twatter

CNN Anchor Dumps Lady Stalker On Twitter

Ouch.Don Lemon hosts some CNN show we never watch because we are too busy WORKING, but he is a heavy user of the Twitter, and it looks like his beautiful friendship with some nut named “Carol” recently went south. Just this morning he was glad she watched his show, but then 12 minutes later he was all, “Please fuck off and die forever, I have no time for you, nut.”

Shortly after that, he had to post some illiterate message about how he had “norhing to hide” in order to soothe another anxious reader who we’re guessing was concerned that something excitingly unprofessional had gone down between Lemon and this insane demander of personal messages. Meanwhile, “Carol” burnt down her Don Lemon shrine and overdosed on Tylenol, and now her corpse is being consumed by her 35 cats, all named Mr. Winkles.

Don Lemon’s Twitter

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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  • Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    I’m sorry Don. I know how it is man, but you did the right thing. Theres really norhing you could have done differently. Except of course hit that shit and quit that shit. I’m guessing the deal breaker was a pic?

  • cal

    SNAP!!!

  • Q2

    One would expect no less from a man named after a bitter fruit.

  • ihasasad

    Speaking of Lemon, Tina Fey will leave Earth if McPalin wins. That is all.

  • Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    Why does Don Lemon hate lonely cat ladies?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Oh Editrix Sara, she’s not suicided.

    Hell hath no fury.

    Carol’s playing the Police’s ‘Every Breath You Take’ on repeat track on her MP3 player while she’s pulling out the stun gun, plastic dildos, duct tape and night vision goggles from the closet to visit Don at his place.

  • Nigerian Business Executive

    “Carol” may be crazed but her taste sure isn’t. That Don Lemon is a fine looking man.

  • hesakillerqueen

    Isn’t that how Catwoman was born? Thanks for nothing, CNN.

  • Servo

    [re=131513]ManchuCandidate[/re]:
    NiMH batteries? Check.

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    Sara K. Smith, I’m working. This is strictly professonal. Cannot call you or continue to answer personal messages. Please respect that. But if you can convince Juli of a three-way, drop me a line.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    Break out the Moet! The Dow is above 9000 again!
    http://finance.yahoo.com/q/bc?s=%5eDJI&t=1d&c=

  • WadISay

    Don, you might want to go online for some recipies for delicous boiled rabbits.

  • ignoramoose

    Oh shit, run Monique! Carol will cut a bitch!

    http://twitter.com/donlemoncnn/statuses/957656226

    “Hi monique. Call my old cell number or email me yours.”

  • ignoramoose

    Oh shit, run Monique! Carol will cut a bitch!

    http://twitter.com/donlemoncnn/statuses/957656226
    “Hi monique. Call my old cell number or email me yours.”

  • azw88

    [re=131544]ignoramoose[/re]: Call his OLD cell #??? wtf? is he blowing the chick off, or did he kep his old cell to keep in touch with his chicks he keeps on the side?? He better hope his wife doesn’t use the twitters, too!

  • sanantonerose

    Hey, if a handsome (famous?) guy creates an avenue of hope for some hopelessly in love female fan, what should he expect to happen? Twitter good for normals, not so good for celebs. It gives the illusion of relaxed friendship with the possibility for more.

  • loudmouthredhead

    Since when did a respectable service like Twitter turn into a low-brow, stream-of-consciousness, who-f’ed-who-in-the-what-now?, prurient, voyeur-fest? Oh…wait…nevermind

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Does this prove that once you go black, you never go back?

  • druranium

    Heh, twitter sucks. It is the cnn anchors’ shiny new object.
    Tweet this.

  • Kingbee

    “Carol” = code for “Gov. Palin”. I’d read that Sarah Palin has become more “accessible” to the media lately. It helps that Todd is always off “polishing” his gun.

  • donner_froh

    [re=131532]Gopherit v2.0[/re]:

    Dead cat bounce

    Bear market rally

    Sucker rally

  • Miller

    Illiterate Twitter breakups are the the hip new way to do things. Which is good, we’ve long needed a place for ideas and postings that are too vapid and self obsessed for even a blog.

    http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

  • TGY

    I don’t understand this Twitter shit, but then again, I’m old.

  • Deepthroat

    wow. has news really been that slow lately?

  • LolCas

    That whore Monique better watch her back.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    “Please fuck off and die forever, I have no time for you, nut.”

    How’d you guys get a hold of Walnut’s notice of termination for Mooselips?

  • Smackdown

    Who’s going through his 3.5k followers to find Carol’s twitter? Because THAT would be worth reading.

    carollemon4eva: running out of vazoline. time slipping from robot hands. i love your posts don please call me on helmet radio or you die.
    3 hours ago from twitterfox

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    Perhaps Don was disappointed that it is spelled with an “i” instead of an “a”? But then it would be Anchor Person Friend Finder, I guess.

  • Maus

    What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 38 minutes ago from Carol
    What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 37 minutes ago from Carol
    What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 36 minutes ago from Carol
    What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 35 minutes ago from Carol
    What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 34 minutes ago from Carol
    What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 33 minutes ago from Carol
    What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 32 minutes ago from Carol

    Doesn’t have the same style, does it?

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=131553]sanantonerose[/re]: Yeah, familiarity breeds contempt. No wonder I hate them.

  • J

    Carol will not be ignored. Don Lemon better hide his kid’s bunny rabbit right fucking now.

  • icedog

    I’d like to do something unprofessional with Don Lemon, he’s hot. And funny, in a droll, superior sort of way.

  • shari

    True. Don is a handsome guy but I always wondered if he was straight or not. Then again it does look like Monique has his number. Maybe he’s just really, really metrosexual. Well whatever…He can still tweet my twitter anytime :-)

  • barkway

    was part of the Twitter hacker’s phishing scam (stole passwords and posted fake posts from well known people)