creepy old men

McCain Panders To Letterman, Embarrasses Everyone, Loves Terrorists


Do we have to watch this? All the way through? Tragically, the answer is Yes. We must all watch John McCain say “I screwed up” to a late-night comedy host.

We must watch McCain make bad jokes about …. taking his son’s body armor, so his son will not have body armor, in Iraq, so McCain can … wear the helmet and flak jacket at the Ed Sullivan Theater in New York, while his son has no protection from bombs in Iraq or whatever? Was this one of the famous McCain jokes?

What’s the inventory here? We’ve got the mugging, the eyebrows, the blinking, the weird hand gestures, the “is this how humans smile?” death grins, “I … SCREWED … UP,” etc.

LETTERMAN: “Sarah Palin …. She’s the one who says Barack Obama ‘pals around with terrorists.’ Has she, in fact, said that at rallies and stuff?”

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McCAIN: “I, uh, I don’t know … yes, and he did!”

And then there’s a “tortured” exchange with McCain sort of half-assedly repeating his awkward talking points from the Wednesday night debate, and Letterman isn’t really having much of that, and then:

LETTERMAN: “Did you not have a relationship with Gordon Liddy?”

(G. Gordon Liddy is the convicted wingnut terrorist who served four-and-a-half years in federal prison for his part in the Watergate burglary. He was not, however, convicted of firebombing liberal D.C. think tanks, kidnapping and torturing anti-war protesters, and encouraging his wingnut radio listeners to murder federal law officers — because he failed at those pursuits.)

McCAIN: “I, uh, I met him, hmmm?”

LETTERMAN: “Did you not attend fundraisers at his house?”

McCAIN: “I know Gordon Liddy, he paid his debt, he went to prison, as people do. I’m not in any way embarrassed to know Gordon Liddy.”

And, finally, McCain gives his Death Grin and Thumbs Up and says, “There’s billions of words said in a campaign, now come on!”

Okay.

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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59 comments

  1. obfuscator

    My first thought: God, you suck at everything, WALNUTS.

    2nd thought: If Barry made even the smallest joke about Iraq or body armor, the right would shit their pants and the next Palin rally crowd would probably start a lynch mob.

  2. obfuscator

    CNN just ran some footage of Joseph Not a Plumber talking to the press. He’s a douche and I’m not inclined to pity him in any shape, form or fashion.

    Joe loves the Iraq War. He hates illegal Mexicans who take the plumbing job he apparently doesn’t have. He also really REALLY hates social security.

    Ed Rollins is now admitting that Grampy’s shitty attitude is probably not appealing to voters.

  3. SayItWithWookies

    William Ayers is certainly a lot less dangerous than Phil Gramm. If I had to choose between the guy who blew up a Pentagon bathroom vs. the lobbyist who thinks the finance industry is still not deregulated enough, it’d be a no-brainer.

    It was also fun to watch McCain freeze up when Dave mentioned G. Gordon Liddy and asked if McCain had attended a fundraiser at his house. Oops.

  4. Keram2

    Oh God, he did the Gif Face again at about 1:14 in.

    Oooh. Ooooh! Can we call that wild-eyed McCain face, the “Gif Face” from now on? Pretty please?

  5. Drunkasaurus

    These two remind me of red ant vs black ant childhood escapades. I’d hope for this awesome throwdown to happen in the jar they were contained in, but the results were always disappointing and awkward.

  6. obfuscator

    [re=138024]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Speaking of Phil Gramm, guess which former senator is responsible for making sure that the credit default swap market was unregulated? Hint: his initials are “Phil Gramm”.

  7. obfuscator

    Jesus, CNN just suggested that falling gas prices might lead to more consumer spending for the holiday season.

  8. FreshCliches

    Could someone please remind Walnuts that you appear on Letterman with the body armor you have, not the body armor you might want or wish to have?

  9. samrlives

    I can’t for the life of me figure out how Letterman could continue to look McCain in the eye as he claimed that when Sarah Palin stated that Obama “palls around with terrorists” in over two dozen stump speeches over the course of ten days, her words were just a couple in a sea of millions over the course of an entire campaign. John McCain knows exactly what a couple of words can do to a campaign. After all, it was just seven simple words that derailed his 2000 run for president: John McCain has an illegitimate black baby. Then, to go on and comapre his running mate’s race baiting and fear mongering to a respected civil rights hero’s desperate warning regarding the increasingly dangerous political climate is ridiculous. Petulantly demanding Obama’s repudiation of said warning is even more bizarre.

    When confronted with the violent mob rhetoric of his radical right nutbag followers, McCain sounded like a third grader: I’m rubber, you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you. I have yet to hear an Obama follower scream “Kill Him” in reference to McCain, so when he immediately shoots back that Obama isn’t controlling his own crowds, it rings beyond hollow. What a petulant hypocrite.

