Wonkette
Three cheers, for Cocktober is in full swing! Some tragic former upstate New York assemblyman and current parole board member was busted for allegedly arranging a date with what he thought would be an underage person but turned out to be the State Police. Hmm! Our fake fantasy victim has no gender here in this write-up.
Thus, the world has yet to find out whether Republican Chris Ortloff expected to meet up with a little boy or a little girl in his sad motel room crammed with child porn and “sex paraphernalia.” Maybe neither! Maybe he was just maxin’ and relaxin’ in this random hotel room and had no idea what was going on until the cops busted in and he realized that what he thought was a novel can opener was in fact some underaged sex device.
Anyhoo, given that Ortloff was “always the tough-on-crime guy in the Assembly who wanted to increase the criminal penalties for all kinds of sex crimes” and also a Republican, we can certainly draw the logical conclusion about his tastes.
UPSTATE POL BUSTED FOR KIDDIE PORN [New York Post]
Oh, of course.
Pedosmile.
So, for those of us scoring at home, this would be Dem +1 versus GOP +1. I can’t wait to see Cocktober’s final score!
Seriously, To Catch a Predator is on like all the time. When are these guys going to catch a hint?
Ah! and to think, blowvember is just around the corner!
Cogito Ergo Bibo:
Is this what Stevie Schmidty meant by winning?
Being on the parole board is a part-time gig that pays $102,000 a year?! He should’ve been arrested for molesting the state budget a while ago.
Pedophilia must be an illness. The drive to have sex with children must be so strong that it over rides what everybody knows: teens don’t want to have sex with a pudgy, middle aged, shriveled balled men. They want to have sex with other teens. Or play xBox.
I wish people would stop calling it “Kiddie” porn. It makes it sound cute. Ugh.
Haterz.
Kill him!
He’s gonna be expensive to keep in jail, too — former parole board member and convicted pedophile — he’ll be spending all his time either in protective custody or the prison hospital.
“Ortloff, married with two sons, could not be reached for comment.”
Can we PLEASE be spared the press conference, where he issues his “denial”, and the poor godamned wife has to stand there like a hostage victim?
…expect him to launch his senate campaign in 5…4…3…2…1
See, Republicans just know how to get these things done. Less than a day after we hear of this sad affair by a Democratic congressman with a woman (how sad is that?!) employee (pleeeaze!) who - get this! - dumped HIM, and mere months away from Spitzer being busted with a hooker like a two-bit john (lame-o), here comes the GOP doubling down with a pedophile-cum(ahem)-paraphrenalia in a seedy motel, and a law-and-order anti-sex crime tough guy to boot. You just can’t beat them at this game. Hats off to them.
Tough on crime. Parole board member. Probably “violated” (in the adult sense–sending a parolee back to prison) some guys for getting stopped with some weed or missing an AA meeting. Convicted of a child related sex crime.
His term of incarceration will last about an hour and then he will be lowered into his grave.
finds jeebus in 3.2.1….
SayItWithWookies: …I wonder how many cigarettes his life is worth?
I find no joy in the thought of taking a sharpened toothbrush to him. Wait a minute, it’s so wrong it’s right. Yay!!
Today we are all confused can openers.
In cases like these I sort of wish the police would walk in, tell the perp in excruciating detail how unbelievebley screwed they are, then provide them with a loaded hand gun and five minutes of privacy.
I think that’s a tidier way of dealing with this problem.
Aint no Kiddie Porn Sting like a republican Kiddie Porn Sting.
So there’s Ortloff in the motel room, the leathers, restraints, whips and chains all neatly laid out on the bed, he’s just popped a Viagra, there’s a knock at the door and he runs to it, heart full of hope. Oh shit, that kid and his 15 friends are all 6′2″ and wearing police uniforms. What to do? “I just beat you here by a few seconds, officer. It looks like the Phantom Masturbator has escaped out the back window.”
Hooray for Cocktober! Where’s baldeagle79 this morning! Hooray!
LOL “underaged sex device”
Bostoprov: Dexter style?
Why are the pretty ones always so dumb…
He looks like Jim Bakker, the Howdy-Doody of Hallelujah.
slomojoe: Haha… they’re real pros at this stuff by now.
Shocking interview chris ortloff on CNN http://tubedirect.net/index.php?q=chris-ortloff-CNN !!!!!!
It must know everyone!
WadISay: His own nightstick doth give him away, thanks to the pharma industry.
InsidiousTuna: Indeed. Creepy, creepy Republitards with their creepy creepy smiles and their creepy creepy sex addictions…
How many flings did this fucker have before he got caught. ScumCunt.
