Wonkette
MURDER & DEATH: “In 2008, this undercurrent of dread is more powerful than ever … and not only because of persistent fears that Barack Obama, potentially the first African American president, might be assassinated. National polls have consistently shown that large numbers of voters are concerned about the health of Obama’s opponent, John McCain, a four-time cancer survivor who at 72 would be the oldest president on Inauguration Day.” [Obit Magazine]
Death is the new black.
Wait, let me rephrase that.
What a delightfully cheery way to end my day. Thanks ever so much.
Oh yay, what fun.
Celebrate good times, come on. *sobs*
Somehow, I keep hearing Grandpa Simpson in my head. “DEAAAAATH.”
Enter the “Obamamobile”!
That picture of Palin blowing a kiss to the audience is making me physically violent towards my loved ones.
shortsshortsshorts: Yeah, it’s not the thought of Walnuts keeling over that has people worried. It’s the thought of Bible Spice getting her chance to nuke Putin.
vintageways: I always think Walnuts is more like Cotton Hill (King of the Hill). Both are cranky irascible old coots you’d like to run over, walk funny due to war wounds & married much younger blond bimbos. Plus neither are the type you’d want to spend any time with; Abe seems more endearing.
(Yeah, I can’t believe I’m analyzing cranky old cartoon men.)
IF Walnuts wins, a little piece of me will die.
Fun-filled: A little piece of Walnuts dies everyday.
A Palin-Pelosi administration, sort of an apocalyptic “Square Pegs” episode.
Fun-filled: Soon followed by the rest of you, along with the rest of us after Sarah gets her hands on the launch codes.
If Walnuts wins, every part of me will be moving to Belgium.
The home page of this uplifting magazine gave Obama a nose job. However, if Long Dong Viet Cong and Rapture Tits win this election, I shall refer to it for ways to off myself, pronto.
shortsshortsshorts: That is just a sick photo. AOL is running a story on her. The personal side of Sarah Palin. Photo Album included. *vomit*
Fun-filled: IF Walnuts! wins, a little piece of Walnuts! will die. He’s 72, ya’ know…
There is also concern that Sarah Palin might get eaten by a moose.
Thanks for this, Wonkette. I’m putting on Nine Inch Nails and curling up with a little Sylvia Plath.
So…black makes you more likely to die than old? Only in America!
Why does death hate America?
Crab1: Black is more vulnerable! Of course! You have to worry about stupid white guys trying to kill you.
BillyClubb: Jinx. You must read the comments above you or ye shall suffer the sin of repetition, of which I am well aware.
WadISay: You have inspired me to re-read The Bell Jar one more time
before I kill myself tonight. Thanks!!!!
Ilikepigeons: Could you early vote prior to offing yourself tonight? Especially if you’re in Ohio or Florida.
Bah. If I was afraid of dying I wouldn’t be able to get up in the morning at all, and I still managet to do it about five days out of seven. These motherfuckers — Obama and McCain — manage to do it every morning of every day. They’re not shirking from the presidency because they’re afraid of death, and that fear shouldn’t bother us as voters.
On the other hand, at least Obama has ensured that if something happens to him, someone with a modicum of sense and experience will be there to take over. McCain has chosen someone who, if she ever ascends to greater power, will use that to have every ex-relative of hers who’s ever pissed her off to be fired.
Oh, and just in case — to everyone who would reach for the kerosene if President Obama was assassinated — stop. Stop and think. Let’s not wreck shit. Let’s stop and use police tape and cold calculation and enough dedicated professionals that we can get to the very roots of what perpetrated this and rip it out to the bottom of its roots. Not that I want it to happen or even think it will happen. In fact I don’t. But some cold calculation and a demand for a thorough investigation will go much further than torches and pitchforks.
Not that the article raised these issues. The article itself was rather pointless. Insofar as a President Palin is only slightly more horrendous to contemplate than a President McCain, I don’t give a rat’s ass what happens after McCain dies in office, as long as it’s limited to the governor of Arizona picking a replacement senator.
It happened again:
However, someone did shout out, “Kill him!” during Republican congressional candidate Chris Hackett’s remarks before Mrs. Palin took the stage.
The outburst came during a round of booing from the crowd after Mr. Hackett said Mr. Obama should come to Pennsylvania and learn what the state’s values are.
http://www.thetimes-tribune.com/articles/2008/10/14/news/doc48f4ba8994588930223377.txt
Texan Bulldoggette: No, your logic works too. It also fits with Palin being Peggy Hill.
obfuscator: I want to believe that’s just some hipster trying to stir shit.
If John McCain dies, it was all in God’s palin. I mean plan.
i would have been rather disappointed if a magazine called ‘obit’ that was dedicated to ‘life, death, transition’ covered, oh i don’t know, spanish wines.
Two different things.
If Barry dies, we would be depressed because a piece of our nation’s soul would die.
If McCain dies, we would be depressed because we’d have a mental midget as president. Again.
If Walnut wins… just like Tina Fey, I will be leaving this planet. And I’m taking some of you with me.
sheesh…emit rof redrum ‘n ekoc
shortsshortsshorts: A white guy with a gun is a patriotic sportsman. A black guy with a gun is a drug dealing gang member. What a country!
vintageways: I hope you’re right, but I’m not sure. The level of animosity that those rally audiences display at the very mention of Barry’s name really creeps the bejesus out of me.
I must point out that PBS just ran a stunning documentary on this whole presidential circus.
WagTehGod:
I a President McCain died, we’d soon be referring to the Bush years as the “good ‘ol days.”
JadedDIssonance: was it really good?
