Joe Biden Terrifies Everyone With Promises Of Unpopular, Warmongering Obama Presidency

  wtf?

Holy crap there will be war everywhere!What is this weirdness? Joe Biden was talking to some supporters this weekend, at a fundraiser, about how Barack Obama will basically turn into a totalitarian dictator after he’s elected, just like Hercules did when he rinsed all the horseshit out of Washington by diverting a few rivers. Plus there will probably be another war or something, which Obama supporters will have to get behind.

“It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. … Remember I said it standing here if you don’t remember anything else I said. Watch, we’re gonna have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy.”

“I can give you at least four or five scenarios from where it might originate,” Biden said to Emerald City supporters, mentioning the Middle East and Russia as possibilities. “And he’s gonna need help. And the kind of help he’s gonna need is, he’s gonna need you – not financially to help him – we’re gonna need you to use your influence, your influence within the community, to stand with him. Because it’s not gonna be apparent initially, it’s not gonna be apparent that we’re right.”

[...] “This president, the next president, is gonna be left with the most significant task. It’s like cleaning the Augean stables, man. … There are gonna be a lot of you who want to go, ‘Whoa, wait a minute, yo, whoa, whoa, I don’t know about that decision’,” Biden continued . … Biden emphasized that the mountainous Afghanistan-Pakistan border is of particular concern, with Osama bin Laden “alive and well” and Pakistan “bristling with nuclear weapons.”

So, to recap: shortly after the mythological Greek figure Barack Obama is elected president, he will bomb the shit out of some stables in Waziristan. HE NEEDS YOUR SUPPORT FOR THIS.

Biden to Supporters: “Gird Your Loins”, For the Next President “It’s Like Cleaning Augean Stables” [Political Radar]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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96 comments

  1. JeffGoldblum

    Why is Biden throwing salt in Barry’s game all the time?

    In all seriousness though, Biden really shouldn’t reveal the Illuminati End of Days Plan until at least mid-November.

  2. magic titty

    Fucking Joe Biden. Geezus H. Christ. Can’t he go back to asking the wheelchair bound to stand up and calling Sarah Palin and ignorant slut? It’s more effective.

  3. ManchuCandidate

    I like what Joe said. Sure he has a rather large mouth on him, but he’s seem honest enough to warn folks that hope, rainbows, good thoughts and unicorns ain’t enough.

  4. SayItWithWookies

    Good — somebody should be saying that. Now watch the McCain campaign deride him for it. Of course, those Rovian bastards are so focused on Straight Talk (TM) as a brand that they wouldn’t recognize the actual product if it hit them in the face.

  5. WadISay

    I am totally sure the Bush administration will leave floaters in every toilet bowl in the White House when they leave.

  6. magic titty

    [re=139819]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Of course it won’t be marshmallows, tits, and pizza, but we know that. We’re not ‘tards. But he just goes a’ramblin’, and gives wingnuts and bitterz ammo to wonder if Barry will usher in the end-of-days scenario.

    Not helping.

  7. Norbert

    Emerald City? I thought Oz was already in the tank for Barry, he should be campaigning only in swing states now.

  8. contentsunderpressure

    ‘Whoa, wait a minute, yo, whoa, whoa, I don’t know about that decision’. I’d smoke a joint with this dude, like rilly mang…fer sure!

  9. Gopherit

    [re=139819]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Amen. Joe has said a lot of stupid shit in his lifetime, but I don’t think this falls in that category. Hell, anyone who thinks Obama’s going to come in and everything is going to unicorns farting rainbows given the shitpile he’s being handed should really hit the pipe less often.

  10. Cape Clod

    “I can give you at least four or five scenarios from where it might originate,” Biden said to Emerald City supporters, mentioning the Middle East and Russia as possibilities.

    Wait, what?
    Was Biden canvasing for the munchkin vote?

  11. ABitOfACommunist

    No worries.

    The only october surprise that could stop Hopey now is if he turned out to still have that coke habit or secretly to be president of a chapter of Nambla.

    Meanwhile, I liked biden and obama from the beginning, because I thought at least a third of the things they say is true. And this bit that Hairplugs just threw out, it strikes me as straightforwardly true.

    So I say keep it up Joe the Senator. I’m glad you have a big mouth.

