todd did it!

Todd Palin Testifies In ‘Troopergate,’ Is Basically Responsible For Everything

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The First Lady of Alaska, Todd Palin, delivered a sworn statement about his role in “Troopergate” to investigators after an IN-THE-TANK Alaskan judge made him do so. In the testimony, Todd admits that he pushed for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS or so to get his ex-brother-in-law fired from the Police Force — but that his wife did not fire public safety commissioner Walt Monegan because of his refusal to do so. Todd claims that his wife fired Monegan because Monegan kept telling her to put baby Trig in car seats, and also something about “travelling to the Bush.” Hell is going on here?

Now this sounds particularly devastating — to the OBAMABOTS, the Liberals, who don’t care about such Main Street values as exerting undue influence in governmental decisions:

Todd Palin talked with over a dozen state officials, many of them repeatedly, in his crusade to get a state trooper fired whom he considered to be a bad cop, a dishonest person and a threat to the Palin family, according to his sworn statement given Wednesday to a legislative investigator.

The 25-page statement from Gov. Sarah Palin’s husband, in response to questions submitted by the investigator, shows that Todd Palin’s efforts started before his wife became governor and accelerated during the first 19 months of her administration.

If this state trooper was such an unsavory fellow who was making death threats and abusing gals or whatever, why didn’t the Palins just call other police officers and have him arrested, for breaking the law? Because that would be considerably less fun than PULLING STRINGS and using BACK CHANNELS of course.

Palin’s testimony denies that Governor Palin fired public safety commissioner Walt Monegan for refusing to fire this trooper. Instead, it was these weird things:

He said his understanding is that Monegan lost his job due to a “dispute with the governor and her staff over budget issues and failure to fill trooper vacancies.”

He also suggested there was bad blood between the governor and Monegan over two other matters:

1) An inquiry from Monegan to the governor about whether she once failed to put her Trig, her infant, in a car seat while she was driving.

2) The unavailability of a state trooper airplane for the governor’s use when traveling to the Bush.

Ha ha, so she fired Monegan because he thought she was a shittier mother than Britney Spears, and also because he wouldn’t lend her his plane when she wanted to go get some pussy. Also, this was after SHE SOLD HER OWN FREAKING PLANE.

Sponsored Intermission

And now Todd Palin is just cold getting stoned and snowmobiling, waiting for that full Troopergate report to come out tomorrow.

Todd Palin campaigned years to get trooper fired [Anchorage Daily News]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


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  • Dreadful Gate

    “Trooper”. Good name for Sarah McPalin’s next retard baby

  • Worlds End

    Dow is now below 9000

  • MC_Bob

    Jesus Christ, it’s a SNOW MACHINE!

    So, he would be snowmachining!

    Or something like that…

  • shortsshortsshorts

    I feel sorry for the moose population, Sarah’s going to be so angry that you won’t be around much longer.

  • bluebrazos

    I’d pay to see Palin’s sister-in-law travel to her bush.

  • TGY

    So much for the First Dud or whatever.

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    And don’t forget he was fired because he wanted to go beg Congress for money to fight sex crimes, got permission to go and then was told he couldn’t because “Fix-My-House Stevens is taking care of that.” Heckuva job, Barbie.

  • Liverspots

    Sounds like Palin was trying to have a post-birth abortion.

  • Rev. Juan MessyCan

    Oh, how far the mighty have… Wait… we’re talking about the Palins? Never mind, the Snobilly fuckers deserve any and every bit of shame and ridicule we can heap on them.

    And by “we can heap on them” I mean “they bring down upon themselves with their inbred trashy shenaningans.”

    I just wish their trainwreck were nearly as innocuously entertaining as those of the Spears, Simpsons, Beverly Hillbillies, etc.

    The First Dud indeed.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    Sarah is so Britney. Next, we’re gonna get a Gubernatorial cooter pic on the cover of Vanity Fair.

  • Worlds End

    [re=128082]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: yeah that was disturbing, but like what i said when you look at her religious ties it makes sense.