The images in that article basically makes it seem like McCain, Hillary, and Palin are all in on a plot to commit MURDER.
Nothing is certain but death and taxes. But if one can defeat taxes, can one also defeat death? By extending the Bush tax cuts, is McCain attempting to prolong his life? Is McCain some kind of modern day Ponce de Leon? Who does he think he is, toying with the natural order of things. I thought he was supposed to be “Country First”? This and other mysteries warrant further discussion at The Lemon Report. lemonreport.blogspot.com
Serolf Divad: Quit being a Negative Nelly. Just imagine the wonderful circus of terror and chaos that would ensue during the Vice Presidential nomination and confirmation.
SayItWithWookies: If the big A takes Obama, there will be no conspiracy to uncover, just some trashy loser as usual. And so, things will get smoky, cuz that loser will probably think he is saving America from the dangerous terrorist that McCool invented. And since no one will be able to prosecute the campaign since it isn’t illegal to raise “legitimate questions” about a black man’s character, the revolution will be right there in every major city. But since no one knows exactly to do for a revolution anymore, just expect some consumer level wealth redistro and hopefully not too much scarring.
JadedDIssonance: I watched about half of it. As methodically calculating as it portrayed Barry (and that can be interpreted with various levels of cynicism), McCain came off as an erratic megalomaniac constantly teetering on the edge of failure, who made a faustian bargain to get where he is and is now going to get screwed out of that. No fuckin’ wonder Cindy has six options of places to sleep every night where John isn’t. If all goes as I hope it will, John McCain will be the World’s Angriest Motherfucker from November 5 until his very last breath.
http://palinaspresident.com/
It’s all the fault of teh darkiez! Obama was really born in Kenya and caused the housing meltdown! ACORN is going to steal teh elekshuns! Joey Biden is gonna drop out of the race and be replaced by Hillary!
Srsly, the wingnuttery abounds here:
http://www.whitecivilrights.com/
So, uh, my own country apparently had an election today and the Conservatives won. Hope your election still turns out alright!
SayItWithWookies: If all goes as I hope it will, John McCain will be the World’s Angriest Motherfucker from November 5 until his very last breath.
I think he’s a lock for that title regardless of the outcome of the election. His entire career in politics has been dominated by two things: his unbelievably fierce belief in his own unquestionable integrity and his equally fierce desire to pass judgment on those who don’t live up to his Manly Warrior Patriot Honor Code. It’s the cornerstone of all his speeches and the narrative of his campaign, such as it is. He fuckin’ revels in excoriating anyone who violates the Honor Code. That isn’t really the president’s job.
I was saving this for a rainy day, but since we are all doomed and gloomed out, feast:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoMspJqqVcA
4tehlulz: The Grim Reaper is in the tank…
I know how to solve the problem: have Obama and McCain be co-Presidents! Whoever lives the longest gets to keep the job!!!
Oh yeah that pesky death problem. I propose we ask those people with more than $250K in the bank, more than one house, a Humvee, or anyone who profits vulgarly from this economy.
obfuscator: Someone has to write that book that makes McAngrygeezer the mythological poster boy for the end of the conservative era: Vietnam, the oh-so-nasty-radical-hippies, the unconsciously selfish Christianists (what used to be called the Silent Majority), the conspicuous consumers, and the two-faced Boomers. McPoorwanderingone is the last gasp of politicos who despise themselves so much they threw a decent, but deluded patriot into the face of a greed-infected populace who realize they aren’t going to the World Series again.
My friends, we are all Cubs fans.
mattbolt: Watch for falling literacy.
DoctorCulturae: You mean like this?
It’s a profile of McCain’s speechwriter Mark Salter. He’s pretty obsessed with his disdain for Barry; specifically he thinks that Barry has stolen all of Grampy’s good material.
But nothing seems to rile up Salter like Obama himself. In a February speech drafted by Salter, McCain cracked that he did not harbor the “presumption that I am blessed with such personal greatness that history has anointed me to save my country in its hour of need”–clearly a taunt aimed at Obama. Salter recently told The Boston Globe that Obama’s campaign is based around a “messianic complex.” “Yeah, I think politics have changed,” Salter said to me, referring to Obama’s campaign. “The politics are: ‘Elect me!’”
He also seems to think that McCain would be a better president because Barry hasn’t sacrificed anything for his country, whereas McCain has.
HomoElectus: Naah, moose don’t eat people. They just gore them horribly and stomp them into paste.
Okay.
To save Barack’s life, I guess I’ll have to vote for
Beauty and (soon to be) Deceased.
WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS IN THE HEART OF MEN?
YES, THERE IS ME. I WAS JUST WONDERING IF THERE WAS ANYONE ELSE.
The cat looks just like my cat Ernie, right down to the pink nose. Ernie, alas, is dead.
If walnuts dies, the secret service is under orders to immediately kill Palin.
Down Goes Frazier: You think you’d be safe in Belgium? You want to die in a nuclear fireball because Nutwinkle hates brussels sprouts? You’re better off heading somewhere that she doesn’t even know exists. Which is actually probably most places.
WestEdEd: That is dead funny. Thanks for that.
ya know, all you pasty-faced liberal left wing-nut types who are on the obamawagon are gonna be in for one heck of a rude awakening if he actually gets to use that new presidential seal of his - dem honkeys is jus fine with bama til after dey tick of that little “O” box on the ballot but then yawl better duck and run cause a new day will be dawnin’ - if yawl don’t believe me try listening to ‘Bama’s dear, sweet pastor Wright’s messages of love and racial harmony, ummhhhummmm ummmhuummmm