Wonkette
Chief McCain strategist Steve Schmidt spoke yesterday to NPR and made a variety of very interesting statements about how close his candidate is to finally putting this Obama guy away. [Hint: Super close.] “We’re proud of the campaign we’ve run, it’s been a positive campaign,” he says. And also, about the media: “We have ‘em just where we want ‘em in this race.” His campaign is “well within striking distance.” And blah blah blah, poor Steve Schmidt, with no hair on his wee bald head, and no prospects for the future. [Politico, NPR]
You just wait until Ron Paul formally announces his candidacy next week, there’ll be a mysterious new line on that chart that shoots up from 0 to 90% overnight! The blimp funds shall not be in vain!
As Custer said at Little Big Horn, “We have ‘em just where we want ‘em, and they’re within striking distance.” Indeed.
So the McCain campaign is getting their talking points from Baghdad Bob now?
Chief McCain strategist Steve Schmidt spoke yesterday to NPR and made a variety of very interesting statements about how close the his candidate is to finally putting this Obama guy away.
They reprogrammed the Diebolds?
The saddest part is that Schmidt will be voting for Obama because he wants to ensure that his health benefits don’t stop when he loses his job after McCain loses.
With apologies to USMC General OP Smith.
Steve Schmidt: “We’re not losing, we’re winning in another direction.”
He is going down, ahem, as the Jeff Gannon of political campaigning.
This assclown has his head so far up his own ass that he can brush his teeth and wipe his ass at the same time with one hand.
Scholastic Kids’ Vote program results Barak Obama 57% MCain 39% 4% for others!
Since 1940, the results of the student vote have mirrored the outcome of the general election all but twice: In 1948, kids voted for Thomas E. Dewey over Harry S. Truman. In 1960, more students voted for Richard M. Nixon than for John F. Kennedy. In 2000, a majority of student voters chose George W. Bush, mirroring the Electoral College result, but not the result of the popular vote.
That makes it one of the best predictors for the election results!
Take THAT Johnny-Mac…. School kids are in the tank for Obama!!
ManchuCandidate: Yes, it’s definitely an advance to the rear… the Repubs seem to like the rear…
Anyone else think having Lex Luthor as your front man a little creepy?
“We’re proud of this campaign we’ve run. It’s been a positive campaign focused on the issues and not personal character attacks, and if the Lord of the Flies has tricked America into voting for a terrorist coddling half-breed who was raised in an Indonesian Madrassa over a genuine American war hero who suffered for our sins over 5 1/2 years in a Vietnamese pit of Hell, then there’s very little we can do about it.”
What timing! This AM, driving in to work, there were a whole herd of flying pigs in the sky, wow!
And then, monkeys flew out of my ass, whadda day!
NPR: “What is a dog?”
Schmidt: “A cat.”
NPR: “What color are blue socks?”
Schmidt: “Red.”
NPR: “Why is McCain winning?”
Schmidt: “Because he is losing–wait–NOOOOOO!”
NPR: “Gotcha, Steve!”
Serolf Divad: Maybe that’s McCain’s October surprise… he’s going to die and be resurrected…
“Are you kidding? They couldn’t hit an elephant from this dist … “
He’s within striking distance for a third strike.
“We have ‘em just where we want ‘em in this race.”
Is Schmidt seriously able to say that with a straight face?
…I wonder how long before campaign workers start hocking the behind the scene tell all books?
Later that day, Schmidt went on to praise the maverick-y-ness of Crystal Pepsi, the patriotism of the Edsel, and the Bipartisanship of the Sony Betamax…
This is standard operating procedure. When you’re behind, you say you’re coming back. Then maybe the polls move in that direction when dumbass people start to believe it.
After all, John McCain is the only candidate in this race who killed some VietCong and crashed his planes for me.
Yes. John McKKKain and Sarah Palinchmob have run the most positive campaign in history. And now that they’re 10 points down with 3 weeks to go, I’m sure it’s only going to get more positive from here.
…by the way, I’m pretty sure that is what Kimbo Slice was saying last week as well.
The Chicago Cubs will win the World Series this year, I hear.
slappypaddy: The part of Maj. Marcus Reno will now be played by Bill Kristol.
This campaign knows how to strike from a distance..
All they need is a helicopter and a high-powered rifle.
And is it just me, or is the disconnect between reality and spin that we’ve all come to expect–and that we’ve become calloused to–swelled to absolutley staggering proportions of late? The word “Orwellian” doesn’t even begin to do it justice. This ‘right where we want them’ crap is worth of all the snark one can muster, but really…calling this a positive campaign is up there with calling the gutting of civil liberties a ‘patriot act’.
