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Ahghgh!Whoa, jesus, the Dow’s down 500 points, again. What’s the newest bad news for everybody? People have quit going to the stores, to buy stuff! There are many signs that your job will soon be gone, if you’ve still got a job! They’ve just shut down the markets in Brazil, after a 10% plunge! [Bloomberg]

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64 COMMENTS

  1. at this rate we’ll soon replace eastern europe as the world’s #1 cheap gun and porn source. who knew sarah palin fetishism would be so prophetic.

  2. Things have been bad for me ever since I had to drop my Netflix account and settle for back-to-back episodes of Robert Stack’s Unsolved Mysteries on YouTube. And also those trippy sand-painting videos. How do they do it?

  3. Don’t worry, it will close up 300. Then down 700 tomorrow. Then up 1500 Friday. Then Monday all stockbrokers will commit ritual hari-kari. Then up 34 on Tuesday.

  4. [re=134459]tunamelt[/re]: See ya at The Restaurant at The End of Universe. Should be a spectacular show and I’m buyin’ the first round of Old Milwaukee. — Zayphod.

  5. The Dow is experiencing wilder oscillations reminiscent of an out of control open feedback loop system much like what was seen in at a power plant in the Ukraine.

    Translation: See Chernobyl.

  6. [re=134466]WagTehGod[/re]: Drat. Well, can panic buttons be used as a floatation device? Or will we still have to settle for Lou Dobbs’ pockmarked ass?

  7. [re=134515]qwerty42[/re]: My mom offered me an old crock pot and a dehydrator and I’m so mad I said no right now. I could be feasting on jerky and beans, but NO. All I have is my freaking rice cooker.

  8. Agh! Stop saying people have to stop buying things! My laptop dropped dead of old age yesterday and this is making it very hard to justify buying one of those new elitist macbooks.

  9. No need to panic. The only people who have to worry are those with jobs or those who depend on family members with jobs. Or those on pensions or who are planning to retire in the next couple of decades.

  10. That seals it. I’m going as the Dow for Halloween. It’s a sight more original than going as WALNUTS!, which would require some freshly shat pants as part of the costume.

  11. [re=134554]Rodney Badger[/re]: The latest weird bile I’ve seen, from a friend of mine who should know better, is that the recession is the fault of ACORN because that group somehow got mortgages for 5 million illegal immigrants who subsequently defaulted.

    Srsly.

  12. [re=134523]OffTheRecord[/re]: I’m going to honor “Buy Nothing Day” (the day after Thanksgiving) for the first time this year. Not out of belief, however.

  13. Thank the Lord that cute Sarah Palin will soon be elected to take charge of this complex global financial crisis. She can see her checkbook from her kitchen table.

  14. And the worst news of all, the true heartbreaker, is that NASCAR may not be able to run complete fields in its races due to sponsorships having evaporated like puddles of gasoline under a Talladega summer sun. Oh, the humanity….

  15. [re=134579]President Beeblebrox[/re]: yeah, amazin’ … the whole financial structure of the US has been based on getting poor people into houses. little did anyone suspect they would then control the country. after the collapse, should we rebuild on something more solid? maybe we should work with the folks in Las Vegas?

  16. [re=134669]slappypaddy[/re]: Not to be so worryful. Dwarf cage matches will continue to be broadcast during our economic crisis … except, because of loss of commercial sponsorship, they’ll be shown only on PBS, with color commentary by Bill Moyers.

    It’s all bread-and-circuses from here on out, dude.

  17. [re=134669]slappypaddy[/re]: Oh no. You mean I might have to find some other white noise to nap to on Sunday afternoons? There is no god.

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