How could you diligent Wonkette readers have missed that the NY Post article was written by one “Frederic U. Dicker”
Does the underaged sex device have to pay for its own rape kit?
sneaky:
Funny, that was my radio name in college.
FUCK, this assclown made $102K a year for a PART TIME JOB!!!
Gee, I am in the wrong field or something…. Fucking kids pays so much better than it used to!
see republicans know how to do full on epic fails.
Having sex with an easy (not super attractive) woman that he “works” with would make him a democrat
Cogito Ergo Bibo: No way the score is tied. Kiddie porn != having a mistress. You can still get a job if you have sex with someone your age. This guys career is over and he might go to jail. The Dem just has to take out the trash and do the dishes for the next 10+ years. And he has to sit through “Nights in Rodanthe” and say he likes it.
Tater tots for the narcoleptics, you fuckers! Just saying.
“Ortloff, married with two sons, could not be reached for comment.”
I hear the Ortloff boys are saving it for marriage. And by “it,” I mean bouts of impotence and a need to bugger children.
he’s from my hometown and used to be the anchor on the local station. When they covered it this morning, they said “unknown charges”…..hmmmm
Chris Hansen has a boner
The % of politicians who end up being complete criminal scumbag abusers is amazing.
This is why I fear famous people.
Rush: Come now, Rush no need to refer to this man as a cunt. That would imply that he tried to sex underage girls, and that is just so wrong. And it IS consentual sex when one is a member of NAMBLA
Conservatives will accept and embrace him for choosing right to life and not abortion. Frankly, I think he should abort himself.
“underaged sex device” see: Tickle Me Elmo
Special Agent Jack Mehoff: Yes. What came of the great culling?
…so what are you doing here? You see…I have the transcript. So…yeah…you might wanna go ahead and tell me what you’re really doing here.. Did you bring condoms? And what about the beer - did you bring that too?
See…we’re doing this story…about adults…
He was taking advice from the McCain campaign: dude had that prepubescent boy right where he wanted him.
cheeto_jeebus: My money’s on a combination of Jeebus-finding, rehab in-checking, and booze blaming. He was drunk, depressed, abused as a child, lost his moral compass, etc. It’s getting too easy to predict these things
Ortloff, once the Assembly’s assistant minority leader and ex-chairman of the Clinton County GOP…
I knew it! I knew this was Clinton’s fault somehow.
spencer: I tend to agree with you. Maybe the score is more GOP 1+ and Dem 1.
Maybe there was a Baby Wee Wee involved.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76B4hG_wLJs
creepiest toy ever. Mark Foley has three.
If someone were inclined to give him the benefit of doubt, it could be claimed that he was doing research for future tough legislation.
But then, he is a Republican so he is obviously as guilty as sin. Not to cast aspersions on sin of course.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: It’s true for those of you scoring at home, and also for those who are home alone.
From the comments:
“NewNickNY wrote:
I heard that he was wearing woman’s underwear and a but [sic] plug when he was arrested.”
Should this picture ever surface, I demand that it be Blingee’d.
I’m not sure how, but the Republicans have even managed to make an underaged sex bust boring… I think they went one too many times to the well.
Deepthroat: Disturbing, indeed! I think they found this in the motel shower:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6EuUCLmJBo&feature=related
Well, at least FL can breathe a sigh of relief that THIS pedophile doesn’t live in its hallowed state with all the others.
I feelz like such a virgin! This is my first post to a Cocktober Surprise ever! I’m a little nervous…I’ve watched many times but this is so much different!
Yea! My hometown makes the news! I mean - shit. When I was growing up here this guy was the local news anchor and he was stupid. As a rep he was so self-righteous - big surprise.
Someone walked into my office this morning and said “Wow, did you see Ortloff got arrested last night?” My response: “Let me guess, child porn?” She came back 20 mins later and asked, “How did you know?”
Quick answer: A) He’s a Republican b) I read Wonkette
We’re gonna be laughing during the Clinton County Dems meeting tonight…
Si, molestario, El Senator.
PS Sara and everyone else - we don’t call this upstate NY- that’s Westchester County and south of Albany. We call this the North Country.
Wait, was he gangbanging a stormtrooper with Lucas and Spielberg when the cops busted in?! And did they find Yoda and Short Round too?
“Thus, the world has yet to find out whether Republican Chris Ortloff expected to meet up with a little boy or a little girl…”
Hello? Did you not SEE the word “Republican” in that sentence? That’s like saying “The world has yet to find out if the new Roman Pontiff just elected by the College of Cardinals is Catholic.”
