Wonkette
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF … “Get enough meth or oxycontin in your system, load up the soon-to-be repossessed Ford Expedition with your buddies, and show these commies and blacks and elites and terrorist community gang organizers and Mexicans and gays and Muslims and Wall Streeters and harlots and Hollywood scum and Georgetown cocktail-sipping filth what you really think.” [AOL Political Machine]
…or live in Western Pennsylvania.
“Wait…did I say that out loud?”
One contention with the article:
It was NIXON. NIXON I tell you. Reagan just ran with the ball, although he did play a part.
NO WAIT LET’s all blame Monica! YAA! It was Lewinsky!
There I feel better.
We can’t read or write (check out the comments at the bottom of this post for all the proof you’ll ever need),
Well played, Ken.
This is about to get ill.
magic titty: Hey. I was born in western P.A. and…come to think of it we were kinda hillbilly-like. Carry on.
magic titty: Hey! I’m from Pittsburgh, and…
…well, yeah, you’re right. *sigh* At least now I’m in Fake Virginia!
That made me cream.
Ken Layne cites Ken Layne as a source for his article! Hmm, since I “…can’t read or write” I guess I don’t have a clever rejoinder to this style of journalism.
Inciting riots against yourself and the rest of the librul elites. I like it.
Shameless self promotion! Eleetist.
Let’s see… I occasionally indulge in Starbucks, shop at Neiman Marcus, drive a Saab, and have buttsecks with my partner. Yep, it’s safe to say that I am fucked when Civil War II: Redneck’s Revenge comes along.
I busted out with my best mouth breather impression but I forgot to caps lock it. FAIL
I love this. It is so true. And I really hope all these people explode when Hopey pulls it off on Nov. 4. Unfortunately, the air would be full of floating bits of flesh, blood, fat, and brain matter, but at least not too much of the latter.
Blue Line: I really love how Poopenfeifer was so programmed she made the same Real/Fake Virginia “blunder” three days in a row.
Now that folks, is world class Ludovico treatment.
Sounds like it’s time to polish up my gunz and arm my lovely, elitist, commie pinko, shaven femi-nazi cooter!!!
Come on, rednecks - try to snatch my soy chai latte out of my arugula eating, daintily manicured fingers and I’ll be more than happy to ram my nickel plated, pearl handled .44 Magnum right up your poop chute and do you the favor of blowing what little brains you have out of your pee hole before you embarass yourself…
queeraselvis v 2.0: Oh, I am dead, as is my spouse. Not counting all the other elitist crap, we have a subscription to the New Yorker, which alone is a death-penalty offense. Our cat is going to be inheriting a lot of life insurance.
Ahahaha, that was wonderful provocation.
That’s a top shelf rant there Ken. Really first rate. The only problem with it is that when/if the shooting starts the cops will look the other way and we’ll be at the mercy of these post apocalyptic road warriors. The national guard can’t help ( they are otherwise occupied at the moment) so we will all be killed on the way to the gun store.
Liverspots: me too. i’m spent.
Ken’s head must be way the hell up his own ass if he thinks that war hasn’t already started.
dano: Obviously you haven’t seen the elitist blood that is shed when someone mistakenly takes another person’s latte at Starbucks.
Get enough meth or oxycontin in your system, load up the soon-to-be repossessed Ford Expedition with your buddies, and show these commies and blacks and elites….
This is a great premise for a psychobilly movie!
Wal-Mart vs. Needless Markup is just not a fair fight.
Also, CNN.com has a story of our very own Governor Good-hair cavorting with Muslin people.
“meth or oxycontin” ??? … WTF, this is America, I want BOTH!
That pic of Layne on the aol site looks like andrew sullivan without all the sanctimonious prissiness.
Meth Lab for Cutie: no, no, to be properly American: “I am ENTITLED to both!”
Origami: True. I’ve never been inside a Starbucks. Are people who pay $4.50 for a cup of coffee as douchey as they seem?
Meanwhile the comments on the post are already shaping up to be amazing.
So far you have been called a drama queen and a racist for not noting the RACIAL DIVIDE because someone maybe shot the Straight Talk Express. Bullets=black people, remember that.
