Wonkette
Candy bar and porno chain 7-Eleven is of course holding an important election poll in which customers purchasing coffee have the option of using a blue cup if they support the Muslim or a red cup if they support Walnuts. Many more blue cups have sold! Why do 7-Eleven customers love terrorism so much? This website also says, “Hail To the Beans!” which is just flat-out funny as shit. [7-eleven via Mark Blumenthal]
Democrats need lots of cheap convenience-store coffee at 4 AM after our nights of elitist debauchery to get the taste of hash and hooker spit out of our mouths.
The Bob Barr cup is permanently affixed to the counter and says,”get your own damn cup!”
The little sidewalk coffee carts in NYC buy all their cups from surplus dealers on ebay. You get your coffee in cups from failed restaurants, old Goodwill Games promotions, whatever. Come November, I see a large supply of McCain cups becoming available cheep.
With Coffee Drinkers in the Tank for Barry, that means that Walnuts only has the support of those who drink Fresca and Zima.
Haha… coffee drinkers are terrorists!
Pretty much completely unrelated, but if any of you live in Quik-Trip territory, they have this slushy that tastes EXACTLY like a creamsicle. Get yourself 64 oz.s of that and some free tire air and you’re having yourself one hell of a good day.
I like my candidates like I like my coffee.
Tall, black and hot :]
mattbolt: But we love smelling like stripper perfume, so we save on laundry by not washing our clothes…
7-Eleven’s terrorist fun-fact section basically comes right out and says they’re in the tank for the Muslin: “7-Eleven uses only the best quality 100% arabica beans…”
ManchuCandidate: C’mon… Ovaltine is the joke here. You totally blew it.
Of course Barry won Utah. Only the apostates get to vote.
DanginMpls: Winner. Easily the winner.
damn those coffee drinking pizza eating liberals!
Botswana Meat Commission FC: I grew up in Oklahoma and I used to frequent the QT all the time! Are you telling me that there are really creamsicle flavored Koolees now? Sigh….
On topic: sadly, this is has peaked my curiosity enough that I will probably stop at 7-11 tomorrow for my morning coffee….
You’d think that if Republicans could triumph anywhere, it would be in elections at their local purveyor of shitty coffee, fat-injected snack foods sitting on grills for days and magazines about guns and boobs.
God, imagine if this were a Starbucks poll. There wouldn’t even be a second option, they would just ask at the counter “How in the tank are you, Grande-sized tank or Venti-sized tank?”
Everyone knows the Indians & Pakistanis who own all the 7-11s totally rigged this contest for Barry because they are Muslim American haters, too.
Actually, McCain was ahead initially, but then 7-11 started a nationwide sale on half-caf soy lattes, and we know libruls can’t resist those.
mattbolt: How did you manage to get hooker spit in your mouth?
Beans? Wha…
Oh, coffee beans. Haha, clever. Hahahahahahahahahha.
Eh.
What they’re not telling you; The McCrusty cup is filled with Ensure, the elites, we drink the coffee.
Texas is going to Obama? Yeah, if that happens I’ll eat every 5 day old 7-11 hotdog on the warmer.
Coffee sure, but what about the red and blue Depends packages?
It’s obviously a conspiracy. The 7-Eleven clerks are in league with the American Carol ticket-takers. Where’s investigative reporter John Stossel when you really need him?
7-Eleven coffee is more bitter than hillaryis44.org message board users
I don’t think they sell porn at 7-Eleven anymore. Which is really disappointing for me because the West Coast Video next to it closed down and sometimes the Internet just doesn’t cut it.
ManchuCandidate: Let’s not besmirch Fresca drinkers (even if the stuff is vile); surely the more important question, though, is whom will Wawa back?
The Joe Lieberman cup is filled with vinegar.
Related: not all the Ohio bitterz are ‘in the yurt’ for WALNUTS! (and in Wurzelbacher-packed Cincinnati no less!)
http://cincinnati.bizjournals.com/cincinnati/stories/2008/10/06/daily15.html
http://www.wlwt.com/politics/17724519/detail.html?rss=cin&psp=news
Godot: You take that back. You take that back right now! Internet porn is a sacred blessing!
WTF?! This makes no sense!
I guess the bitters are taking their coffee at Starbucks and the elitists are taking it at 7-Eleven.
