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THE END OF EVERYTHING

Liveblogging the End of Everything, Part V

AGHGHGHThank you for staying with Wonkette for our special sexy late-night post-debate fun! John McCain and Cindy McCain have left the building! Barack and Michelle are, as usual, still there. Are they? Hey, C-SPAN, could you zoom in? Here is Part I, and Part II, and Part III, and Part IV. (Oh and Sara started another Part V, which is here, and now she has stomped off to bed.) Did you know the ACORNS will destroy your fabric? Please keep your fabric clean, and let’s please keep bums from making money trying to register voters, and let’s, uh, move on, to the deal. GO RALPH NADER.

10:37 PM — First call on C-SPAN: “How could Senator McCain say he is a patriot when all of us on some ship in …. Israel … killed us??” WTF.
10:38 PM — ZOOM IN.
10:41 PM — And now everybody is gone, and the Soviet C-SPAN cameras could not show whatever Barry and Mrs. O were doing, because that would prove all forms of audio-visual equipment are In The Tank. Let’s go to the cable news now.
10:41 PM — Hey there’s Mrs. Alan Greenspan, who CAUSED OUR NEW DEPRESSION, while he played the skin flute. Why won’t you retire, Andrea Mitchell?
10:43 PM — Chris Matthews has shed John McCain’s gay purple sweater, and now has a suit, and David Gregory is ready to dance like a fool.
10:43 PM — Hey, Wonkette buddies, thanks for hanging around for two years while we all laughed and cried at this wonderful/terrible nightmare from Hell. Oh lord, Newell is now playing video games.
10:46 PM — Sexy Soledad with her Squigglies, what did the Ohio Bitters think?
10:46 PM — “I’ll tell ya, after 30 minutes, those …. did John McCain win the debate?”
10:46 PM — There are 10 Ohio Bitters who say McCain won the debate.
10:47 PM — And 15 of these squiggly people say Barack Obama won the debate.
10:47 PM — Let’s talk about this Bill Ayers stuff.
10:47 PM — A cute McCain Republican gal says the Ayers BS meant McCain had nothing.
10:48 PM — JOE THE PLUMBER. Did anyone notice how McCain kept saying “Joe the Plumber” and then Obama had to say “Joe the Plumber” and then both of them were saying, “Hey Joe.”

