Over the summer, John McCain had three finalists for his vice presidential selection. The first was Connecticut alien shit demon and known old virgin Sen. Joe Lieberman, who McCain wanted because they share the same ideology: Bomb Everyone, Otherwise, Who Cares? The second was Sarah Palin, an autistic lady governor from the Arctic who is just insane enough to appeal to Evangelicals. The last was Mittens “Willard” Romney, the president of Massachusetts and quite possibly the finest specimen our Earthly gene pool has ever produced, ‘cepting for the fact that he was born on the Mormon planet, Pluto. As Scott Horton of Harper’s and The Daily Hell Demon has discovered, it was at the insistence of New York Times “lightning rod conservative” monkey Bill Kristol, a liar and a fraud, that the McCain campaign went with Sarah Palin, and now the campaign is pissed at Kristol for making them pick this unconscionable retard.

Horton wrote a piece for The Daily Death Animal about how Kristol met Palin on a brief moment of shore leave during the Weekly Standard Cruise, a delightful annual event where Fred Barnes runs around naked drinking a glass of his own piss, on a boat. They stopped at Alaska one day and Kristol met with Palin, thinking to himself, “I’m gonna put her in pictures.”

The Daily Telegraph’s Tim Shipman saw this encounter as the launch of a Neoconservative project surrounding Palin. He interviewed a former Republican White House official now at the American Enterprise Institute about Palin:

“She’s bright and she’s a blank page. She’s going places and it’s worth going there with her.” Asked if he sees her as a “project,” the former official said: “Your word, not mine, but I wouldn’t disagree with the sentiment.

And so Bill Kristol made Walnuts pick her with his mind powers. He has mind powers. How else would he keep getting commentary jobs?

Since the McCain campaign was too lame to vet her at all, they now regret it, since she is a mean crab. Here’s something Horton said on the liberal Glenn Greenwald radio show today:

HORTON: We’ve got a lot of finger-pointing going on within the camp, and I’d say there’s a pretty broad agreement amongst a number of the senior-most advisors to McCain that the Palin pick is worse than disappointing. It’s a total disaster, as one describes to me. And there is a sort of blame game going on there. […]

I would say the anger and irritation between a number of the senior people in the McCain camp and Bill Kristol is become really acute. … They view this man as the guy who gave them this albatross, Sarah Palin. I think there’s a lot of real anger about it. There’s also recognition that it’s too late to do anything.

Just like with the decision to launch Bill Kristol’s hilarious Iraq War.

McCain aides privately call Palin a ‘total disaster.’ [Think Progress]
Palin’s Talent Scout [Daily Beast]

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  • michaelsbill111
  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    “She’s bright.” – I presume he means “shiny.”

    “She’s a blank page.” Uh, right. Not too smart. We got that, too.

    “She’s going places and it’s worth going there with her.” We know what THAT means. Pervert.

  • sezme

    Bill Kristol should just go back to hosting the Oscars. What? Oh, never mind.

  • Sussemilch

    I’ve seen better choices at a school cafeteria.

  • stew

    It may get to the point where Kristol even embarasses Fox News. Nah!

  • grendel

    Bill Kristol is histories greatest (and most hilarious) monster.

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    It’s just shiksa-appeal after all. Kristol has a thing for Helen Thomas, despite her politics too.

  • grendel

    [re=137656]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: She’s a blank page = her head is empty and we can potentially fill it with propaganda for her to spout.

  • sezme

    John McCranky (In Homer Simpson voice): “This is everyone’s fault but mine.”

  • scotterl

    Do you think that this will blow Kristrol’s cover as a deep cover mole for the Dems who is determined to destroy the Republican Party? I mean, between his advocacy of the Iraq war and Palin, it’s pretty obvious what he’s up to. I say that we bring him in from the cold now and throw him a party. No?

  • JadedDIssonance

    We KNEW he was at the bottom of this. At least oxy-limbaugh doesn’t get the ear of the elitez. Stupid NYT, get bought by murdoch already.

  • tiger

    Who keeps paying these nimrods anyway? I mean, what does Bill Kristol DO besides trying to foil democracies?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …fukk up #1: Actually listening to Bill Kristol!

  • Electric Zen

    That’s too bad. When McCain was putting together his campaign organization, he really should have ascribed himself the power to overrule Kristol’s decisions.

  • tiger

    Kristol looks like every trick my roommate brings home…and they ALWAYS wanna be pissed on…go figure.