  10. samrlives

    [re=138030]FreshCliches[/re]: That’s brilliant. Seriously. My veteran husband is howling next me.

  11. Weeping Jesus

    Letterman doesn’t like the blacks. He forgives the old whitey, but he won’t let Barry tell honky jokes. This I believe.

  12. Rev. Juan MessyCan

    [re=138023]obfuscator[/re]: And this despite the fact that he’s got a, shall we say, inbred advantage over illegal messicans*, if this is to be believed…

    * the same people who overall contribute to more SS accounts than they’ll ever access and join the armed forces to qualify for legal status (who needs a GI Bill when you can come back and get your plumber’s license?) – you might have ptsd and only one arm, but whatevs.

  13. SayItWithWookies

    [re=138028]obfuscator[/re]: Paul Heath Ichabod Lawrence — uh — damn. I’m never gonna figure this one out.

    [re=138031]HuskyMescan[/re]: Just to be fair, here is McCain’s routine. He’s at his funniest at the end of part 2, but Obama’s was great. McCain was his usual mean sense of humor self, but better than his average.

    McCain at Al Smith dinner part I
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Goaj5V4tZoc

    part II
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrqoSyKsAPw

  14. Beef Supreme

    It’s funny, or sad, that that is a tougher interview Walnuts would get from Brian Williams, or Katie Couric, or that boring guy on ABC, Charles Gibson (which I had to look up because he’s so boring and no one knows who he is). Either way, Walnuts is still a crazed hell demon from long ago whose soul has rotted from the inside and soon will be destroyed by God from above with fire and brimstone, or perhaps a nuclear missile, violently, with great vengeance and furious anger, old testament-like, from which we will all be wise to flee and never look back lest we ourselves suffer a fate just like Lot’s wife and turn into a pillar of salt.

    My secret hope is all the wingnuts will turn into pillars of salt. And then horses will lick them, because they are horses and they like salt licks and would not be grossed out in a bizarre scenario like that.

  15. gurukalehuru

    This actually was kind of embarrassing to watch, and I find myself feeling a little bit bad for uncle grandpa, but then I remember that a large number of Americans, maybe 40%, are still planning on voting for this senile, racist, arrogant, war-mongering old fucker, and if he should, by some dark miracle, win, we might all be dead in 4 years, and I get over it.

    Do I use commas too much?

  16. BobLoblawLawBlog

    Wow, being a POW is like being teased by a comedian? I had no idea the Geneva Convention didn’t bar sarcasm! Poor WALNUTS!!!

    I hope that particular clip gets sent to every VA Hospital and VFW in the country, then they can exact whatever kind of revenge they see fit for this dickwad trivializing their suffering. Might I suggest they force him to sit through one of his own stump speeches, eyes forced open, “Clockwork-Orange”-style?

  17. Jukesgrrl

    Couldn’t he have blamed it on Cindy? Oh, I forgot, she’s the sadist, not the masochist … the leather fixation, the dead eyes. Well, he could have said Mistress CindyLou MADE ME stay in. I’d’ve believed it.

  18. bitchincamaro

    May I be the first to invoke the late innings, come-from-behind, game-changing, win by the Boston Red Sox last night, as a metaphor for a Walnuts stunt of the same magnitude on Nov. 4?

    Why did I do that? I hate sports metaphors.

  19. freakishlystrong

    [re=138053]bowtienation[/re]: You should’ve ass raped him and made him nostalgic for his prison days…

  20. Darehead

    If McCain had any ethical sense, he would realize that Ayers has made an error or two in the past, but now through his good deeds in education and community organizing he has earned his right to redemption and forgiveness, just as Allah teaches…

    oh, wait….

  21. Combover

    Why are you all hating on John McCain? I watched him carefully and he gives off an unmistakable Jack Nicholson vibe both in his speech and his appearance. And how cool would it be to have Jack Nicholson as our President?

  22. CivicHoliday

    Letterman was great. He holds a GRUDGE, Walnuts! Grudge + bad candidate who’s full of shit = smack down on prime time in front of millions of undecided voters.

  23. Neon Trotsky

    [re=138058]Combover[/re]: I could see John McCain as Jack Nicholson as the Joker:

    “And now, folks, it’s time for ‘Who do you trust!’ Hubba, hubba, hubba! Money, money, money! Who do you trust? Me? I’m giving away free money. And where is the Batman Senator Obama? He’s at home, washin’ his tights!”

  24. MARCdMan

    He officially looks beaten. He’s got that same hopeless countinance that Bob Dole took on before dropping his pants and bending over for Bill in 1996.

  25. InKnockYouUs

    Yes, it is amazing how my duty as a citizen now includes watching video clips from late night TV comedy shows first thing in the morning.

  26. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Hahahahaha! On NPR this morning, Steve Inskeep asked conservative commentator David Frum if there was any way that McCain could actually come from behind and win. Frum basically conceded that it would take a series of miracles and the hand of God him/herself before that would ever happen. Huzzah!