10:50 PM — So, uh, a few Ohio bitter undecideds say … well, everything the National Political Media is talking about today is, well, of no interest. Bunch of dumb shit, not relevant.
10:51 PM — Let’s switch to MSNBC.
10:51 PM — More Joe the Plumber! Egh.
10:51 PM — This one guy thinks Obama was a little off, and the McCain had a problem with “tone.”
10:56 PM — HILLARY is on the CNN. She is, uh, advocating, for the “Democratic president.”
10:58 PM — Hillary actually looks good, and sane. But she has all of Arizona around her neck, in the form of Turquoise and some other Desert Stones.
11:00 PM — Hillary Clinton will be the new LBJ, in the Senate, and Obama will be the new JFK, and … oh fuck.
11:01 PM — Actually, we might probably expect Hillary Clinton to run … the United Nations! Hey, it is in New York.
11:02 PM — Here are the polls, from Campbell “Soup” Brown, and we love her, and Obama won 58% to 31%.
11:09 PM — Um, people are talking. Hey it is Rachel Maddow! We heart her.
11:11 PM — Rachel, re: Bill/ACORN, says, “The true believers, the tiny minority of Americans who approaches the election this way, maybe felt like they got a little ….”
11:12 PM — “They neutralized the whole Ayers issue, and it’s over now.”
11:13 PM — Olbermann: “Why did McCain laughably lie about everything, including the planetarium for kids, for education?”
11:13 PM — Maddow says, basically, let the loser go with the bullshit, and make the calculation, and move on.
11:14 PM — Fox News focus group says Clear Majority says Obama Wins.
11:15 PM — Interesting Maddow point: McCain looked more like he doesn’t want Obama to be president than that he himself wants to be president.
11:21 PM — Ugh, watching the McCain clips again, so much blinking! Angry blinking. Blink Blink Blink. (Blinking means you are telling lies.)
11:48 PM — 51% “not at all” concerned about what’s his name, Ayers, the Reagan School Board Republican. What was it, 14% “very concerned”? Well, who might those people already be voting for?
11:51 PM — Who attacked more, CNN poll people? 80% McCain, 7% Obama.
11:52 PM — Oh lord, McCain didn’t mention the “Middle Class” once tonight, again! Rick Davis could just write it on his hand, right?
11:53 PM — Campbell Brown is just out-sexying everyone by one million percent. See that high-heeled foot and ankle and leg bouncing out from the Pundit Desk? That is Campbell Brown.
11:54 PM — Candy Crowley, our favorite CNN political reporter ever, mentions that Bob Dole at least came up with some dumb stunt in 1996 to amuse the press corps.
11:56 PM — Soon, there will be nothing left of Dana Bash save for her eyes.
11:57 PM — Let’s watch some Fox News Channel for a while, because that is always fun!
11:57 PM — Oh, Barack just sent your editor another text message. The deadline for registering to vote in California is NOW, so make your people register, if they are not registered.
11:59 PM — Fox is showing the “Terrorist, Kill Him!” part. What, uh, are they … oh who knows.
00:00:00:00 — Oh here is the video, where McCain is “not gonna stand” for … uh, the shit he does.
12:02 AM — Greta wants to know, what will happen, and how are the viewers in the tank so much, Jonathan Martin says … ah who cares.
12:04 AM — Greta: “I’m a reasonably smart person, I have a degree in economics.” Well, that last part is maybe true.
12:05 AM — But what does Mike Huckabee think, about stuff? “Joe the Plumber will be the hottest person in America.” That is actually very, very unlikely, that “Joe the Plumber” will be hot, or famous, or anything. It was just some guy that McCain spoke to, and now Huckabee is speaking about … bowling scores, and how McCain didn’t have the bowling scores.
12:07 AM — Huckabee: “I thought McCain stayed in the shallow end of the pool when he should have gone deep.”
12:16 AM — Ha, via Andrew Sullivan:


11:53 PM on Wed October 15 2008
By Ken Layne
12813 Views

  1. Please, please Jesus!! bring John Belushi back from the dead to play Joe the Plumber!!!!!

  2. Um regarding my prayer to Jesus: please, please Jesus! Raise John Belushi from the dead to play Joe the Plumber on SNL!!!

  3. sanantonerose says at 10:43 pm, October 15th, 2008

    Holy crap! I missed all the squirrels! AUUUUUUGHHH!

  4. C-Span is IN THE TANK for Obama!!

  5. magic titty says at 10:44 pm, October 15th, 2008

    Is David Gregory on drugs? Does he think he’s winning points by acting like McCain did well? Geez.

  6. ketchomal says at 10:45 pm, October 15th, 2008

    John McCain: Crashed and burned a plane in 1967, crashed and burned a campaign in 2008.

  7. Texan Bulldoggette says at 10:46 pm, October 15th, 2008

    “David Gregory is ready to dance like a fool.” Note to Wonkette: David Gregory IS a tool/fool.

  8. 23skidoo says at 10:46 pm, October 15th, 2008

    CNN has so many talking heads the camera guys are bumping into each other and can’t get a decent shot. When the economy decides to totally take a shit, at least all of us unemployed Joe the plumbers will be able to get great new jobs at CNN as on-air talent.

  9. Our president can rap!

  10. edgydrifter says at 10:49 pm, October 15th, 2008

    In Newell’s defense, the new WoW patch went live yesterday and it kind of kicks ass.

  11. Damn, we have to wait until tomorrow night to hear what Jon Stewart will say… Oh, and isn’t McNuggets supposed to be on Letterman tomorrow nite?

  12. (I’m sorry to offend anyone, but:)
    Man, these callers are STOOOOPID!

  13. Crab1: I mean I bet the guy who will be our new president can rap better than any president in history EVA! (including Cleveland)

  14. 4tehlulz says at 10:52 pm, October 15th, 2008

    100 billion whore diamonds for live Jimi

  15. Canuck13652 says at 10:52 pm, October 15th, 2008

    “10:43 PM — Hey, Wonkette buddies, thanks for hanging around for two years while we all laughed and cried at this wonderful/terrible nightmare from Hell.”