  • bugland

    Palin can’t possibly be autistic. my partner is autistic, and he is a Font of Information on everything from medieval history to, um, rat genetics (which may someday help us all understand how McCain came about). Palin, by way if contrast, doesn’t know a fucking thing.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=137666]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: EVERYONE has a thing for Helen Thomas, though. Let’s be fair.

  • iwillsavethispatient

    Last night, on NBC, they had a panel of 6 undecided voters (all white, mostly overweight, funnily enough). They were asked “Do you know anyone who won’t vote for John McCain because of his choice of Sarah Palin”. All 6 put their hands up. It was the highlight of the evening for me.

  • AfghanVet

    [re=137654]michaelsbill111[/re]: I don’t think it would have mattered whom they picked from the three choices left to them:

    – Traitor Joe – A Jew…on the Republican ticket? Right.

    – Mittens – A Mormon…see Jew above + 1000 and over a lot of dead evangelical bodies.

    – Bible Spice – Well…we know about that.

    The are going to lose by historic proportions because they FAILED…FAILED…to keep the house of cards they built up long enough to get the next neo-con elected.

    This country and the world will be breathing a collective sigh of relief on November 5th.

  • Dave J.

    Kristol. He was Chief of Staff for Dan Fucking Quayle, people. Probably the last person you’d want telling you who to name as your VP.

  • Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    Kristol has been cold secretly carrying a small flask of water from the Obama tank for since forever in his inside breast pocket thingy close to his heart.

  • JadedDIssonance

    [re=137675]tiger[/re]: I hear he has an argyle sock collection par excellence.

  • Vewol Mevemont

    I often say, “gee, maybe I should sink my entire life savings into a bet that the Cubs will win the World Series this year.” But then when I wake up from my drunken stupor, I have a good laugh and buy a cup of coffee with the money I didn’t waste being a total fucking idiot. I imagine the McCain camp is waking up from its drunken stupor, but it can’t quite laugh off the fact that it actually did bet everything on a total loser.

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Nice to see the McCain campaign has given up and already started in on the circular firing squad.

  • Not_So_Much

    I think they’re just playing with us. Everyone knows the Right likes their candidates to be ignorant *and* confident. She’s both, plus she has hooters. She still has a bright future with the party.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=137684]Dave J.[/re]: Good to know that the GOP is still holding to its high standards after all these years.

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=137664]grendel[/re]: I’ve love to ask her to define “tabula rasa.” I’m sure her head would explode.

  • Outstando

    Wait, is Tina Brown hiring Kristol too?

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    [re=137690]Not_So_Much[/re]: heheheheh. Hooters. Sweet.

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    OK, maybe there’s some huge reason he was looked over that I’m not seeing, but why the hell didn’t any Repubs seem to want Huckabee on the ticket?

    I know, I know, his son enjoys fucking dogs in the ass or whatever, but c’mon… he HAS to be way more appealing to both evangelicals and the non-crazies than the Snow Princess.

  • CrabtreesBludgeon

    [re=137689]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: I lOVE it when they do that. Time to pull up a chair crack open a bottle of vodka and watch the show!

  • Outstando

    [re=137692]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: “A lot of your supporters say you’re a tabula rasa. Do you agree?”

  • slappypaddy

    [re=137679]bugland[/re]: The only thing she knows is the fucking thing. Got Bill and the Boyz doing their thinking with their little heads.

  • AmericanValues

    This is rich. WALNUTS’ campaign views “this man as the guy who gave them this albatross, Sarah Palin.”

    Kristol’s response from his perch atop the Librul ivory tower of his Monday NYT column entitled “Fire the Campaign.”

  • Carrie_Okie
    and in case that did not work,

  • Da Derga

    This is like the Bitter version of “My Fair Lady”, except in this version Eliza Doolittle destroys Henry Higgins’ career while shooting Colonel Pickering from a circling Cessna. All to the tune of “Why can’t Alaskans learn to speak?”

  • Outstando

    “Given the importance of Latin America to the US economy and foreign policy, do you wish you’d studied more Latin in school?”

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    “albatross”. I just emitted a Chris Matthews-like HA. Maybe Walnuts or Cindy can have some of their mob connections take Bill for a ride in the desert.

  • nosnikreplliw

    ha ha ha BUSTED!

  • Cape Clod

    He can’t be doing this on his own. Wolfowitz and Feith must be helping him. Where ever colossal fuck ups happen, those guys alway have their fingerprints all over it.