I smell merger opportunity - 7/11 buys out fivethirtyeight.com, becomes a coffe-and-polling superpower.
The Rurals must not have 7-11’s … or sewage.
2 Candidates 1 Cup
7-11s also ought to have red and blue targets behind the checkout counter for the stickup guys to bust a cap into.
Is there a Ralph Nader cup? For people too stupid to live, much less vote?
The Decider: Apparently, Texas Republicans get their coffee from Starbucks. Go figure.
From Andrew Sullivan: http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2008/10/factoid-of-the.html
Factoid of the Day
Joe the Plumber has now had more press conferences than Sarah Palin.
I can’t wait till the condom manufacturers jump on the bandwagon. The Democrat condom will be large and ribbed for extra pleasure, and the Republican condom won’t be on sale because CONTRACEPTION IS EVIL.
jagorev: I wonder how Nate is going to weight this one. It has a pretty accurate history.
Advocatus_Diaboli: I think Nader supporters get their cups out of the garbage bin outside the 7-11, and then they try to sneak in and get a ‘refill’ before they’re kicked out for smelling like poop and scaring all the customers.
mattbolt: I like my candidates like I like my coffee.
Bitter
Manchu: “Fresca” is Mexican slang for lesbian. And it is the world’s only grapefruit soda, and is awesome when put in the freezer for half an hour. I am mad.
Coffee should never be a political statement. Now excuse me while I go get another cup of shade-grown, fairly-traded, certified-organic joe.
nurple: Actually, there is a Jamaican grapefruit soda called Ting that is really really good. Much better than Fresca (which, I admit, I actually like). You can find it in many Jamaican stores in the US.
Urbanachiever: Ahhhh. QT. Sadly the rockingest place in most all Oklahoma towns.
jagorev: Hate to break it to you, but…
http://www.obamacondoms.com/ and http://www.mccaincondoms.com/
slomojoe: ahhh Ting is teh shitz, and teh bottled water called “Wata” and of course the elityiest beer out there Red Stripe Ya know when i was in jamaica some guy in a row boat tried to sell me a fish taht he had just caught and i ended up buying alot of weed from him, fuck a bunch of fish im all about the reefer. *sigh good times
/digression
the map looks like a hand pointing up at a large erection. that is all.
I stop at 7-11 every morning for my 24oz. fix. I see the red cups. I see the blue cups. Unfortunately both the red cups and blue cups are 20oz. cups. I need a 24oz. cup. Therefore, I will not be voting on 4 Nov.
mattbolt: Excuse me, the correct term for hash and hookers is “cavalier activities”. Thanks.
Joe Six pac carries his coffee in a Thermos because his wife gets up and brews that shit for him if she knows whats good for her. He is not buying coffee in no A-rab run 7/11.
Rodney Badger: With GUSTO!
grendel: It certainly is wonderful but sometimes you just need a little more. And while you can get it from the internet if you pay for it, buying porn at the store is less likely to rip off your credit card.
And with the internet, you have to think of what kind of nasty shit to search for. Go to the adult video section and it’s all laid out before you.
It’s not just 7-11… it’s caffeine itself.
Urbanachiever: Wait, that chain has drinks called Koolees? WTF. How many can I get with an Obama-welfare-dollar?
p.s. 7-11 changed everything
I wanted the Ron Paul cup but that shit was like 4 Ameros
Special Agent Jack Mehoff: With Texas hanging out, underneath (just because - THEY’RE MAVERICKS!)
In the 7-11 Fun Facts:
“In the 2000 7-Election, our George W. Bush cup outsold our Al Gore cup by one percentage point.”
Needless to say, those cups, too, were stolen.
I don’t like the 7-Eleven endorsement… their coffee’s not really the awesome black. It’s really shitty.
Well what do you expect? The hard-working white Joe Plumber regular ‘Mericans who will vote for McCain can’t afford fancy 7-11 coffee because of Barack HUSSEIN Obama’s tax increases. Thankfully Burger King offers these bitters heavily discounted senior coffee provided they order before 5:00 AM.
The Decider: That’s a load of rancid weenies. Your health insurance will cover the stomach pumping, won’t it?
nurple: Nay nay. You forgot Squirt.
mattbolt: Don’t forget sweet with a little bit of cream.
nurple: It’s also great with vodka. Then again, I think everything is great with vodka.