This is another saturday night in Rural Arizona.
blackdontcrack: I also have hair on my head.
Origami: I love the “UR A RASIST!” stuff … like, where did they even learn that?
Favorite comment in response to the facts Ken layed out about the state of decline in America: “If things were 1/4 as bad as you say/believe, you would be in a hole somewhere.”
Hahahahahaha. We are fucked.
They got hooked on phonics before they got hooked on meth.
Ken Layne: You can only hope they are too stupid to register to vote or, if they manage that one, do it wrong and accidentally vote for Hopey.
Damn it. There was a really good AOL comment and then I saw that it was just a Wonketteer in disguise. One day they’ll find out where you live, Kin.
Doglessliberal: Apparently, the ballots in North Carolina are so fucked, no one knows who they just voted for.
What the bloody hell is this country?
NoWireHangers: i’m a little upset that mines still the best too, but the day is young.
blackdontcrack: Well, I think he looks like Tucker Carlson without the bow tie.
This is the single greatest thing I have ever seen. They should print this out and hang it in the fucking Smithsonian as the complete history of 21st century American political discourse.
More and more everyday we are hearing the media “hinting” that if NObama loses… the black “may” riot!
How many times have you heard this same “unbiased” MSM hint that if McCain loses the whites may riot?
Exactly.
McCain/Palin
magic titty: warning, earnestness and sincerity alert: this is why I got all weepy when Hopey said this country is better than this, WE are better than this, in his acceptance speech at the DNC. He is right. It is and we are. Electing him will go a long way toward proving that to a lot of people.
OK, back to snark.
More and more everyday we are hearing the media “hinting” that if NObama loses… the black “may” riot!
How many times have you heard this same “unbiased” MSM hint that if McCain loses the whites may riot?
Exactly.
McCain/Palin
Haha. First off, I haven’t heard anything about “The Black” rioting. I’d imagine that he couldn’t riot too hard, though, being just one guy.
Also, I like the complete lack of logic of the second allegation: The “Unbiased” MSM, which should not be trusted, has not reported on “the whites” rioting, therefore this warrants an “exactly”, which is a nice and half-assed approach to implying racism, but still being able to peddle back if accused of such.
Bravo!
Whatever you’re on, I want some.
Ah, to live in the decadent paradise of Australia. Just gotta dodge the ten zillion killer snakemen.
The Station Manager: that’s sort of a Zen thing: what is the sound of one Black rioting? CAN one person riot?
I recommend Stockholm. Nice coffee, great food, lovely islands (with a zoo on one of them), hot chicks if that’s what you’re in to (he said innocently), rent control, kookie pop bands and drivers that actually stop when you try to cross the road anywhere, coz after all, pedestrians are important!
Oh and you can go fishing for salmon, in season, right in the city centre. Yes it’s expensive but you can probably get a state grant for something or other which you can then blow in the bars because they all have blackjack tables.
Actually, why am I still in Dublin? Screw this. Bye bye Hibernia.
What’s that word to describe many of these guys? Oh yeah, Chickenhawk.
Stranger in the Alps: Even though the answers to those questions are “none” and “none”, it doesn’t make the post any less hilarious. Epic.
Doglessliberal: I think you just blew my mind, man.
Mr. Layne has obviously never heard the term “sedition”… Welcome to Gitmo Ken!
Oh this is news: there was a bullet hole in one of the windows on the Straight Talk Express. Hmmm. Does anybody know where Sarah the Constipated Succubus was when said bullet hole appeared?
Whew. Gauntlet thrown down! Nice, Ken.
Doglessliberal: Well, we’ll find out how many of us are better than this. None of us are equipped to deal with the next 4 years otherwise.
Ok, now back to vicious snarking. When John McCain jerks off, smoke comes out. Sarah Palin is an ignorant troll, etc.
Sweet, I’ve been waiting for him to say “fuck it” and write an entire column about the AOL commenters. I think those people have done more harm to Ken’s (and his sane readers’) psychological well-being than the Reagan and Bush administrations combined.
dano: You’ve never been inside of a Starbucks?! Ugh, go back to your redneck shanty shack in West Virgina, Sloppy Joe, and be sure to not rustle the fabric on my Patagonia pullover, it’s organic cotton.
