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SO LONG WEALTH!

Watching The Dow Free-Fall Is Too Much Fun

Dudes, our noses are bleeding and the sky is on fire because GOOD LORD, refreshing the Dow every four seconds as it’s free-falling is like SMOKING CRACK. This is astonishing. Whoa! There go another 30 points! HA HA HA HA HA WHEEE. [Yahoo! Finance]


3:57 PM on Thu October 9 2008
By Jim Newell
3203 Views

  1. InKnockYouUs says at 4:00 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Fuck. I think this might be getting, you know, serious.

  2. King Rinzy of Rohan says at 4:00 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Who will buy my pretty pencils?

  3. Mo MoDo says at 4:01 pm, October 9th, 2008

    You’ve got the graph mixed up with Dubya’s approval rating.

  4. El Bombastico says at 4:03 pm, October 9th, 2008

    I don’t roll out of bed for anything less than a 600-point-drop these days.

  5. GlennBecksTaint says at 4:03 pm, October 9th, 2008

    USA! USA! USA!

  6. facehead says at 4:03 pm, October 9th, 2008
  7. Dientes says at 4:03 pm, October 9th, 2008
  8. StripesAndPlaids says at 4:03 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Sorry. Can’t hear you. No WiFi in my cave.

  9. Crow T. Robot says at 4:04 pm, October 9th, 2008

    I lost my home. I’m am tens of thousand of dollars in debt. I have no assets. All of my disposable income goes to interest payments. I doubt I have $1000 in my retirement. I’m 42.

    We don’t need no water. Let the fucker burn.

    Kthxbi.

  10. ManchuCandidate says at 4:04 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Thanks W. Today we are all Arbusto/Harken.

  11. I bid one dollar, Bob!

  12. Serolf Divad says at 4:04 pm, October 9th, 2008

    I believe this is being caused by interference from a passenger’s Nintendo DS and as soon as he stops playing the plane will level off and we’ll all be fine.

  13. SayItWithWookies says at 4:05 pm, October 9th, 2008

    It’s dead, Jim.

  14. Damn those hooligan teens in Wyoming!!!

  15. I remember way back when the Dow dropping below 9000 was news. News, I tell ya! Those were the hours… Musta been 40, 50 minutes ago…

  16. StripesAndPlaids says at 4:07 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Watching it live now. Shit. MSNBC commentator: “There is a lot of pessimissm out there.” Ya’ Think?

  17. Vewol Mevemont says at 4:07 pm, October 9th, 2008

    It kind of keeps going down. Jesus. The barter system is going to be awesome.

  18. Dreamer says at 4:07 pm, October 9th, 2008

    You don’t have to be gleeful about the plummeting of my trust fund. I should have gone on that world tour before W. wreck the economy.

  19. facehead says at 4:08 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Don’t worry! I’m sure Sally Struthers will help us out.

  20. StrangelyBrown says at 4:08 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Well, at least one good thing will come out of this: President Obama.

  21. Nathalie08 says at 4:10 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Canada Canada Canada

  22. Outstando says at 4:10 pm, October 9th, 2008

    World of Warcraft money is now worth more than the “real” stuff.

  23. S.Luggo says at 4:10 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

  24. CrabtreesBludgeon says at 4:10 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Crow T. Robot: Well fuck. That was seriously depressing. Is the third floor high enough to kill myself, or will there just be enormously painful but survivable damage that will create astronomical medical bills that propel me into bankruptcy?

  25. StrangelyBrown says at 4:11 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Watch out for McCain’s next speech: “We’re all Icelanders now”.

  26. Serolf Divad says at 4:11 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Anyone want to buy my used copy of Dow 36,000.

  27. Vewol Mevemont says at 4:11 pm, October 9th, 2008

    StrangelyBrown: Thunderdome doesn’t have a president.

  28. Cheer up. I just read on Krugman’s blog that the plunging stock market is the least of our problems.
    Oh.
    Fuck.

  29. Tommy Says Soooo says at 4:12 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Scrapple is bad enough, scrapple with Scrabble tiles, it’s what’s for dinner.