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    Todd Palin, the ultimate tuft hunter.

  • arksi

    Say it ain’t so First Dude. Say it aint so.

  • SayItWithWookies

    This Monegan guy must’ve been a horrible public servant — Palin’s fired him for like fifty reasons so far.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=128072]Worlds End[/re]: Why does the DOW hate Walnuts?

  • facehead

    This is all a diversion from the REAL story … when Obama and Palin had their affair they typically used the state’s private jet, but Obama gets really gassy after moose-luvin so when Palin wanted to drill him for natural resources he broke it off, and no one wants a stinky farty jet so she sold it — TO THE KENYANS!!!

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Hey as long as Bible Spice didn’t drive off with Trig on the roof of the car or forget him in the bathroom at Wal-Mart (I know someone who actually did that), Walt needs to lay the hell off of Mr. & Mrs. Alaska.

  • Worlds End

    [re=128096]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Because he touches himself at night

  • JoeFannyPack

    How long until the Palins are shopping a reality show about their wacky exploits?

  • WendyK

    Way to take one for the team, First Dude. Trying to paint the picture that wifey had no involvement. I seriously love this quote from him, “I talked about Wooten so much over the years that my wife told me to stop talking about it with her.” Can you imagine how that conversation went? I mean, assuming it actually happened, which we all know it didn’t.

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    Are they sure the Palins didn’t strap Trig to the roof during one of their family road trips?

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=128099]facehead[/re]: Settle….

  • irisheyes

    I just finished watching those Strongsville, Ohio videos.

    I’m so cold, so very cold.

  • WadISay

    I bet the lawyers who prepared the affidaivit ended it with “I’m John McCain, and I approved this message” out of force of habit.

  • tednugentslover

    they fired Monegan because he’s the one who named all their babies… they had a big argument because he suggested Mace Palin, Billy Club Palin, Pistol Palin, SquadKar Palin and they didn’t use any of them.

  • BobLoblawLawBlog

    Wow, think he used McCain’s ghostwriter? There are real live complete sentences in his briefing.

  • The Cold Sea

    What does this have to do with Bill Ayers?

  • hockeymom

    Well, that’s what Todd says.
    We’ll see tomorrow if anyone else has a different recollection…a memory of something with a bit more Sarah in it.

    On the other hand, every fundie woman I know lets her husband run the show, 100-percent, so it’s possible she didn’t know what was going on.

  • catsquatch

    For tardilicious fun check out the discussion on snowmobile vs snow machine on Todd Palin’s webpage. Scroll all the way down. Please don’t ask how I know this.

  • Miller

    How dare these pricks try to get in Sarah Palin’s business. Proper child seat care? Sarah prays her baby will be all right, that’s all the protection he needs. God protection.

  • larz

    Did Todd read that from a teleprompter?

  • tiger

    OHMIGOD. Stupid, pussywhipped and ineffectual. And oh yeah, he’s staight.
    What a loser.

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC


    I love talk pages…

    Warning Vandalism at Todd Palin

    This hasn’t occured yet but those who hate the Republican Party may try to vandalize this article. I am merely interested in this neat dude, champion racer and husband in the news. Some vandalism may be subtle, such as trying to remove positive information and make him look like a hick.

    Greta Van Susteren, wikipedia nerd

  • Aurelio

    [re=128132]hockeymom[/re]: “…it’s possible she didn’t know what was going on.” Stiffen up, there, Hahckymahm. Don’t go all wobbly on us. That psychopathic snowbilly twit micromanages everything.

  • sezme

    [re=128133]catsquatch[/re]: Wow, that was great. Brought a smile to my face for the first time today. Alaskan English! Ha!

