MCCAIN IS SCARY!  1:25 pm October 14, 2008

Elitist ‘Schoolchildren’ Elect Barack Obama

by Ken Layne

'Spare a thought for the stay-at-home voter, Empty eyes gaze at strange beauty shows'Nothing says “I hate Real Americans” like going to a public school, learning how to read and write, and having some basic knowledge of what’s going on in the world around you. That’s why the elitist “schoolchildren” who took part in the Scholastic Election Poll are obviously in the tank for fancy educated smart guy Barack Obama.

Kids from the first grade all the way to twelfth grade voted in the educational publisher’s poll. Just think about that, for a moment: If a child has some knowledge of a presidential campaign in first grade, we are obviously dealing with a young communist monster who lives in some twisted domestic world of “knowledge” and “current events.” In other words, a tiny terrorist bred by a terror cell.

And if a child is still in school during his or her senior year, well that’s surely not the kind of kid you want constantly sticking his penis in your 15-year-old daughter and getting her pregnant. Real American kids knock up their teen-age gals no later than their junior year, and then get forced into a nationally televised shotgun wedding by the creepy jesus-freak dingbat baby farmer mother, and then drop out of high school and go to work in the oil fields, before their eighteenth birthday, because that’s how we do it in this country.

Let’s see, what else? Oh! The Scholastic kids voted for Handsome Uncle Barry 57-39 over creepy old Grandpa Depends. That is what you call a landslide victory! And ever since Scholastic started this stunt 68 years ago, the kids have only been wrong twice, in two famously close races: They picked Dewey over Truman in 1948 (as did the liberal media), and they picked Nixon over Kennedy in 1960, as did the actual voters until Old Joe Kennedy started calling in Chicago favors.

Some 250,000 kids took part in this year’s fun poll. So now you know about how many kids currently in the primary education system will come out with a basic knowledge of current events and maybe some simple reading/writing/math skills, a quarter-million out of 75.5 million.

This is also a useful predicator for the exact ratio of libtards and wingnuts you can expect to be arguing on the cable news and the blogs in the coming decades: 57% will be in the tank, and a stubborn 39% will still be calling Social Security and Medicare terrorist organizations run by Al Qaeda/Cuba/Chavez/Communists/Greens or whatever new enemy they make up, probably Moon Monsters, which are at least real things.

Obama Wins Scholastic News Election Poll [Scholastic News]

 
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{ 88 comments }

SayItWithWookies October 14, 2008 at 1:30 pm

McCain’s got those kids right where he wants them.

MISTAHCOUGHDROP October 14, 2008 at 1:31 pm

Well, there you go… Elitist kids like me (I’m 9) vote for the cool guy, hopey.

More election campaign posters here: http://homepage.mac.com/mistahcoughdrop/ (I made them with my crayons!)

yorktronic October 14, 2008 at 1:31 pm

My ten year old nephew voted for McCain. His reasoning: “I heard someone say Obama is half-muslim.”

I cried.

shortsshortsshorts October 14, 2008 at 1:33 pm

GIVE THESE WHIPPER SNAPPERS THE RIGHT TO VOTE ALREADY.

Deepthroat October 14, 2008 at 1:33 pm

My parents like to tell the story of when I was about five years old, just after the ’84 election, I came up to them and asked, “what ever happened to Mondale?” Whatever happened to Mondale indeed. I think he’s Japanese now…

nietzscheprojectile October 14, 2008 at 1:33 pm

What have you done to Jesus, Ken Layne?

ihasasad October 14, 2008 at 1:34 pm

I hope they thanked Track also who is over there fighting so they don’t fight over here for the privilege to be able to even vote in such a way that doesn’t count praise the lord

Q2 October 14, 2008 at 1:35 pm

“Ayers will come up at debate, McCain says”
CNN Political Ticker – 45 minutes ago

Johnny…guess you never played football eh?…don’t telegraph your moves moran.

Liverspots October 14, 2008 at 1:35 pm

Obama also won the Scholastic electoral college vote, after Hannah Montana’s three electoral votes put him over the edge.

Scarab October 14, 2008 at 1:35 pm

The internals indicate that the kids liked Obama’s economic plan but felt that McCain was a ‘poopy-head.’

Min October 14, 2008 at 1:35 pm

Well, no wonder. McCain is kinda scary looking. Kids probably expect him to blurt out “Fe fi fo fum”, at some point.

