Wonkette
Since Barack Obama has a full 137.99% of the entire world’s supply of dollars, John McCain now finds himself at a financial disadvantage! He’s stuck with a pauper’s sum of $84 million in [*aristocratic shudder*] “public” funds, which is what Joe the Plumber makes in one hour. In other words, John McCain now knows what it’s like to be a Welfare Queen, and it’s not as fun as Ronald Reagan made it out to be. What’s a broke presidential nominee to do when he can’t legally raise funds for his campaign, accept private donations above $2,300, or accept donations from foreigners? Answer: raise funds for his campaign by asking Russians to privately donate $5,000 sums which he will accept. Do loopholes justify this? Eh, maybe, but when you get caught doing this sort of thing it’s safer to just call it a mistake.
That’s what the McCain campaign has apparently been doing, illegally sending fundraising letters to illegal Russian donors asking them for illegal amounts of money. And they were going to get away with it until the Russians TATTLED ON THEM to the PRINCIPAL:
The Russian mission to the UN in New York says it has turned down a request from John McCain to help fund his presidential campaign.
Ambassador to the UN Vitaly Churkin and others received standard mail-outs asking them to help “stop the Democrats from seizing control of Washington”.
[...]
Ruslan Bakhtin, a spokesman for Russia’s UN mission, said: “It’s evident that [the letter] was a mistake. It happens.”
But he also stressed: “Russian authorities are in no way engaged in funding political campaigns or political activities abroad.”
The McCain campaign also calls this a mistake — “a computer glitch” — which it obviously is. Because those damnable robot computers, as we all know, are always sending out personal letters, addressed in name to powerful world officials, that are signed by John McCain.
Russians reject McCain cash plea [BBC]
Russian UN Mission Gets Letter From McCain Seeking Campaign Cash [Russian News & Information Agency]
“I looked in Putin’s eyes and all I saw was three letters: an A, a T, and an M.”
Oh, jeebus, this is just too funny for words. Wait, wait!!! The McWalnuts camp was confuzzelated because after all, THE RUSSIANS ARE SARAH PALIN’S NEIGHBORS!!! Now, any self-respecting pol is going to ask his or her neighbor for a donation, right? So, it’s totally kosher. Completely. I’m sure Nancy Poopenhalter will be on Fox in an hour to explain it all to you anti-American, un-neighborly people. Because if you had good AMERICAN small town values, you would know it is totally acceptable to ask your neighbors to borrow, well, anything.
I imagine it was helpful that all they had to do was have Sarah Palin throw the Russians the letter wrapped around a brick from her front porch.
This’ll show them Russkies. See, Vladimir — if you invade another country, John McCain will ask you for money. Straight talk.
In communist Russia, currency uses you!
It’s better than the pocket lint and half-crushed breath mint he’d have left if he hadn’t taken public funds. Come on, Walnuts, sack up my man. Start shouting racial epithets, and call for a class war, and you’ll take the lead. REALLY! Or get your wife to pony up. It’s not like she wants you at home the next 4 years.
The Russians, though? Low class. Hell, everyone knows if you’re going for the deep pockets, hit up the Chinese.
‘just leave the cash on Sarah’s kitchen table’.
Next we will find him sucking people off in alley ways for 5 dollars a time.
Godot: Winnage!
So, the Russians are in the tank?
I think that Michelle Bachmann was onto something… there are anti-American Commies amongst us - and they are asking Russia for help - we must weed them out and burn them at the stake!
WITCH HUNT!
Shouldn’t have backed those loser-ass Georgians, eh Walnuts?
Hanoi John has done it again. Red money for Red States = Red Menace.
Now that we’re socializing all our banks, McCain is just trying to get some good advice from the experts, that’s all.
What’s the matter Walnuts? Got no friends? Can’t find anyone to give your sinking, tetanus-rat infested ship any money? Why don’t you hit up Hilltard Lady Rothschild & Mrs. Cindy–they seem to be loaded & can still stand your stinky ass.
