Dudes, our noses are bleeding and the sky is on fire because GOOD LORD, refreshing the Dow every four seconds as it’s free-falling is like SMOKING CRACK. This is astonishing. Whoa! There go another 30 points! HA HA HA HA HA WHEEE. [Yahoo! Finance]

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  • InKnockYouUs

    Fuck. I think this might be getting, you know, serious.

  • King Rinzy of Rohan

    Who will buy my pretty pencils?

  • Mo MoDo

    You’ve got the graph mixed up with Dubya’s approval rating.

  • El Bombastico

    I don’t roll out of bed for anything less than a 600-point-drop these days.

  • GlennBecksTaint

    USA! USA! USA!

  • facehead
  • Dientes
  • StripesAndPlaids

    Sorry. Can’t hear you. No WiFi in my cave.

  • Crow T. Robot

    I lost my home. I’m am tens of thousand of dollars in debt. I have no assets. All of my disposable income goes to interest payments. I doubt I have $1000 in my retirement. I’m 42.

    We don’t need no water. Let the fucker burn.


  • ManchuCandidate

    Thanks W. Today we are all Arbusto/Harken.

  • TJBeck

    I bid one dollar, Bob!

  • Serolf Divad

    I believe this is being caused by interference from a passenger’s Nintendo DS and as soon as he stops playing the plane will level off and we’ll all be fine.

  • SayItWithWookies

    It’s dead, Jim.

  • Tawmn

    Damn those hooligan teens in Wyoming!!!

  • TJBeck

    I remember way back when the Dow dropping below 9000 was news. News, I tell ya! Those were the hours… Musta been 40, 50 minutes ago…

  • StripesAndPlaids

    Watching it live now. Shit. MSNBC commentator: “There is a lot of pessimissm out there.” Ya’ Think?

  • Vewol Mevemont

    It kind of keeps going down. Jesus. The barter system is going to be awesome.

  • Dreamer

    You don’t have to be gleeful about the plummeting of my trust fund. I should have gone on that world tour before W. wreck the economy.

  • facehead

    Don’t worry! I’m sure Sally Struthers will help us out.

  • StrangelyBrown

    Well, at least one good thing will come out of this: President Obama.

  • Nathalie08

    Canada Canada Canada

  • Outstando

    World of Warcraft money is now worth more than the “real” stuff.

  • S.Luggo


  • CrabtreesBludgeon

    [re=128250]Crow T. Robot[/re]: Well fuck. That was seriously depressing. Is the third floor high enough to kill myself, or will there just be enormously painful but survivable damage that will create astronomical medical bills that propel me into bankruptcy?

  • StrangelyBrown

    Watch out for McCain’s next speech: “We’re all Icelanders now”.

  • Serolf Divad

    Anyone want to buy my used copy of Dow 36,000.

  • Vewol Mevemont

    [re=128270]StrangelyBrown[/re]: Thunderdome doesn’t have a president.

  • FMA

    Cheer up. I just read on Krugman’s blog that the plunging stock market is the least of our problems.

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    Scrapple is bad enough, scrapple with Scrabble tiles, it’s what’s for dinner.

  • irisheyes

    Once I built railroad, made it run, made it race against time…once I built a railroad, now it’s done. Brother, can you spare a dime.

    Everybody now!

    Once in khaki boots, gee we looked swell, filled with that Yankee Doodle-e- dum, half a million boots, slogged through hell,
    I (bum,bum) was the kid (bum,bum) with the drummmmmmmmm

    Say, doncha remember, you called me Al, it was Al all the time…hey doncha remember, I’m your pal,

    Brother, can you spare a dime.

  • hrhkingfriday

    [re=128263]Vewol Mevemont[/re]: We would all be rich on the barter system. In other words, we have a lot of shit! Now who wants my 10,000 dsl modems?


    [re=128250]Crow T. Robot[/re]: Congratulations. Now you are free.

  • StrangelyBrown

    [re=128278]Vewol Mevemont[/re]: Michelle = Auntie

  • King Rinzy of Rohan

    [re=128250]Crow T. Robot[/re]: Hang in there, Crow. This too shall pass.

  • Serolf Divad


    If you dive head first and maintain a vertical position throughout the fall you should be OK.