Mista Eko October 14, 2008 at 1:36 pm

America’s youth is in the tank.

Viva la Cynthia October 14, 2008 at 1:36 pm

[re=133136]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Ew. :-/

WadISay October 14, 2008 at 1:36 pm

If the kids “picked Dewey over Truman in 1940,” they really were dumbskis, since that race was in 1948.

blader October 14, 2008 at 1:38 pm

wtf!?!?!

I call voter fraud. There are probably well over 100,000 (a tenth of a million) illegal aliens among those voters.

Iggy Plop October 14, 2008 at 1:38 pm

Oh, sure, black Jesus supports Obama. Didn’t we already learn that from the Florida lawn signs?

Viva la Cynthia October 14, 2008 at 1:38 pm

[re=133143]Deepthroat[/re]: I voted for Dukakis in my class when I was 6…I think my reasoning involved his eyebrows. I was not such an astute child as you.

Sara in the West October 14, 2008 at 1:38 pm

My seven year old daughter told me that she’s for Barack Obama because he would be the first black president and that would be historic!

I love her.

Gopherit v2.0 October 14, 2008 at 1:39 pm

Proof that we get dumber the older we get.

JadedDIssonance October 14, 2008 at 1:40 pm

[re=133137]MISTAHCOUGHDROP[/re]: grrrr. I don’t care about your racist crayons.

I have an Obama Bumper Sticker on my Bike Helmet…it has turned my daily commute into a highly partisan affair. I have to watch out for Mercedes and BMW SUVs particularly. All the hoop-dees yell encouraging things from their impossible-to-budge windows. Yes, my friends, this election is all about class-warfare.

Bay Area Blue October 14, 2008 at 1:40 pm

I think it’s because McCain looks, sounds, and acts like a pedophile. The 39% that picked McCain are doing what they’re told so their parents won’t hate them for being touched in the bad places. The rest know better because they saw Obama’s video on how to identify and stay away from pedophiles.

Paterlanger October 14, 2008 at 1:40 pm

[re=133152]Min[/re]: Wrong fairy tale. McCain’s the troll under the bridge.

Ken Layne October 14, 2008 at 1:42 pm

[re=133155]WadISay[/re]: Whoops! The Scholastic poll started in 1940, I meant to say by combining several sentences.

tunamelt October 14, 2008 at 1:42 pm

I remember voting for Bill Clinton in elementary because my mom told me to.

Cogito Ergo Bibo October 14, 2008 at 1:42 pm

They just don’t like scary Grampa with his old man smell. Fair enough. Less old man smell in the White House!

WWJGD October 14, 2008 at 1:43 pm

[re=133160]Sara in the West[/re]: That logic is as faulty as NOT voting for Obama because he’s black. At least she’s 7.

sezme October 14, 2008 at 1:45 pm

You forgot to mention that they all go to Madrassas.

Servo October 14, 2008 at 1:45 pm

What did they do to the SoCal hippie Jeebus?

mookworthjwilson October 14, 2008 at 1:46 pm

Everyone knows that Scholastic is actually a front for the Islamofascist/Marxist cabal that will come to rule the country after Hopey paints the White House black…It’s the sister publication of the Daily Worker.

nietzscheprojectile October 14, 2008 at 1:47 pm

[re=133169]tunamelt[/re]: Yeah. That’s the same reason I voted for Reagan in the second grade which then led to a playground shoving match with a Carter supporter with me yelling Peanut farmer and him yelling Actor! Sigh. And then I grew up and have now convinced my mother to vote for Obama.

MISTAHCOUGHDROP October 14, 2008 at 1:48 pm

[re=133163]JadedDIssonance[/re]: Mr JadedDissonance, but they’re edible! I mean non-toxic. Do you really get in trouble on your bike? I have a Vespa (yes at 9 years old in Paris you can drive a Vespa). Can you mail me an Obama sticker? All of France, including Carla Bruni is for Hopey.

Beef Supreme October 14, 2008 at 1:48 pm

The kids probably think Obama is some “hippity hop” rapper, which is the music they all listen to today, I am told.

Terry October 14, 2008 at 1:48 pm

My 6 yr old niece reminded us the other day out of nowhere that Jesus had brown skin and curly black hair. We’re looking forward to her telling that to a few racist in-laws.

