horrible slimeballs

Barack Obama Wants Every Sports Team To Win World Series

Barack Obama is in a pickle! Much like his best friend, Hillary Clinton, Obama has found himself supporting multiple baseball teams that he doesn’t like at all in order to win evil blood money “swing state” votes. He claims he is first a “White Sox” fan, which was clearly a pander to all white people who despise him, and he played it from the bottom of the deck. But after the White Sox were no longer in contention for the Baseball Championship, he told Pennsylvania voters that he wanted the loser Philadelphia Phillies to win everything. And today he muslimly told Florida voters that he wanted the Tampa Bay “Rays” to win everything. This pirouetting, like most bad things in life, can all be blamed on the Boston Red Sox.

Speaking in where else but PHILLY earlier this month, Obama told the silly clowns there, “My White Sox are gone, so I’ll go ahead and root for the Phillies now.” NAME ONE PHILLIES PLAYER, NOOBAMA. We’ll wait. [Pause]. See, he can’t name one, otherwise he would’ve typed it in right here, so he obviously lies with his athletic “rooting.”

So then this ass-jockey goes on stage today in Florida with players from his supposed arch nemesis, the Tampa Bay Rays, who eliminated the Boston Red Sox last night and earned a trip to the World Series to play the Phillies. Naturally, he proceeds to get all gay about the Tampa Bay team:

“I have said from the beginning that I’m a unity candidate, bringing people together. So when you see a White Sox fan showing some love for the Rays and the Rays showing some love back, you know we’re onto something here,” Obama said.

He added that he considered cutting his hair in a Mohawk to show solidarity with the team’s players, but “My political advisers said they weren’t sure how that would play with swing voters.”

HA HA HA nice joke, Mr. Socialist Bomber. Baseball games aren’t decided by bringing the team captains together in the Cabinet Room and settling final bill packages by giving one side more lower-middle class economic relief provisions and the other a temporary freeze on the capital gains tax. They are solved by giddily running around in the dirt and hitting a fancy stitched ball with a wooden club.

If the Red Sox had won last night — and all else aside, thank God those loudmouth slugs didn’t — then Obama could proudly root against them, because he has ground to spare in liberal Massachusetts. But the Red Sox always blow everything and Barack Obama lies to all humans about sports, the end.

Can’t lose: Obama backs Rays, Phillies [Politico]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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39 comments

  1. Godot

    McCain had been rooting for the Brooklyn Dodgers, but he says we just don’t know who the REAL Jackie Robinson is.

  2. SayItWithWookies

    Actually, the Travis Bickle look might endear him to the bitters. And to those who still hate him, well — it couldn’t hurt to make them think he’ll shoot back.

  3. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    Well, at least he chose the Chicago team with a chance of actually winning. I’m a Cubs fan. Which means that I’m secretly resigned to the idea that Hopey will still find a way to lose this thing.

  4. JimBob

    Funnily enough, most “White” Sox fans are African-American or Hispanic. White people from Chicago & surrounding areas are supposed to root for the Cubs.

  5. whore4hope

    In Chicago, the team that panders to white people is the Cubs (which also panders to drunks and homosexuals).

    As for the World Series, I think he only cares that teams are competitive enough to get to Game 6. Obama will make much bigger headlines for delaying the World Series than if his camwhore stunt only delays some crappy rerun.

  6. superfecta

    But when will he weigh in on the Breeders’ Cup? I presume he’s a fan of Zenyatta, right? C’mon, the bitters like horse racing and it would upset PETA, which is always good fun.

  7. WagTehGod

    Ah, but the White Sox used to be the Black Sox. See what I did there, he used to be for blacks but now he’s for whites!

  8. problemwithcaring

    [re=140288]JimBob[/re]: Thats not transcendal! Plenty of white-trash WhiteSox out there, my friend…

  9. showmeonthedoll

    [re=140280]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: I feel your pain, fellow Cubs fan.
    [re=140291]whore4hope[/re]: Another white/drunk/homo-pandering Cub’s fan for Obama! Woot!

  10. sarahconnor

    As Seinfeld would say, ya gotta love sports.

    it makes perfect sense that he is pulling for the Rays as they have all those talented young African American socialist muslins on their team… and nobody knows who they really are or if they are pro-American. I demand the librul media to run an expose on what these young libruls intentions are in the World Series.

  11. Doglessliberal

    The thing is, there are no Rays fans, since everyone in Florida is a retiree fan of another team (a large percentage of the population of Ft. Myers has moved from Boston). He’d have been better off going to Clearwater and saying he hopes the Phils win.

  12. Mista Eko

    Hello, I’m calling on behalf of John McCain to let you know that Barack Obama roots for known asshole AJ Pierzynski, who single-handedly cheated to win the 2005 ALCS in at least two separate games. Our nation can’t afford that kind of leadership. This message was paid for by the RNCC.

  13. RevKristol

    don’t let the cubbies off the hook.

    NOBAMA would’ve had zero problem dissin’ his hometown given the opportunity to pander.

    But I guess the Cubs season ended rather predictably….or are they racist?

  14. AnAdmirerOfThatOne

    [re=140365]Mista Eko[/re]: Your beef is with Doug Eddings, not AJ.

    As for Obama’s alleged rooting interests in all teams, I categorically reject such a notion.

    As a White Sox fan, I know that Obama does not waver in his allegiance, unlike that used-to-be-Cub fan, former Yank fan, current Met fan (or is it the other way around) Hillary.

    [re=140374]RevKristol[/re]: Don’t worry, the Cubs fans won’t let the Cubbies off the hook.

  15. Kittenloss

    Bah, his press whatever quickly noted he’s still rooting for the Phillies and was just expressing his man-love for some Rays players.

    Also, this is stupid.

    Go Phillies!

  16. sublicon

    Eff the Phillies. Obama wasn’t saying he’d root for the Rays, he was just showing love, bruh…there’s a difference! I hope the Phillies get swept.

  17. RevKristol

    Maybe if folks paid a little more attention to sports, everyone would have known George W. Bush was the only owner to vote against creating the wild card.

    THE WILD CARD!

  18. sarcasticusername

    omg he kinda sorta likes more than one team that isn’t his real favorite, arrest him!! this kind of behavior cannot stand in real america!!

  19. PoJunk

    “This pirouetting, like most bad things in life, can all be blamed on the Boston Red Sox.” HA HA HA HA HA! Stop pandering to your liberal Massachusetts readers by kicking us when we’re down. It’s so obvious this is a reverse psychology, S & M type thing you’re doing. That’s cool. Whatev. I don’t care what you sa– oh, fuck it, GO FUCK YOURSELF WONKETTE WRITERS.
    There, that feels so much better. Ahhh.

  20. expatinOz

    When I first moved to Oz, I asked one of my then-boyfriend’s friends what team he rooted for. He winked and said, “With you, I’d root for anyteam.” Later that night he grabbed my ass when my boyfriend went to the bar. My ex had classy friends.

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