Gopherit: Seriously. Or the Indians. Dot-on-the-forehead Indians, not arrow-through-the-heart Indians.
Looks like Putin reared his head again.
In re-reading selections from the McCain-Feingold Finance Reform Law, as I am wont to do, I find that it is illegal for persons to solicit political donations from foreign nationals.
McCain is the ultimate maverick!
Vlad Zhirinovsky has been agitating to get Alaska back, so I’m thinking win-win for the McCain campaign.
user-of-owls: He can have it. If he takes Texas, too.
May the gods give Barry the gift of fire-power when it’s found out that Walnuts was doing the same thing to Saudi Arabia, Iran and North Korea.
HENNNGHHHH?? You realize this was probably the result of a rogue anti-American liberal plant in charge of Walnuts’ mailing lists and internets.
Now I’m completely confused. Is there any major candidate who is not plotting to overthrow America with foreign help? I can’t support any side without feeling I’m letting some plotter down.
I’m hurting here.
It’s obvious McCain will not be taking dirty Russkie Rubles…
Georgia’s been funnelling millions in petro-pipeline cash to him for months.
Just imagine if this letter had come from the Obama campaign. Drudge would have broken out at least three sirens.
Well, John McCain nailed it once again. Just this morning he was saying that all these low-dollar donors would lead to a scandal. Except I think he meant a scandal for That One.
Godot: The thread is over. All the rest of us can go home now.
What do you want them to do? - The grand old party is idelogically against asking Iraqis for any of their 79 billion in surplus, and they are running out of “real” parts of America…
AnnieGetYourFun: The proper term is “Dot Not Feather”. As a “Feather Not Dot”, I am allowed to say this.
We are all Russians.
Funny, McCain trying to get Russian Rubles to run his Red Scare campaign!
Here is a copy of the letter sent by John McCain to the Russians:
My Friends,
I am contacting you because of a business concerning a huge sum of money
from my deceased campaign in the United States where I am running for President. Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude
will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that
all will be well at the end of the day. I actually decided to contact
you due to the urgency of this transaction.
PROPOSITION;
I discovered the abandoned deposit in my campaign owned by one of our
wealthy campaign donors who died along with his entire family as a result of
an automobile crash. He actually deposited this funds amounting to
US$12,000,000.00 (Twelve million united states dollars), for safe
keeping in my campaign here in the United States. Company file records shows that
the funds was actually to be returned once I received my federal matching funds,
before his sudden and untimely death. As such since his death none of
his relations or next-of-kin has come forward to lay claims for this
property as the heir, this is the basically the reason why I have
contacted you. My company cannot release the property unless someone
applies for claim as the next-of-kin to the deceased as indicated in our
operating guidelines.
Upon this discovery, I now seek your permission to have you stand as a
next of kin to the deceased as all documentations will be carefully
worked out by me for the funds to be released in your favour as the
beneficiary’s next of kin. It may interest you to know that I have
secured from the probate an order of madamus to locate any of deceased
beneficiaries. Please acknowledge receipt of this message in acceptance
of our mutual business endeavour by furnishing me with the following;
1. Beneficiary full name and address
2. Direct Telephone and fax numbers
3. Occupation and position
4. Nationality and Date of birth
5. Marital status
6. Gender/sex
These requirements will enable me file letter of claim to the
appropriate departments for necessary approvals in your favour before
you can personally appear for the claim. I shall be compensating you
with 30% of the total money while 10% will be for any expenses incurred
the rest will be mine on final conclusion of this project. Please note
that your share stays while the rest shall before me for investment
purposes.
If this proposal is acceptable by you, do not take undue advantage of
the trust I have bestowed in you, I await your urgent mail. Please reply
to my private and confidential email: johnmccain@mccainpalin.com
Best Regards,
Sen. John McCain
Hey Ruskies, your petro rubles will keep comrade John warm at night.
But how’s he going to pay you back when he’s lost the campaign and has no way to make it up to you.
5 1/2 years in a gulag, I say. Take Sarah too.
Oh, It’s good to be back, good to be back, in the (old) USSR.
