COCKTOBER  5:40 pm October 17, 2008

Sexpot Congressman Admits Affair, And Another Affair, And Probably Like 900 Million Other Affairs Too

by Jim Newell

Democratic Rep. Tim Mahoney, the freshman Congressman who took over gay pedophile Mark Foley’s Florida seat in 2006, has confessed that he boned that person Pat, and that he boned another Florida trailer trash county administrator, and that he has boned “multiple” other non-wife gals since forever. When asked HOW MANY EXACTLY, his frightening response was, “You’re asking me over a lifetime?” Yeah, c’mon people, he’s not a freaking abacus, he’s not a math numbers… scientist… expert… guy. The hell kind of a question is that? [AP]

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jagorev October 17, 2008 at 5:43 pm

And I bet they were all consenting adult women too. Sicko.

sezme October 17, 2008 at 5:45 pm

Low standards; high scores!

Harvey Birdman October 17, 2008 at 5:46 pm

Actually, I don’t know how many people I’ve fucked either. Which is why I’m a Democrat.

Squiggyfm October 17, 2008 at 5:47 pm

Who didn’t he sleep with?

tunamelt October 17, 2008 at 5:48 pm

I feel like his response had something of a 37! to it.

Yaybuls October 17, 2008 at 5:49 pm

Well he boned me, that’s for sure. I fell for his, “I’m Tim Mahoney, aka Tim Mooooney. What YOU doin’?” Pickup line. I fell for it hook, line and sinker. Now I need somebody to help me identify whether this is a genital wart.

Gopherit v2.0 October 17, 2008 at 5:50 pm

He is such a Clinton Democrat.

bitchincamaro October 17, 2008 at 5:51 pm

A long time ago, I worked with Frankie the Puerto Rican, who used to refer to his fecal excreta as “mahoney” and to himself as “a mahoney machine”. It made little sense to me then, but I’m beginning to see the logic, lo these many years later. Gracias, Frankie!

Datsun510 October 17, 2008 at 5:52 pm

Mr. Mahoney,
No one needs you here. Take your dirty penis and go home. Go away. Just go.

tunamelt October 17, 2008 at 5:53 pm

[re=138744]Yaybuls[/re]: It’s just a skittle.

FreshCliches October 17, 2008 at 5:58 pm

Ask Karl Rove – he has the math.

And probably some video, too.

user-of-owls October 17, 2008 at 6:00 pm

Tim Mahoney (D-David Duchovny)

longjohnson October 17, 2008 at 6:01 pm

Its Friday, its Boner Bonanza time.

longjohnson October 17, 2008 at 6:02 pm

Hey, Mahoney is no Rain Man

Not_So_Much October 17, 2008 at 6:02 pm

I dunno — looking at him, I have to say the number can’t be all that high.

Probably not for his Dad in the left of the picture either…

Aurelio October 17, 2008 at 6:03 pm

[re=138751]Datsun510[/re]: Now, now. Congressman Mahoney got a little pussy. Why do you begrudge him that? Why do you hate America?

user-of-owls October 17, 2008 at 6:05 pm

[re=138766]Aurelio[/re]: Congressman Mahoney got a little pussy.

From the looks of her, I’m willing to wager it wasn’t so little.

Scarab October 17, 2008 at 6:14 pm

Friday, 6:15 pm EST
It’s about that time folks- BAD NEWS DUMP HOUR, a time when those hoping to avoid too much press announce their dirty laundry to a distracted public. I can’t wait!

TGY October 17, 2008 at 6:14 pm

Perhaps he makes a notch somewhere for each boning.

Dientes October 17, 2008 at 6:16 pm

Katie: Can you name one woman you have sex with, Tim?

Tim: Oh, you know all of them.

Katie: But can you name one?

Tim: Well, I just had sex with whatever was in front of me at the time. Ya know. Just whatever was on the coffee table.

rocktonsammy October 17, 2008 at 6:21 pm

Pussy is pussy,even fatties, thanks for bringing sex back to the dem’s were it belongs congressman!!

Scandalabra October 17, 2008 at 6:23 pm

I thought it was a photo of him with his mother, until I read the details…

Advocatus_Diaboli October 17, 2008 at 6:24 pm

[re=138781]Dientes[/re]: You, sir or madam, are a genius!

Best post of the week.

mirrorball October 17, 2008 at 6:24 pm

Really it was just all part of his get out the vote effort.