    I don’t know how I would have survived these last two terrible years without Wonkette.

    But what oh what will we do if the Dems actually win?? I can’t see them being remotely as fun to make fun of as what we’ve endured . . .

  16. McCain lost the woman vote as soon as he started talking about insisting the govt has the right to stick it’s long arm as far up her vagina as possible, or at least to the elbows

  17. George Will seems like he is in mourning. As our Russia expert VP candidate would say, also I must be an elitist because I hated Joe the Plummer.

  18. Words:

    OOOOOO — SNL skit: go Luci & Desi: John the Plummer and Tina Fey as Luci!!! or, damn, what am I telling you guys for? Maybe I could make $$s emailing Lorne Michaels!!!

  19. Intrade “Obama President” market just hit 82.8 after the debate. That is all the commentary that matters.

  20. Ninjas Are Everywhere says at 10:53 pm, October 15th, 2008

    How can 27 of those 30 Ohio voters on CNN STILL BE UNDECIDED? When are you people going to decide? 2034? God, shit or get off the fucking pot/planet!

    Next debate: Sarah Palin, Mittens and Huckabee, Jan. 2.

  21. I’m pretty sure, over his entire miserable life, Joe the Plumber won’t be taxed near as much as I’ve lost in the markets the last few weeks

  22. Street Organizer says at 10:54 pm, October 15th, 2008

    I LIKE WALNUTS IN MY CHEEKS, I LIKE WALNUTS I GOTTEM IN MY CHEEKS
    I LIKE WALNUTS, I EATEM ALL DAY, I LIKE WALNUTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

  23. LauraJune says at 10:54 pm, October 15th, 2008

    I don’t understand why McCain didn’t demand Obama’s birth certificate like the base wanted.

  24. superfecta says at 10:55 pm, October 15th, 2008

    blader: Well, that’s because us crazy women who might be concerned with our own health/lives are, apparently, extremists. I wonder what that makes people who know the difference between Downs and autism?

  25. Undeterredbyreality says at 10:55 pm, October 15th, 2008

    OMG caller on cspam keeps repeating that obama swore in on Koran instead of bible and nobody corrects him!

    This is not journalism, its bullshit!

  26. hockeymom says at 10:55 pm, October 15th, 2008

    WOW…FOX is depressed. Krauthammer says zombie Reagan couldn’t have saved McCain.
    Britt thinks McCain looked “perculiar” Krauthammer thinks McCain looked “odd”.

  27. Dr. Zoidberg says at 10:55 pm, October 15th, 2008

    Canuck13652: Good point. I mean, what will we do with a well-run government, peace overseas, renewed relationships with our allies, and an intelligent president?

    Dear Cthulhu, it’s almost frightening!

  28. BREAKING NEWS!!

    Turn to CNN, Hillary has grown a fu manchu!!!!

  29. edgydrifter says at 10:56 pm, October 15th, 2008

    blader: Women’s “health”–please. Everyone knows that’s just radical feminist code for forced castration. Those damned uppity broads need to be reminded of their place.

  30. hockeymom says at 10:57 pm, October 15th, 2008

    Why do I get the feeling Wonkette is going to go away on November 5th.

  31. Dr. Zoidberg says at 10:57 pm, October 15th, 2008

    Ninjas Are Everywhere: Joe Don Baker is Mittens!

  32. Dr. Zoidberg says at 10:57 pm, October 15th, 2008

    Street Organizer: Yes, but how do you feel about walnuts?

  33. Bob Hopeless says at 10:58 pm, October 15th, 2008

    Now that the final debate is over all Walnuts has to do is sit back and feel the Joe-the-plumbermentum. Onward to victory, my frienemies!

  34. McCain loses major cred for all the air quotes. Especially the air quotes about women’s “health”.

  35. And I think Sarah Palin would be a great President when I croak because, uh, reform and the way she did not abuse her power in Alaksa.

  36. Advocatus_Diaboli says at 10:59 pm, October 15th, 2008

    Intelligence is obviously in the tank.

