BLACK WEDNESDAY?  1:56 pm October 15, 2008

Goddamned Stock Markets Keep Plunging

by Ken Layne

Ahghgh!Whoa, jesus, the Dow’s down 500 points, again. What’s the newest bad news for everybody? People have quit going to the stores, to buy stuff! There are many signs that your job will soon be gone, if you’ve still got a job! They’ve just shut down the markets in Brazil, after a 10% plunge! [Bloomberg]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 64 comments }

The Cold Sea October 15, 2008 at 1:58 pm

Now is the perfect time to talk about Bill Ayers.

qwerty42 October 15, 2008 at 2:01 pm

time to stock up on gold Ameros, ammo and whiskey if you haven’t already. maybe some coffee too.

OrangeAlert October 15, 2008 at 2:01 pm

at this rate we’ll soon replace eastern europe as the world’s #1 cheap gun and porn source. who knew sarah palin fetishism would be so prophetic.

qwerty42 October 15, 2008 at 2:03 pm

[re=134440]The Cold Sea[/re]: yeah heck. something to talk about as you burn your 401(k) statements to boil water.

magic titty October 15, 2008 at 2:04 pm

I want a panic button!

Cogito Ergo Bibo October 15, 2008 at 2:04 pm

[re=134448]qwerty42[/re]: Screw that. I’m going directly to eating them.

InsidiousTuna October 15, 2008 at 2:04 pm

Elitist liberal “gotcha” stock market, pandering to help the Democrat.

freakishlystrong October 15, 2008 at 2:07 pm

It’s October- Surprise!

petite brawnley October 15, 2008 at 2:07 pm

Things have been bad for me ever since I had to drop my Netflix account and settle for back-to-back episodes of Robert Stack’s Unsolved Mysteries on YouTube. And also those trippy sand-painting videos. How do they do it?

tunamelt October 15, 2008 at 2:08 pm

[re=134450]magic titty[/re]: Don’t Panic!

(I also have a towel in my purse.)

lumpenprole October 15, 2008 at 2:09 pm

But the American workforce is so fundamentally strong!

Bypartizoa October 15, 2008 at 2:09 pm

Brother, I can’t spare a dime.

natteringnaybob October 15, 2008 at 2:10 pm

Why do stocks hate America.

WagTehGod October 15, 2008 at 2:11 pm

[re=134450]magic titty[/re]: You could’ve bought mine on elitist eBay, I had to sell mine to pay the power bill.

S.Luggo October 15, 2008 at 2:11 pm

Th markets are closed in Brazil? Foda se! I’ll bet investors there lost the shirt off their back. http://madeinbrazilmag.com/news/bushinsp-3.jpg

shortsshortsshorts October 15, 2008 at 2:11 pm

[re=134458]petite brawnley[/re]: I’ve watched Fahrenheit 9/11 6 times this week. Michael Moore is officially on my death-list.

El Bombastico October 15, 2008 at 2:11 pm

Don’t worry, it will close up 300. Then down 700 tomorrow. Then up 1500 Friday. Then Monday all stockbrokers will commit ritual hari-kari. Then up 34 on Tuesday.

JadedDIssonance October 15, 2008 at 2:12 pm

This is all cuz Lord Voldemort’s Ticker is off. It’s obviously displaying the wrong info.

Cogito Ergo Bibo October 15, 2008 at 2:12 pm

The economy is still in the tank!

Oh, wait. That’s not necessarily good…

NoWireHangers October 15, 2008 at 2:13 pm

Well, it looks like it’s gonna be roasted squirrel for Thanksgiving.

iwillsavethispatient October 15, 2008 at 2:14 pm

[re=134459]tunamelt[/re]: You’re a froody gal who knows where her towel is.

Tommy Says Soooo October 15, 2008 at 2:15 pm

I need to change my panties.

Miller October 15, 2008 at 2:16 pm

Apparently some butterfly in the Serengeti is flapping its wings like a motherfucker. We need to assemble an elite team of Lepidopterists to go shut this troublesome pseudo-moth.

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

freakishlystrong October 15, 2008 at 2:17 pm

Christmas shopping at the pawn’d shop..

pondscum October 15, 2008 at 2:18 pm

So, I’m guessing my early Christmas shopping didn’t help… Damn. I tried!

freakishlystrong October 15, 2008 at 2:18 pm

[re=134482]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: I can’t afford panties, I lathered and creamed my last pair this AM…

S.Luggo October 15, 2008 at 2:19 pm

[re=134459]tunamelt[/re]: See ya at The Restaurant at The End of Universe. Should be a spectacular show and I’m buyin’ the first round of Old Milwaukee. — Zayphod.

TommySez October 15, 2008 at 2:20 pm

The market’s falling harder than Nancy Reagan.

ManchuCandidate October 15, 2008 at 2:21 pm

The Dow is experiencing wilder oscillations reminiscent of an out of control open feedback loop system much like what was seen in at a power plant in the Ukraine.

Translation: See Chernobyl.

petite brawnley October 15, 2008 at 2:21 pm

[re=134468]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: This baby http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5ALIL7T764 vs. Dick Cheney, Sarah Palin, and Anne Coulter. We win!

tunamelt October 15, 2008 at 2:21 pm

[re=134468]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: What the hell is wrong with you?

[re=134490]S.Luggo[/re]: [re=134478]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: NERDS!

