Wonkette
In good news, oil is back to September 2007 prices. (In bad news, gas was still $3 a gallon then, so, uhh …) WHAT DOES IT MEAN. It means the numbers are finally coming in to back up the gloom. Nobody in the stores, no demand for gasoline as people have no jobs, no money, and use their car as a “rusty tent.” So, we’re back to Black Friday territory, from last week. DON’T EVER LOOK AT YOUR 401(k) AGAIN.
There was only a single winner on the Dow today: Coca Cola. So, corn-syrup diabetes-causing bubbly drinks are a good bet, right? Not if they’re made by Pepsi. Who knows. (FINANCIAL TIP: Water is actually good, and basically free, from the tap.)
JPMorgan profits dropped a bit, if by “a bit” you mean EIGHTY-FIVE PERCENT OH JESUS CHRIST WHA?
And the new technology economy that John McCain heard about a few years back, that eBay, where poor people sell off their belongings to strangers, and he thinks this is a good substitute for having a job? Well, eBay’s in the tank. The toilet tank.
Also, child-abducting clowns are loose in Chicago, everywhere in Chicago, trying to lure little kids into their vans and pickup trucks, to kill them.
“I think this is the longest and most painful recession in the post-War period.” Who said that, on Bloomberg right now? Someone old and terrified. Ah hell.
What is it with the pics/videos on this place… midgets and scary clowns… i mean, Walnutz, Palin, and the stock market are scary enough!!!
Killer clowns in chicago?
You sure that’s not from, um, 1975?
OH LORD JEEBUS NO I HATE CLOWNS I HATE ‘IT’ I WILL NOW HAVE NIGHTMARES FOR ALL ETERNITY
What Would Don Lemon Do?
NO financial crisis, never, ever, is as scary as that fucking clown, especially when he bares his teeth. (Admittedly, the thought of Palin as VP, with her finger on the button, praying for guidance about whether to push, runs a close second.)
Let’s total it and get a new one.
Oh OF COURSE he drives a white van! What self-respecting creepy child molester doesn’t?
Clowns abducting children with vans? That sounds like an urban legend I once heard about.
http://www.masscrossroads.com/clowns
I’m voting for Obama solely because of his pledge to round up and execute all clowns once in office.
No!!! Pennywise!!! I’ll never look at Tim Curry the same way again.
Hey…waitaminnit! Pennywise, pound foolish… Coincidence?
Spackle Camshaft Palin:
In 1975, the Clown would be dressed in Fishnet Stockings and Corset while singing “Let’s Do the Time Warp Again.”
Okay, whoever just raised John Wayne Gacey from the dead needs to STOP it right now!
I always thought “It” was scary. Then I found out that the clown was played by Tim Curry which calmed me down because I realized he is just a flamboyant gay guy, and there isn’t really anything scary about flamboyant gay guys in clown suits. So if you are saying that our economy is just a flamboyant gay guy in a clown suit, I would feel better.
Capitalism was over-rated anyway.
“I think this is the longest and most painful recession in the post-War period.”
Geeze — and the recession hasn’t even officially started yet.
If water is basically free, it can’t be worth anything. Can it? Can it!
Pffft. Water is only good when there’s half a glass of bourbon in it.
What’s that Juggalo doing in the gutter?
See, it’s clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right…
Killer clowns in Chicago, eh? How long until wingnut bloggers link them to Obama?
slappypaddy: I’m stockpiling it, just in case.
As a Chicagoan, I do NOT welcome our new clown overlords!
Why did you have to show me that fucking clown? I’ve worked many long years to forget that thing. Also, I don’t like to be reminded that I pretend not to like Stephen King novels. Now I feel like such a phony. A phony who is afraid of clowns…
But on the bright side: 401K? What 401K? I’ve never made enough to contribute to one, you elitist libruls. All my “mad money” was spent stocking my vast Stephen King library. Oh jesus, here comes the shame spiral again…
Come get your stocks down here. They ALL float down here.
Bar none the creepiest ever made for tv movie.
Hope none of my fellow Wonketeers bought into the dead cat bounce yesterday. If you’ve got anything to invest, you might want wait a few months.
(Years?) :/
I’m assuming that a “Rusty Tent” is some sort of new extreme sexual deviancy the kids are into.
tunamelt: Careful. If it rains, you’ll be wiped out.
Lascauxcaveman:
I’m long in the bed mattress sector…based on the notion that somebody has to be stuffing a lot of cash someplace. I mean, it ain’t in the stocks and it ain’t in the fucking banks.
Well, I am sorry. It is my fault. I said to my spouseal unit Monday after the big market rally that I was kind of worried that if the market improved, Hopey’s advantage would ebb, and McCain could gain some ground with the half-breed Muslin shit, so I said maybe the market could just keep sucking for three more weeks, and then it could get better. Apparently, I am very powerful.
Bwahahahahahaha
But, hey, I bet this means there’s some great prices on TRUCK NUTZ! Maybe even the glow-y ones!
How many times can these chickens come home to roost?
Baconcat: You must mean second creepiest. It can’t beat this: http://www.imdb.com/media/rm1976671488/tt0383139
Apropos of my Halloween costume on a previous thread, I’ll ask the rhetoric question:
Q. What do the stock market and John McCain Halloween costumes have in common?
A. They’re both scary as hell and they both include shat pants as a key part of the ensemble.
It was funny seeing the JP Morgan Chase CEO laying into Washington for not cleaning up the bed he shat fast enough for his liking. Maybe if he held his breath and stomped his feet he could have gotten more sympathy.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
All clowns should die. The end.
ManchuCandidate: Mmmm. Magenta!
Toomush Infermashun: There should be two queues with appropriate signs, else who’s to know?
These dramatic rises and falls just give the ‘tards something to buy/sell/short-sell/long-sell/whatever so they can continue to make money at our expense. They’re like lemmings always on the lookout for the next cliff.
“It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.”
Too Lazy To Sign In: LOL, I was thinking of the same thing. Tim Curry was one scary muthafuckin clown.
Well my IRA and 401k statements did arrive and I did look and I said what-the-fuck and I had a drink.
I awoke in the morning on the floor at the foot of my bed and knew there was no soft landing because my testicles were in the hands of the greedy bastards again.
I took comfort in knowing I must work to bail them out. Then I drink some more.
For years I have had only debts, no investments, so that my situation is unchanged by the financial chaos. An odd source of satisfaction, but if you wait long enough, every situation will have its upside.
Way to distract everybody with the terrifying clown.
Down 733 points! That’s EXACTLY where McCain wants it going into tonight’s debate. Fight! Sarah will shoot a clown afterward on Fox, although it is hard to pick out which one over there.
How did you get a picture of Bill O’Rielly in his native habitat. That has to be one of the first coups of, well, whatever is new. But look, he doesn’t look shit faced and he doesn’t have a rosary in his teeth, just the normal Irish red haired Knight Templar pancake look, that being looking for the bottle he dropped last week in the gutter, and that great smile, realizing he is looking straight up Sara Palin’s dress at the shaved snapping moose snatch and glory hole, tatted with “WELCOME ALL YE SEEKING THE TRUTH AND SOMETHING TIGHT”. Bill is one wild and crazy guy when it comes to evangelical slice, and speaking in tongue into it, course proof is best served by Sara Palin’s speachin and pontificating. Tongue in cheek so to speak.
That clown picture is going to give me nightmares. He’s almost as scary as Cindy McCain.
My 401K is now Special K.