  37. BongoBongo says at 10:59 pm, October 15th, 2008

    What about Josephine The Lady Plumber? Sexisit Pigs! Josephine the Plumber - TVs favorite plumber was Josephine, the mascot and spokesperson for Comet Cleanser. Played by veteran actress Jane Withers, Josephine the plumber dressed in white workers overalls and freely gave advice to her customers on the best way to get stubborn stains from sinks and tubs. Of course, her recommended product was “Comet Cleanser.” Comet is a tough cleanser with a no-scratch formula. It can be used on porcelain, stainless steel and fiberglass safely and it kills germs like Staph, Salmonella and Pseudomonas. And because Comet contains bleach it is ideal for cleaning toilets, sinks and tubs. Wow! no wonder Josephine likes this stuff. In 2001 Procter & Gamble Company sold their Comet Cleanser product line to Prestige Brands International.

  38. 4tehlulz says at 10:59 pm, October 15th, 2008

    Canuck13652: I dunno. I suspect it’s going to be the 90s x a billion; take all of the Clinton haet and slather a thick layer of racism on top of that.

    Seeing Hopey kick all that shit to the curb is going to be entertaining, though.

  39. knoxtheharpy says at 10:59 pm, October 15th, 2008

    hockeymom: Don’t even talk like that. We’ll still have gay sex among Congressmen. Wonkette has a purpose.

  40. Ninjas Are Everywhere: I believe those “undecideds” are just lonely people who want the attention. They claim to be undecided to be courted.

  41. Rielle Hunter says at 11:00 pm, October 15th, 2008

    I LOVE hillary now

  42. I must admit that I skipped this debate. I just couldn’t watch another slow motion train wreck even if my candidate (Obama) was sure to win. It’s like watching a 5th grader stealing a 2nd grader’s lunch money.

  43. Dr. Zoidberg says at 11:00 pm, October 15th, 2008

    edgydrifter: Yeah, uppity broads! Damn them, with their ‘equal pay’ and ‘right to vote’ and ‘my body, my choice’! Ha! Why, I’m an uppity broad, and I give myself a good smacking every now and then just to keep me in line!

  44. Nathalie08 says at 11:00 pm, October 15th, 2008

    Hillary wants to work with Prez Obama

  45. hockeymom says at 11:00 pm, October 15th, 2008

    blader: I believe she got her eyes done…and her chin looks different, I agree.

  46. LuckyJim says at 11:00 pm, October 15th, 2008

    Hillz: “She bore an expression of imminent vomiting”

  47. edgydrifter says at 11:01 pm, October 15th, 2008

    Dr. Zoidberg: No, Joe Don Baker is PRO BOOZE all the way, so no Mittens for him. He’s still firmly in the Fred Thompson camp–professional courtesy and all that.

  48. hockeymom:
    It won’t

    On Nov 6, we’ll break the news that the Negro has genital warts

    And the Ohio undecideds will still be undecided

    I mean, there will be work, yet.

  49. edgydrifter says at 11:02 pm, October 15th, 2008

    Dr. Zoidberg: That’s the spirit, dollface.

  50. SisterTruth says at 11:02 pm, October 15th, 2008

    What was up with Walnut’s huffing and puffing and wanting to blow Obama’s house down? I thought he was going to either clock Obama or give himself a heart attack. I’m scared of him. He cares more about John Lewis than Joe the Plumber. By the way, John Lewis will never apologize!!! Never!!! As far as he’s concerned, he kept Barack from being killed by Sarah Palin’s moose gun.

    My Barack was, as always, cool and eloquent and handsome with a gorgeous smile …. I lurv him. Obama 08!

  51. hockeymom:

    She alone looks to explain the worldwide botox shortage

  52. Dr. Zoidberg says at 11:02 pm, October 15th, 2008

    BongoBongo: I am interested in your views about Comet Cleanser and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

  53. Maurice Levy says at 11:02 pm, October 15th, 2008

    Insta-poll Says It’s Over

  54. Dreadful Gate says at 11:03 pm, October 15th, 2008

    Hopey wins the CNN scratch poll, which makes him Presnit of the World, and Johnny Mac plays golf

  55. Nathalie08 says at 11:03 pm, October 15th, 2008

    flash poll on CNn BO won! 58-31

  56. fabulous TV-Land Batman clip on Countdown just now.

    Penguin: “There is only one issue in this campaign: BATMAN. Who is he? That’s the question, my friends!”

