Wonkette
Well, this is ludicrous: John McCain is sending pre-paid FedEx envelopes to Goldman Sachs’ employees — the few who are left, anyway — demanding $5,000 checks. Oh, Walnuts, you’re doing it wrong. Let us investigate this absurdity.
Somebody at Goldman Sachs sent this note to the PhilFiles blog:
This is amazing. McCain sent me an URGENT package at my work address (?) today, begging for money. The package included a pitch (attached for your reference) to his ‘dear friend’ for $$$, and a PRE-PAID Fed-Ex envelope with which to deliver the $$$. You might note that the third paragraph asks for a donation of $5,000. I thought the individual limit was $2,300…
I’m considering what I should send in my pre-paid envelope — any suggestions?
Hmm, how much does a shit sandwich weigh? That might be something good to ship back to McCain HQ.
There are probably piles of these pre-paid FedEx mailers sitting outside the abandoned headquarters of Lehman Bros., too. Why not pick up a few and send McCain your “donation”?
McCain Peddling at the Soup Lines [philfiles]
Sounds Nigerian.
I think he should send Paulsen a Fed Ex envelope. Henry’s pretty generous with our tax dollars.
Why not just provide your social security and bank account numbers? It’s the easier way to donate. In fact, why don’t you just send those things to me. I’ll make sure WALNUTS! gets the money.
Send him a stack of photocopied pics of Palin totin’ the rifle with the flag bikini.
What? They can’t get money from the Ohio Googly Eye Rockefellas?
Bricks. Send bricks. Something heavy and expensive to move. Although, on the other hand, you may want to send rocks. Doubtful anyone can afford bricks anymore.
Crazy old coot thought he heard ‘Goldmine sacks’
echoroc: No, my dear sir. We simply want your bank account number and all other indentifiable personal information. We do not beg uncouthly using 3rd party delivery systems, aside from your bank, that is.
You make a $2,300 donation for yourself, then one for your wife, one for your kid (whose future George W. Bush has just ruined) and presto: $6900.00
In 1932, Garson Kanin first visited Hollywood, flying from NY. He bought his weight in postage and sat with the pilot. If I get some pre-paid mailers, can I go to Aruba?
NB–slappypaddy passed away earlier today, hoist on his own petard. I have assumed his assets, which consisted of his nickname, his avatar, his password, and a half-eaten can of Hobo beans.
As for that so-called appeal from McCain, it looks suspiciously Nigerian. Any monies given over the individual limit will go to Oxycontin for the suffering wives of our displaced waspish overlords.
An acceptable alternative gift for the McCain campaign would be Coney Island whitefish.
Enclose a check for $440,000 made out to AIG…
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Who can afford rocks?
Send dirt. And the recipe for mud cookies.
not only is the individual limit $2300, but only Hopey is eligible to receive any. Johnny walnotz chose to take an $84 Million personal ear mark rather than rely on his friends.
good idea, WALNUTS! –use fossil fuel to ship checks! (no one has told WALNUTS! about these clever plastic card gizmos you can use to buy things over the intertubes)
Is that even real? The $5,000 request seems completely stoopid (my 2 year old knows about the 2300 limit), and a pre-paid Fed-Ex envelope? For reals? That’s some insane dollars to waste on something like this. I dunno, I’m always willing to believe the worst about McCain, but this seems fake to me.
slappypaddy: WHitefish! I LOVE Israel!
Please! rush! your emergency contribution! of $100! or $5! or $1! or $.36! or any foreign change you may have! or the lint in your pockets! or just steal some money and send it!
2goats: oooh, good point!
Nigerian Business Executive: Would Western Union direct to you be ok? I know it’s for Emergency Surgery so am Happy to help.
Dave J.: and as 2goats noted above, illegal for NUTS!
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Nah. How much manure can you get in a FexEx envelope? Just wonderin’…
Throw a buck in there with a note that says he can have “that one”.
What about some bleached flour? Nothing gets people excited like opening an envelope and having white powder come out. That way, if it is for McCain or a Nigerian Prince you still win.
Enclose a copy of one of Obama’s books.
echoroc: That’s being grossly unfair to our Nigerian 419 brethren. At least they’re not throwing your cold hard cash down a useless rathole called The McCain Palin Campaign.