  30. irisheyes says at 4:12 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Once I built railroad, made it run, made it race against time…once I built a railroad, now it’s done. Brother, can you spare a dime.

    Everybody now!

    Once in khaki boots, gee we looked swell, filled with that Yankee Doodle-e- dum, half a million boots, slogged through hell,
    I (bum,bum) was the kid (bum,bum) with the drummmmmmmmm

    Say, doncha remember, you called me Al, it was Al all the time…hey doncha remember, I’m your pal,

    Brother, can you spare a dime.

  31. hrhkingfriday says at 4:12 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Vewol Mevemont: We would all be rich on the barter system. In other words, we have a lot of shit! Now who wants my 10,000 dsl modems?

  32. estevancarlos@gmail.com says at 4:13 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Crow T. Robot: Congratulations. Now you are free.

  33. StrangelyBrown says at 4:13 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Vewol Mevemont: Michelle = Auntie

  34. King Rinzy of Rohan says at 4:14 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Crow T. Robot: Hang in there, Crow. This too shall pass.

  35. Serolf Divad says at 4:14 pm, October 9th, 2008

    CrabtreesBludgeon:

    If you dive head first and maintain a vertical position throughout the fall you should be OK.

  36. El Kabong says at 4:14 pm, October 9th, 2008

    wtf mate?

  37. estevancarlos@gmail.com says at 4:14 pm, October 9th, 2008

    THIS IS YOUR LIFE AND ITS ENDING ONE MINUTE AT A TIME:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esiwzK7IRzY

  38. Roger Mexico, Actuary says at 4:14 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Oh, it’s just a number, absolute, meaningless, an empty signifier or whatever.

  39. PentagonBookkeeper says at 4:15 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Our hope is free from earthly treasures, or at least until GM starts making Jetsons cars. We all just need a little love:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TiQCJXpbKg

  40. choinski says at 4:16 pm, October 9th, 2008

    This is the perfect moment for handsome, swarthy man who’s name rhymes with Kneel! Cash-Carry! can come in on his white horse. . . . . um . . . . any day now!

  41. sike101 says at 4:16 pm, October 9th, 2008

    I thought my neighbor was being a little hasty in eating his puppy last night, but now…meh

  42. OzoneTom says at 4:16 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Gee, at this rate I think that the only approach for Obama after taking office is to declare a new war.

    A class war!

  43. Crow T. Robot says at 4:16 pm, October 9th, 2008

    CrabtreesBludgeon: I suspect the latter. Sit down, have a drink or three, and watch the executives pass your window on the way down.

    & if you have some hash, I’ll let ya come over & watch with me.

  44. King Rinzy of Rohan says at 4:18 pm, October 9th, 2008

    McCain/Palin’s next campaign appearance scheduled for Hooverville, USA! Get there early…there’s a rumor that soup will be served!

  45. echoroc says at 4:18 pm, October 9th, 2008

    I’m putting all my shit into Zimbabwe. Someday those 20,000 dollar bills are gonna be worth something.

  46. I’m going to watch “Fight Club” tonight on DVD. I always makes me feel better about being poor.

  47. In 1950, I could have given you the option to spend $5 on:
    a) one share of General Motors stock - thy lynchpin of the american postwar economy!
    b) A few six packs of Rainier Beer, in cans

    One would be worth $4.76 today, and the other would be worth at least $13.83.

    Hooray beer!

  48. Worlds End says at 4:19 pm, October 9th, 2008

    StripesAndPlaids: Did you see the closing? The people looked like they wanted to eat shotguns.

  49. Crow T. Robot says at 4:19 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Hey guys–I’m not depressed–I’m kinda gleeful–don’t worry about me. I am in sorta an Edward Norton headspace (tho too wimpy to act on it)–this is kinda fun.

    I watched a lot of fuckers walk away from the .com bust with more money than I’ll ever see–am hoping a few of them got caught in this pileup. Greedy bastards–I suspect some were.

  50. Jebediah says at 4:19 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Fuck. The Dow is not supposed to have a vertical asymptote.