Having written that, I suppose it’s not. But damn.
Is it too late to permanently ban Steve Schmidt from commenting or being quoted on Wonkette?
If not , that is my suggestion for the all powerful Ken Layne.
Deepthroat: Schmidt then paused to check his Blackberry. He wanted up an update on his Pets.com stock.
There is a typo in the first sentence:
“Chief McCain strategist Steve Schmidt…”
That should read:
“Chief McCain surrealist Steve Schmidt”
It’s trenchant insight like this that’s going to help him pick the best corners when he’s begging for the other kind of Change next year.
One of my friends from high school and I have been going back and forth because I got tired of being sent the latest screed from Michelle Malkin, and we bet a very expensive lunch on it. I took Hopey and a margin of 30 electoral votes. I haven’t decided on the location yet, but arugula will be prominently featured. I wondered how in the hell a human being with access to polling data would take such a bet. Then I realized he’s taking his cues from this guy.
Virginia and North Carolina are bait. Once the Obama campaign devours them, they’ll be so fat and satisfied they won’t know what hit ‘em. Especially after we feed ‘em Ohio, Nevada, Florida and Missouri. Heh heh heh…
Hillary Redux.
Anyhoo
Does anybody else think all name puns except maybe “Nancy Poopenheifer [cf Newell, yesterday]” are just unfunny? Like, brutally unfunny?
Dernyul: 98% of all puns are fucking terrible.
This ship is unsinkable.
Did Steve-o also talk about his endless desire for man-on-man love?
As long as he’s throwing fantasies out there, I just thought…
Is it too soon to ask that all future postings from/about the McCain campaign be accompanied by graphics of people on fire, falling buildings, or that guy from “Rejected” who shoots his eyeball out and drenches his comrade in a fountain of blood? Because I really want to revel in the pre-apocalypse vibe (or wallow in the filth-and-despair vibe) for as long as I can. It makes me, uh… happy?
Oh god please don’t put me on that ban forum. That place gives me nightmares.
AngryBlakGuy:TGY : And Al Davis believes that last weeks press conference was just what was needed to turn the Raiders around.
A glimpse of our future: fast forward to November 5 interview with NPR.
Q: Mr. Schmidt, when did you first realize the McCain candidacy was hopelessly lost.
A: When I saw the October 13 polling.
(theramin music)
And the fundamentals ( anybody else getting really fuckin’ tired of that word, too? ) of our economy are strong.
You know that a campaign has pretty much struck rock bottom when they resort to Jedi mind tricks as an actual strategy.
Schmidt: We’re within striking distance.
Grampy: We have ‘em right where we want ‘em.
Bible Spice: I’m so glad to be cleared of any hint of ethical violations.
If it weren’t so pathetic, it would be funny. Oh. Wait. It IS funny! Never mind.
MrAgro:
The morning of November 5:
NPR: “Steve, what was the campaign’s biggest mistake?”
Schmidt: “We made no mistakes, every single thing we did went exactly according to plan.”
NPR: “You suspended the campaign 20 times in October alone, you put Palin at the top of the ticket and she selected Levi Johnston as her running mate a week before the election, you had McCain jump over 10 flaming school buses on a motorcycle–”
Schmidt: “We have ‘em right where we want ‘em. And that’s why we’re winning in a landslide. We’re mavericks and we’re the ticket of change.”
NPR: “–but the election was yesterday. You lost. Big. You only won three states.”
Schmidt: “Exactly, we ran the best campaign in history and that’s why we won so hard, and that’s why John McCain is now King of the Universe.”
There will be a victory speech from McCain at 11pm on November 4th regardless of the vote count.
mattbolt: “You just wait until Ron Paul formally announces his candidacy next week, there’ll be a mysterious new line on that chart that shoots up from 0 to 90% overnight! The blimp funds shall not be in vain!”
Looks like a speculative bubble. Beware the meltdown. Not to mention the bursting blimp.
Another great pop culture moment in the campaign, courtesy of Monty Python
Look, you stupid Bastard. You’ve got no arms left.
Yes I have.
LOOK!
It’s just a flesh wound.
Flashing back to Terry McAuliffe talking about the Hillz campaign in, oh, May? June?
freakishlystrong: Was that you?
Am I still here? I wasn’t deleted from The Matrix? Whew!
“We’re six points behind?” Right — if you take the 11 points McCain is behind, and subtract the maximum “-” on the “+/-” error margin, you can claim that McCain won’t possibly lose by less than 6 points. However, there’s still potential for McCain to lose by 15 points. Either way, buddy, you’re fried.