  57. Advocatus_Diaboli says at 11:03 pm, October 15th, 2008

    If only McCain would blink more, I’d probably vote for him.

  58. I think the biggest surprise of the night was the fact that McCain never referred to the negro as “surprisingly well-spoken”.

    He came real close that one time, but chickened out and didn’t pull the trigger

  59. hockeymom says at 11:04 pm, October 15th, 2008

    knoxtheharpy:

    I LOVE Wonkette…I don’t want it to go away.
    Maybe if they changed the name to “Joe, The Wonkish Plumber”

    …and Wonkette…seriously, thanks for this.

  60. CBS snap poll of uncommitted voters: Who won

    Obama - 53
    Mac - 22

    OVER!

  61. Rielle Hunter says at 11:04 pm, October 15th, 2008

    DUDES, we are going to have a BLACK PRESIDENT. We are officially the best country in the world again!!!!!

  62. P Drizzle says at 11:05 pm, October 15th, 2008

    CBS Undecideds say Barry 53-22. Mkay.

  63. Advocatus_Diaboli: I vividly remember a high school English class in which the cheerleader asked, “Why are all the smart people Democrats?”

  64. First snap poll to Barry in a big way, bwahahahahha!

  65. Why does McNutz hate his party so much? Why is it so important to vote against them all the time? Oh, 10% of the time. Whatever. That’s even worse than his percentage of landing a plane. A .100 batter? Maybe he should find a party he agrees with. Maybe Obama LIKES being a Damocrat.

  66. EdRollinsIsHot says at 11:06 pm, October 15th, 2008

    blader: yep - and you know those “pro-abortion”people are evil!

  67. CNN undecided poll says Barry Hussein wins 58 to 31!

    This is a BLOWOUT

  68. superfecta:

    attentive?

  69. Dr. Zoidberg says at 11:09 pm, October 15th, 2008

    Completely off snark…I love Wonkette. Thanks for making each day a little more fun. Good job.

  70. P Drizzle says at 11:09 pm, October 15th, 2008

    Next Topic: How to Crush Your Opponent With Dignity. Ideas?

  71. hockeymom, you’re absolutely right. This has been a great trip. And thank you, Wonkette, for being here for all of us.

  72. If you want to run against George Bush, you should have run in 2004″
    So should you have, Walnuts.

  73. Whitey Did Katrina says at 11:09 pm, October 15th, 2008

    I have spent the two last years becoming a bitter. And a bitter, bitter one at that.

  74. fuckinredneck says at 11:10 pm, October 15th, 2008

    The Acorn Furry is now at home in his treehouse, weeping while slowly rubbing his nuts.

    Walnuts, that is.

  75. gradgrind says at 11:11 pm, October 15th, 2008

    BongoBongo: Thank you for introducing the ‘ketteers to JOSEPHINE the LADY PLUMBERETTE! I will be the second. She rocked — that pail! those overalls!

    And here’s a shout-out to Madge, the manicurist who soaked your fingers in dish soap. I was in the tank for “Another World” and all its commercial sponsors back in the ’60s, when Bill Ayers was blowing up li’l Obama’s playground.

  76. accidental_tourist says at 11:11 pm, October 15th, 2008

    *note to self: In 2012 tell every pollster who calls that I’m undecided, even though I’m for Barry’s second term, and then I’ll get invited to be on teevee and stuff and be like a mole and report back to campaign headquarters.”

  77. Dreadful Gate says at 11:11 pm, October 15th, 2008

    oldguy: I wanted to hear Hopey say “perhaps the reason I haven’t stood up to my party in the past is because I believe in their vision of fairness and social justice”, or some shit like that.

  78. fuckinredneck says at 11:12 pm, October 15th, 2008

    WadISay: ‘Nuts was projecting again.

  79. Dr. Zoidberg says at 11:12 pm, October 15th, 2008

    gradgrind: No no…Obama blew up the playground with Ayers’ help. Gee whiz, get you facts straight.

  80. McCain’s sale pitch: Vote for me because everyone hates me! Who is the genius who advised him that saying he disagrees with everyone in the Congress is good. Wouldn’t we want a president who can build consensus instead of alienating everyone.

