaign would alienate their base if they accepted support from the A-rabs though.

  32. [re=142205]graysong[/re]: eeeeeexcellent **rubs hands together** lets start sending edited signs to mccain palin supporters. they won’t notice cuz they’re blinded by the magic of hate!

  33. Holy shit I don’t think I have ever seen this many people try to create their own WALNUTS rally sign. This is pretty epic by Wonkette standards. Rock on, all of ye with signs.

  34. oh this post just made my day! Laughed my ass off!

    My submission pales in comparrison but I submitted
    I am NOT FOOLED by
    The LIES OF McCain PALIN

  35. I fucked up, y’all. I haven’t checked my spam/Yahoo account in so long, it was suspended. But anyway, here goes:

    I AM Tsarina of all
    THE Russias

    I’m very fond of ’40s film star George Sanders and his masterwork, Memoirs of a Professional Cad.

  36. [re=142132]blankforobama[/re]: It turns out that it’s less fun when nobody blocks things like “Your White Teenage Daughter” or “Space Overlords from Xenu”.

    “Shemales” is still tempting, but all the more tempting with the McCain cockblockage. They wouldn’t even let John the Revelator through.

  37. Don’t detour from the sign page! There’s some spooky shit!

    Aimee Rathburn: “As hunters prepare for the first day of rifle season for deer in the Eastern Plains, Senator Obama should answer why he disparaged all hunters as he mocked Governor Sarah Palin, as a ‘Governor, mother, moose-shooter.’ Real Colorado sportsmen should know the best way to prepare for Barack Obama’s visit would be to hide their guns.”

    http://www.johnmccain.com/Informing/News/NewsReleases/66d37078-ee6e-49b1-8e50-3419ba29bc3c.htm

  38. Christ, I came to this late. But still:

    I AM Sarah

    THE Rape-kit-denier.

    I AM Hussein

    THE President

    I AM Trigger

    THE Fetus who should’ve been aborted

  39. I AM LAUGHINGMYASSOFFAT
    THE WONKETTE

    I AM SUSPENDING
    THE CAMPAIGN ‘TIL 2016

    I AM STILL WAITING FOR
    THE STRAIGHT TALK

    I AM NEIMAN MARCUS
    THE SMALL TOWN VALUES

    I AM UNABLE TO IGNORE
    THE MOSQUITOES, SARAH

    (re. her pageant speech about how Alaska has both mosquitoes and beautiful mountains, but it’s up to us what we focus on)

  40. It won’t let me have my signs!

    I AM Bruce
    THE Interior Decorator

    I AM Larry Craig
    THE Restroom Attendant

    I AM Jack
    THE Porn Star

    I AM Sarah Palin
    THE Walking Talking Point

  41. I AM Leon
    THE Professional

    I AM in love with
    THE underage erstwhile pornstar

    I AM drinking
    THE whole milk

    I AM blowing up
    THE Police Chief

    I AM Working for
    THE Mob

    I AM a lot like
    THE Senior Senator from Arizona

    Obviously, the only way I could not get arrested is by posting all those is in sequence, Burma-shave style.

  42. [re=142605]gjdodger[/re]: Wow–after all of that, that’s all you get? I was hoping for a nice font that was suitable for framing. I could do that in MS Paint.

  43. I AM the resurrection and I am
    THE light

    I AM being robbed, please call
    THE police

    I AM not working hard or paying
    THE tax bill that arrived in April.

    I AM a big sign in
    THE front yard

    I AM Oscar
    THE Grouch

  44. [re=142704]Formerly Preferred[/re]: Well, after all, it’s the McCain Campaign. I’m surprised they don’t scrawl it out with a Magic Marker and snail mail it to you.

  45. WOAH! WTF?! i never got my poster –not even the legit one, but guess what i did get? ENROLLED on the McCranky NEWSLETTER! Mother f’ers….

  46. The most fun of submitting these is later on when you get that first email from the McCain campaign and you can unsubscribe with the reason ‘no longer a McCain supporter’. Bonus fun: you can then enter a reason in the comment section.

  47. How long does this thing take?

    I am Bahlzdepin the Waitress
    I am Kuverden the Seaman
    I am Touchebois the Scout Master
    I am Rechinfur the Brazier
    I am a couple of other ones that I forgot.

    I don’t think this even works. Kuverden the Seaman surely should have gone through, because that’s my actual name and occupation.

  48. Some of my contributions:

    I AM Angry, & Will Become
    THE Incredible Hulk

    I AM Tony Stark,
    THE Invincible Iron Man

    I AM Conan
    THE Cimmerian

    I AM Bobo
    THE Monkey

    I AM Mad At
    THE Elitist Right

    I AM Sick And Need To Hit
    THE Bathroom Soon

    And I submitted a comment, and was surprised to discover their Thank You page suffers from poor CSS implimentation: All I saw was the right menu column extended over the width of the whole page. Stay Classy, McCain Web People!

  49. I AM giving rimjobs to
    THE Republicans
    (DON’T TAX Me FOR WORKING HARD)

    I AM Quaker
    THE Ha-Ha Guy
    (DON’T TAX Me FOR WORKING HARD)

    I AM exploiting
    THE system
    (DON’T TAX Me FOR WORKING HARD)

  50. i didn’t get my sign back, but now i’m being spammed by the mccain campaign thanks to the email address i provided. why didn’t i see that coming?

  51. I AM Gandalf
    THE Grey
    (DON’T TAX Me FOR WORKING HARD)

    I AM Cindy McCain
    THE Cyborg Queen
    (DON’T TAX Me FOR WORKING HARD)

    I AM elderly, so get
    THE f^ck off my lawn!
    (DON’T TAX Me FOR WORKING HARD)

  52. I AM not 100% in love w/
    THE tone of yours
    (DON’T TAX Me FOR WORKING HARD)

    I AM a member of
    THE Whig Party
    (DON’T TAX Me FOR WORKING HARD)

    I AM Miss November
    THE girl of your dreams
    (DON’T TAX Me FOR WORKING HARD)

    I AM BATMAN
    THE CAPED CRUSADER
    (DON’T TAX Me FOR WORKING HARD)

  53. I AM dancin’ in
    THE streets
    (DON’T TAX Me FOR WORKING HARD)

    I AM sofuckinghighon
    THE methrightnow!!!11!
    (DON’T TAX Me FOR WORKING HARD)

    I AM dicking off on
    THE company dime
    (DON’T TAX Me FOR WORKING HARD)

  54. My faith in the integrity of the McCain-Bachmann or Palin, or whatever that crazy person’s name is, has been restored. Overnight I got my “I am Bullwinkle the Moose” and “I am Bilbo the Hobbit” signs.
    If a Palin rally happens here it created great opportunity for costumes.

Comments are closed.

Previous articleNYT Mag To Publish First Sexy Feature On McCain Campaign Internal Fighting
Next articleNew Freakout Numbers: Obama 53%, McCain 39%