  51. Are the bankers jumping yet?

    That will make for must-see TV.

  52. grendel says at 4:19 pm, October 9th, 2008

    I can haz $700B back? Kthxbai

  53. Time to break out my homebrew equipment again since I’ll be too poor to buy store bought beer.

  54. S.Luggo says at 4:21 pm, October 9th, 2008

    In order to survive these terrible times, the American consumer must become more savvy when going to the store. Remember: if the gun ain’t loaded, it ain’t armed robbery.

  55. lawrenceofthedesert says at 4:22 pm, October 9th, 2008

    And the worst thing is that Dow Jones didn’t shake any hands on the way up. It’s a karmalanche!

  56. NegativeZero says at 4:22 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Serolf Divad: My favorite line from the amazon review:

    “Many will dismiss this kind of thinking [the Dow at 36,000] as wishful, but they’re probably the same Chicken Littles who have been calling the market overpriced for years”

    I bet it was just a publishing error - they really wanted to call it Dow 3,600.

  57. GlennBecksTaint says at 4:22 pm, October 9th, 2008
  58. facehead says at 4:22 pm, October 9th, 2008
  59. Kingbee says at 4:23 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Please — we need another war to take our minds off of this!! Not one of these confusing wars that have political/social/religious issues — just something simple, something with heroes. Not one where everybody is a “Hero” because they just serve — something with actual heroes that do stuff that we want to read about in the newspaper, as we lie on a park bench covered in newspapers. Not, however, multiple plane-crashing heroes who sign “confessions” after they’re captured. Real heroes who won’t talk under torture, even though they’re being waterboarded by the Americans. Oh! — wrong heroes. Forget that. OK, just any new war will be fine. Preferably with spears, to save money. Does North Korea use spears?

  60. InKnockYouUs says at 4:23 pm, October 9th, 2008

    choinski: Yeah, where are these guys: Kneel Cash and Carry, the bald guy with his Hank Bank idea? What the fuck are they doing? Learning to play the violin?

  61. Vewol Mevemont says at 4:24 pm, October 9th, 2008

    StrangelyBrown: If this means she’ll be wearing tight, revealing, chain mail during her next appearance on Larry King, I’m game. I’m also apparently a huge dork…

  62. tunamelt says at 4:25 pm, October 9th, 2008

    So do we panic now?

  63. Outstando says at 4:27 pm, October 9th, 2008

    I see no reason to pay my mortgage any longer. They can’t throw all of us out. Too many guns! Ha ha, dumbfuck capitalists.

  64. Barack Like Me says at 4:27 pm, October 9th, 2008

    I rolled back into town this morning from a trip out west at abt 8 am and having been cut off overnight i strolled over to the Nasdaq lobby at 43rd & Bwy in Times Square, to see what the Eur/Asian mkts did last night, and since I was already there, I thought…

    What the fuck, why not?

    So I knocked on the glass, got their attention, and proceeded to flip the whole room off as I rolled south on the sidewalk towards the subway.

    Naturally they gave me that smug disparaging look that they do, it’s a money/WASP thing that the destroyers of America have mastered, but I gotta ask, who’s laughing now?

    How you like me now you dumb stupid bitches?

    I’ve got pics and video.

  65. Serolf Divad says at 4:29 pm, October 9th, 2008

    NegativeZero:

    Actually, they left off the decimal point. The real title was going to be DOW $360.00.

  66. Maj. Major Major Major says at 4:29 pm, October 9th, 2008

    If only Bush was unable to privatize social security and get more of our money into the market…

  67. estevancarlos@gmail.com says at 4:29 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Crow T. Robot: Grab some good books, paper and pen, move into a shithole, and enjoy the ride.

  68. King Rinzy of Rohan says at 4:29 pm, October 9th, 2008
  69. estevancarlos@gmail.com says at 4:30 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Am I the only one here who saw this coming from a mile away? Am I the only here looking forward to this?

  70. Cogito Ergo Bibo says at 4:32 pm, October 9th, 2008

    On CNN they’re saying that the Treasury Department needs to get off its butt and start handing out the $700 zillion that Congress gave them last week. Not buying up assets yet is not exactly infusing the system with the cash needed to free up credit.

