Barack Obama Wants Every Sports Team To Win World Series

Barack Obama is in a pickle! Much like his best friend, Hillary Clinton, Obama has found himself supporting multiple baseball teams that he doesn't like at all in order to win evil blood money "swing state" votes. He claims he is first a "White Sox" fan, which was clearly a pander to all white people who despise him, and he played it from the bottom of the deck. But after the White Sox were no longer in contention for the Baseball Championship, he told Pennsylvania voters that he wanted the loser Philadelphia Phillies to win everything. And today he muslimly told Florida voters that he wanted the Tampa Bay "Rays" to win everything. This pirouetting, like most bad things in life, can all be blamed on the Boston Red Sox.

Speaking in where else but PHILLY earlier this month, Obama told the silly clowns there, "My White Sox are gone, so I’ll go ahead and root for the Phillies now." NAME ONE PHILLIES PLAYER, NOOBAMA. We'll wait. [Pause]. See, he can't name one, otherwise he would've typed it in right here, so he obviously lies with his athletic "rooting."

So then this ass-jockey goes on stage today in Florida with players from his supposed arch nemesis, the Tampa Bay Rays, who eliminated the Boston Red Sox last night and earned a trip to the World Series to play the Phillies. Naturally, he proceeds to get all gay about the Tampa Bay team:

"I have said from the beginning that I'm a unity candidate, bringing people together. So when you see a White Sox fan showing some love for the Rays and the Rays showing some love back, you know we're onto something here,” Obama said.

He added that he considered cutting his hair in a Mohawk to show solidarity with the team’s players, but “My political advisers said they weren't sure how that would play with swing voters.”

HA HA HA nice joke, Mr. Socialist Bomber. Baseball games aren't decided by bringing the team captains together in the Cabinet Room and settling final bill packages by giving one side more lower-middle class economic relief provisions and the other a temporary freeze on the capital gains tax. They are solved by giddily running around in the dirt and hitting a fancy stitched ball with a wooden club.

If the Red Sox had won last night -- and all else aside, thank God those loudmouth slugs didn't -- then Obama could proudly root against them, because he has ground to spare in liberal Massachusetts. But the Red Sox always blow everything and Barack Obama lies to all humans about sports, the end.

 Can't lose: Obama backs Rays, Phillies [Politico]