  • bugland

    i dunno… if i were Joe Six-Pack, i’d need at least a 24-pack before i could look at her without squinting. rouged-up pomegranate cheeks scare the fuck out of me.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=137704]Carrie_Okie[/re]: That was MYSTIFYING, and very hilarious.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=137697]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: Duh. Palin has bigger boobs than does the Huckster. But only because Huck went on a diet and lost all that excess weight.

  • choinski

    I think Kristol/Palin did the cruise’s dinner theater production of “My Fair Lady”

    Kristol: Repeat after me: “The Insane refrain from Staining John McCain”

    Palin: “The staining refrian and also the Health Care Jobs and all of them, …also”

  • FidelCatro

    Wait, is Bill preggers? No wonder he backed loves her!

  • Chuck Fildren

    THANK YOU, WONKETTE! My god, this is the best gift ever. This makes me so very very happy. I was brought up jewish, so finally I know what christmas feels like.

  • KristaJulieva

    Possibly we should scrap the presidential elections. I propose a system in which each party chooses a nominee. Then Bill Kristol gives them both a piece of advice. The first one who is stupid enough to take that advice is the loser; the remaining candidate becoming leader of the free world. Cheap, effective, undemocratic.

  • WadISay

    Kristol and Doug Feith are in a death struggle for the title of Stupidest Man on Earth.

  • Worlds End

    [re=137704]Carrie_Okie[/re]: LOL at joes plumbing van

  • magic titty

    Is that really Bill Kristol’s belly in that photo?
    It’s very…Brando.

  • glamourdammerung

    [re=137697]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: Because he is batshit crazy, but a true believer and part of that is the whole “the poor should not be gutted and used as a source of nutrients” part of Christian doctrine. His lead was pretty much what made the party back McCain after he tanked so badly last year in the primaries.

  • freakishlystrong

    I’m getting lathery panties just watching all these smug assholes implode and turn on each other!

  • gjdodger

    [re=137682]AfghanVet[/re]: A Jew…on the Republican ticket? Right.

    Allow me to introduce you to “Barry Morris Goldwater”.

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    I can’t say I blame McCain; I mean, after we were greeted as liberators in Iraq and won the war, which was paid for by Iraqi oil, and the Shia and Sunnis got along so swimmingly, why would anyone doubt Bill Kristol’s prognostications?

  • robanybody

    Palin can’t be a female conservative hero. She isn’t blonde. Or maybe…just maybe… she’s stealth blonde.

  • vintageways


    Also, I seriously doubt there is anyone left in the Republican party who gets the albatross refrence. All my fellow English majors seem to be godless liberals (who also need health care, because we lived in boxes before the market tanked).

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=137699]Outstando[/re]: In what respect, Outstando?

  • Fuel Injected

    [re=137772]robanybody[/re]: Guess we’ll just have to wait for her “Britney” moment to find out.

  • Meaux

    [re=137704]Carrie_Okie[/re]: Oh my gosh, my favorite part was when the dinosaur very slowly crosses behind her for no discernible reason. Thanks for the tip!

  • Chuck Fildren

    [re=137675]tiger[/re]: ruin everything else for everyone. Silly, tiger, he destroys more than just democracies!

  • magic titty

    [re=137739]glamourdammerung[/re]: Huckabee is the embodiment of the conservative movement. The issue is, they see what they’ve become, and they don’t like it.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=137693]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: “OK, maybe there’s some huge reason he was looked over that I’m not seeing, but why the hell didn’t any Repubs seem to want Huckabee on the ticket?”

    Because of the chicks. McCain is (was) betting that Chicks Are Stupid :: Palin = Hillary = Electoral Victory ’08!


    Also WTF? “She’s bright and she’s a blank page.” KRISTOL WAS HALF-RIGHT !!!!?!!1111!! FIRST TIME HE’S COME THAT CLOSE!!

  • Sabre_Justice


  • btwbfdimho

    Of course she’s a total disaster, but one can equally says ‘Palin aides privately call McCain a ‘total disaster.’

  • bofm

    Palin had two advantages:
    1. she energized the base
    2. she invited attack from everyone else
    If the Dems had gone negative on Palin (as they were invited to by the RNC), this would have turned off the undecideds. Poof goes the voter registration effort, only the Repub base votes, and it’s eight more years. Fortunately, Barack and the DNC refused to take the bait, stayed positive and on the issues, and the rest will be history on 4 Nov.