BillyClubb October 17, 2008 at 6:26 pm

Like I said last time, this guy Mahoney had sex with a woman, who was not a minor. That’s totally the opposite of what Mark Foley did, which means… yawn, bring me something scandalous to read.

shortsshortsshorts October 17, 2008 at 6:39 pm

[re=138781]Dientes[/re]: I have to hand it to you. That was pretty fantastic.

Toomush Infermashun October 17, 2008 at 6:46 pm

There’s nothing lower than consenting adult women…

Canuckledragger October 17, 2008 at 6:49 pm

As one of the Wonkette Elders and a Sexual Revolutionary, let me just say that I can empathize with this dude. After the first 30 or 40, who bothers keeping track any longer? I mean, no matter how insecure one might be or whatever self-esteem “issues” one might harbour, after getting lucky [so-called] THAT many times, it becomes clear that women must see SOMETHING in you. At which point, you quit carving notches on the bedpost.

Of course, keeping panty-trophies helps one keep track, but I didn’t think of that until after the first 50 or so. [I'm SO stupid - don't catch on fast, but catch on good!]

AnglRdr October 17, 2008 at 6:54 pm

Isn’t this the same guy who got pissed/fired his employee because his lady/employee was also enjoying the favors of other menses?

Thanks, Tim “Double Standard” Mahoney!

jagorev October 17, 2008 at 7:06 pm

[re=138781]Dientes[/re]: ftw

natoslug October 17, 2008 at 7:13 pm

I can’t even keep track of how many women my wife’s fucked, let alone me, so I feel his pain. Since he’s a dem, maybe we should focus more on the quality of the women, not the quantity.

masterdebater October 17, 2008 at 7:13 pm

Come on, take a look at the missus and tell me you wouldn’t jump the fence. I know…that was cold….sorry.

Strappo October 17, 2008 at 7:51 pm

The lady in the pic is actually Leslie Jordan, aka Beverly Leslie on “Will and Grace”.

Fringe Element October 17, 2008 at 9:14 pm

[re=138856]masterdebater[/re]: Truth is he wore wifey out. But look at him, how does he get any action at all? He looks like a dumbshit grinning penis. Maybe I answered my own question

AnnieGetYourFun October 17, 2008 at 9:25 pm

I’ve actually lost count of how many people I’ve slept with. Not good?

Sabre_Justice October 17, 2008 at 9:43 pm

[re=138980]Fringe Element[/re]: Low standards.

gliberal October 17, 2008 at 11:21 pm

He also boned Mark Foley but that doesn’t count. Everybody boned “Easy” Mark. Mahoney, he’s Ma honey, too!

villageatrois October 18, 2008 at 6:56 am

How come the clean-up candidates need a clean-up? In Illinois, our Governor Ryan went to prison, and we elected Governor Bag-o-dicks, who will go to prison, for even more corruption. Clean-up on Aisle One!

Oh yeah… most Governors go to the nice prison at Eglin Air Force Base, in Florida. Not a nasty place, like Joliet, where Jake Blues had to serve time, albeit with a competent blues band.

AbeServer October 18, 2008 at 8:43 am

It is not surprising that Mahoney can’t remember how many women he has done the horizontal mambo with.
Judging by the picture…he will boink virtually anyone.

And for those of you declaring that Mahoney has some moral superiority over Mark Foley because he lusts only after women — again, I would refer you to the photo. Looks like Don Knotts in drag to me.

Datsun510 October 18, 2008 at 6:07 pm

[re=138989]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Only if you intend to run for elected office. Then you simply need to lead off your campaign with ,” I lost count of how many people I’ve slept with, and I’m asking for your vote.” You could run for city council and be elected QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE!
[re=138766]Aurelio[/re]: It’s simply about being honest. That’s why I hate Amaerica.

wallythepug October 18, 2008 at 8:53 pm

I wouldn’t bang him with Sarah Palin’s vajayjay.

ivenson October 18, 2008 at 11:28 pm

[re=138744]Yaybuls[/re]: ew…but yes.

getoffmylawn October 19, 2008 at 6:40 am

Don’t worry kiddies, Wilt Chamberlain’s record will never be broken.

Borat October 19, 2008 at 11:50 am

[re=139144]villageatrois[/re]: Hey, maybe G-Bay has some new openings for politico-criminals of the Pedophile variety?

That would be sweet. They guys who support getting waterboarding getting waterboarding and gang banged by muzzies with a lot of pent-up frustration and time on their hands…

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