Lionel Hutz Esq.:
Walnutz is also seeking the help of the internet Nigerians with special financing vehicles.
AnglRdr: Russia gets Alaska, Mexico gets Texas, Columbia gets Panama back as long as they take McCain.
See Johnny, this is what happens when you attempt to play checkers against chess players.
So that’s why, when Mooselini Palin looked across at Russia, she was wearing dark glasses, a red cane and a tin cup.
Sing it, Ivan “5th Columnist Kremlin Lover” McCainsky:
Plenty of room for dreams and for life
The coming years are promising us.
Allegiance to our Motherland gives us strength.
So it had been, so it is, and so it always will be!
It’s just a goddamn shame that Hunter Thompson is not still with us to expose these pathetic, braindead rubes for the sorry pieces of shit they are. But vengeance will come soon to these swine like a million-pound shithammer. They are so crooked their mistresses and secret gay lovers have to screw their pants on for them, and a cell at Gitmo would be too good for the whole shit-eating gang of them. Saleh.
stephie4: You know what I hate about “Witch Hunt”? When you miss and the dog laughs at you.
THEY’RE COMING TO TAKE MCCAIN AWAY HA HA
(They’re Coming to Take Me Away Ha Ha)
WilliamBanzai7
Remember when you endorsed Obama and I got on my knees and begged you not to because I’d go berserk?
Well, you left me anyhow and then election day got worse and worse and now you see I’ve gone completely out of my senile political mind.
And They’re coming to take me away Ha Ha
They’re coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
to the GOP funny farm where life is beautiful all the time, and I’ll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats
and they’re coming to take me away ha ha
You thought I was a joke and so you laughed, you laughed when I had said that losing your vote would make me flip my grand old lid, right? You know you laughed, I heard you laugh, you laughed, you laughed and laughed and then you voted left, but now you know I’m utterly mad.
And they’re coming to take me away Ha Ha
They’re coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
To the GOP happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket Neocon jerks who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes
They’re coming to take me away ha ha…
I chose Palin, I’m just insane, I hired an unlicensed plumber even though I’m dumber and this is how you paid me back for all my kind unselfish loving deeds. Huh?
Well you just wait they’ll find you yet, and when they do they’ll lock you in the AEI you mangy mutt.
And They’re coming to take me away Ha Ha
They’re coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
To the GOP funny farm where life is beautiful all the time and I’ll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats
They’re coming to take me away Ha Ha
To the happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds and Neocon jerks who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes
They’re coming to take me away Ha Ha Ha
Your home the one the bank foreclosed, You cried to me democratically is the way you must live or you’ll feel hurt.
But, I see, I see Obama’s new approach, your anxious economic angst has turned your vote from red to blue while I paid the campaign rent, thanks!
And They’re coming to take me away Ha Ha
WALNUTS ranks “most alive” of all the people who have asked Putin for money
Oh god, if we told someone 30 years ago that in 2008, the Republican party leader would be asking Russia to fund his campaign…
Aw, come on, this is just like asking Palin’s neighbor for a cup of sugar to help bake an ANGEL FOOD CAKE. You know, so the kids won’t get hooked on that DANGEROUS MOOSLIM CHOCOLATE.
Sub: Beat Long Poll Lines with Absentee Ballots from StateDemocracy.org
Many state and local election officials are encouraging voters to use Absentee Ballots to avoid the long lines and delays expected at the polls on November 4th due to the record-breaking surge in newly registered voters.
Voters in most states still have time to obtain an Absentee Ballot by simply downloading an official application form available through http://www.StateDemocracy.org, a completely FREE public service from the nonprofit StateDemocracy Foundation.
Read More: http://us-2008-election.blogspot.com/2008/10/beat-long-poll-lines-with-absentee.html
hehehe:
http://punditkitchen.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/political-pictures-barack-obama-official-act-first-sell-alaska.jpg
funny stuff
5 grand USD is like one zillion rubles plus a few decorative kopeks. I doubt there’s enough wheelbarrows in the Russian mission to deliver them all.