NoWireHangers: This will be the poll at Kum & Go.
I really think 7-Eleven blew its chance to make a ton of money here. If there were additional or write-in cups it would be hilarious to see how Ron Paul’s supporters would manage to win this pointless poll, too. Or maybe they could have done this for the primary? Oh, I would have loved to drink out of a Mitt Mug.
Where’s the 7-Elevens vote in Alaska? Did the American Independence Party have it’s own cup?
superfecta: Wawa clearly has its own candidate, just like it has its own soda (Wawa Cola), its own energy drink (Mach W) and its own Vitamin Water (I forget what it’s called but it really should be called Vitamin Wawa).
Q: How does Walnuts like his coffeee?
A: Black and sour like his disposition.
dmac: OMG write-in cups. The logistics would be ridiculous.
Shit… I live in New Hampshire. This is more than a little embarrassing. I didn’t even know we had any 7-11’s but I guess we do. Check out the store locator link on the 7-11 website to see where all of our republican assholes live and plan your travel accordingly.
“Gimme a yellow cup. I’m gonna be on the road a long time, and I don’t want to get what will be in it mixed up with a beverage.” Anon. Trucker
**frenetically**
MMMM…TOOMUCHCOFFEECOFFEECOFFEEWEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
YMYUMYUYMYUMYUYM
VOTEBARACKVOTEBARACKILOVEBARAKHEMAKESGOODCOFFEEWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Godot: If you can’t find the type of porn you want on the internet, either you just aren’t looking hard enough, or you are just one extremely sick and perverted Mother!!
http://www.spazfarm.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/dirty-sanchez.jpg
“When the phone rings at 3 AM, who’s coffee are you going to drink?”
mattbolt: you forgot: …and keeps you up all night
nurple: Squirt. Ruulz. The. Freezer.
Actually, my favorite thing from 7-11 were the Slurpee Rock Cups! (I can’t even think about 7-11 with out hearing that sisng-song ad “Seven Eleven SLURPEE ROCK CUPS”)
Slurpeez aint free!
Actually, you can’t pay to drink one of those sugar-free crystal ones. BlllArrrggggh!
Diebold machines fucked everything up, so the Ohio electorate is switching to decaf.
What isn’t this in red bold type on Drudge as a SHOCK POLL?
Good news:
538.com has Obama with 364 electoral votes to Walnuts’ 169 projected to November 4. 5 votes from WV are up for grabs, but since they belong to 3 people sharing 1 tooth, they should go to McBlinky.
7-11 is obviously for elites from france.
MARCdMan: Sept-Onze?
Meanwhile, out in the Seven Eleven parking lot, first graders trapped inside locked giant SUVs with their motors running and A/C turned off, all windows closed and locked, have voted for the negro Arab terrorist from filthy downtown Chicago: http://www2.scholastic.com/browse/article.jsp?id=3750501
Why do our children hate us?
Well, of course, Barack is winning at the 7-11.
The GOP only drinks at 9-11.
This should be conducted with Corn Nuts and Beef Jerky.
Red cup…for my urinalysis.
I prescribe a 7-Eleven store for some aspirin and Embassy Bread…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjx3PHdclLk
what color are the undecided cups?
what will they drink? regular or decaf?
nate? any thoughts?
The Obama cup only holds “Columbian” coffee
Some day you, too, can own a 7-11 and live the American dream of being pistol-whipped every night.
Giant Robot: Don’t worry, all people in NH drink coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts. So in defense of that state, it’s probably only out of town truck drivers who are hitting all the 7-11s.
Servo:
Damn you. You made me spew my beer. Tres funne. Thanks.
The Decider: If Texas goes for Obama, I won’t eat the hotdog, but I will lick it.
LittlePig: Another thing I associate with lesbians. Well, at least in the porn that I watch.
Lascauxcaveman: My recipe is Schweppes Bitter Lemon with tequila, no messin’ around with Margarita glasses and salt for me. But now you’ve got me interested in trying Squirt. My Dad used to drink it, though, so I’ve always thought of it as Grampy drink. Schweppes is more United Nations, so Palin’s probably against it.
Urbanachiever: They’re called Koolees? That’s not racial transcendence.