Ha ha, if you need to get out of the country real quick-like, you can always crash in my (unfinished) basement, Ken. That’s Canadian hospitality!
STOP THE DRAMA - NO OBAMA!4:57PMOct 21st 2008
THE QUESTION IS: “WHO IS BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA?”
THE PROBLEM IS: “NOBODY KNOWS!”
WHY WON’T OBAMA TELL US ABOUT WHO OBAMA REALLY IS?
HOW MUCH MONEY HAS HE RECEIVED FROM MIDDLE-EASTERN MUSLIM COUNTRIES?
WHY WOULDN’T HE RELEASE HIS COLLEGE RECORDS, ETC.?
He needs to “FULLY EXPLAIN” ALL of the following problems:
Being surrounded with dangerous anti-American people like the violent bomber William Ayers,
or the “God Damn America” Jeremiah Wright,
or his Kenyan half brother Islamic Jihad terrorist Abongo “Roy” Obama,
or his Jewish/Israeli hating best friend Rashid Khalidi,
or the contributions received from terrorist L. Farrakhan,
or his close advisor Robert Malley who advocates supporting and helping the terrorist group Hamas,
or Mr. McPeaks, Obama’s military advisor who openly believes American Jews are the “problem.”
and “Christian Zionists were driving America’s policy in Iraq to benefit Israel,”
or Obama’s super delegate and major long term supporter Senator Meeks who openly hates and distrust all whites and gays
or Obama’s most dangerous affiliation to Mr. Auchi who was Saddam Hussein’s right hand man and made billions in Iraq and has been an important supporter and behind-the-scene man throughout Obama’s rise to power.
or his affiliation with ACORN. He donated over $800,000 to a subsidiary to ‘get out the vote’. Will voter fraud determine our president?
OBAMA’S PHILOSOPHY IS: “DENY AND DESTROY” — Don’t pay for your mistakes. Deny ever hearing or seeing anything. If you don’t want to pay for your mistakes, just get rid of them … or blame someone else!
OBAMA HAS LOST CREDIBILITY AND IS SIMPLY TOO INEXPERIENCED TO HOLD THIS OFFICE.
HE IS A DANGEROUS MAN.
GOVERNOR PALIN HAS MORE EXPERIENCE THAN OBAMA. JOHN McCAIN SHOWED GOOD JUDGMENT IN CHOOSING HER.
I’M VOTING FOR THE HONORABLE JOHN McCAIN IN NOVEMBER.
All kidding aside, this Obama guy has crossed the line between everyday villainy and cartoonish super villainy!
This standard is way to high for most ignorant rednecks to match, Ken, since they are basically fearful people trying to blitz out their fears by staring mindlessly at a television each night, while chugging their way through a 12-pack. The rednecks who actually leave their trailer parks in small packs and act out about their fears make themselves easy concentrated targets for liberal gun nuts like me.
shortsshortsshorts: Boy did you call it correct over there at Political Machine. They descended upon the article en masse. I haven’t seen that much hatred since I got drunk and decided to rile up the Daily Kos (they gets mad).
I’m actually packed up and on the road as I type.
http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm114/bitchincamaro222/IMG_3706.jpg
magic titty: Hey Pittsburgh only has a few rednecks… And besides there’s some great (and surprisingly cheap) coffee there. I grew up there and certainly don’t plan on ever living there again, but they’re not all rednecks. You’ve gotta go a little more east into central PA for that.
Stranger in the Alps: Didn’t the “white” riot in FL in 2000 just on the off chance that a recount might not go their way? I think their capacity to riot is already proven.
Stranger in the Alps: Thanks, Stranger. I was going to vote Obama, and I was going to celebrate by aborting a fetus, eating it, having homosexual buttsecks with a woman who is not my wife, and promptly firing all my bitter, gun-loving employees and replacing them with non-union illegal Messcan Muslin terrist workers, but then I read your post and I now see the light!
slowrideneasy5:29PMOct 21st 2008
well….after gettin my american hunter …im stockin up up on rounds/weapons……………..i think obama is a jive talkin thig from chicago……..nothin more……….i dont trust him……….i dont buy into b/s…….he didnt know…….i think he’s a black raciest………wantin revenge on america……….i’ll be ready
OhYeahAlright: Yeah, I was really just quoting Murtha with that one, but I get your point. And thanks, on letting me know where not to go in PA.