  12. Not_So_Much

    Awesome. When your ticket is on the verge of making it over the top, be sure to use a wacky analogy about war and a river of shit. Way to lay the Hope on thick Joey!

  13. snowbat

    Come on, people, Joe Biden is bring the (potential) VP office back to its roots – Executive Doberman and Primary Source of Comedy. I, for one, love this guy.

  14. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    While I agree that Biden is probably speaking truth here, I don’t think it’s a wise play to essentially say, “Elect Barry and it’ll be like the substitute teacher’s first day in class. Spitwads and mouthing off until the kids know they can’t get away with that crap.” Especially since Uncle Joe forgot to mention that Barry will take ‘em down if they try it.

  15. shoeho

    [re=139819]ManchuCandidate[/re]: [re=139821]SayItWithWookies[/re]: [re=139837]Gopherit[/re]: I’m with you. You don’t have a successful administration by telling everyone (no matter how much they want to hear it) that your going to make everything perfect on day one. If any of you believe that, I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn for sale. While maybe some of the more “idealistic” think that’s the way to go, a lot of the grownups (ie, swing voters) want to know Barry and Joe aren’t just going around sniffing pixie dust.

  16. binarian

    [re=139826]user-of-owls[/re]: No no, the OTHER Grenada, you know, island resort, hotels, third rate medical school, that one. Wait….didn’t we already do that?

  17. mattbolt

    Has there ever been a President who didn’t have to deal with a crisis? I mean, when you’ve got the reins of the world’s only superpower for 4 or 8 years, odds are that some shit is going to go down somewhere in the world.

  18. Meth Lab for Cutie

    [re=139831]magic titty[/re]: wait a second … i thought the platform was marshmallows, tits and pizza?

  19. Neilist

    Of course we’re going to have a WAR!

    HUSSEIN Obama will LAUNCH his BLOODY jihad against all the TRUE AMERICANS!

    And I, for one, will laugh and laugh and LAUGH . . . .

    (Viligante, I’d go get some Simitar-Proof Magic Underwear, if I was you. I don’t think the yellowed, semen-stained BVDs you were issued “In The Navy” are going to do the J-O-B.)

  20. Datsun510

    I give Joe The Senator one of these every week or so. I pretend someone taps me on the shoulder and just look away for a few seconds.

    We are each and all eyewitness to times when our mouth says something we wish it hadn’t. Andwe don’t a microphone in our face 24/7.

    [re=139812]Doglessliberal[/re]:I hope Obama gets his own Cerberus, and takes it everywhere with him. He could cancel his secret service detail.

  21. mattbolt

    SURPRISE, this is the lead story on Drudge! (Well, who the fuck knows what the lead is, that site always looks like it was fired upon at close range by a cannon full of news links, but it’s the first story on the main part) Still no mention of the Cocktober Florida Judge on there, that’s weird!

  22. AngryBlakGuy

    …later on that day John McCain was quoted as saying “I knew Hercules; Hercules was a friend of mine. Barack Obama, is no Hercules”

  23. gjdodger

    [re=139863]Datsun510[/re]: I hope Obama gets his own Cerberus, and takes it everywhere with him. He could cancel his secret service detail.
    Except the heads would all be poodles.

  24. ManchuCandidate

    [re=139831]magic titty[/re]:
    I know most of you cynicals with some hope in your eyes aren’t tards. I’m not talking about youse guys at all. I’m talking about the non cynicals and who read Wonk and wonder why we’re so mean to Barry et al.

    As for not helping. I think with the $150 Mil in the bank, the 100K at Hopey’s St Louie rally and the rapidly flailing/failing McCainiac campaign tells me that Joe could rant about past attempts at collegiate threesomes and Barry/Joe would still win by a mile.

  25. Vewol Mevemont

    It’s an obvious ploy for the votes of the end-of-days crowd. A vote for Barry is a vote for armageddon! Live out your rapture fantasies!

  26. NotthatLC

    You know, and Joe was doing so well there for a minute, wasn’t he?
    Well, the good news is that he compared Hopey to Hercules…right?

  27. magic titty

    [re=139873]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I hope you’re right. I said “hope” – haha. Anyway, aren’t Barry and the Hilly Clint campaigning in Florida today?? Is it on the teevee?