MathewBrooks: After Cocktober and Blowvember, what’s next???
Must be … Dicktember!
gracie: Good to know there’s another secret Wonkette reader in Plattsburgh.
StripesAndPlaids: But by having sex with middle-aged men, teens can *afford* that xbox! Hell, with a little well-placed blackmail, an enterprising teen can afford his (or her) own Porsche.
Here’s a video from the local new station of Ortloff’s home being searched last night - at about 1:50 or so in you can see and Obama-Biden yard sign. Too perfect.
http://www.wptz.com/video/17711005/index.html
But…but..they’re the party of Family Values.
Republicans: The Party of The Teenie Weenies
spencer: I was just considering the scoring system… Surely when we’re talking about getting busted by the cops for luring kiddies into dark motel dungeons with candy and tickle-me-elmos we’re more in the “Live Boy or Dead Hooker” territory than we are in the “Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice” zone. so therefore:
Cocktober Scoring Chart (all points are for opposite sex situations, double if for same sex and they’re a conservative)
Live Hooker = .1 pt. per whore diamond
Frumpy Office Assistant = 1pt.
“Fuckin’ Redneck” = 2pts.
Member of Congress = 3pts.
Member of Congress’ Underage Page = 5pts.
Dead Hooker = 5pts.
Cabinet Member = 5pts.
Member of Congress’ Mother = 6pts.
Cop You Hoped Would Actually be Underage = 7pts.
In a Swinger’s Club = 7 of 9pts.
Foreign Spy = 10pts.
Chris Hansen = 100pts.
Condoleeza Rice = 100pts.
Karl Rove - If he’s bottom -1000pts, if he’s top 1000pts.
Most Points By November 3rd Wins!
zomg! I was going to meet that older sexy lonely gray haired stud in a hotel room. Yes, me. I am 35 y.o. virgin, oops, I mean I make 13 next month. If any sexy old lonely stupid ambiguously gay republican farts would like to meet me, a young sexxxay kid from the internet, please email me your nude pics and we can chat in the underage kids chat room. Heehee, lolz. XOXOXO
So is this prevert and that non-wife-bangin’ Rep from Florida the Cocktober Surprise we’ve been awaiting lo these many months? Stay tuned.
Sorry, Larry, I said “lo,” not “loo,” so keep yer feet to yerself.
Whew! The lack action from the Grande Old Pervs was beginning to trouble me… I’m waiting for a Johnston/Palin meth-fueled sex tape to pop up on the Tubes.
COCKTOBER FOREVER!
slithytoves: most excellent video! I like the part where they’re “bagging things up and carrying them out”
Why don’t you take a seat over there.
http://i217.photobucket.com/albums/cc7/Edgehead89/hansen.jpg
What do Republicans and Catholic Priests have in common? No. No punchline. The self-evidence is implicit in the question.
Why is it always the perverts who are “tough” on sex crimes? Is that some kind of latent guilt shit or something?
I Am Not Your Gary Busey: In a Swinger’s Club = 7 of 9pts.
I saw what you did there. LOL
“Just step out of the car please.”
Talk about your October surprises:
Spina said Ortloff repeatedly e-mailed what he believed to be 11- and 12-year-old sisters since June and tried to arrange a meeting in suburban Albany.
(http://www.examiner.com/a-1637539~Feds__NY_parole_board_member_sought_child_sex.html)
Just when you think you know what’s going on, they pull a surprise on you. Unless, of course, he was expecting the sisters to introduce him to their 9-year-old brother.
LittlePig: Resistance is Futile. You will have a three-way with me.
I love Cocktober, we need a Cocktoberfest beer garden!!!
[re=133081]I Am Not Your Gary Busey[/r
HOW MANY POINTS FOR BRISTOL?
LOVE,
LEVI XOXOXXOX
I think the latin is, “SQUAT O RAT REPUBLICATUM YESIREE” or simply, SORRY.
CivicHoliday: One gets some with little boys. One gets nun.
For those who aren’t familiar with Republican Family Values, a handy chart:
Boy, pre-teen basic hourly rate= 1 Snickers bar or equivalent in other confections
Girl, pre-teen ” ” “= Hannah Montana sparkle hair clip or Barbie goods of equal value
Boy, teen= 1 copy of latest HALO/GTA game or equivalent in other electronic goods
Girl, Teen= Yech! Are you crazy? They got cooties!
$ilence of trophy wife= 1 new Mercedes or cash equivalent
Forgiveness of Jeebus= minimum 10% tithe AND vehement public opposition to Roe v. Wade
Hope this clears things up, folks.