This reminds me of Bill Hicks’ take on the LA police spinning Rodney King:
“Well, if you play the tape in reverse, we’re helping him up.”
A true American will not vote for John SIDNEY McCain, the fucking Aussie.
I really wish he’d resign the race. I hate seeing a hero humiliated and crushed and trounced and run out of town and belittled and defeated and run down and shut out and landslided and mocked and ruined and taunted and reduced to a caricature and battered and pummelled and hammered…
Digging into his background, I have found that Steve Schmidt is really Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf
One can find some of his best work here!
And he is able to recycle a number of his statements with little on no editing:
“The American press is all about lies! All they tell is lies, lies and more lies!”
“blood-sucking bastards”
“These cowards have no morals. They have no shame about lying”
“Just look carefully, I only want you to look carefully. Do not repeat the lies of liars. Do not become like them. Once again, I blame al-Jazeera before it ascertains what takes place. Please, make sure of what you say and do not play such a role.”
And this McCain-like classic: “Rumsfeld, he needs to be hit on the head”
Steve Schmidt’s new day job http://www.williamkdaby.com/images/Black%20and%20White/Sweeper_Istanbul_69.jpg
“We’re an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you’ re studying that reality—judiciously, as you will—we’ll act again…”
Poindextrous: When’t the bottle of rum coming out? Or since this is a republican, maybe the meth and underage boy orgy?
This is a bit off-topic, but I have a delicate question: is anyone else noticing that McCain actually CAN raise his arms over his head? I’ve noticed it about twenty times at campaign rally footage–he’ll raise ‘em up, wave at folks in the crowd, over and over and over.
Am I being too picky, or is this the 2008 version of Bob Roberts tapping his toe? I’ve been told a million times over this cycle that the man can’t raise his arms to even comb his hair, and is so beaten down that he can’t type. The man can do some lusty over-the-head waving after all.
Don’t get me wrong. I hope he can raise his arms over his head (how else can he disco dance?) I’m just saying it doesn’t jive with the narrative I’ve been fed for the last many moons.
Thoughts?
dilhavarti:
These are the good kind of mushrooms.
I can make this light before it changes.
Nice doggie.
This planet has an atmosphere just like on earth.
It’s fireproof.
What duck?
magic titty: Dernyul: Unless you thought of it first.
azw88: Wait, the schoolkids backed Thomas Dewey and Richard Nixon?
Young people are significantly less hip than I thought.
But they have been right ever since the Nixon pick….
The margin of victory in this one is very interesting…
Schmidt’s tone reminds me of an antique Russian joke:
- Ivan, I caught a bear!
- Well, bring him here.
- I can’t - he won’t come!
- Then just come over alone.
- I can’t - he won’t let go!
Speaking of Schmidt:
http://image.blingee.com/images15/content/output/000/000/000/447/287596477_1304366.gif
sparkly, turdy, and bald
McCain should hire Mark Penn, because nothing matters anymore.
HuskyMescan: ty pretty
I’m actually glad the WALNUTS! campaign is providing Schmidt, Tucker Bounds, Watshername Heiferpööper and sundry other idiots with a steady income. Just think of the damage they could have done if they had real jobs out in the real world.
Pollster.com put North Dakota (NORTH DAKOTA!!) in the toss-up column today. Clearly the dementia has set in over at GOP HQ.
FWIW, the chart has slowed the load-up on this page to a crawl, tho it’s kind of worth the wait.
dilhavarti: I try to turn my angry leftist hatred into beauty via le blingee.
Lorax: It looks like he can’t raise his arms straight up in the air - seems he can raise his upper arms to the height of his shoulders, then has to raise his forearms. It’s an optical illusion.
It’s interesting that he can’t use a keyboard because of war injuries, yet has been documented shooting craps 14 hours straight. That is some serious hand action.
Either way, he’s a total douche.
I think it’s time for them to go dig up the cursed skull of Lee Atwater at midnight and ask it for instructions. They have no more recourse left.
Consider if you will that this campaign is being run by the guys who: ran Bush 41’st losing bid, managed Dick Cheney’s image, and lead Rudy Giuliani’s campaign to a whopping $70 million : 1 delegate success ratio. Yes, winners all.
See, what everyone doesn’t get about Republican politics is that losing major elections doesn’t mean anything about your likelihood of getting hired in the future. It’s rather depressing if you’re an R, I promise.
If slivers were spikes and spikes were were mohawks then Columbus would have a holiday and so would McCain.