cocktober

Sexpot Congressman Admits Affair, And Another Affair, And Probably Like 900 Million Other Affairs Too

Democratic Rep. Tim Mahoney, the freshman Congressman who took over gay pedophile Mark Foley’s Florida seat in 2006, has confessed that he boned that person Pat, and that he boned another Florida trailer trash county administrator, and that he has boned “multiple” other non-wife gals since forever. When asked HOW MANY EXACTLY, his frightening response was, “You’re asking me over a lifetime?” Yeah, c’mon people, he’s not a freaking abacus, he’s not a math numbers… scientist… expert… guy. The hell kind of a question is that? [AP]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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44 comments

  1. Harvey Birdman

    Actually, I don’t know how many people I’ve fucked either. Which is why I’m a Democrat.

  2. Yaybuls

    Well he boned me, that’s for sure. I fell for his, “I’m Tim Mahoney, aka Tim Mooooney. What YOU doin’?” Pickup line. I fell for it hook, line and sinker. Now I need somebody to help me identify whether this is a genital wart.

  3. bitchincamaro

    A long time ago, I worked with Frankie the Puerto Rican, who used to refer to his fecal excreta as “mahoney” and to himself as “a mahoney machine”. It made little sense to me then, but I’m beginning to see the logic, lo these many years later. Gracias, Frankie!

  4. Not_So_Much

    I dunno — looking at him, I have to say the number can’t be all that high.

    Probably not for his Dad in the left of the picture either…

  5. Aurelio

    [re=138751]Datsun510[/re]: Now, now. Congressman Mahoney got a little pussy. Why do you begrudge him that? Why do you hate America?

  6. user-of-owls

    [re=138766]Aurelio[/re]: Congressman Mahoney got a little pussy.

    From the looks of her, I’m willing to wager it wasn’t so little.

  7. Scarab

    Friday, 6:15 pm EST
    It’s about that time folks- BAD NEWS DUMP HOUR, a time when those hoping to avoid too much press announce their dirty laundry to a distracted public. I can’t wait!

  8. Dientes

    Katie: Can you name one woman you have sex with, Tim?

    Tim: Oh, you know all of them.

    Katie: But can you name one?

    Tim: Well, I just had sex with whatever was in front of me at the time. Ya know. Just whatever was on the coffee table.

  9. rocktonsammy

    Pussy is pussy,even fatties, thanks for bringing sex back to the dem’s were it belongs congressman!!

  10. BillyClubb

    Like I said last time, this guy Mahoney had sex with a woman, who was not a minor. That’s totally the opposite of what Mark Foley did, which means… yawn, bring me something scandalous to read.

  11. Canuckledragger

    As one of the Wonkette Elders and a Sexual Revolutionary, let me just say that I can empathize with this dude. After the first 30 or 40, who bothers keeping track any longer? I mean, no matter how insecure one might be or whatever self-esteem “issues” one might harbour, after getting lucky [so-called] THAT many times, it becomes clear that women must see SOMETHING in you. At which point, you quit carving notches on the bedpost.

    Of course, keeping panty-trophies helps one keep track, but I didn’t think of that until after the first 50 or so. [I'm SO stupid - don't catch on fast, but catch on good!]

  12. AnglRdr

    Isn’t this the same guy who got pissed/fired his employee because his lady/employee was also enjoying the favors of other menses?

    Thanks, Tim “Double Standard” Mahoney!

  13. natoslug

    I can’t even keep track of how many women my wife’s fucked, let alone me, so I feel his pain. Since he’s a dem, maybe we should focus more on the quality of the women, not the quantity.

  14. masterdebater

    Come on, take a look at the missus and tell me you wouldn’t jump the fence. I know…that was cold….sorry.

  15. Fringe Element

    [re=138856]masterdebater[/re]: Truth is he wore wifey out. But look at him, how does he get any action at all? He looks like a dumbshit grinning penis. Maybe I answered my own question

  16. gliberal

    He also boned Mark Foley but that doesn’t count. Everybody boned “Easy” Mark. Mahoney, he’s Ma honey, too!

  17. villageatrois

    How come the clean-up candidates need a clean-up? In Illinois, our Governor Ryan went to prison, and we elected Governor Bag-o-dicks, who will go to prison, for even more corruption. Clean-up on Aisle One!

    Oh yeah… most Governors go to the nice prison at Eglin Air Force Base, in Florida. Not a nasty place, like Joliet, where Jake Blues had to serve time, albeit with a competent blues band.

  18. AbeServer

    It is not surprising that Mahoney can’t remember how many women he has done the horizontal mambo with.
    Judging by the picture…he will boink virtually anyone.

    And for those of you declaring that Mahoney has some moral superiority over Mark Foley because he lusts only after women — again, I would refer you to the photo. Looks like Don Knotts in drag to me.

  19. Datsun510

    [re=138989]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Only if you intend to run for elected office. Then you simply need to lead off your campaign with ,” I lost count of how many people I’ve slept with, and I’m asking for your vote.” You could run for city council and be elected QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE!
    [re=138766]Aurelio[/re]: It’s simply about being honest. That’s why I hate Amaerica.

  20. Borat

    [re=139144]villageatrois[/re]: Hey, maybe G-Bay has some new openings for politico-criminals of the Pedophile variety?

    That would be sweet. They guys who support getting waterboarding getting waterboarding and gang banged by muzzies with a lot of pent-up frustration and time on their hands…

Comments are closed.