• May 25, 2012

Colin Powell Testifies About Nude Hijinks With Ted Stevens

by Sara K. Smith  

Drill baby drill!Well “my friends” it is Friday and this is precisely the sort of headline that will either make people click the clicky to READ MORE or just go “ugh” and vomit quietly in their shoes. Because seriously who wants to know about Ted Stevens’ long love affair with former Secretary of State Colin Powell, a man who has built a career defending the veracity and reputations of unreconstructed crooks?

Here is the deal: Ted Stevens is on trial for taking too many gifts from various Alaska people and not reporting them properly. He was allowed to call a few character witnesses, and one of them was Colin Powell, the once-honorable soldier who has been roundly discredited for staying in the Bush administration a million years too long.

Powell is apparently a great pal of Ted Stevens, because here is what he said about him:

“I had a guy who would tell me when I was off base, he would tell me when I had no clothes on, figuratively, that is, and would tell me when I was right and go for it.”

Powell also said Stevens had a “sterling” reputation. Then he leapt off the stand and presented Ted Stevens with a very special gift: a set of gold-plated anal beads to use on the thousand-dollar husky he had been given, for free, by some other dude.

Colin Powell: Stevens reputation ‘sterling’ [Anchorage Daily News]

{ 37 comments }

rambone October 10, 2008 at 5:39 pm

Goddammit! For some reason I thought this article was about Powell and Ted NUGENT. Imagine my disappointment . . .

Gopherit v2.0 October 10, 2008 at 5:41 pm

I’d only settle for solid gold anal beads if I were Ted.

Rev. Juan MessyCan October 10, 2008 at 5:42 pm

Is that husky (canine) or Husky- WSU footballer? I want one!!! Although I’ve only got rubber anal beads to use… We’re in a depression, okay? And the collection plate ain’t bringing enough for my Happy Meals, now that I can go back to eating at McD’s after I get my cock sucked in the bathroom.

Either way, if I get one, he can remain on all fours!

user-of-owls October 10, 2008 at 5:44 pm

Well I vomited. But it was kinda loud. And it was in my hands, as is the current style among photographed stockbrokers.

tunamelt October 10, 2008 at 5:44 pm

Am I supposed to be banking running?

tunamelt October 10, 2008 at 5:44 pm

OH CHRIST. Pretend that was relevant.

obfuscator October 10, 2008 at 5:46 pm

We’re off the base. You’ve got no clothes on… it’s right… go for it.

tunamelt October 10, 2008 at 5:48 pm

[re=130079]user-of-owls[/re]: Helpful if you can no longer afford shoes.

Gopherit v2.0 October 10, 2008 at 5:48 pm

[re=130081]tunamelt[/re]: Hitting the bottle on an empty stomach, Tuna?

Worlds End October 10, 2008 at 5:49 pm

I throw up a little bit

Dave J. October 10, 2008 at 5:51 pm

[re=130080]tunamelt[/re]: Strangely, that’s something I can totally imagine being in a thought-bubble over W’s head during a press conference. “Am I supposed to be banking running?”

shortsshortsshorts October 10, 2008 at 5:51 pm

OH sure Colin. Just like those Mobile Facilities for Biological Weapons you told us all about at the U.N. Iraq War Fuck Fest. Was that Ted’s idea?

shodan2020 October 10, 2008 at 5:56 pm

[re=130076]Rev. Juan MessyCan[/re]: Actually, it was an obese man who had an insatiable lust for moose meat.

Gopherit v2.0 October 10, 2008 at 5:59 pm

BTW, thanks for the picture, Sara. Now I have that stupid song stuck in my head:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Km08iq4N3nI

Dubya really made him his bitch back in the day.

SayItWithWookies October 10, 2008 at 6:01 pm

What was going through Colin Powell’s mind when he agreed to do this? That it’s been years since he’s looked like a rube in public?