  • El Kabong

    wtf mate?



  • Roger Mexico, Actuary

    Oh, it’s just a number, absolute, meaningless, an empty signifier or whatever.

  • PentagonBookkeeper

    Our hope is free from earthly treasures, or at least until GM starts making Jetsons cars. We all just need a little love:

  • choinski

    This is the perfect moment for handsome, swarthy man who’s name rhymes with Kneel! Cash-Carry! can come in on his white horse. . . . . um . . . . any day now!

  • sike101

    I thought my neighbor was being a little hasty in eating his puppy last night, but now…meh

  • OzoneTom

    Gee, at this rate I think that the only approach for Obama after taking office is to declare a new war.

    A class war!

  • Crow T. Robot

    [re=128274]CrabtreesBludgeon[/re]: I suspect the latter. Sit down, have a drink or three, and watch the executives pass your window on the way down.

    & if you have some hash, I’ll let ya come over & watch with me.

  • King Rinzy of Rohan

    McCain/Palin’s next campaign appearance scheduled for Hooverville, USA! Get there early…there’s a rumor that soup will be served!

  • echoroc

    I’m putting all my shit into Zimbabwe. Someday those 20,000 dollar bills are gonna be worth something.

  • dano

    I’m going to watch “Fight Club” tonight on DVD. I always makes me feel better about being poor.

  • TJBeck

    In 1950, I could have given you the option to spend $5 on:
    a) one share of General Motors stock – thy lynchpin of the american postwar economy!
    b) A few six packs of Rainier Beer, in cans

    One would be worth $4.76 today, and the other would be worth at least $13.83.

    Hooray beer!

  • Worlds End

    [re=128262]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: Did you see the closing? The people looked like they wanted to eat shotguns.

  • Crow T. Robot

    Hey guys–I’m not depressed–I’m kinda gleeful–don’t worry about me. I am in sorta an Edward Norton headspace (tho too wimpy to act on it)–this is kinda fun.

    I watched a lot of fuckers walk away from the .com bust with more money than I’ll ever see–am hoping a few of them got caught in this pileup. Greedy bastards–I suspect some were.

  • Jebediah

    Fuck. The Dow is not supposed to have a vertical asymptote.

  • cal

    Are the bankers jumping yet?

    That will make for must-see TV.

  • grendel

    I can haz $700B back? Kthxbai

  • dano

    Time to break out my homebrew equipment again since I’ll be too poor to buy store bought beer.

  • S.Luggo

    In order to survive these terrible times, the American consumer must become more savvy when going to the store. Remember: if the gun ain’t loaded, it ain’t armed robbery.

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    And the worst thing is that Dow Jones didn’t shake any hands on the way up. It’s a karmalanche!

  • NegativeZero

    [re=128277]Serolf Divad[/re]: My favorite line from the amazon review:

    “Many will dismiss this kind of thinking [the Dow at 36,000] as wishful, but they’re probably the same Chicken Littles who have been calling the market overpriced for years”

    I bet it was just a publishing error – they really wanted to call it Dow 3,600.

  • GlennBecksTaint
  • facehead
  • Kingbee

    Please — we need another war to take our minds off of this!! Not one of these confusing wars that have political/social/religious issues — just something simple, something with heroes. Not one where everybody is a “Hero” because they just serve — something with actual heroes that do stuff that we want to read about in the newspaper, as we lie on a park bench covered in newspapers. Not, however, multiple plane-crashing heroes who sign “confessions” after they’re captured. Real heroes who won’t talk under torture, even though they’re being waterboarded by the Americans. Oh! — wrong heroes. Forget that. OK, just any new war will be fine. Preferably with spears, to save money. Does North Korea use spears?

  • InKnockYouUs

    [re=128295]choinski[/re]: Yeah, where are these guys: Kneel Cash and Carry, the bald guy with his Hank Bank idea? What the fuck are they doing? Learning to play the violin?

  • Vewol Mevemont

    [re=128286]StrangelyBrown[/re]: If this means she’ll be wearing tight, revealing, chain mail during her next appearance on Larry King, I’m game. I’m also apparently a huge dork…

  • tunamelt

    So do we panic now?