  71. slappypaddy says at 4:33 pm, October 9th, 2008

    CrabtreesBludgeon: The third floor is not high enough, unless you are lucky enough to break your neck. You may survive a fall from the fourth floor, so for best results, leap from the fifth floor or higher.

  72. Barack Like Me says at 4:33 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Crow T. Robot:

    When I ride on the upper decks of the Staten Island Ferry towards the city I can say ‘outside these windows we will witness the collapse of financial history’ and be telling the god’s honest truth, 5 days a week, anytime of the day.

    How cool is that?

    It’s fun because I don’t have to go anywhere near the trouble Tyler did to make any of this happen, they took care of that end of the deal, all by themselves, without any help from me.

    Good times.

  73. My former gardner is back in Matamoros and needs a gardner. Can I hitch a ride with anyone to Brownsville?

  74. S.Luggo says at 4:35 pm, October 9th, 2008

    King Rinzy of Rohan: Yup. It was fun while it lasted. One may as well as the final scene: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gb0mxcpPOU&feature=related

  75. Gopherit v2.0 says at 4:36 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Awwww….it didn’t close on satan’s number.

  76. grendel says at 4:36 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Maj. Major Major Major: That needs to be the talking point in Florida for the next 4 weeks.

  77. slappypaddy says at 4:37 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Jebediah: Harmony and balance have returned to the world of finance. The downward trajectory of total collapse precisely mirrors the upward trajectory of speculative madness.

  78. CrabtreesBludgeon says at 4:38 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Barack Like Me: Ooh - please to share!

  79. Baconcat says at 4:39 pm, October 9th, 2008

    StrangelyBrown: I know some Icelanders and they are like three inches from overthrowing the gov’t. Their leader had a coronary, for god’s sake. Apparently unregualted free markets DO have a downside!

  80. facehead says at 4:39 pm, October 9th, 2008
  81. mattbolt says at 4:40 pm, October 9th, 2008

    *holds envelope to forehead*
    The Dow Jones, and your mother
    *rips open*

    … Things that go down quickly.

    HEYOOOO

  82. CrabtreesBludgeon says at 4:43 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Serolf Divad: slappypaddy: Crow T. Robot: Thanks for the advice all! You are the bestest friends a depressed soon-to-be-hobo could ever have! And Crow - I don’t have any hash, but I got a shitload of canned soup (Progresso, none of that redneck Campbells shit) and high-end vodka.

  83. Worlds End says at 4:43 pm, October 9th, 2008

    S.Luggo: classic

  84. grendel: Seriously, I don’t understand why there hasn’t been more discussion of how jsut recently Republicans wanted to put everyone’s Social Security into the stock market. Great idea!

  85. Worlds End says at 4:47 pm, October 9th, 2008

    S.Luggo: I raise you what mccain wants to do to the economy

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcW_Ygs6hm0&feature=related

  86. OkieHookerinEngland says at 4:49 pm, October 9th, 2008

    TJBeck: Perfect.

  87. V572625694 says at 4:49 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Serolf Divad: That fine volume of prognostication and financial sagacity has just been re-issued, updated for the current market situation:

    http://www.bogleheads.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=25100&mrr=1223584408

  88. Jerk Cade says at 4:50 pm, October 9th, 2008

    dano: I’ll send you my chipotle ale recipe. It’s impossible to find anyway.

  89. charrington says at 5:01 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Mein Fuhrer!!! I can walk!!

  90. NoWireHangers says at 5:02 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Time for a ticker tape parade!

  91. slappypaddy says at 5:03 pm, October 9th, 2008

    S.Luggo: We’ll all get to wear Bikinis, whether we look good in them or not. Don’t forget your sunscreen. SPF 666 is the recommended coverage.

  92. Scooter says at 5:03 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Oh if only we had made those Bush tax cuts permanent!

  93. S.Luggo says at 5:06 pm, October 9th, 2008

    estevancarlos@gmail.com: “It’s only after you’ve lost everything that you’re free to do anything.”

