joe the cummer

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MCCAIN STILL GAY FOR JOE THE PLUMBER: At a Walnuts rally today: “We had a good debate last night. I thought I did pretty well, but let’s have a little straight talk: the real winner last night was Joe the Plumber.” Indeed! Well at least he probably got laid last night. Beyond that? Joe must love having his tax records and (lack of) plumbing licenses scoured by the media, too. He’s already been vetted more than Sarah Palin, who proved to be sucky. [The Page]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • shortsshortsshorts

    Joe the Plumber is clearly a more qualified veep then Palin. He can see the IRS from his house, coming closer.

  • regisgoat

    Is this guy going to become the under-the-sink version of Chance Gardener? “As long as the j-bends are unclogged and the pipe wrenches aren’t rusty, all will be well?”

  • TGY

    Great, just what we needed: a living meme.

  • BobLoblawLawBlog

    I’m sick of this asshole already. Seriously, who the fuck feels sorry for plumbers when the economy hits the shitter? Has anyone EVER scrimped on running water? Now the haberdashers, on the other hand…

  • NoWireHangers

    What does WALNUTS! know about plumbing anyway? His hasn’t worked for years.

  • NewSpence

    I can see the Craigslist m4m hatefuck posting already…

  • TeddyS

    Hopey just agreed to have a dozen town hall meetings with the whole gang on stage and open for questions: Hopey and Joe the Senator against Walnuts, Bible Spice and Joe the Plumber, who has been hired to fix the leaks in the McCain campaign.

  • NoWireHangers

    Also, Joe the Cummer? Oh, Newell. You went to journalism school for this, didn’t you? Hahaha.

  • SayItWithWookies

    What’s the difference between a pit bull and a plumber? Lipstick. And heels. And the most adorable white Gucci handbag.

  • Hairy Reed

    Please tell me that shirt isn’t for real.

  • The D

    Can Joe fix the Palin woman’s tubes? They are constantly getting clogged and fertilized with that doggone Main Street sperm.

  • TGY

    Also, “dripping with American pride”? That, sir, is sweat. We hope.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Yeah, I noticed Walnuts vetted Joe about as well as he vetted Bible Spice. Something tells me Joe will be Secretary of the Interior in Walnuts’s cabinet.

  • Jebediah

    Dripping with American Pride*


  • DangerousLiberal

    [re=137515]TGY[/re]: I was dripping with American pride, once. Then I found out it was the clap. Bummer.

  • Rodney Badger

    This election is so fucking stupid. Did we really have a debate centered around Joe the Plumber? Did McCain actually plan all this as a way to dominate the debate coverage by having a media rollout of Joe the Plumber all day? Does McCain think that Joe the Plumber is going to help win him the election?

    I’m sort of pissed that I even have to think about the guy. He’s not even a fucking plumber. And he looks like a member of the Aryan Brotherhood. I don’t say that about every bald white guy, by the way.

  • whore4hope

    And I’m sure when he compared Obama to Sammy Davis, Jr. ( it was just a coincidence, like the lady with the fried chicken, watermelon, and Kool-Aid. I’m sure Joe is quite the open-minded intellectual.

  • The D

    Dispatch from the year 2010:

    Area Porn Star Joe “The Plumber” Arrested for failing to report $250,000.00 received for “laying pipe.” Authorities pretty sure that’s a clever euphemism for ass-fucking.

  • Anonymous Office Zombie

    Have Nixon’s plumbers come out and endorsed “Joe” yet?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I heard that “Joe the Plumber” is actually John McCains pet name for Joe Lieberman, because he really knows how to lay some pipe! Whatever that means?!

  • Worlds End
  • JoeFannyPack

    Somewhere in a dark corner, Joe the Electrician quietly sits thinking, “that could have been me.”

  • Rodney Badger

    [re=137536]whore4hope[/re]: Good point. Why not Fred Astaire, or Kevin Bacon.

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    Well, there goes that book deal they were yammering about on Morning Joe. It was one thing to hear Grampy never STFU about Joe the non-plumber, last night. To wake up and STILL be hearing about it is just enough already.

  • magic titty

    [re=137555]Worlds End[/re]: Plumbers are in the tank!

  • Worlds End

    [re=137576]magic titty[/re]: yes indeed

  • Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    That’s interesting. How do you suppose they kept the flies off that piece of shit t-shirt long enough to photograph it?

  • Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    also, God I hope that eagle is crying.

  • choinski

    Scene four, “Nailin Palin”:

    Plumber: Ahem, you call for a plumber?

    Palin: Can I call you “Joe?”

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Andrew Sullivan has noted that Joe the Plumber has had more press conferences than Bible Spice. That’s just sad.

  • Worlds End
  • Quarterback

    Again I say IRONY IS NOT DEAD!!

    Apparently, Joe The Plumber isNOT actually a real “Plumber” per se. At least not a licensed plumber.