2druk2phluq October 14, 2008 at 1:49 pm

What we really need to worry about are all the kindergarten porn stars Barry is going to create with his program “Teach “Em How To Get Sum Young.” The laid off adult porn stars are going to riot, and Larry Flynt is going to reveal his secret private army.

dano October 14, 2008 at 1:49 pm

I’m happy to report that in kindergarten I voted for McGovern.

Cogito Ergo Bibo October 14, 2008 at 1:51 pm

[re=133188]Terry[/re]: OMG. Save it for Thanksgiving. It should be awesome.

gjdodger October 14, 2008 at 1:53 pm

No wonder the kids voted for Obama, after McCain keeps yelling them to get off the lawn.

Servo October 14, 2008 at 1:54 pm

[re=133188]Terry[/re]:
You won’t find her drawings of Jesus on their fridge, eh?

StrangelyBrown October 14, 2008 at 1:55 pm

What’s with that Colorado result? McCain 61 – Obama 36? Are the wingnuts the only ones who reproduce out there, or did they limit their poll to schools with the word “Compound” and/or “Free” in the name?

JimBob October 14, 2008 at 1:55 pm

Obviously these kids are too immature to know what’s good for them–how ’bout let’s *raise* the voting age. We can start with 21 and work our way up from there until no-one who is not eligible to collect social (in)security has any say in the election…oh wait, that’s already true!

ihasasad October 14, 2008 at 1:55 pm

[re=133173]WWJGD[/re]: Not true. This 7 year old understood that there have been nothing but white men in the white house. This 7 year old understood that someone who has made it to the top of one of the tickets is trusted enough by at least half the population to lead the country. This 7 year old sees the historic significance. A 7 year old voting against the black one is 700 billion times faultier. That. Is. All.

El Bombastico October 14, 2008 at 1:59 pm

Let’s keep this in perspective. Third place was write-in for “Dora the Explorer.” Come to think of it, she will be in third in the real election, doubling Cynthia McKinney’s totals.

askwhipple October 14, 2008 at 2:00 pm

Grandpa Depends is still trying to lure out Mister Puddles with his snausages..

ManchuCandidate October 14, 2008 at 2:01 pm

Kids aren’t stupid. They know Repubs are more likely to touch them in their no-no places which is why they vote Demrat.

MISTAHCOUGHDROP October 14, 2008 at 2:03 pm

On the subject of Kids, the next Right Wing guttersnipe might begin with Sunday’s Doonsbury : http://news.yahoo.com/comics/uclickcomics/20081012/cx_db_uc/db20081012;_ylt=AgyU6F1Bc.XwjiaioQ0cDsnV.i8C

Sara in the West October 14, 2008 at 2:05 pm

[re=133173]WWJGD[/re]: True. My discussions about his tax plan never seemed to matter as much to her as I had hoped. She still believes in Santa. I think she is a novice liberal but I like her sense of history for being 7.

Dreamer October 14, 2008 at 2:06 pm

My elitist half breed nephews and nieces (5) voted for the half breed elitist candidate.

StrangelyBrown October 14, 2008 at 2:06 pm

[re=133210]ManchuCandidate[/re]: …and that’s why they oppose Barry’s plan to teach sex ed to kindergartners.

Lionel Hutz Esq. October 14, 2008 at 2:06 pm

Those stupid grade-school kids and their elitist cocktail parties. Why do they hate America so much?

JoeFannyPack October 14, 2008 at 2:07 pm

[re=133205]El Bombastico[/re]: I liked the episode where Dora hopped over three rocks to get from Alaska to Russia before they imprisoned and tortured her to get information about that tough Palin woman.

Sassette October 14, 2008 at 2:07 pm

Clearly this poll was taken at the same Muslim terrorist training camp where little Barry learned to make Hope bombs as a child.

magic titty October 14, 2008 at 2:10 pm

Kids know they’re less likely to be solicited online by Democrats. Fact.

magic titty October 14, 2008 at 2:13 pm

Was Bob Barr on these ballots? If not, this was not a fair representation!
Or was there a picture of him next to the word “Other”?

Sara in the West October 14, 2008 at 2:14 pm

[re=133197]StrangelyBrown[/re]: Colorado is totally overrun with charter schools which are fully of little neo-cons-in-training. I get looks of pity when I tell other mothers that my kids go to public schools. They don’t know that I secretly pity them.

HedonismBot October 14, 2008 at 2:20 pm

70% of the little elitists also correctly identified the fundamental tenets of the Bush Doctrine.