  • Outstando

    I see no reason to pay my mortgage any longer. They can’t throw all of us out. Too many guns! Ha ha, dumbfuck capitalists.

  • Barack Like Me

    I rolled back into town this morning from a trip out west at abt 8 am and having been cut off overnight i strolled over to the Nasdaq lobby at 43rd & Bwy in Times Square, to see what the Eur/Asian mkts did last night, and since I was already there, I thought…

    What the fuck, why not?

    So I knocked on the glass, got their attention, and proceeded to flip the whole room off as I rolled south on the sidewalk towards the subway.

    Naturally they gave me that smug disparaging look that they do, it’s a money/WASP thing that the destroyers of America have mastered, but I gotta ask, who’s laughing now?

    How you like me now you dumb stupid bitches?

    I’ve got pics and video.

  • Serolf Divad


    Actually, they left off the decimal point. The real title was going to be DOW $360.00.

  • Maj. Major Major Major

    If only Bush was unable to privatize social security and get more of our money into the market…


    [re=128306]Crow T. Robot[/re]: Grab some good books, paper and pen, move into a shithole, and enjoy the ride.

  • King Rinzy of Rohan

    Am I the only one here who saw this coming from a mile away? Am I the only here looking forward to this?

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    On CNN they’re saying that the Treasury Department needs to get off its butt and start handing out the $700 zillion that Congress gave them last week. Not buying up assets yet is not exactly infusing the system with the cash needed to free up credit.

  • slappypaddy

    [re=128274]CrabtreesBludgeon[/re]: The third floor is not high enough, unless you are lucky enough to break your neck. You may survive a fall from the fourth floor, so for best results, leap from the fifth floor or higher.

  • Barack Like Me

    [re=128306]Crow T. Robot[/re]:

    When I ride on the upper decks of the Staten Island Ferry towards the city I can say ‘outside these windows we will witness the collapse of financial history’ and be telling the god’s honest truth, 5 days a week, anytime of the day.

    How cool is that?

    It’s fun because I don’t have to go anywhere near the trouble Tyler did to make any of this happen, they took care of that end of the deal, all by themselves, without any help from me.

    Good times.

  • nurple

    My former gardner is back in Matamoros and needs a gardner. Can I hitch a ride with anyone to Brownsville?

  • S.Luggo

    [re=128345]King Rinzy of Rohan[/re]: Yup. It was fun while it lasted. One may as well as the final scene:

  • Gopherit v2.0

    Awwww….it didn’t close on satan’s number.

  • grendel

    [re=128342]Maj. Major Major Major[/re]: That needs to be the talking point in Florida for the next 4 weeks.

  • slappypaddy

    [re=128307]Jebediah[/re]: Harmony and balance have returned to the world of finance. The downward trajectory of total collapse precisely mirrors the upward trajectory of speculative madness.

  • CrabtreesBludgeon

    [re=128337]Barack Like Me[/re]: Ooh – please to share!

  • Baconcat

    [re=128276]StrangelyBrown[/re]: I know some Icelanders and they are like three inches from overthrowing the gov’t. Their leader had a coronary, for god’s sake. Apparently unregualted free markets DO have a downside!

  • facehead
  • mattbolt

    *holds envelope to forehead*
    The Dow Jones, and your mother
    *rips open*

    … Things that go down quickly.


  • CrabtreesBludgeon

    [re=128288]Serolf Divad[/re]: [re=128356]slappypaddy[/re]: [re=128298]Crow T. Robot[/re]: Thanks for the advice all! You are the bestest friends a depressed soon-to-be-hobo could ever have! And Crow – I don’t have any hash, but I got a shitload of canned soup (Progresso, none of that redneck Campbells shit) and high-end vodka.

  • Worlds End

    [re=128365]S.Luggo[/re]: classic

  • cal

    [re=128369]grendel[/re]: Seriously, I don’t understand why there hasn’t been more discussion of how jsut recently Republicans wanted to put everyone’s Social Security into the stock market. Great idea!

  • Worlds End

    [re=128365]S.Luggo[/re]: I raise you what mccain wants to do to the economy

  • OkieHookerinEngland

    [re=128253]TJBeck[/re]: Perfect.