Dave J.: yes, this is very fishy since McCain is not even eligible for contributions. (He hates gov’t, but not taking tax dollars for his own campaign) Either a fake, desperation or some weird GOP scheme.
2goats: Good point. This must be someone else asking for cash. Maybe a 527?
echoroc: Careful–the whitefish of Coney Island are somewhat different.
2goats: Dang. A fraud. What do you bet? Using FedEx gets around mail fraud laws. Sort of genius since there actually is a time constraint in the campaign being over soon; there’s still a plausible reason for speed.
Walnut’s FedEx account number is 2292-3384-0
Below is the picture of the envelope…
http://img65.imageshack.us/img65/9369/mccainfedexku6.jpg
Now, let’s all send stuff to McStupid and cost him some cash.
How many walnuts will fit in one of those?
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Jeebus, this is GENIUS! Why didn’t we think of it? The “Wonkette Palin Defense Fund McGrampy” PAC. **shaking head in regret at how much Hobo beans we coulda bought**
And what might be the address on that pre-addressed FedEx envelope? And to whom do we make out our checks? And should we assume the checks will clear after a worlwide bank run has denuded all the banks?
From the website:
Paid for by McCain-Palin Victory 2008
A joint fundraising committee by and composed of the Republican National Committee, the Michigan Republican Party, the Missouri Republican State Committee, the Ohio Republican Party State Central & Executive Committee, the Republican Federal Committee of Pennsylvania, and McCain-Palin Compliance Fund.
Contributions to McCain-Palin Victory 2008 (”Victory 2008″) are not deductible as charitable contributions for federal income tax purposes. Victory 2008 allocates contributions to the Republican National Committee (”RNC”), the state parties’ federal accounts, and McCain- Palin Compliance Fund (”Compliance Fund”) in conformity with federal limits. Unless a contribution would exceed federal limits or a contributor designates otherwise, Victory 2008 will divide contributions as follows:
* For Individuals - The first $28,500 will go to the RNC, the next portion will be divided evenly between the Michigan, Missouri, Ohio, and Pennsylvania state parties’ federal accounts up to a maximum of $9,250 for each Committee, and the final $2,300 will go to the Compliance Fund.
* For Federal Multicandidate PACs - The first $15,000 will go to the RNC, the next portion will be divided evenly between the Michigan, Missouri, Ohio, and Pennsylvania state parties’ federal accounts up to a maximum of $5,000 for each Committee, and the final $5,000 will go to the Compliance Fund.
Contributions to the Compliance Fund will be used solely for legal and accounting services to ensure compliance with federal law and not for campaign activities. Compliance funds may defray a portion of broadcast advertising, national and state office “overhead,” and computer/website expenses. Contributions from corporations, labor unions, federal contractors, and foreign nationals without permanent residency status to Victory 2008 are prohibited. *Federal law requires us to report the name, address, occupation, and employer of any contributor who gives more than $200 in an election cycle (for Compliance Fund contributions) or more than $200 in a calendar year (for RNC and state-party contributions).
slappypaddy: Okay, I see now. Thank you, PolicyWhore. The Internet tells me that address is at Gateway One, which has “convenient access to Pentagon City.” Good lord, all the Pentagon has is a city? I thought they had an empire. I thought they were Queens of the fucking universe, in fact. How the mighty have fallen. A city, a measly city. Seems it used to be called Washington, D.C. I wonder what that meant.
Fart in it. Then seal it and send it back.
Ah. Check who is funding the endeavor. Might be legit: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_vaK-HqB0dlc/SO5uRJ9RUJI/AAAAAAAAAIU/U-SPVPa49DY/s1600-h/Picture+3.png
If you have some horseradish with your shit sandwich, the flavor is enhanced by the forced presence of sewer gas in your nostrils. You can, however, employ the G.W. Stupid, John McGoo, Sara McLabia method of direct insertion of the one’s head in one’s ass, loaded of course with horseradish carried by the GOP gerbil through the tube of honor, and taking a deep breath. Less gas, but, you have to watch G.W. Stupid’s ass, or look out I would say, for quarts of Picante Salsa, he uses the same tube but no gerbil. The salsa drowns the little fucker. But Salsa up the ass is a favorite TexMex Mano Y Mano lubricant, and the ass is a great storage facility for later when everyone gets together for nachos and tequila. I really don’t know, I tried it once, but my wife’s sister didn’t like the tequila. So it was kind of a bust.
