Wonkette
America’s favorite frienemy Decepticon, Vladimir Putin, was given this wild monster, a “tigress cub,” for his 56th birthday. He “was shown stroking the two- month-old tigress at a meeting with Russian journalists at his residence outside Moscow.” Rowr…?? The gift-givers thought it would be hilarious — a great party joke! — given Putin’s tendency to shoot tigers. Russian irony! Very dark! [Bloomberg]
Man, this just makes me sad. Poor tiger. (Not that there is lots of habitat left for it to frolic…but still)
For fuck’s sake, Chillbilly Palin, weren’t you supposed to be looking out for those dastardly Russians across the river so that their super-villains don’t acquire one of nature’s most deadly predators
wait, doesn’t he already have the rhythmic gymnast?
Look at the hot russian bear mama in the background. Damn, she can put me into a leg-lock chokehold hibernation any day of the week.
He concluded the meeting by feeding the journalists, one by one, to the tiger.
Putin gets to be more and more like a Bond villian every day.
It looks so very frightened of him
Is Putin gonna put a frickin laser beam on that tiger’s head?
Bite him, Simba!
Reefpilot: Dude, no. It’s a Russian girl. If you were to graph their attractiveness vs. their age, the point after they turn 30 would kind of look like a graph of the Dow Jones after hitting October
paigow: The Evil Overlord package from Neiman-Marcus — it’s what to get for the dictator who has everything.
That tiger was vernalized from a tabby kitten.
Putin has now become one step closer to becoming a James Bond Vilian.
Russian? Check
Trillions of “Petrodollars”? Check
Pet Tiger? Check
Now he just needs a hovercar. Or a submarine. Or a hoversubmarine.
What’s the difference between a hockey mom and a tigress? Well, one of them eats human babies for sustenance, and the other one is a tigress.
Fuck the Tiger, look at that bitchin’ suede jacket that Putin is wearing. Dude is rocking the 1989 look!
He should raise it to do his bidding. I also have to say that thing looks beautiful.
Insane Russian Despot Putin acquires tiger, later acquires TIGER UPPERCUUUT by hitting down, forward, down-forward + PUNCH
MMMM DIN din’s gonna be gooood tonight.
Did they really need a tiger print bed for the tiger? Russians…so tacky…
And why is that Russian madame kneeling in the background?
What did she know, and when did she know it?
Too Lazy To Sign In: hoversubmarine….. interesting
Seriously, what the fuck is he gonna DO with that little tiger??!
The tiger is in a tiger-print cat bed. That’s just wrong on so many levels.
2goats: We don’t want to know what goes on behind the closed bedchamber doors of the Pooty Poot. It might well involve BOTH the gymnast and the tiger.
magic titty: pondscum: totally agree–first thing I thought of!
Too Lazy To Sign In: Well, now that all the oligarchs have lost all of their stock market money, he could maybe repossess a gigantic super-yacht? Bonus - some of them come with their own private submarine:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eclipse_(yacht)
Too Lazy To Sign In: Haha - you don’t think he has a submarine? Silly…
dano: You’re obviously not a member, dawg…
It’s like a “Members Only” meets “American Apparel” ad.
Siegfried and Putin. Much more butch than Roy.
WTF, I was arrested for stroking my tigress in public.
freakishlystrong: Wrestle it, bare chested.
You can’t be an evil mastermind without an exotic pet to lazily scratch as you plan the end of the world. . .
I mean, he has all the other parts, why not this one?
is anyone else watching the dow? this shit is crazy!
Aw, just like Madonna! *singing* Who’s That Prime Minister?
freakishlystrong: Giving it to a zoo.
How much did Pravda or whoever photoshop this photo? That head clearly doesn’t belong on that body, the tiger’s head’s strangely in-focus compared to his body, it’s like this is a composite shot of 4 different photos
paigow: *rofl* truth
ABitOfACommunist: Yeah i just gave up caring.
He secretly wants to have a swanky Las Vegas show.
You want another Tiger, Vlad? I’ll give you Dontrelle Willis.
Awwwww! those things are soooo cute before they grow up and disembowel you.
I’m just trying to figure out what he’s doing with his hand. “And this is how many fingers Dmitri had left after he unwrapped the gift box for me! Oh, how we laughed.”
Now when the Palin’s are sitting on their front porch having their morning meth, Sarah can sing to baby Trig. Lions, and Tigers and Bears, oh my! Cause she can see Russia!
jagorev: Did you look up the specs of the yacht. It is believed to cost Abramovich around $300 million and will be the world’s third largest yacht with at least two swimming pools, two helipads, several on board tenders and a submarine. For security, it will be fitted with motion sensors and a special missile-detection system. That is fucking insane.
OK, this really calls for some Monty Python: “A tiger? In Africa??”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p629R-whGlM
I know that Putin can’t help but look evil, but srsly, he is going to eat that cub for breakfast, isn’t he?
freakishlystrong: The article says that Putee will be sending it to a zoo. But before that, Vladimir will let kitty spend a day in Mikhail Khodorkovsky’s prison cell, where it will get to play with the former Yukos chairman’s head as if it were a ball of yarn.
paigow: and look the way the tigress goes down on her knees, and that guy behind playing with his pants. Priceless.
ABitOfACommunist: holy shit–it was up 265, then 130, then 87, now it is down 109.
