LNS To Host ‘Black People’-Themed Party!

  oh jesus

Oh boy howdy here’s a winner of a party from our special friends at Late Night Shots, the exclusive invite-only social networking club for glib Georgetown trust-funders whose hearts belong to the Confederacy. The members were recently inspired by the playful cultural activities of the slaves on their plantations, and they’ve decided to throw an ironic version for themselves! HA HA HA, see it’s an AWESOME and hilarious idea for a party, because they’re pretending to be like black people!!

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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75 comments

  1. shortsshortsshorts

    Anybody have tickets? I AM SOOOOOO looking forward to being a dirty bigot, if only for a night!

  2. 1974 (again)

    I know black people. Black people are friends of mine. No black person would ever use typography quite that poorly.

  3. petite brawnley

    They want to try on their black-people disguises in advance of Nobama’s win — they know the race wars are coming, you see, and they want to be able to blend, so they don’t get dumped in the white-people salt mines.

  4. slappypaddy

    Five bucks? Is that all? Now I know we’re in a recession/depression/deflation/catastrophic collapse. All doubt is removed (it’s in the same bin as all hope).

  5. BillyClubb

    “$5 at the door gets you a 40 oz. King Cobra…”

    Oh funny elitist white people, what a well-developed sense of irony / parody / whatever.

    Why not invite some genu-wine folks from the part of D.C. that white folks fear to visit. That would make for a lively evening. Just be sure to wear plenty of expensive cologne / perfume — it’ll (maybe) cover up the smell of fear.

  6. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    I’d forgotten that LNS even existed! I get all my mocking needs met by the Republitards’, these days.

  7. problemwithcaring

    I am sure the facebook pictures for this will be in extremely good taste. Pink Hair rollers and fake pregnancies, anyone?

  8. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=134945]tunamelt[/re]: I don’t think fucking whitey is going to help the cause, here.

  9. The D

    You know ironic enthusiasm for gangstaism has jumped the shark when LNS turns it into a theme party.

  10. Lazy Media

    Awright, DC Wonkette people. We need a parasitic douchebag-themed party. Somebody put that together.

  11. BillyClubb

    [re=134952]tunamelt[/re]: A buck fiddy?! You must be thinkin’ about a can o’ turpentine, which will do when yer short on change and need to get juiced.

  12. american mutt

    [re=134929]1974 (again)[/re]: I know graphic designers. Graphic designers are friends of mine. Everyone uses typography poorly as far as I’m concerned. Especially black people. I’m also black.

  13. OuterBoroughPrincess

    I don’t understand. Did black people become extinct in 1992? 40s and Flav? I had no idea these LNS characters were such little . . . anthropologists.

  14. BillyClubb

    [re=134955]The D[/re]: You’re so right — this is just one step up from suburban white kids “gettin’ down with rap”.

    Urk, I’ve just described most of the teenagers who live in my part of town.

    Sad.

  15. Dave J.

    THis will totally be like the opening scene in Office Space when Michael Bolton is rapping along to some cold gangsta rap, only to flip out and roll up his window/lock his doors when the black dude comes walking along.

  16. Terry

    [re=134933]obfuscator[/re]:

    40′s Hip Hop? You’ve never heard of Peggy Lee, Glenn Miller, Tommy Dorsey, and all their homies?

  17. tunamelt

    [re=134960]BillyClubb[/re]: Sorry, it’s Colt-45, and I swear to Christ, it is like $1.75 at the Cal Mart.

    If it had been this kind of party, I might have been a bit amused.

  18. petite brawnley

    [re=134963]OuterBoroughPrincess[/re]: In troubled times, old, fat frat boys revert to the warm memories of their first negro-inspired boners. MC Lyte, Salt-n-Pepa, Eazy-E. Gold teeth and jheri curls remind them of their date-rapin’ glory days.

  19. CollegeStudent

    [re=134930]yorktronic[/re]: Do they where their fedoras two sizes two big and slightly crooked?

    Also, King Cobra? No OE to drink to the top of the label and then fill back up with OJ? In short, no Brass Monkeys?
    Hogwash!

  20. Condiments-Only Diet

    [re=134969]illnoise[/re]: Huh. I think 15 cents is asking a little much these days…maybe you didn’t realize that there’s money anywhere on earth. How about bags of dirt?

  21. DangerousLiberal

    Boyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

    Fuck, where did that come from? Man, it’s late. I guess I don’t know what time it is. But I am wildly guessing that it’s not 1860.

  22. RaptorAvatar

    We’re being too hard on them for imitating outdated stereotypes about rappers. After all, the average LNS member also drives a nice car and is a rapist who doesn’t work.

    [re=134980]tunamelt[/re]: Yeah, everywhere I’ve lived in LA you can get two 40s for $5ish. Granted, I always have to deal with bums at the store, but I consider giving a buck to some filthy man who tells me a different lie every few days sort of like a more interesting form of sales tax.