    No wonder Joe was giving interviews spouting Rush Limbaugh talking points saying that the problem today is that there is too much damn regulation, which makes it hard for small business men to make a living.

    Joe appears to be just another one of those guys that contracts for plumbing work at about 60% of the going rate, and then delivers a totally SHITTY job that you later end up having to completely redo because it wasn’t up to code – because HE’S NOT A PLUMBER

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Ahem. Joe the Plumber speaks to the AP:

    *”I don’t have a lot of pull. It’s not like I’m Matt Damon,” Wurzelbacher said.

    “I just hope I’m not making too much of a fool of myself,” he added.*

    Your lips to G*d’s ears, plumbo.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Oh, and one more thing, “Joe.” Just an FYI. Read the first sentence closely, and ignore the grammatical error (if you can find it). Now, read it again. Slowly.

  • Worlds End
  • Sussemilch

    Hope that doesn’t throw a wrench in the works.

    Perfect timing, as the campaign swirls down the drain.

    McCain wanted to get on the internets, so he brought the plumber in to install some tubes.

    What’s the difference between a plumber and John McCain? One is famous for bending over to do his job and ending up showing his ass to the world… the other one doesn’t do his job.


  • Cal Umney

    Another failed Spokes Model from the McFalin campaign.

    No wonder this libtard hates Gument — he’s been engaged in “unlicensed practice.” Stay tuned as his 15 minutes of fame turn into FAIL . . .

  • bitchincamaro

    “I come from a long line of McCains who believed that to love America is to fight for her.”

    Wingnuts like McScabby who insist on anthropomorphising their countries in speeches, usually keep a pair of jackboots handy in the closet at all times. See also: mother/fatherland

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    “Court records from a divorce show Mr. Wurzelbacher made $40,000 in 2006.”

    Joe, I don’t think you need to worry your little bald head about higher taxes under Obama. I also doubt that McCain’s cut of the capital gains tax will help you much. Nice try, though. Thanks for playing. As a consolation prize, you get a set of Trucknutz to hang on your 1987 Ford F150.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=137628]Quarterback[/re]: Such awesomeness.

    Mr. Wurzelbacher said he objects to Mr. Obama’s plans to raise income taxes on incomes above $250,000. He said he makes no where near that much money but he would not say how much he makes or if he ever expects to make $250,000. Court records from a divorce show Mr. Wurzelbacher made $40,000 in 2006.

    He said, “Is it right to take someone’s money because they work a little harder? It’s taking away from someone’s hard work.”

    Mr. Wurzelbacher said he disagrees with the idea of people being taxed at a higher rate because they earn more.

    In January, 2007, the Ohio Department of Taxation placed a lien against him because $1,183 in personal property taxes had not been paid, but there has been no action in the case since it was filed.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=137732]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Just another fine example of McCain’s laissez-faire philosophy. Letting the media and the internet vet your campaign members for you is not that much different from letting the market regulate itself.

    There’s a pattern here.

  • Kwame&#39


  • S.Luggo

    [re=137536]whore4hope[/re]: This has gotten blown entirely out of proportion. Mister The Plumber compared Barack Obama to Sammy Davis, Jr. merely because at the time he couldn’t recall the name, “Bojangles”. End of fucking goddam story.
    My name is John McCain and I approve this message and you’ll hurt my feelings if you me a racist. And go the hell away. I want to take a nap.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=137628]Quarterback[/re]: Why do you hate teh free market?

  • DoktorZoom

    [re=137687]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: In that case, Joe would get a $1042 tax cut from Obama…and a $319 cut from McCain. (

    Yep, Obama’s BAD for the little guy…

  • Itsjustme

    [re=137732]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: So, this douchebag was a plant by the McCain campaign. They asked him to appear with them this weekend, but he is going to be in New York.

  • crashnburn

    Is he that poor that he started his own clothing line? I just found this one too:

  • gjdodger

    [re=137823]Itsjustme[/re]: You ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Sam “Joe” Wurzelbacher has the same last name as, and lives in the same town as…the son-in-law of the one and only Charles Keating, Jr. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence. There’s also, by the way, a Wurzelbacher in Wasilla, AK. This is getting screwier by the second.

  • V572625694

    [re=137628]Quarterback[/re]: [re=137639]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Yeah, Joe, dontcha just hate all that government regulation that says you have to know what you’re doing to be a plumber. What kinda elitist horseshit is that?

    Now, which way do you turn this wrench?

  • Godot

    Frankly I’m just shocked to find out that he’s real. When Walnuts started talking about him I figured he was made-up.

  • rocktonsammy

    Wasn’t Joe’s grandpa, Ivan the Terrible, the concentration camp guard.

  • franks and beans

    …I bet Joe Six pack is pissed..

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=137882]V572625694[/re]: Righty Tighty; Lefty Loosey. Done.

  • expatinOz

    Is it punny to call Joe a douchenozzle? Cuz douche is the french word for shower…oh, sigh, nevermind.