    [re=137832]bofm[/re]: God Bless America: The United States of America is Blessed by God;
    Americans are Chosen by God to Do His Will One Nation, Under God:
    America is a Christian Nation
    Thank God for George W. Bush: Christian Nationalists Believe Bush Was
    Chosen by God, not by the People
    Democrats Seek a Liberal Fascism in America & Christian Men Must Stand
    We are also hearing about Demofascists as a substitute for Godless
    Liberals and Godless Sodomites

  • TexasCowGirl

    “this unconscionable retard.”

    What a mean thing to say about baby Trig! I shall never post her again!

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    [re=137749]gjdodger[/re]: Goldwater would have never made it to the primaries in 2008, much less onto the Republican ticket itself.

  • bitchincamaro

    O.K., so the NYT has a Nobel winner and this numb-nutted bloviator on the same editorial page. Isn’t that a little like adding vomit to a gourmet recipe? I sense a housecleaning coming to Eighth Avenue.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=137681]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Love to see that clip, please.

  • lumpenprole

    We are also hearing about Demofascists as a substitute for Godless
    Liberals and Godless Sodomites

    I love that bit. We are also sometimes allowed to notice that relations with our great ally EastAsia were not always as good as they are now.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=137839]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: If you really want Christian men to “stand firm,” just repeat the last two words of your post over and over again. That seems to firm ’em up for some reason.

  • LittlePig

    [re=137839]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: Hubris. It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

  • S.Luggo
  • vintageways

    [re=137839]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: Are Christian women excluded?

  • Wugou

    I thought the admin gods were gonna poo-poo can all the loony trolls around here. Come guys, get to wielding the sword of banination already. I want more funnies and less trolls.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=137723]choinski[/re]: Did they play hide-the-salami afterwards? Well, that solves the mystery of who Trig’s daddy is.

  • glamourdammerung

    [re=137839]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: You might want to bone up on your Christianity (beside so you might learn to spell it correctly) so that you realise you are not supposed to spread lies about folks. Also, learning what the term “fascist” means might help you not appear to be completely ignorant.

  • glamourdammerung

    [re=137868]vintageways[/re]: Of course not. Oh, I am sorry. I thought you meant excluded from spousal abuse.

  • il gattopardo

    ……..ummm, Goldwater not Jewish folks……

  • nuckingfutz

    [re=137662]Sussemilch[/re]: “I’ve seen better heads on boils!” — P.W. Herman, “Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure”.

  • slappypaddy

    [re=137839]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: So, do you cut and paste, or do you actually key all that stuff in?

  • Chuck Fildren

    [re=137866]S.Luggo[/re]: You know, I watched that video and I’m supremely disappointed to see that no one made a video for it featuring clips from the disastrous Clinton campaign. I think that video would in many ways explain where we are today.

  • Terry

    Translation: Kristol is a horny old bastard who was lusting after Palin and wanted her to like him too.

  • miss_emish

    I originally read the quote as “she’s as bright as a blank page.” I seem to have discovered the subliminal message! Prizes!

  • Rusty Shackleford

    [re=137839]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: Is it too late to ban more idiotic commenters? This shit is more retarded than McCain and Kristol combined.

  • miss_emish

    on second thought, a blank page is usually white. which has a high albedo. which means it’s damn bright.

  • agitpropster

    [re=137772]robanybody[/re]: The carpet doesn’t match the drapes.

  • Beans

    Jesus. I’m sitting at the computer, having a little dinner and suddenly people are conjuring Bill Kristol’s sexual fantasies. Suddenly, I’m bulimic.

  • Maus

    [re=137905]Rusty Shackleford[/re]: Yeah, this is a pretty hands-off area but that doesn’t mean that obvious trolls should be tolerated.

  • J-Man

    [re=137684]Dave J.[/re]: Maybe that was his secret strategy — get a VP dumber than his former boss elected to make Quayle look good by comparison?

  • WendyK

    [re=137868]vintageways[/re]: Of course Christian women are not excluded! You betcha they’re around. Who else is gonna grill up the meat, wipe the children’s asses, and lay submissively with a nightgown over her head while the ordained head of the household plants his holy seed? Have you no sense of decency?

  • wonk_the_heck

    The McCain campaign fails mainly in the Palin. Da Da Da Da Da.

  • agitpropster

    OMFG. Here’s footage of a small-town Mooselini rally in RURAL Ohio last weekend. Unlike the suburban morans in the Nuremburg Ohio videos, these troglodytes jes’ plain don’t give a fuck if you nigger-loving elites think they’re racists.

    WARNING: clip was broadcast by the Terrorist Muslin Al-Qai-uh… Jazeera English Network.

    You thought we had reached the bottom of the bitter gene pool?