SOMEBODY is making money,
tunamelt: Then I hope he waits until she’s bigger…clawed.
pondscum: Then I suppose it makes my human skin sheets look kind of tacky too.
He will surely declaw it, just like he did to Georgia.
btwbfdimho: Is that Drew Barrymore?
OMG the dow is up 12 points right now. We are all FAT CATS again.
Ah, I see Putin’s displaying the Russian version of the “shocker.” I can only imagine what happened next.
This is like every neighborhood drug dealer’s favorite birthday present.
freakishlystrong: Clone it. Then drops thousands of tigers on Alaska as the first wave of assault.
Doglessliberal: “Just sew it back on.” I believe that’s what Bush said to Paulson.
When the tiger looks in Vlad’s eyes, it will see his soul. Right next to that tasty, red, throbbing thingy.
shortsshortsshorts: Break out the “Night Train”, dammit.
S.Luggo: exactly
Whiskeybaby: The woman in the background?
Putin, for fuck’s sake, hollow out a mountain, build a lair and start terrorizing the Pacific Rim already.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
“Da! Is… how you say… ‘kickass’ birthday present… “
mattbolt: Oh sweet! Street Fighter II is relevant again.
Putin is better than Bush in every imaginable way.
Bush tries to take Iraq, gets nothing.
Putin takes the North Pole, and 2 separatist provinces in Georgia with almost no fighting.
Bush stops fucking his wife, as you can tell by the sorrowful look in her eyes.
Putin gets a 24 year old rhythmic gymnast, and makes her a cabinet minister.
Bush is terrified of horses.
Putin shoots, and pets tigers.
“My humblest apologies, Kim Jong Il, I cannot attend your World Enders fundraising party, I will be staying in, taming the tiger, if you know what I mean…”
Manchowder:
Putin can see Alaska from his front porch.
Bush can’t find Alaska on a map of Alaska.
Etc.
Better to stroke a 22 year-old tigress, if memory serves.
I see he’s been on the Red Phone with Cindy McCain having high-level discussions about bestial finger-fucking techniques. Forget the “hot war” option, sic PETA on them Russky Neighbors of Palin. WIN.
I guess better a sober theiving kleptocracy (Putin) to a drunken theiving kleptocracy (Yeltsin).
that’s kind of cool, i knew someone who had a pet lion once (i’m from that scary place called africa though i’m not of the luo variety, we all have wild animals as pets), but a tiger is way cooler. i hate to say it but vlad wins this round of awesome, what’s bush going to do to top him? that pile of elephant dung al gore got him last year just won’t cut it.
It could just be the unpatriotic whore in me … but uh … do any other ladies think Putin could definitely be a PILF? The best sex is with frienemies.
run_said_ran: eh, too weasely faced for me, but I can see the appeal.
I think we’re all missing out on a potential solution to several of our ongoing problems. All we need to do is get Putin replaced by another great Russian, Vladimir Zhirinovsky:
Zhirinovsky has advocated forcibly retaking Alaska from the United States (which would then become “a great place to put the Ukrainians”)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vladimir_Zhirinovsky
Birds, stones, etc.
Botswana Meat Commission FC: Yes, and Putin is flashing the neighborhood drug dealer gang sign that says, “Sarah, when John loses that election, you can just hop the creek and come be VP with me and my cool kitty.”
Doglessliberal:
I’m penning my ‘Letter to Penthouse’ now …
magic titty: Soviet Russia was the Age of Tacky.
That picture is straight pimp. Putin was later spotted Crip Walking in the hallway.
Am I remembering correctly that John Oliver (Daily Show) specifically listed tiger petters as a subtype of stupid people earlier this week?
freakishlystrong: Most likely finish it off with a bullet to the back of the neck after it makes a voluntary confession of felinitude in the Lubyanka.
If Bush were to look into Putin’s tiger’s eyes what would he see?
What about if McCain were doing the looking?
Wait…is he smiling? Is there a smile forming in the Putin-cheek-muscles? His face is in danger of cracking.
Oh boy, another Putin post! Did anyone read the link about him shooting the tiger? I liked this part: “Afterwards, Putin was said to have stroked the animal’s cheek, adding: “She’ll remember us.”
Putin is a pimp. Check him out, flashing his old KGB gang sign! What? Respect, comrades!
run_said_ran: Oh, I totally have a thing for Vladimir Putin, even though he is a ruthless autocrat and will destroy us all. I guess every woman likes a man with a big nuclear arsenal. On the minus side, the tigers, shirtless fishing, and judo suggest that he’s clearly overcompensating for something.
TGY: Goddamn feline travelers.
What’s up with that chick squatting in the background.
Putin kicks f#cking ass!!! Suck it USA!!
Did ANY of you read the article. He shot the tiger with a tranquilizer dart. It’s a preservation program. Tracking devices, health checks, that sort of thing. Not that there probably isn’t an ego boost in there for the guy… but still. Geesh. The guardian can be forgiven for the misleading link because they are pretend news losers, but not sure why wonkette is sinking to the guardian’s level.
dano: Yep. He and Amadinemembersonlyjacketijad are two wild and crazy guys lookin’ for the foxes.
Beetletheknee: You are correct.
OH, what the hell. I’d hit it. You just gotta know that being ex-KGB means he has well-trained hands.
And they’re training it to kill the top three investigative reporters of his choice.