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Joe Biden gave a rally in Athens, Ohio today, home of the very lovely Ohio University! Never heard of it? Well shut up then! And he “warmed up” the crowd by talking about that time he visited Ohio University in college for a football game — this probably never happened, he likes to make shit up all the time — and how he was going to crush these two dames through the night, until the cops came and arrested him. Dude. DUDE. Dude. Not cool bro?

Set the scene, Joe:

“It’s good to be back in Athens. Now you say ‘Back in Athens, Biden, when were you here?’ Well I went to the University of Delaware and we came out here to play Ohio University. Now that was 228 years ago and we did just fine, but the thing I loved about the university was that it was such a beautiful town and we all hung around out afterwards.”

i.e., they went trolling for drunk sluts.

“Now I made a little mistake here that day, I made a little mistake.”

“I wandered in, I met this lovely group of Ohio University…students,” Biden said winkingly to laughs from the crowd.

Little starbursts shot through the crowd, because of the winking. The crowd laughed because they know that the girls at Ohio U. are not so much “lovely” as mean pinching crab-dogs.

“And uh, without knowing it, I shouldn’t admit this on national television because it’ll reveal that I’m over 60, but I thought that we were gonna go get something to eat. What’s that street you have down there, all you guys? See, I…and so I just said to young, two young women I had met, said well why don’t you…we’ll be right back, I said well I’ll come with you, and they said okay, and I walked into their dormitory and was immediately accosted by a cop who arrested me because back in those days men were not allowed in women’s dormitories.”

Oh those dumb cops, he was so IN, bro, dude, literally. Seriously. No but for real. He is hilarious.

Biden Talks About A Youthful Indiscretion [CBS News]

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