  81. rickygee says at 11:16 pm, October 15th, 2008

    dano says: It’s like watching a 5th grader stealing a 2nd grader’s lunch money.

    Actually, the 2nd grader stole the lunch money from the elder tonight. :-)

  82. showmeonthedoll says at 11:20 pm, October 15th, 2008

    “Undecided” is actually code for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
    These people are empty inside. And crave attention to fill their void.

  83. Hooray For Anything says at 11:21 pm, October 15th, 2008

    accidental_tourist: I think you have to take an IQ test before you get to be put on one of those shows and if you pass it, they won’t let you on.

    So how’d you like to be the guy who has to tell McCain after the debate that he did fine but that he once again came off as too angry?

  84. Sure we know about Joe the plumber, but what about the construction worker…and I think there was a cowboy and an Indian? What do they think about things and are they willing to serve on McCain’s cabinet with Joe.

  85. amy amnesia says at 11:22 pm, October 15th, 2008

    DASCHLE’S GLASSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  86. Whitey Did Katrina says at 11:25 pm, October 15th, 2008

    This might be the beer talking, but Tom Daschle is a sexy-ass beast in those round glasses.

  87. Whitey Did Katrina says at 11:26 pm, October 15th, 2008

    amy amnesia: SRSLY! Sorry wife, sorry kid, I need to get all Republican Senator on Dacshle’s ass.

  88. McCain, a “grown man” running for president - ostensibly possessed of some modicum of self respect , had to sit there and pretend to believe that Hopey is a terrorist just to please his psycho “base” out in tv land. Hard to see the old guy so degrade himself.

  89. Now look people-We cannot start rubbing our superiority in the faces of all those uneducated toothless rednecks who loved W for 8 years. If we act like we deserve to act then we will be right back where we are today in 2024 when Palin (or someone who is somehow more ignorant) is finishing up their 8 year abortion of a presidency. So, every 6 months or so, we should enact some asinine yet banal legislation that will keep the anti-intellectual Christian jihadis from shitting their cages. We can start with a ban on Santa at Christmas because Jesus is the reason for the season. Then we could saber rattle for war in some country that ends in -stan and say it is in the middle east. When we do this be sure to knowingly wink at each other. This way, the adults can do all the important grown up work and the children can be distracted by their new favorite toy. Hopefully, the kids will grow up one day.

  90. jesus

    fox really is an alternate universe

    That weird really rich guy who ran for preznit but lost to that arkansas yokel, the one that looks like Rudolf Hess, was commentatorting that McGrommits won the debate in a landslide and everybody in the world is going to vote for him, thank god.

    it’s like those fuckers don’t even breath air

  91. Undeterredbyreality says at 11:32 pm, October 15th, 2008

    Best line of the debate: on the question of Palin’s qualifications, Hopey said she brought enthusiasm to the base–then corrected himself and said “a base” of the republican party.

    Damn I love subtlety.

    And yes, I concur with those who suspect Hillary of Botox/plastic surgery–that would explain her absence from the campaign until recently–and I concur with those who thank Wonkette for providing this forum for all us miscreants who support peace love & understanding.

  92. slappypaddy says at 11:33 pm, October 15th, 2008

    If blinking means you’re telling lies, does winking mean you’re telling half-truths? Or half-assed lies?

  93. DangerousLiberal says at 11:36 pm, October 15th, 2008

    What I learned from the debate: Soledad O’Brian is still waaay cute. My crush is unabated.

  94. slowhansolo says at 11:41 pm, October 15th, 2008

    Good work, editors, nice end to a long run.

    “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pray.”

  95. Fuck, Hendrix ruled! He was the perfect American: a little white, a little black, a little indian, and he was in the army. And he died from an o.d. of big pharma drugs. He’s a little microcosm of the current political scene! I’d love to see him practice debating with Walnuts…

  96. rickygee: Perhaps I wasn’t clear. Obama is the 5th grader in my analogy.

  97. McCainsThirdNipple says at 12:00 am, October 16th, 2008

    I was just fap-fap-fapping to Campbell Brown. But right when I was about to finish the camera switched over to Lou Dobbs. So I basically came all over Lou Dobbs face.