Are you crazy? Don’t give them ideas. They will come after the dirty liberals who are unlucky enough to live in their midst first. And as one of said dirty liberals I would very much like to continue being alive.
Brokeback_Romney: gotta love the faux pas…”raciest”; got the thing for the next king, I’d say…
Just when I think this country couldn’t embarrass me anymore, I read comments on AOL. For all the shit talking about how piss-poor education is in inner-city schools, these dipshits on AOL make my lit class in Brownsville, Brooklyn (read: The Black) seem like Henry James.
Stranger in the Alps: As the Cisco Kid said regarding your post: “You’ve got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons.”
Origami: Actually I’m as liberal as they come. I just don’t drink coffee and I’m a wise consumer. That’s why I’ve never been inside a Starbucks.
Goody-goody. I can put my Marine marksmanship to good use; giving this country a waaaay overdue redneck cleansing.
OhYeahAlright:
You too, eh? Monroeville wasn’t too bad. But go towards Greensburg, and you’ve just crossed into a whole different country.
Freddy Vicente4:47PMOct 21st 2008
SORRY OBAMA AND TRAITOR LIBS—-MOST AMERICANS DO NOT SUPPORT BIGOTS AND RACISTS (REV WRIGHT, FARAKAN, MICHELLE OBAMA)—MOST AMERICANS DO NOT SUPPORT TERRORISTS (BILL AYERS) —OBAMA’S CHUCH SUPPORTED TERRORIST GROUP HAMAS FOR 20 YEARS–HAMAS EVEN SAID THEY SUPPORT OBAMA( THEY TEACH THEIR KIDS TO HATE AND KILL)— HE WANTS TO RAISE YOUR TAXES–SAYS NO TO OIL DRILLING AND NUKE POWER—GIVE MORE RIGHTS TO CHILD RAPISTS AND ISLAMIC TERRORISTS—-WANTS HEALTH INSURANCE FOR ILLEGALS —OBAMA–A DANGER TO THIS COUNTRY!!
Hah!
Ken, private security is always an option. In fact, it’s a growth industry!
“slowrideneasy5:55PMOct 21st 2008
OBAMA, MAY WIN…………..BUT WE KNOW ITS LIKE GROUPS LIKE ACCORN THAT PUT HIM THERE………….US SOUTHERN FOLKS “LIKE USSUAL” WILL END UP CLEANIN UP THE MESS…………..YA YOUNGINS………HAVE KNOW DAMN CLUE WHAT HE REALLY IS……..JUST LIKE A YOUNGIN, YA THINK YAS KNOW IT ALL.”
I enjoy all the long pauses–it’s just like an old-timey telegram!
“SAM8:24PMOct 21st 2008
TO MY LIBERAL FRIENDS: PLEASE STOP USING YOUR CHILDREN FOR YOUR PERSONAL ATTACKS.I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE BEEN PIMPING ALL YOUR LIFE BUT STOP SELLING YOUR CHILDREN TO ELLECT A PRESIDENT.YOU ARE BRAIN WASHING YOUR CHILDREN TO BE FUTURE HOCKERS IN OUR SOCIETY.SHAME ON YOU”
I sure don’t want my kids to grow up to be no goddam hockers!
Also, watch out Ken! According to your AOLtard commenters (many of whom I’m sure are legal experts), you’ll soon be arrested for inciting riots…
the main thing i took away from those comments was that ken’s ass has a beard.
Bay Buchanan is totally off her socicalist repeating rocker and Anderson, Dreamy David Gergen, and that bunch of cuteness Roland Martin are laughing out loud over her. Isn’t it socialist of McCain to spread the wealth all over Sarah’s fancy highlights and designer duds to the vp makeover to a tune of over $150,000?
Can anybody tell me why stupid people think that when you turn on caps lock, your point sounds more valid?
those people are prolly the same people that are interviewed in this clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRS1sB5d7vw
If 9/11 was America’s Reichtagsfire then what is above? The US shaping up for their Kristallnacht?