  94. CrabtreesBludgeon says at 5:11 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Question: If the guvmint starts buying up banks, and it buys mine, does that mean I can stop paying my credit card bill - cause technically I will own said bank and what’s the point of paying myself?

  95. S.Luggo says at 5:12 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Worlds End: I’ve always wanted to see Russia.

  96. Crow T. Robot says at 5:24 pm, October 9th, 2008

    CrabtreesBludgeon: My WaMu bills are still coming…

  97. Scooter says at 5:24 pm, October 9th, 2008

    My brother made two trips to Iceland in the last month. On the first the country was still gung ho and flyin’ high, but last week the people were in a huge funk, stores and restaurants were closed, many people claimed they had lost most of their life savings, the entire economy had ground to a stop. I imagine that’s where we’re headed in another week or two.

  98. CrabtreesBludgeon says at 5:32 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Crow T. Robot: Crap. Oh well, back to the drawing board…

  99. We are all Government Employees, now. Only it’s the Shitty Deal instead of the New.

  100. shortsshortsshorts says at 5:40 pm, October 9th, 2008

    cal: Oh no no the bankers will never jump because the Feds got one thing right in the bailout: padding them with MILLIONS of CLAMS.

  101. Scooter: only if you’re SUCKER enough to have MONEY. hahaha

  102. Kingbee says at 5:51 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Check out this picture of the day. It says it all.
    http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/search/label/picture%20of%20the%20day

  103. problemwithcaring says at 5:57 pm, October 9th, 2008

    We Californias are hopping the border to Mexico. We sell arugala and Black Forest Berry Honest Tea to constructions and oil workers, en la plaza, then take the pesos and buy meat and cosmetic dentistry. Any fellow runners who wanna hitch a ride in my smart car, just holla…

  104. Crow T. Robot says at 6:02 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Kingbee: my new desktop, thanks.

  105. holocron says at 6:13 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Damnit!!! I’m ganna have to switch to Franzia…

  106. Barrett808 says at 6:49 pm, October 9th, 2008
  107. Scooter says at 7:01 pm, October 9th, 2008

    nurple: Okay, I just pre-emptively burned all my money. Next suggestion?

  108. risqueclay says at 7:02 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Lookin’ forward to tommorrow’s disaster.

  109. Gopherit v2.0 says at 7:12 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Scooter: Damn. Shoulda saved it for kindling.

  110. rocktonsammy says at 8:00 pm, October 9th, 2008

    I just watch the Weather Channel, have I missed something?

  111. btwbfdimho says at 8:34 pm, October 9th, 2008

    Today the Dow pretty much follows the final trajectory of McCain’s plane in Vietnam. So, get ready for 5 1/2 years of chronic ass-fucking, my fellow prisoners.

  112. tednugentslover says at 10:18 pm, October 9th, 2008

    To prepare for the coming depression, I just had a rotten apple and 4 cans of Lone Star for dinner. In six months, I’ll be down to a third of a rotten banana and 4 cans of Lone Star.

  113. NotLaughing says at 2:14 am, October 10th, 2008

    I can’t wait to hear The State of the Union.

    I guess it’s going to be less happy than usual.

  114. 3:45 P.M.: I switch on WTOP and get ready for a shower. Stocks are down, but it’s no biggie compared to what we’ve been through. The DJ’s almost sound cheerful. Happiness ensues.

    3:57 P.M.: Shower over, I turn on WTOP again and something is clearly not right with the DJ’s. They are flipping shit, talking apocalypse, and going into a mild state of shock right on the air. Visions of terrorists attacks, school shootings, and sports injuries dance through my head. But no, it was even worse: The inevitable happened on Wall St. for the millionth friggin day in a row.

    Apparently the world ended while I was detangling my hair.

  115. I have to agree, there is a morid fascination in watching it all go pear shaped.

    But the main thing the meltdown tells us about the election is both candidates are not intelligent enough to be President of the world’s most powerful nation. If they were they would both now be begging to be allowed to stand down.

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