The Cold Sea October 15, 2008 at 2:23 pm

[re=134475]NoWireHangers[/re]: ¡¿Roasted?! Fry those suckers in the Turkey fryer. A little opossum gravy on the side…now we eatin!

magic titty October 15, 2008 at 2:25 pm

[re=134466]WagTehGod[/re]: Drat. Well, can panic buttons be used as a floatation device? Or will we still have to settle for Lou Dobbs’ pockmarked ass?

shortsshortsshorts October 15, 2008 at 2:25 pm

[re=134500]tunamelt[/re]: The stock market is making me a masochist.

keepinitrealyo October 15, 2008 at 2:26 pm

The Republicans are doing this, so they can blame it on Obama for the next four years.

qwerty42 October 15, 2008 at 2:26 pm

[re=134475]NoWireHangers[/re]: elitist!
I’m planning on roadkill jerky

Lionel Hutz Esq. October 15, 2008 at 2:27 pm

This is what happens when you let poor people handle money.

tunamelt October 15, 2008 at 2:30 pm

[re=134515]qwerty42[/re]: My mom offered me an old crock pot and a dehydrator and I’m so mad I said no right now. I could be feasting on jerky and beans, but NO. All I have is my freaking rice cooker.

OffTheRecord October 15, 2008 at 2:31 pm

Agh! Stop saying people have to stop buying things! My laptop dropped dead of old age yesterday and this is making it very hard to justify buying one of those new elitist macbooks.

Servo October 15, 2008 at 2:31 pm

Why do investors act like they’ve been blind-sided? Are they truly that stupid?

donner_froh October 15, 2008 at 2:31 pm

No need to panic. The only people who have to worry are those with jobs or those who depend on family members with jobs. Or those on pensions or who are planning to retire in the next couple of decades.

tunamelt October 15, 2008 at 2:32 pm

[re=134523]OffTheRecord[/re]: They actually lowered the price of the cheapest Macbooks…

graceless October 15, 2008 at 2:32 pm

[re=134459]tunamelt[/re]: So long, and thanks for all the fish… you so win!

graceless October 15, 2008 at 2:34 pm

[re=134490]S.Luggo[/re]: I’ll be there. 42.

queeraselvis v 2.0 October 15, 2008 at 2:40 pm

That seals it. I’m going as the Dow for Halloween. It’s a sight more original than going as WALNUTS!, which would require some freshly shat pants as part of the costume.

WIDTAP October 15, 2008 at 2:42 pm

See. Obama up 14 points in the polls. Dow down 500. Cause and effect.*

(* and keep your stinking elitists Latin phrases to yourselves.)

facehead October 15, 2008 at 2:44 pm

OMG!!! EVERYBODY START PANICKING BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!!!

Rodney Badger October 15, 2008 at 2:44 pm

Remember people, this is all the fault of poor darkies who bought Huge Mansions and then defaulted. And inept terrorist Bill Ayers.

TGY October 15, 2008 at 2:45 pm

[re=134524]Servo[/re]: Yes. Think lemmings.

President Beeblebrox October 15, 2008 at 2:53 pm

[re=134554]Rodney Badger[/re]: The latest weird bile I’ve seen, from a friend of mine who should know better, is that the recession is the fault of ACORN because that group somehow got mortgages for 5 million illegal immigrants who subsequently defaulted.

Srsly.

Kingbee October 15, 2008 at 2:54 pm

[re=134523]OffTheRecord[/re]: I’m going to honor “Buy Nothing Day” (the day after Thanksgiving) for the first time this year. Not out of belief, however.

Servo October 15, 2008 at 2:57 pm

[re=134556]TGY[/re]:
More like nervous chihuahuas.

choinski October 15, 2008 at 3:00 pm

Wednesday is slump day!

Cogito Ergo Bibo October 15, 2008 at 3:03 pm

[re=134531]graceless[/re]: Don’t forget your towel!

bitchincamaro October 15, 2008 at 3:06 pm

[re=134444]OrangeAlert[/re]: Done! Was in a porn shop in Prague the other day and DVD’s were the equivalent of $ 70! America good!

Naked Bunny with a Whip October 15, 2008 at 3:19 pm

Where’s Osama slamming planes into downtown New York City when you *need* him?

TeddyS October 15, 2008 at 3:19 pm

Thank the Lord that cute Sarah Palin will soon be elected to take charge of this complex global financial crisis. She can see her checkbook from her kitchen table.

slappypaddy October 15, 2008 at 3:27 pm

And the worst news of all, the true heartbreaker, is that NASCAR may not be able to run complete fields in its races due to sponsorships having evaporated like puddles of gasoline under a Talladega summer sun. Oh, the humanity….

qwerty42 October 15, 2008 at 3:37 pm

[re=134579]President Beeblebrox[/re]: yeah, amazin’ … the whole financial structure of the US has been based on getting poor people into houses. little did anyone suspect they would then control the country. after the collapse, should we rebuild on something more solid? maybe we should work with the folks in Las Vegas?

S.Luggo October 15, 2008 at 3:38 pm

[re=134669]slappypaddy[/re]: Not to be so worryful. Dwarf cage matches will continue to be broadcast during our economic crisis … except, because of loss of commercial sponsorship, they’ll be shown only on PBS, with color commentary by Bill Moyers.

It’s all bread-and-circuses from here on out, dude.

natteringnaybob October 15, 2008 at 3:51 pm

[re=134669]slappypaddy[/re]: Oh no. You mean I might have to find some other white noise to nap to on Sunday afternoons? There is no god.

Cape Clod October 15, 2008 at 3:58 pm

[re=134490]S.Luggo[/re]: Old Milwaukee. Sheesh. Situations like these call for Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters.

Cogito Ergo Bibo October 15, 2008 at 4:05 pm

[re=134735]Cape Clod[/re]: Maybe the market is listening to Vogon poetry. It does seem to be trying to commit suicide.

zhubajie October 15, 2008 at 6:28 pm

[re=134515]qwerty42[/re]: I think the competition for road kill and for space at the dumpsters is goigng to get very competitive.

Zhu Bajie

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