  27. Vewol Mevemont

    That may be one of the ugliest ties in the history of the universe. Is it iridescent, or am I just seeing it in a weird light?

  28. Unindicted Co-Conspirator

    Grumpy McGrampa really is senile.
    He said to Dave that Bill Clinton was a good president.
    He leaves out that he voted guilty on both impeachment counts!

    Unfortunately, Dave never called him on that one.

  29. TGY

    I’d like to thank John McCain for screwing up SO badly as to ensure a Democratic victory this November. Thanks. Thanks, Walnuts!, for taking one for Team America.

  30. Doglessliberal

    [re=138021]obfuscator[/re]: If Barry did any of the things WALNUTS! or Palin does/did, it would be chaos. A pregnant teenaged daughter? You KNOW what would be said. Losing track of houses? Cheating on his wife? It would be no holds barred racial bile (well, more overt than what we are getting now).

    [re=138103]Unindicted Co-Conspirator[/re]: There are almost too many things to call him on. They fly so fast and furious, there is no time to note every BS moment. That is the strategy, I guess, just to throw out lies so quickly and repeatedly, they implant in people’s brains.

  31. dannygutters

    In that John Lennon vs the United States documentaty the Liddy interview segments are hilarious in a ‘history’s greatest monster’ sort of way when Liddy implies that those kent state kids had it coming.

  32. obfuscator

    [re=138086]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Is Frum just trying to lull Dems into satisfied complacency? Barry’s leaning on the youngs heavily, he’s gotta keep them motivated.

  33. ivenson

    [re=138035]elcapitan[/re]: And it takes too long to yell “stake him, cut off his head, fill his mouth with garlic cloves, and bury him at the crossroads.”[re=138045]gurukalehuru[/re]: Yes, but I use elipses too much…We’re all God’s creatures…Learn to love yourself.

  34. RobPetrified

    I think Walnuts was just trying to distance himself from Dubya when he said “I screwed up.”
    (an understatement of colossal proportions)
    Bush has never said that.
    God knows he has had plenty of opportunities…

  35. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=138140]obfuscator[/re]: Funny that you should say that, because Inskeep asked that exact thing of Mark Mellman, the Dems’ strategist. His answer regarding complacency: “Absolutely not.” (FWIW, Frum also mentioned that McCain has essentially given up on the undecideds and is trying to shore up what little support he has left of his base. Good times!)

  36. TwistedMister

    [re=138028]obfuscator[/re]: I love “This American Life” but they’re wrong. I say we can lay this all at the feet of Phil Gramm.

  37. Dientes

    Walnuts should have apologized a lot more. A Dave grudge can last forever, and midwesterners have a strict code about retaliation. All retaliation must involve pigs, cow pies, and corn cobs.

  38. 102415

    “We’re sorry this video is no longer available.”
    Also is it too late to mention that I saw Ralph Nadar going into Cooper Union Wednesday night and he was smiling and looked about 15 years younger than he should.
    I’m losing the time dimension battle badly. Send help and give me some money so I can buy a plumbing business of my own.

  39. Darehead

    [re=138152]sarahconnor[/re]: Yeah, I like Maher and all but he cuts her off on the most original point of the whole program.

  40. TalentedButHumble

    How low we have sunk that Katie Softball Couric and David Fricking Letterman have done the two strongest interviews of Republicans in like 30 years.

    And why the hell doesn’t any “MSM” person ever bring up the AIP to McFailin? Can you imagine if Michelle Obama had belonged to a seccessionist party?

  41. Iggy Plop

    nope. i don’t need to watch. i saw him say “I screwed up” five thousand times in the dumbass preview for the Letterman show when i was watching CSI. so i’m good.

    time’s up, old man. please move aside.

  42. S.Luggo

    [re=138053]bowtienation[/re]:
    1. Did the store’s ceiling fixtures begin to spark?
    2. Was he buying his usual weekly supply of live baby sparrows?
    3. Why didn’t you stab him in the eye with a fork?

  43. wonkthis

    McCain is a slimebucketfuckhead and I’ve always thought that. Any cocksucker who manhandles Bush at rallies and supports him after racist evil attacks has no shame and no integrity.

    I HOPE YOU FUCKING LOSE, MCCAIN.

  44. wonkthis

    AND FURTHERMORE, I hope you die an angry, bitter old FUCK who never realizes how your awful decisions cost you the Presidency—a position in life you never deserved despite living a disgustingly privileged life.

    And now we resume our regularly scheduled drinking…

  45. villageatrois

    [re=138073]MARCdMan[/re]: “hopeless countinance” Sometimes spelling does matter. Did you mean his grim visage (hopeless “countenance”) or lack of hope in maintaining “continence”? Or just a false hope in meaningful “continuance” of his mortality?

    English is subtle as hell, despite the people who speak it.

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