  28. rev_matt_y

    [re=139831]magic titty[/re]: “Of course it won’t be marshmallows, tits, and pizza, ”

    Great. I’m going to spend the rest of the day trying to figure out how to work that into the status meeting without being fired.

  29. Dreamer

    [re=139813]magic titty[/re]: I am with you man. In all seriousness, it is hard to be Biden in this election. Every word he says is put through a microscope and given meanings he did not intent. This is easy because the notion that he is a “gaffe machine” is universally accepted.

    This morning I was watching MSNBC and they showed some McCain hack who was saying that even Joe Biden is worried that when Obama is faced with a crisis he will need help. Well, first of all everyone needs help and the arrogant ass who claims that he does not need help should not be running for president. Second, Biden was saying that because of these crises Obama will make decisions that we will not like and we should be ready to support him.

  30. arksi

    Biden’s got it all wrong. It’s going to be a lot more like having to steal the apples of the Hesperides, strictly guarded by a 100-headed dragon called Ladon.

  31. Gopherit

    [re=139850]shoeho[/re]: I’m more worried about the Republican cynics that are currently playing that exact game. To say the US won’t be facing a lot of tough calls and hard times to make up for the last five years is pure saccharine horseshit. Joe’s doing his job, and saying the tough things.

    Or would y’all rather he was a Palin-clone telling us how great things are? The Dems are so used to losing, they’re as skittish as feral kittens.

  32. problemwithcaring

    Could everybody named Joe just shut the fuck up? Now is not the time for reality – 2 weeks before the biggest election day of everyone’s lifetime. Now is the time for a panderific fuckfest of Hope.

  33. user-of-owls

    [re=139887]arksi[/re]: [re=139822]user-of-owls[/re]: You trying to get all meta with plagiarizing on a Biden post?

  34. Monkey

    Happily, nobody can figure out WTF he is talking about, so at worst everyone leaves feeling like they just watched David Lynch film: perplexed, but not enough to watch it again.

  35. magic titty

    [re=139886]Dreamer[/re]: Which is why Joe’s only job on the trail should be to denounce every ignorant Republican talking point, and to promote the credentials of our Barry. That is it.
    Do not engage the bitterz and talk to them about their bullshit.
    Stay on message, motherfucker.

  36. Sussemilch

    Let’s be serious. If Joe Biden came out tomorrow in favor of genetically altering monkeys to grow cabbage on their asses to feed starving children in Caddilacistan, it still wouldn’t be half as crazy as the shit pouring out of McCain/Palin.

  37. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=139904]Hot_Carl[/re]: JOE BIDEN IS SIMPLY PART OF THE LIBRUL ELITE. ALEX JONES KNOWS THIS. IT IS CLEAR THAT BARACK OBAMA IS NOTHING MORE THEN A HELL-BENT WARMONGERING MOOSLIM AND THAT JOE BIDEN IS HIS PUPPET. JOE BIDEN CAUSED 9/11 AND BARRY BONDS LIED ABOUT STEROIDS AND JOHN F. KENNEDY STARTED SCIENTOLOGY. WAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!1!

  38. President Beeblebrox

    [re=139873]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Well, yes… but for some reason I started to become extremely paranoid over the weekend about a McCain win, notwithstanding 100K at the Hopey rally in St. Louis, 70K in Kansas City, the traitor Colin Powell endorsing Barry, and that little matter of $150 million raised in September.

    Maybe it’s because Johnny Mac & Co are doing all they can to start a “McCain narrows gap in a few states = McCain is the Comeback Kid” meme in the media, and the thought of Johnny Mac winning is enough to drive one to hit the GHB.

  39. Sussemilch

    [re=139907]magic titty[/re]: Don’t get too serious. We might have to point out that a majority of Americans believe that an extradimensional entity is the ultimate authority in their lives. There isn’t an asylum big enough to hold this country’s crazy.

  40. Carrie_Okie

    haha, I am waiting for JudyWMD Miller’s comment on this since she is a new FOX ‘NEWS’ Friend.

  41. magic titty

    [re=139914]Sussemilch[/re]: There’s Alaska and Texas. And Montana. They can take those three.