  • Datsun510

    [re=137745]freakishlystrong[/re]: That’s the naughtiest thing I’ve ever read. I got an erection and everything.

  • slappypaddy

    [re=137921]Maus[/re]: A troll to a wonkettie is like a mouse to a cat. Who we gonna bat around with mirth and glee if we have not batty trolls to so molest? Tolerance has its cruel delights.

  • smellyal8r

    Don’t forget that “Bill” Kristol has a PhD from Hah-vahd and so is one of the smartest guys the campaign ever heard from. He thought Palin was good for the ticket and after about two hours “Maverick” thought it was a good idea. ‘Nuff said. Can you imagine who the cabinet will include? Zowie.


    think we all know who was responsible for that, the Godless liberals who cannot stand having their immorality shoved back in their ugly face!! The defenders of free thought, the Big Bang theory and evolution, are not only striking out at me, but at all Christians. . Last night, while I was sitting on my front-porch swing, gazing up at Heaven, President Bush appeared to me in a vision. He told me that my work was not yet finished, there were still many liberals who had not yet seen the glory of the coming of the Lord!! President Bush would not be in the White House right now if God didn’t want him there. President Bush was put in a position of leadership in order to wipe the devil’s religion of Islam off the face of the Earth, so that the Christian God can fill the world with His message of peace and love. President Bush has stated numerous times that he speakes with God in the Oval Office, he even asked God for military advice before the invasion of Iraq. Modern liberalism is the equivalent of atheism, liberals are in favor of killing babies, raising taxes, teaching evolution, and same sex marriage. Jesus is opposed to all of these horrible things.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=138000]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: I almost hate to feed the troll, but here goes… As a (self-professed) Christian, perhaps you should rethink speaking for Jesus. Besides that, I’d go back and read through the second part of your favorite book… you know, the one with all the Gospels and the letters from some guy named Paul… and see where, anywhere, it mentions killing babies, raising taxes, teaching evolution, and same sex marriage. I know it’s hard to do, but try. And THEN tell me that “Jesus is opposed” to these things. M’kay.

    Otherwise, shut the fuck up and go troll somewhere else. And I say that in the spirit of true Christian brotherhood.

  • Chief Grinning Eagle

    If Jesus was here he’d probably puke!

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=138011]Chief Grinning Eagle[/re]: Yeah, but have you ever heard of anybody puking in fairy tales? So your theory doesn’t quite fit with the literary genre in which you’re trying to place it.

  • iolanthe

    William Kristol.

    Wrong about everything, all of the time.

  • BobLoblawLawBlog

    [re=138000]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: You’re funnier than Newell! Huzzah to the new king of hilariously ridiculous rhetoric!

    I’m so bummed about this Kristol connection, though. Since I love conspiracy theories, my theory was that Rove’s buttboy (Schmidt) forced Walnuts to pick Palin because (a) he knew the GOP didn’t stand a chance this election, (b) he fucking hates McCain, and would love nothing more than to watch him go down in flames by using the same tactics he used to revile, and (c) he wants her on the ticket for 2012. It’s a pretty good plan. If she had a brain in her moth-eaten little skull, it might have worked.

    But, no, it’s just Kristol being a pervert. Ho hum.

  • AfghanVet

    [re=137749]gjdodger[/re]: And he was a winner.

  • zhubajie

    [re=137654]michaelsbill111[/re]: Picking a Mormon would be worse than picking a Muslim, as far as getting that all important Fighting Fundy vote.

    Zhu Bajie

  • Rusty Shackleford

    [re=138000]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: Jesus was also opposed to spewing hate-filled rhetoric. He preached tolerance, compassion and love for his fellow man, regardless of race, creed, moral beliefs or political affiliations. Judge not, lest ye be judged: it’s a lesson you should have learned long ago in Sunday School, if you really are a True Christian.

  • CthuNHu

    Personally, I’m furious at the reeking glassy-eyed wino that accosted me in an alley, shoved a dead rat in my face, and told me that if I let it sit in the sun for a week and then ate it raw my hair would grow back and chicks would be on me thicker than the flies on the rat.

    That does not actually work, it turns out. That stupid ignorant wino was wrong wrong wrong. And these weeks-long repercussions in my intestinal tract are 100% due to his failure of judgment.

  • Senhor Tambor

    [re=137670]sezme[/re]: Actually, I believe that would be a quote from Bender.


    ACCEPT THE LORD JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!!! Let me just make a brief statement to you. I’ve been deeply involved in politics since I was sixteen. I see public service as a duty and if you can serve, I believe you have an obligation to do so.

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