  98. My mom calls Rick Davis “Baboon Ass Face,” which makes laugh.

  99. LauraJune says at 12:09 am, October 16th, 2008

    Why’s everyone so in the tank for Campbell Brown? Not showing any sex love for Greta, gentlemen?

  100. LauraJune: fucking gross, laura. Fucking gross.

  101. FreshCliches says at 12:13 am, October 16th, 2008

    McCainsThirdNipple: Suddenly, I crave a Dreamsicle.

  102. SwanSwanH says at 12:15 am, October 16th, 2008

    I wish Mike Huckabee would dive into the shallow end of the pool.

  103. FreshCliches says at 12:16 am, October 16th, 2008

    LauraJune: Suddenly, I crave Mary Jo Buttafuoco.

  104. MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend says at 12:17 am, October 16th, 2008

    These chipmunks are wigging me out.

  105. Democratica says at 12:22 am, October 16th, 2008

    Ok, well, my plumber is a fucking millionaire - two grand to put a bathtub in - took about 4 hours… Joe can suck it. Hard.

    I’m a teacher, Walnuts and I worked my ass off to pass my certifications. Please, belittle my profession more by handing the classroom over to your exhausted troops. Better yet, let’s hand ‘em stethoscopes and fix the Dr. shortage in Ohio. Fuck You, McCain. Pick one of your many cars, drive to one of your many houses and stay there.

  106. My friends, I feel as though I have been a part of something bigger than all of us tonight. Tomorrow, I’ll go back to work…afterwards, I’ll knock on 30 more doors for our guy Hopey…back to normal life, in other words.

    But tonight, I have been a small drunken splash in an overwhelming sea of snark. I salute you, my fellow Wonketeers. Cuntry first.

    And to Jim, Sara, Ken…
    Turn off the damn TV and video games.

    How are we supposed to change our culture if you disgusting fatbodies don’t get the jelly donuts out of your footlockers?

    Godspeed, Wonkette.

    Bon Soir.

  107. InsidiousTuna says at 12:29 am, October 16th, 2008

    Hey, everyone, there’s a post-debate cool-down orgy-type Wonkette… thing at http://wonkette.chatango.com and everyone’s welcome!

  108. Ilikepigeons says at 12:29 am, October 16th, 2008

    McCain had botox injections.

    Even botox couldn’t paralyze his angry face.

  109. LauraJune says at 12:30 am, October 16th, 2008

    So Valleywag has a picture of someone they SAY is Alex Castellanos checking Facebook during the debate. Evidence, however, totally points to it being Toobin. Meaning, the photo is of Toobin.

  110. Cockamamie!!!

  111. mdingo98 says at 12:35 am, October 16th, 2008

    FreshCliches: mmmmm…dreamsicle

  112. President Beeblebrox says at 12:43 am, October 16th, 2008

    Dr. Zoidberg: Obscure MST3K reference, ftw!!!

    I always thought Huckabee reminded me of Joe Don Baker.

  113. President Beeblebrox says at 12:44 am, October 16th, 2008

    Ilikepigeons: That wasn’t Botox. It was formaldehyde. He looked like a corpse, srsly.

  114. Undeterredbyreality: The basest of bases, my friends.

  115. Nathalie08 says at 12:49 am, October 16th, 2008

    The insta-spin out of Obama camp, Obama spokesman Tommy Vietor:

    “John McCain put out his big gun, Bill Ayers, and out of the gun popped a big ‘Pow’ sign.”

  116. mobile-home-refush says at 12:57 am, October 16th, 2008

    and another shoutout to Mrs.Olson. Good to the last drop coffee. She waz so ahead of her time.

  117. HuskyMescan says at 12:57 am, October 16th, 2008

    What’s scarier than Pennywise or Sarah Palin the scary mexican midget shemale? :

    http://cache.gawker.com/assets/stills/X9ZMT4AQwf4aa9kdb2L6JZ5Ho1_500.gif

  118. Undeterredbyreality: Obama did, but it was the King James version of the Koran. Lucky, lucky break for you, Barry.

  119. There are a great many, great post, so maybe I missed someone else noting this but: why does Walnuts take notes with a fucking Sharpie?

  120. Joe the Plumber, our new overlord. But I still won’t pay his attrocious bill. I’d rather take a steamy dump on the front lawn of one of McNugget’s seven estates.
    My favorite movie is Red Dawn. Get my message, Joe?