WonderWomyn October 14, 2008 at 2:21 pm

My students are all freaking out about “the environment” I just laugh at them since I’ll be dead by the time that it matters. Ha ha ha! They are 10th graders and like Obama best since “at lest he KNOWS there’s a problem.” But, they don’t think that even Obama is doing nearly enough.

“We are so screwed.” They said to me the other day.

Oh. And they blame the old people all of us. They think we really messed up.

I’m like “OK I’m recycling and stuff stop glaring at me!”

Damn kids.

obfuscator October 14, 2008 at 2:21 pm

[re=133180]mookworthjwilson[/re]: I thought that was Highlights for Kids.

jagorev October 14, 2008 at 2:22 pm

until Old Joe Kennedy started calling in Chicago favors.

And Barack Obama was already a twinkle in his father’s eyes in November, 1960. Why hasn’t Barack Obama denounced these Chicago tactics that took place before his conception? What else don’t we know about his pre-embryonic days, HMMMM?

obfuscator October 14, 2008 at 2:23 pm

Why does Sweet Soul Jesus look like Chris Rock?

Woodwards Friend October 14, 2008 at 2:29 pm

This “Scholastic” outfit is clearly in the tank for Obama. Their name comes from ancient Greek and the ancient Greeks were well known Godless secularist humanists and also gay. Not the good Mark Foley/Larry Craig kind of gay either but the really nasty Barney Frank/Andrew Sullivan kind of gay. These “Greeks” could have been Muslin terrorists too but the records were destroyed so we don’t really know. But ask youself this, my friends, do you really want to take that chance?

TGY October 14, 2008 at 2:55 pm

“Suffer little children to come unto me.”
-J.H.C via Luke 18.16.

“Hey, you kids, get off my lawn or I’ll make you suffer!”
-J.S.M.

“The winner: Senator Barack Obama.”
-Scholastic Presidential Election Poll

I think it’s pretty consistent.

RacerMex October 14, 2008 at 2:57 pm

And if you don’t think Moon Monsters are not real, just ask Boston!

NEVER FORGET 01/31/07!!!

sati demise October 14, 2008 at 3:00 pm

[re=133260]WonderWomyn[/re]: Interesting!
I remember my high school biology teacher saying something about the environment and then Carter tried to ‘do something’, but then Reagan had a big ‘taking the solar panel off the White House Party’, then nobody did anything. Later on, Bush said ‘fuc* you’ to Kyoto, whoever that is. The end.

TGY October 14, 2008 at 3:09 pm

[re=133260]WonderWomyn[/re]: Larkin’s ‘This Be the Verse’.

WWJGD October 14, 2008 at 3:23 pm

[re=133200]ihasasad[/re]: Actually I don’t think she knew she was talking about the president. She probably just thought it was one of those picture puzzles where you have to pick the one that doesn’t belong.

[re=133220]Sara in the West[/re]: Obama and Santa tend to have a lot in common once you get past the jolly white man vs jolly black man barrier. I’d say their tax/economic plans are similar, too. Make toys appear out of nowhere by magic.

Deepthroat October 14, 2008 at 3:26 pm

I had a traumatic experience in second grade when I got reprimanded for calling Dan Quayle, “Dan Snail.” Man, I was clever.

Deepthroat October 14, 2008 at 3:40 pm

And i hate to do an ass-to-ass post, but methinks we have a Paultard in WWJGD. “What would John Galt do?” and mentions of faulty logic, not that there’s anything wrong with logic, but I detect a certain je ne sais quoi…

blackdontcrack October 14, 2008 at 3:49 pm

When I was in elementary school, we voted Jesse Jackson as our president!!! And there weren’t even any Black kids in school! Truly progressive in 198whateveritwas.

Then we all learned how to be Racist and now we hate Black people.

Lascauxcaveman October 14, 2008 at 3:56 pm

Haha! The kids at the terrorist muslim madrassa, Qofa School, where my kids are training to be little suicide bombers (http://qofaschool.org/) also elected the Muslin half-breed dude!

They don’t know they’re supposed to hate teh babykillers!

(The link is to the school website, not the straw vote results.)

pat robertsons personal trainer October 14, 2008 at 4:10 pm

My 7th grade math teacher once remarked at how much he liked Tom Harkin’s higher ed program (four years of public service gets you four years of college). Suddenly, all of his glaring at my girlfriend’s ass was a little less problematic. (Angie, don’t go to the blackboard again.)