  • V572625694

    [re=128277]Serolf Divad[/re]: That fine volume of prognostication and financial sagacity has just been re-issued, updated for the current market situation:

  • Jerk Cade

    [re=128312]dano[/re]: I’ll send you my chipotle ale recipe. It’s impossible to find anyway.

  • charrington

    Mein Fuhrer!!! I can walk!!

  • NoWireHangers

    Time for a ticker tape parade!

  • slappypaddy

    [re=128365]S.Luggo[/re]: We’ll all get to wear Bikinis, whether we look good in them or not. Don’t forget your sunscreen. SPF 666 is the recommended coverage.

  • Scooter

    Oh if only we had made those Bush tax cuts permanent!

  • S.Luggo

    [re=128291][/re]: “It’s only after you’ve lost everything that you’re free to do anything.”

  • CrabtreesBludgeon

    Question: If the guvmint starts buying up banks, and it buys mine, does that mean I can stop paying my credit card bill – cause technically I will own said bank and what’s the point of paying myself?

  • S.Luggo

    [re=128403]Worlds End[/re]: I’ve always wanted to see Russia.

  • Crow T. Robot

    [re=128472]CrabtreesBludgeon[/re]: My WaMu bills are still coming…

  • Scooter

    My brother made two trips to Iceland in the last month. On the first the country was still gung ho and flyin’ high, but last week the people were in a huge funk, stores and restaurants were closed, many people claimed they had lost most of their life savings, the entire economy had ground to a stop. I imagine that’s where we’re headed in another week or two.

  • CrabtreesBludgeon

    [re=128513]Crow T. Robot[/re]: Crap. Oh well, back to the drawing board…

  • TGY

    We are all Government Employees, now. Only it’s the Shitty Deal instead of the New.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=128310]cal[/re]: Oh no no the bankers will never jump because the Feds got one thing right in the bailout: padding them with MILLIONS of CLAMS.

  • nurple

    Scooter: only if you’re SUCKER enough to have MONEY. hahaha

  • Kingbee

    Check out this picture of the day. It says it all.

  • problemwithcaring

    We Californias are hopping the border to Mexico. We sell arugala and Black Forest Berry Honest Tea to constructions and oil workers, en la plaza, then take the pesos and buy meat and cosmetic dentistry. Any fellow runners who wanna hitch a ride in my smart car, just holla…

  • Crow T. Robot

    [re=128564]Kingbee[/re]: my new desktop, thanks.

  • holocron

    Damnit!!! I’m ganna have to switch to Franzia…

  • Barrett808
  • Scooter

    [re=128549]nurple[/re]: Okay, I just pre-emptively burned all my money. Next suggestion?

  • risqueclay

    Lookin’ forward to tommorrow’s disaster.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=128668]Scooter[/re]: Damn. Shoulda saved it for kindling.

  • rocktonsammy

    I just watch the Weather Channel, have I missed something?

  • btwbfdimho

    Today the Dow pretty much follows the final trajectory of McCain’s plane in Vietnam. So, get ready for 5 1/2 years of chronic ass-fucking, my fellow prisoners.

  • tednugentslover

    To prepare for the coming depression, I just had a rotten apple and 4 cans of Lone Star for dinner. In six months, I’ll be down to a third of a rotten banana and 4 cans of Lone Star.

  • NotLaughing

    I can’t wait to hear The State of the Union.

    I guess it’s going to be less happy than usual.

  • Quietly

    3:45 P.M.: I switch on WTOP and get ready for a shower. Stocks are down, but it’s no biggie compared to what we’ve been through. The DJ’s almost sound cheerful. Happiness ensues.

    3:57 P.M.: Shower over, I turn on WTOP again and something is clearly not right with the DJ’s. They are flipping shit, talking apocalypse, and going into a mild state of shock right on the air. Visions of terrorists attacks, school shootings, and sports injuries dance through my head. But no, it was even worse: The inevitable happened on Wall St. for the millionth friggin day in a row.

    Apparently the world ended while I was detangling my hair.

  • boggart

    I have to agree, there is a morid fascination in watching it all go pear shaped.

    But the main thing the meltdown tells us about the election is both candidates are not intelligent enough to be President of the world’s most powerful nation. If they were they would both now be begging to be allowed to stand down.

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