  42. BobLoblawLawBlog

    As someone who’s believed this for a while, I’m glad to hear it spoken, especially by someone with such a gaffe-filled resume that his honesty may not be news (i.e. good it’s on the record, even if the electorate won’t particularly like it). Except to Drudge, of course, who already has it right below Barry’s gigantic falling poll numbers.

  43. The Rev. Yevot

    [re=139908]bitchincamaro[/re]: Props on the research; those weird dipthongs can be a bitch, though (very easy to transpose).

  44. problemwithcaring

    [re=139850]shoeho[/re]: Yea, one problem: THEY DONT HAVE AN ADMINISTRATION YET. So – stay the fuck on message: Sarah Palin is in the Klan. John McCain has Alzheimers.

  45. contentsunderpressure

    [re=139919]Carrie_Okie[/re]: This will be fun. Arianna’s “Judy File” should generate some interest.

  46. Miller

    This guy is the competent, intelligent, non-scary VP candidate, right? We realize there will be a lot of shit shoveling that needs to be done, but can you at least promise we won’t have to eat it too? It’s starting to become an acquired taste after the last 8 years.

    http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

  47. heathenish

    Monkey: thank you! after reading that article i was like whoa dude, wtf!! but the david lynch thing cleared it all up for me, of course it sounds crazy and you can’t figure out what’s going on, although i am still wondering if biden knows what he’s talking about and is trying to clue us in in some secret way, OR if he’s just crazy, who was he talking to when he said this shit?joe the plumbers, chamber of commerce people, macdonald douglas emplyees? if we knew that it might help.

  48. Rowdy Monster

    Say it ain’t so, Joe! Say it ain’t so! This is really disappointing to hear. I’m from Delaware, so I’ve seen Biden in action for a while. Biden has always tended to come off as an arrogant jerk. But, I’ve always had faith in him nonetheless because of his voting record. One place to see his voting record in full is the ACLU’s website. If you tend to support liberal causes, Joe has been on the better side of the issues his whole career. But again, this type of thing is really disappointing to hear. In tepid defense of him, maybe this is just an attempt to appeal to people who prefer Obama on the issues, but don’t think he’s tough enough. These would be stupid people, but their votes count just as much as everyone else’s.

  49. TGY

    Yeah, ‘Augean stables’ is about the size of it. Somebody will replace the ‘Labors of Hercules’ with the ‘Burdens of Barry’. We’ll get a blind bard to sing it, or possibly some sorta deaf hermaphrodite to rap it or whatever, which amounts to the same thing.

    Joe Biden, although right, has the amazing ability to sound wrong. Poor Joe, born without a silver foot in his mouth. It’s possible that he’s the Democratic Gerald Ford, but that’s as yet unproven.

  50. sezme

    Wait, I’m confused by Biden’s logic. Why should we support decisions we don’t agree with? Isn’t that kind of the point of a democracy, the freedom to disagree?

  51. TGY

    [re=139951]bitchincamaro[/re]: by definition, ‘dipthongs’ are women’s swimsuits worn for a quick swim.

  52. dano

    When Biden becomes Vice President can Obama make him stay in Cheney’s man-sized safe to keep him out of trouble?

  53. bluebrazos

    [re=139954]TGY[/re]: Bristling is the right word, just not for Pakistan. Joe Biden, however, is bristling with spaazmatronic energy.

  54. bitchincamaro

    [re=139959]Carrie_Okie[/re]: The irony is inescapable that the NYT should have had Miller on the op-ed page rather than on the front page. If they were going to have her anywhere. Which they should not have had…

    Now she can fly her true colors.

  55. The Rev. Yevot

    [re=139951]bitchincamaro[/re]: Fuck. That’s what Karma does to you when you try to bust on other people’s spelling.
    [re=139956]TGY[/re]: Nice. Now do one for “monophthong” (’cause that’s the one where you don’t move your tongue–heh heh).

  56. blader

    What uncle joe is saying doesn’t scares me.

    What scares me is the negro raping our women and shit like that.

  57. zenferretwork

    So we gonna have us a Waziristanian missile crisis with Russia putting missiles there and a Donkey cart embargo?

  58. accidental_tourist

    [re=139890]problemwithcaring[/re]:

    Could everybody named Joe just shut the fuck up?

    For the win.

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