  23. chapka

    Actually, I do, in all seriousness, have some recordings that are pretty close to 1940s hip-hop. Glen Miller recorded a couple of songs where, in the middle, the singer breaks into what can only be described as rapping. A good example is 1939′s “I’m Sorry For Myself.” In the middle of the track, Glen Miller and vocalist Tex Beneke have this rhythmically spoken exchange:

    GLEN: Hello there, Texas, what’cha say?
    Boy, you sure look awful sad today!
    TEX: Glen, I’ve got the miseries of the fiercest kind.
    My gal bluffed me off, she won’t pay me no mind!
    GLEN: Mm-hmm, boy, that’s bad,
    I don’t blame you for feeling sad.
    TEX: I guess me and romance just don’t mix.
    GLEN: Texas, I’d say you’re in a terrible fix.

    Highly recommended for all lovers of “40s hip-hop.” I’d love to hear a remix where the Glen Miller Orchestra backing track was replaced with, say, DJ Yella or Jam-Master Jay…

  24. tunamelt

    [re=135017]RaptorAvatar[/re]: Which is great for playing Edward 40-hands in these turbulent economic times.

    I miss the people outside the Cal Mart.

  25. Liquid

    Ooo, is there gonna be dancing?
    PLEASE, let there be dancing…
    And pictures…Pictures of trust-fund white people dancing to 90s hip-hop..
    …Or *videos*….Mmmmmm…..

  26. President Beeblebrox

    [re=134930]yorktronic[/re]: Does Cab Calloway count as 40′s hip hop? Actually, it’s more like 30′s hip hop. Proto-Snoop Dogg. How dare Cab sing about marijuana back in 1933?

    “Man, what’s the matter with that cat there?”
    “He must be full of reefer!”
    “Full of reefer?”
    “Yeah, man!”
    “You mean that cat’s high?”
    “Sailing!”
    “Sailing?”
    “Sailing lightly!”
    “Get away from here!”
    “Man, is that the reefer man?”
    “That’s the reefer man!”
    “I believe he’s losing his mind!”
    “I think he’s lost his mind!”

    Oh, have you ever met that funny reefer man? Reefer man!
    Have you ever met that funny reefer man? Reefer man!
    If he said he swam to China, and he sells you South Carolina
    Then you know you’re talking to that reefer man!

    &c…

  27. Crab1

    I hope some bitter fundy mistakes this party ofr a “herd o’Obamas” and assassinates a whole bunch of these douches.

  28. CivicHoliday

    Do they give out special door prizes (some bling, perhaps?) for people who show up wearing grillz?

  29. suchsweetthunder

    I demand Demand DEMAND that Wonkette sends a correspondent to take pictures, so I may perchance one day be blessed enough to ridicule these people in teh person. Think of the children.

  30. Reefpilot

    Holy shit, a late night shots post.

    Hell yeah. I thought you guys had stopped representing the trust-fund homies of the DC/greater suburban area. I expect pictures of this event… and more light night shots action, especially when hot journalist hipsters are involved.

    PS — my sister-in-law lives in the DC area and is kinda/not kinda a lobbyist. She looks and acts like the nasty blond bitch from Lost who got lit up by Michelle Rodriguez who the Lost fan base then lynched. I think I could get her to infiltrate LNS. She’s all about the trust-funders. And she’s also a closet hipster subversive. We could get some “intimate” pictures.

  31. TexasCowGirl

    How do I get in contact with these people? I’d like to invite them to my Dumb Toothless Racist Cracker Party. They won’t even need to wear costumes and they can just be themselves. Fun, fun, fun you betcha!

  32. thefrontpage

    This is so offensive, stupid, bigoted, prejudiced and just flat-out dumb–in 2008 or 1998 or 1988 or 1978 or 1968 or even in 1958—that it just simply can’t be easily explained. Some bigot somewhere obviously thought that a party making fun of blatant, stupid, ignorant black stereotypes at a WASPy, invite-only Georgetown bar would be funny. Well, it’s not funny, or interesting, or intelligent, on any level. And can someone call the Mayor’s Office, the Human Rights Office and the Georgetown Councilman, please, and tell all of them that a bar, any bar, should not be hosting themes with racial stereotypes such as this one? They might be violating the terms of their business permit and their alcohol permit. It’s time, far past the time, to shut down LNS and to shut down Smith Point–literally. Neither should be operating here, or anywhere, anymore. It’s time to shut them down for good–legally, that is.

  33. thefrontpage

    By “Georgetown Councilman,” by the way, we mean the member of the D.C. City Council that represents the Georgetown neighborhood. Someone please call them and complain!

  34. dorsia

    y’alls. they suspend guest list on thursday. anyone (the state-school educated, for example) can go to the party. go! report back!

  35. antiinebriation

    People are actually offended by this? This seems like a great idea. How many people “identify” with rappers like Flava Flav, not many. A bunch of people from the projects getting partied up with cable-knit sweaters and lilly pants would also be funny. People that are offended = people that blow at partying.

  36. thefrontpage

    Not sure. To be offended by blatant, stupid, juvenile and dumbly ignorant racism and stereotyping and generalizations means you don’t like to party? It’s the exact opposite–people who like to party and have a good time and socialize and associate with REAL people are offended by blatant, stupid, juvenile and dumbly ignorant racism and stereotyping and generalizations. And if you know anything about LNS, you should be agains their ignorance and hatred, also. And people who hate LNS are the people you want to party with. That’s the real zeitgeist in 2008.

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