S.Luggo October 10, 2008 at 6:01 pm

I see that Colin’s suddenly got himself a job doing kitchen remodeling at certain US senator’s moose lodge and an ironworker’s job on the “Bridge to Nowhere”. (Good for you, sir. Good for you. Now tell us more about those aluminum tubes.) Abso-positively no connection to his testimony, naturalement.

shortsshortsshorts October 10, 2008 at 6:04 pm

[re=130098]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: That video has masculinity written all over it.

boyhowdy October 10, 2008 at 6:10 pm

I wouldn’t call Powell as my character witness. The prosecutor gets to come back with all that embarrassing crap about What He Said and No Nobody Can Ever Believe Him Again EVAR. But maybe that’s the best the old fartbag can do.

tunamelt October 10, 2008 at 6:14 pm

[re=130093]Dave J.[/re]: [re=130088]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: It’s Friday and my boss isn’t here so I chose to drink my lunch instead of eat it and all I get from you guys is mockery.

Gopherit v2.0 October 10, 2008 at 6:18 pm

Yes. It’s the bitterness, you see.

Gopherit v2.0 October 10, 2008 at 6:18 pm

[re=130114]tunamelt[/re]: You’d think, with no boss, you’d be trying to get chattango working. Where the hell are your priorities?

tunamelt October 10, 2008 at 6:23 pm

[re=130120]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: I have given up on chatango at work. If someone knows how to make it work, let me know, but I have given up. No free bad sex advice for me.

Uncle Al October 10, 2008 at 6:28 pm

[re=130099]SayItWithWookies[/re]: exactly. Next stop for Colin: Dancing With the Stars or selling jewelry on Home Shopping Network.

rickygee October 10, 2008 at 6:30 pm

Correction: A Husky (footballer) would be Univ of Washington. WSU is home to The Cougars (not to be confused with Sarah Palin)

ManchuCandidate October 10, 2008 at 6:31 pm

Or so says the guy who told the whole fucking world that eeRak had Dubya EmmmDees.

Colin’s word is about less valuable then WaMu stock these days.

Scooter October 10, 2008 at 6:36 pm

Hey, I’m old enough to remember when Colin Powell wasn’t committing treason and was on the short list to run for President in 2008. And I’m only five.

Datsun510 October 10, 2008 at 6:39 pm

I just read about Powell lieing for a friend of his, then I watched a video of Powell completely humiliating himself-apparently voluntarily, and now I can’t stop my brain from dripping out my nose.

“That One!” Save us!

S. Cullen Bonz October 10, 2008 at 6:40 pm

I didn’t know he was on Mystery Science Theater 3000

azw88 October 10, 2008 at 6:46 pm

[re=130076]Rev. Juan MessyCan[/re]: the Huskies are UofWashington. WSU are the Cougars. It is ieasy to confuse the to, as both are the bottom-feeder in the PAC-10 this year.

lawrenceofthedesert October 10, 2008 at 6:55 pm

I had no idea Colin was one of the Village People.

cal October 10, 2008 at 6:56 pm

Remember when Colin Powell seemed like he had integrity?

Sigh.

elSantos October 10, 2008 at 7:26 pm

[re=130180]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Yeah, there is something wrong here.
He used to be the army officer, not the steel worker of the team.
http://www.officialvillagepeople.com/

user-of-owls October 10, 2008 at 7:27 pm

[re=130114]tunamelt[/re]: Well I thought you were cogent and insightful…when you replied to my post…which no one ever does…which makes me sad…which…why don’t you ever invite ME to drink lunch! *sob*

S.Luggo October 10, 2008 at 10:54 pm

[re=130180]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Really, I would hope that you’d know better than that. Anacostia is a small, McMansion segment of DC, and Republican butt-fucking there once ended at the close of business on Wall Street. Mmmmm, such good times.
– John NcCain

tednugentslover October 11, 2008 at 12:48 am

[re=130071]rambone[/re]: Not only am I Ted Nugent’s lover, but also Colin Powell’s lover. Wanna know where he found those aluminum tubes?

HemlockEcho1 October 11, 2008 at 10:57 am

Stevens on naked Colin Powell: “It’s not a big truck”

Baldeagle79 October 12, 2008 at 5:58 pm

Oh, I see, you disagree with Powell, so you make up crap. That’s right, you’re liberals.

http://www.offeringcommonsense.blogspot.com

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