TWATTER  12:21 pm October 13, 2008

CNN Anchor Dumps Lady Stalker On Twitter

by Sara K. Smith

Ouch.Don Lemon hosts some CNN show we never watch because we are too busy WORKING, but he is a heavy user of the Twitter, and it looks like his beautiful friendship with some nut named “Carol” recently went south. Just this morning he was glad she watched his show, but then 12 minutes later he was all, “Please fuck off and die forever, I have no time for you, nut.”

Shortly after that, he had to post some illiterate message about how he had “norhing to hide” in order to soothe another anxious reader who we’re guessing was concerned that something excitingly unprofessional had gone down between Lemon and this insane demander of personal messages. Meanwhile, “Carol” burnt down her Don Lemon shrine and overdosed on Tylenol, and now her corpse is being consumed by her 35 cats, all named Mr. Winkles.

Don Lemon’s Twitter

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 34 comments }

Special Agent Jack Mehoff October 13, 2008 at 12:26 pm

I’m sorry Don. I know how it is man, but you did the right thing. Theres really norhing you could have done differently. Except of course hit that shit and quit that shit. I’m guessing the deal breaker was a pic?

cal October 13, 2008 at 12:28 pm

SNAP!!!

Q2 October 13, 2008 at 12:28 pm

One would expect no less from a man named after a bitter fruit.

ihasasad October 13, 2008 at 12:29 pm

Speaking of Lemon, Tina Fey will leave Earth if McPalin wins. That is all.

Special Agent Jack Mehoff October 13, 2008 at 12:29 pm

Why does Don Lemon hate lonely cat ladies?

ManchuCandidate October 13, 2008 at 12:30 pm

Oh Editrix Sara, she’s not suicided.

Hell hath no fury.

Carol’s playing the Police’s ‘Every Breath You Take’ on repeat track on her MP3 player while she’s pulling out the stun gun, plastic dildos, duct tape and night vision goggles from the closet to visit Don at his place.

Nigerian Business Executive October 13, 2008 at 12:30 pm

“Carol” may be crazed but her taste sure isn’t. That Don Lemon is a fine looking man.

hesakillerqueen October 13, 2008 at 12:33 pm

Isn’t that how Catwoman was born? Thanks for nothing, CNN.

Servo October 13, 2008 at 12:33 pm

[re=131513]ManchuCandidate[/re]:
NiMH batteries? Check.

Tommy Says Soooo October 13, 2008 at 12:36 pm

Sara K. Smith, I’m working. This is strictly professonal. Cannot call you or continue to answer personal messages. Please respect that. But if you can convince Juli of a three-way, drop me a line.

Gopherit v2.0 October 13, 2008 at 12:36 pm

Break out the Moet! The Dow is above 9000 again!
http://finance.yahoo.com/q/bc?s=%5eDJI&t=1d&c=

WadISay October 13, 2008 at 12:37 pm

Don, you might want to go online for some recipies for delicous boiled rabbits.

ignoramoose October 13, 2008 at 12:40 pm

Oh shit, run Monique! Carol will cut a bitch!

http://twitter.com/donlemoncnn/statuses/957656226

“Hi monique. Call my old cell number or email me yours.”

ignoramoose October 13, 2008 at 12:41 pm

Oh shit, run Monique! Carol will cut a bitch!

http://twitter.com/donlemoncnn/statuses/957656226
“Hi monique. Call my old cell number or email me yours.”

azw88 October 13, 2008 at 12:46 pm

[re=131544]ignoramoose[/re]: Call his OLD cell #??? wtf? is he blowing the chick off, or did he kep his old cell to keep in touch with his chicks he keeps on the side?? He better hope his wife doesn’t use the twitters, too!

sanantonerose October 13, 2008 at 12:47 pm

Hey, if a handsome (famous?) guy creates an avenue of hope for some hopelessly in love female fan, what should he expect to happen? Twitter good for normals, not so good for celebs. It gives the illusion of relaxed friendship with the possibility for more.

loudmouthredhead October 13, 2008 at 12:50 pm

Since when did a respectable service like Twitter turn into a low-brow, stream-of-consciousness, who-f’ed-who-in-the-what-now?, prurient, voyeur-fest? Oh…wait…nevermind

Texan Bulldoggette October 13, 2008 at 12:53 pm

Does this prove that once you go black, you never go back?

druranium October 13, 2008 at 12:58 pm

Heh, twitter sucks. It is the cnn anchors’ shiny new object.
Tweet this.

Kingbee October 13, 2008 at 1:07 pm

“Carol” = code for “Gov. Palin”. I’d read that Sarah Palin has become more “accessible” to the media lately. It helps that Todd is always off “polishing” his gun.

donner_froh October 13, 2008 at 1:14 pm

[re=131532]Gopherit v2.0[/re]:

Dead cat bounce

Bear market rally

Sucker rally

Miller October 13, 2008 at 1:19 pm

Illiterate Twitter breakups are the the hip new way to do things. Which is good, we’ve long needed a place for ideas and postings that are too vapid and self obsessed for even a blog.

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

TGY October 13, 2008 at 1:21 pm

I don’t understand this Twitter shit, but then again, I’m old.

Deepthroat October 13, 2008 at 1:33 pm

wow. has news really been that slow lately?

LolCas October 13, 2008 at 1:36 pm

That whore Monique better watch her back.

queeraselvis v 2.0 October 13, 2008 at 1:40 pm

“Please fuck off and die forever, I have no time for you, nut.”

How’d you guys get a hold of Walnut’s notice of termination for Mooselips?

Smackdown October 13, 2008 at 1:42 pm

Who’s going through his 3.5k followers to find Carol’s twitter? Because THAT would be worth reading.

carollemon4eva: running out of vazoline. time slipping from robot hands. i love your posts don please call me on helmet radio or you die.
3 hours ago from twitterfox

lawrenceofthedesert October 13, 2008 at 1:54 pm

Perhaps Don was disappointed that it is spelled with an “i” instead of an “a”? But then it would be Anchor Person Friend Finder, I guess.

Maus October 13, 2008 at 2:26 pm

What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 38 minutes ago from Carol
What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 37 minutes ago from Carol
What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 36 minutes ago from Carol
What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 35 minutes ago from Carol
What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 34 minutes ago from Carol
What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 33 minutes ago from Carol
What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 32 minutes ago from Carol

Doesn’t have the same style, does it?

SayItWithWookies October 13, 2008 at 3:10 pm

[re=131553]sanantonerose[/re]: Yeah, familiarity breeds contempt. No wonder I hate them.

J October 13, 2008 at 3:10 pm

Carol will not be ignored. Don Lemon better hide his kid’s bunny rabbit right fucking now.

icedog October 13, 2008 at 5:45 pm

I’d like to do something unprofessional with Don Lemon, he’s hot. And funny, in a droll, superior sort of way.

shari October 16, 2008 at 1:43 am

True. Don is a handsome guy but I always wondered if he was straight or not. Then again it does look like Monique has his number. Maybe he’s just really, really metrosexual. Well whatever…He can still tweet my twitter anytime :-)

barkway May 11, 2009 at 9:04 pm

was part of the Twitter hacker’s phishing scam (stole passwords and posted fake posts from well known people)

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