Lascauxcaveman October 14, 2008 at 4:11 pm

Aw, man. Screwed up my link http://qofaschool.org/ It’s kind of a lame website anyway. But I like how the name of the link makes it sound Arabic. Because, that’s the whole joke … aw, nevermind.

I suck.

IslandGirlFL October 14, 2008 at 4:28 pm

Clearly Diebold didn’t run that election.

TexasCowGirl October 14, 2008 at 4:35 pm

Out of the mouth of babes…….The kids are indeed alright.

Profesora R October 14, 2008 at 4:41 pm

All the kids I know are crazy about Obama! When my 9 year old watched the 1st debate with me (no, I didn’t have a gun to her head), her first comment about McCain was “That guy looks really old” (perceptive, no?) Later she told me she had trouble following what McCain was trying to say (don’t we all).

AnnieGetYourFun October 14, 2008 at 4:57 pm

[re=133159]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: I was one of two Democrats in my middle school who voted for Dukakis. I was 12. My ass was roundly kicked. The other Dem, although fat, was not asthmatic, and able to run pretty fast.

Lascauxcaveman October 14, 2008 at 5:33 pm

[re=133514]Profesora R[/re]: My terrist 8-year-old watched the second debate with me. Her comment was “Why does that old guy keep saying ‘My Friends’? Its just REAAALLY ANNOOOOYYYING!”

Oh how I luvs my kids.

Sara in the West October 14, 2008 at 5:49 pm

[re=133379]WWJGD[/re]: Actually, she did know. She’s been following the race since the Iowa caucuses & really wants the Iraq war to end & understands as much as a 7 year can the destructive nature of bigotry. Go pick on someone your own size. End of my mother bear speech.

S.Luggo October 14, 2008 at 6:09 pm

Childrenz: the enemy within. Who knew?
http://lh6.ggpht.com/_7G-ujcdlllg/RlNRmlrgjOI/AAAAAAAAAQk/W1DsInjQ7c0/Cuba_2418-Friends.jpg

And dammit, it now looks like we will need another Gitmo, this time about the size of N. Dakota. On the plus side, kids don’t really eat that much.

azw88 October 14, 2008 at 6:12 pm

As the person that broke this news on Wonkette this am, I have special insight:

The kids all said that McCain reminds them of their grandpa, and all of them hava grandpa that is meaner than a rabid dog and smells like old-people shit…. and they don’t want MCain in the White House, because Dolly Madison worked hard to save Washington’s portrait from the British, there is just no getting rid of old-people stench.

S.Luggo October 14, 2008 at 6:16 pm

[re=133183]nietzscheprojectile[/re]: To call someone an “actor” is worse. It means that the person’s only skill is waiting on tables.

azw88 October 14, 2008 at 6:39 pm

[re=133658]S.Luggo[/re]: Wrong!! That is just plain mean, insulting, and degrading!

Sometimes, they have to bus the tables and wash the dishes too!

Lascauxcaveman October 14, 2008 at 7:46 pm

[re=133672]azw88[/re]: And! Most of the ones I know can roll a damn fine joint. Nice and fat and tight, with a perfect draw.

Datsun510 October 14, 2008 at 8:10 pm

[re=133262]jagorev[/re]: win
[re=133276]Woodwards Friend[/re]:Also win
(Is it okay to have two wins? I’m not sure what the rules are.)

Datsun510 October 14, 2008 at 8:26 pm

[re=133435]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: It’s a good joke. Just a little mistake. It’s okay.

Weeping Jesus October 14, 2008 at 10:08 pm

I approve of this message. And I approve of my photo, because my teeth are so white against my healthy tan.

ivenson October 14, 2008 at 11:45 pm

[re=133143]Deepthroat[/re]: In 1980, I spent a lot of my time (with my parents) at the local campaign headquarters of John Anderson for President. Never have quite recovered.

ivenson October 14, 2008 at 11:47 pm

[re=133159]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: My daughter (who was tiny at the time) loved Dukakkis. She said she liked him because he looked like a Muppet.

PoJunk October 15, 2008 at 2:07 am

I loved that Scholastic thing. I remember doing it back in 1987; that’s the first political memory I have. Since then, I’ve been avoiding obligations like school work or work work to read political columns and now blogs! Scholastic is a gateway to wasting time.

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