  • Aurelio

    [re=128133]catsquatch[/re]: This is off topic, but innarresting: “Palin spent her childhood in Alaska’s Mat-Su Valley, which is where she got her distinctive manner of speaking. The next town over from Wasilla, Palmer, has a large settlement of Minnesotans—who were moved there by a government relief program in the 1930s—and features of the Minnesotan dialect are thus prominent in the Mat-Su Valley area. Hence the Fargo-like elements in Palin’s speech, in particular the sound of her “O” vowel. (Despite its name, Fargo took place mostly in Brainerd, Minn.) However, even in the area, many people speak a more general Alaskan English, the sort one would find in nearby Anchorage. Palin’s frequent dropping of the final G in -ing words and her pronunciation of terrorist with two syllables instead of three are characteristic of general Alaskan English (and Western English) rather than the specific Mat-Su Valley speech.” LINK

  • hockeymom

    consider me stiffened.

    also, please forgive those Minnesotans who settled in the Mat-su Valley. They know not what they’ve done.

  • themightysea

    [re=128162]tiger[/re]: I’m so used to the cries of the bitters that I read your comments as ‘…pussywhipped and intellectual.’ Which would be surprising, indeed.

  • DangerousLiberal

    [re=128074]MC_Bob[/re]: Exactly. Fucking cheechakos and their ignorance of the manly Alaskan arts. Pussies, each and every one.

  • NoWireHangers

    [re=128164]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: Some vandalism may be subtle, such as trying to remove positive information and make him look like a hick.

    Remove information to make him look like a hick? Deleting the entire entry would be your best bet against any hick-like comparisons. Especially his name.

  • the bf

    Has anyone seen any video of Todd Palin actually speaking? I’m not even looking for a complete sentence, I can’t remember this guying stringing together two words. Isn’t there a you-tube video of him winning some professional lawn-mower race, he would say something when accepting the trophy, wouldn’t he? Seems odd that a guy who sat in on his wife’s official meetings and tried to muscle state officials behind the scenes has never been heard in public.

  • Grimnir

    [re=128074]MC_Bob[/re]: Snow Machine must be a west coast thing… cause I’ve owned several snowmobiles when I was growing up in Maine and we had people from all over the country bringing their snowmobiles in by trailer and I’ve never heard anyone call it a snow machine till i moved to DC and met people from Alaska and Utah…

    The only acceptable nickname for a snowmobile is a skidoo, put only because Arctic Cat is too long!

  • WildingYouth

    What’s a “fundie?”

  • sanantonerose

    I see “Trooper” and hear ABBA.

  • tocute2btrue

    My Dick is bigger than a MOOSES’I can’t wear SHORTSSHORTSSHORTS!

  • sailingthestyx

    [re=128109]irisheyes[/re]: and they’re the brighter billies…it gets weirder the farther south you go…I grew up in Akron (south of Strongsville) and the literacy level drops like a rock from central Ohio, south…

  • cronyofbushcheney

    This question will make Sarah Palin squirm as much as any asked of her yet. And, she needs to make a clear statement on the issue. I want to know if Sarah Palin speaks in tongues. This is practiced in the churches she attends, like Assemblies of God. Baptists think this is pretty much an abomination. The Pentecostals claim they are inspired by God to speak, and interpret these messages. Mainstream fundamentalists believe there is no addition or subtraction from God’s written word, the Bible. Baptists welcome people like Palin in the polls, but reject them in the pew.

    It would be interesting to see Palin’s claim on where she stands. She’ll risk alienating either fellow Pentecostals, or the Baptists.

  • gliberal

    Lying liar. STFU.

  • Lucky13

    [re=128846]gliberal[/re]: Duh, all politicians lie. Some more than others. They’re called Democrats.

  • NotLaughing

    Ok I read the article at the provided link.

    After the car seat thing it says that Todd said it was a false rumor
    and that she had been in a pickup on a country road going slowly.

    So, was the car seat in the truck or not?

    (I want my missed calls back pronto.)

  • NotLaughing



    Sick of Alaska

  • alice

    I cant wait til the report comes out. I want them to slam that trash talking piece of moose dung. You Betcha


    Iam grieved
    by the sight of the unique injustice in.icted on this man [gwbush] and the
    degrading treatment meted out to him, whose only care these last twenty
    years and more has been for his people, as though he were a common criminal.
    I was and am glad to call this great and loyal man my friend.