  121. Dreadful Gate: McCain says No way, no how, NO GOLF… he would scatter his aballs all over the place, besides his arms far too fucked up to swing a club…

  122. themightysea says at 1:58 am, October 16th, 2008

    sk1win: ‘Cause he is underlining things in his Reader’s Digest large print edition. ‘Life in these United States’ was what he was smirking and rolling his eyes at the whole time.

  123. Condiments-Only Diet says at 2:30 am, October 16th, 2008

    Thanks to this debate, my dad, a lifelong republican, is voting for Ross Perot (hey, he has abortion issues) in PA. Victory!!!!

  124. Weeping Jesus says at 3:23 am, October 16th, 2008

    Rachel Maddow is a one-woman snarkfest!

    From her liveblog last night:

    9:54
    Rachel Maddow:

    Watching McCain argue is like watching a random-orbital sander at work. Trade! Colombia! You haven’t traveled right! Hostages! Ta-daa! What are we talking about again?

  125. getoffmylawn says at 4:45 am, October 16th, 2008

    so sorry all…I had special bonus word COCKAMAYMEE in drinking game. All your acorns belong to me.

  126. regisgoat says at 7:13 am, October 16th, 2008

    Undeterredbyreality: I heard that too, about “the base.” None of those base Palin supporters will get it, haw.

    I kept thinking of that David Bowie track “Joe the Lion”:
    Joe the Plumber
    went into the bar
    a couple of drinks and he’ll tell you who you are…

  127. Democratica:

    My 13 year old was sitting right next to me at that crazy teacher moment, and he said, “What is he trying to do? Make us have stupid teachers who go postal and murder us?”

  128. sk1win:

    So he can see what the hell he’s scrawling without having to wear reading glasses which would make him look a lot, lot more like the fucking old coot he is.

  129. AndrewDavies says at 8:12 am, October 16th, 2008

    Haven’t seen the “Joe the plumber” meets “Barak the candidate” video posted here yet…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFC9jv9jfoA

    Thought it was a pretty good question (and a good answer). Maybe Joe should moderate the next debate?

  130. protpisys says at 8:33 am, October 16th, 2008

    Did anyone else hear McBush intro Failin’ Palin as a, and I’m pretty sure I’m quoting here, “…a breast of fresh air…”

  131. mobile-home-refush says at 4:01 pm, October 16th, 2008

    THIS is the only qualifications for being “one heartbeat away from being The Leader of the Free World” that walnuts could come up with. We r sooo screwed!!!!Well, Americans have gotten to know Sarah Palin. They know that she’s a role model to women and other — and reformers all over America.

    She’s a reformer. She is — she took on a governor who was a member of her own party when she ran for governor. When she was the head of their energy and natural resources board, she saw corruption, she resigned and said, “This can’t go on.”

    She’s given money back to the taxpayers. She’s cut the size of government. She negotiated with the oil companies and faced them down, a $40 billion pipeline of natural gas that’s going to relieve the energy needs of the United — of what they call the lower 48.

    She’s a reformer through and through. And it’s time we had that bresh of freth air (sic) — breath of fresh air coming into our nation’s capital and sweep out the old-boy network and the cronyism that’s been so much a part of it that I’ve fought against for all these years.

    She’ll be my partner. She understands reform. And, by the way, she also understands special-needs families. She understands that autism is on the rise, that we’ve got to find out what’s causing it, and we’ve got to reach out to these families, and help them, and give them the help they need as they raise these very special needs children.

    She understands that better than almost any American that I know. I’m proud of her.

    And she has ignited our party and people all over America that have never been involved in the political process. And I can’t tell how proud I am of her and her family.

    Her husband’s a pretty tough guy, by the way, too.

  132. mobile-home-refush says at 4:02 pm, October 16th, 2008

    Palin 4 president!!!! She has a tough husband……someone has a mancrush

  133. What a pussbag. Hey, Joe, as a plumber, you are one more OVERPAID “professional”…get a life, pay your taxes like EVERYONE ELSE and SHUT IT. And Joe, were you planning on hiring any illegals, or do you already employ some to…you know, not pay taxes?
    Spoiled American douchetip.

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