So THAT’S why the stock market is tanking….. these guys and gals are selling off every last portfolio they control (theirs, yours, mine, ANYBODY’S) to answer this desperate call from McPain. THey know that if they are elected the mavericks will go all mavericky and de-regulate every part of our financial system, allowing Wallstreet to once again go full-tilt greed and hyper-inflate evry last stock and thus send the market back to the 14,000 mark!!!
Greed is Good! vote McCain/Palin for MOTUS-08 (Mavericks of the U.S.)
Y’all have too much time on your hands.
Having a joint fundraising committee is how McCain gets around not being allowed to raise money. You’re not giving money to him, only to a million GOP political parties all over the country that will campaign on his behalf. And they will give him money.
Pentagon City is a shopping mall. And a damn fancy elitist one at that.
Dave J.: The pre-paid FedEx envelopes are really going out. My (formerly Republican) mother told me she received one last month, asking the same thing. I remember because she specifically brought it up as an example of even more insane Republican wasteful spending.
I told her to enclose a slip of paper saying “Obama 08″ and send it back. Remember: the prepaid FedEx envelope doesn’t cost them very much at all until you actually send it!
Just flush your 5 grand down the toilet. At least you get to be amused by spinning green Washingtons and Hamiltons. You can watch a green McCain spin himself into the sewer for free. He does it in front of crazy racist crowds too.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
TheCounter: now it is more than that–there is a whole Pentagon City/Pentagon Row neighborhood (and of course, the Ritz Carlton Pentagon City)
Send McCain your worthless Lehman Bros. stock certificates.
Doglessliberal: I hear they even have their own military base shaped like a pentagon!
irisheyes: And Nader’s Mom’s Hummus recipe.
Dave J.: (and everyone else): $2300 is your limit to donate to a presidential campaign. McCain-Palin Victory 2008 is a PAC (technically a JFC, or joint fundraising committee), so that rule doesn’t apply. On the flipside, the donations aren’t considered charitable. I think the limit to donate is around $70k/year.
Jammacain and the RNC have taken advantage of this in the worst way, because no one knows they can do it.
Walnuts definitely typed that up himself…who but old people still call FedEx “Federal Express”?
WoundedVeteran: I’m not sure if I should laugh or throw up. Maybe both?
CrabtreesBludgeon: I think I’d just enclose the hummus itself. Or fake anthrax powder; that always gets a laugh.
JoeFannyPack: I can name that tune in 7 lines or less!
Save FedEX by bankrupting this PAC!
DUDE! This was totally my scam!!!! It works for reals! You can earn up to $3,000 per week!
Send Kool-aid!
Ooh, ooh, shit sandwich!!!
Back when I worked at Corporation X (which has since been purchased by larger Corporation Y, and then merged with Multinational Corporation M), Lamar Alexander came into our office for a breakfast meeting with VPs and above, soliciting campaign contributions for Lamar’s 2000 presidential run.
Interestingly, or not, Lamar was in a suit, rather than his buffalo check plaid shirt that was the style at the time.
My point: I do not have one. I just thought I’d share. Also, Alexander dropped out of that race because he did not have two nickels to rub together, so I guess his pitch wasn’t very effective.
Goldman Sachs should send walnuts a bunch of coupons (old people love those)…for truck nutz
Slapdaddy: i live in dc; “pentagon city” is WAY different from the pentagon. Pentagon City is a 4 story behemoth of a mall situated very close to the Pentagon…but still having its own metro stop. It just a douchebag address.
What’s the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon? The pigeon can still put down a deposit on a Ferrari.
choinski: EPIC WIN
How much do you want to bet the people in charge of processing these “contributions” will soon roll out a website: “Weird shit that fell out of the McCain Victory Fund donation envelopes, goddamn!”
I remember getting this letter in fifth grade — I scoffed at the “seven years bad luck” it threatened, and refused to send it along to five of my best friends. No joke: 1991 rolls around, I get negged by Princeton and end studying modern dance at Vassar.
ms_mcgee: Orange Trucknutz. For TUKWILA!!!
It was a misprint. It’s supposed to say five and a half thousand.
Send in your mortgage coupon book and the deed to your house(s).
Coupon for Depends and a can of Ensure. And a nice note, “We’re rootin’ for ya out here in the Heartland, gramps!”