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Ouch.Don Lemon hosts some CNN show we never watch because we are too busy WORKING, but he is a heavy user of the Twitter, and it looks like his beautiful friendship with some nut named “Carol” recently went south. Just this morning he was glad she watched his show, but then 12 minutes later he was all, “Please fuck off and die forever, I have no time for you, nut.”

Shortly after that, he had to post some illiterate message about how he had “norhing to hide” in order to soothe another anxious reader who we’re guessing was concerned that something excitingly unprofessional had gone down between Lemon and this insane demander of personal messages. Meanwhile, “Carol” burnt down her Don Lemon shrine and overdosed on Tylenol, and now her corpse is being consumed by her 35 cats, all named Mr. Winkles.

Don Lemon’s Twitter

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34 COMMENTS

  1. Oh Editrix Sara, she’s not suicided.

    Hell hath no fury.

    Carol’s playing the Police’s ‘Every Breath You Take’ on repeat track on her MP3 player while she’s pulling out the stun gun, plastic dildos, duct tape and night vision goggles from the closet to visit Don at his place.

  2. Sara K. Smith, I’m working. This is strictly professonal. Cannot call you or continue to answer personal messages. Please respect that. But if you can convince Juli of a three-way, drop me a line.

  3. [re=131544]ignoramoose[/re]: Call his OLD cell #??? wtf? is he blowing the chick off, or did he kep his old cell to keep in touch with his chicks he keeps on the side?? He better hope his wife doesn’t use the twitters, too!

  4. Hey, if a handsome (famous?) guy creates an avenue of hope for some hopelessly in love female fan, what should he expect to happen? Twitter good for normals, not so good for celebs. It gives the illusion of relaxed friendship with the possibility for more.

  5. Since when did a respectable service like Twitter turn into a low-brow, stream-of-consciousness, who-f’ed-who-in-the-what-now?, prurient, voyeur-fest? Oh…wait…nevermind

  6. “Carol” = code for “Gov. Palin”. I’d read that Sarah Palin has become more “accessible” to the media lately. It helps that Todd is always off “polishing” his gun.

  7. “Please fuck off and die forever, I have no time for you, nut.”

    How’d you guys get a hold of Walnut’s notice of termination for Mooselips?

  8. Who’s going through his 3.5k followers to find Carol’s twitter? Because THAT would be worth reading.

    carollemon4eva: running out of vazoline. time slipping from robot hands. i love your posts don please call me on helmet radio or you die.
    3 hours ago from twitterfox

  9. Perhaps Don was disappointed that it is spelled with an “i” instead of an “a”? But then it would be Anchor Person Friend Finder, I guess.

  10. What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 38 minutes ago from Carol
    What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 37 minutes ago from Carol
    What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 36 minutes ago from Carol
    What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 35 minutes ago from Carol
    What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 34 minutes ago from Carol
    What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 33 minutes ago from Carol
    What’s the Frequency, Lemon?… 32 minutes ago from Carol

    Doesn’t have the same style, does it?

  11. True. Don is a handsome guy but I always wondered if he was straight or not. Then again it does look like Monique has his number. Maybe he’s just really, really metrosexual. Well whatever…He can still tweet my twitter anytime :-)

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