• February 15, 2012

David Brooks is an actual MAD MAN! This is what he wrote last Friday in his farty little column: “Palin held up her end of an energetic debate that gave voters a direct look at two competing philosophies. She established debating parity with Joe Biden. And in a country that is furious with Washington, she presented herself as a radical alternative.” So in love! But now he’s 180ed again after realizing that the “radical alternative” she presented herself as was just a filthy malignant tumor — he called her “cancer,” ha ha ha, WHAT?

Not just your grandpa’s boring, garden-variety prostate cancer, either — Brooks means the REAL shit, the death cancer:

[Sarah Palin] represents a fatal cancer to the Republican party. When I first started in journalism, I worked at the National Review for Bill Buckley. And Buckley famously said he’d rather be ruled by the first 2,000 names in the Boston phone book than by the Harvard faculty. But he didn’t think those were the only two options. He thought it was important to have people on the conservative side who celebrated ideas, who celebrated learning. And his whole life was based on that, and that was also true for a lot of the other conservatives in the Reagan era. Reagan had an immense faith in the power of ideas. But there has been a counter, more populist tradition, which is not only to scorn liberal ideas but to scorn ideas entirely. And I’m afraid that Sarah Palin has those prejudices. I think President Bush has those prejudices.

You know what else has been a “cancer”? Various chunks of John McCain’s face! And so what’s the problem? It’s that elitist coasties like David Brooks, who probably has like seven iPods and all sorts of homosexual art hanging in his rich person’s New York penthouse on Fancypants Avenue, doesn’t understand Main Street Small Town values. Main Street loves votin’ for a hometown tumor, especially a “hockey mom tumor.” And when that death tumor winked on the teevee, ol’ Mom & Pop who live on Main Street said to themselves, “Well golly, that soggy tumor was a-winkin’ at me!”

David Brooks: Sarah Palin “Represents A Fatal Cancer To The Republican Party” [HuffPo]

{ 72 comments }

monty October 8, 2008 at 3:50 pm

ass cancer is a bitch

Serolf Divad October 8, 2008 at 3:51 pm

Well “Syphilis” and “Sarah Palin” share a lot of the same letters.

Advocatus_Diaboli October 8, 2008 at 3:52 pm

So Brooks finally noticed that w and Caribou Barbie are stupid. Wow, that guy sure is quick on the draw.

Cogito Ergo Bibo October 8, 2008 at 3:55 pm

Must be communicable form of brain cancer.

MathewBrooks October 8, 2008 at 3:55 pm

Face Cancer? Ass Cancer? Syphilis Palin?

Obama is the Cipro we need.

InKnockYouUs October 8, 2008 at 3:55 pm

Well you KNOW the Obama victory bus is about to start rolling out when even David Brooks wants to get on. I don’t know, should we let him on? It might be cute if we could get him to blush a lot.

queeraselvis v 2.0 October 8, 2008 at 3:55 pm

Brooks lunched at Le Cirque? Gay. Also, this:

“And I was dazzled, I felt the tingle up my knee as Chris Matthews would say.”

Total bottom.

nurple October 8, 2008 at 3:56 pm

Brooks then put on a Che Guevara beret and stoked up a big ol’ doobie, and then bumped chests with Pinch.

mr.november October 8, 2008 at 3:57 pm

I heart the ire spewed by newell. spread that shite like terminal cancer. these overpaid goons should all be sacked or have the salary slashed in half.

nietzscheprojectile October 8, 2008 at 3:57 pm

The Chris Matthews leg tingle is, evidently, contagious. “And I was dazzled, I felt the tingle up my knee as Chris Matthews would say.” It’s almost like voodoo.

SayItWithWookies October 8, 2008 at 3:57 pm

Bullshit. It’s not a fatal cancer. The Republicans may get dumber and dumber, but they’ll keep stumbling along like a herd of downer cattle.

shortsshortsshorts October 8, 2008 at 3:58 pm

I don’t know dead Buckley personally, but you, David Brooks, are no Buckley. What would Old Buckley have actually said?

surfacenoise76 October 8, 2008 at 3:58 pm

Reagan celebrated ideas and learning?

MathewBrooks October 8, 2008 at 3:58 pm

[re=126779]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: toilet bottom even

Larry Fine October 8, 2008 at 3:58 pm

Palin looks pretty darn good for someone so full of cancer.

Strappo October 8, 2008 at 3:58 pm

Jesus, was that pic of David Brooks taken at his bar-mitzvah?

Speaking of Jewish events, Happy Atonement, David.

Nathalie08 October 8, 2008 at 4:00 pm

Brooks didn’t take his medication or what?

magic titty October 8, 2008 at 4:00 pm

David Brooks? Is he still here? fine.
Anyway, she seems more farts and lupus to me. But I’m an optimist.

nurple October 8, 2008 at 4:00 pm

I worry this is agent provocateur. They’re all hoping libs get to cocky. America hates cocky libs. Likes chastened libs.

nietzscheprojectile October 8, 2008 at 4:01 pm

[re=126779]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Dammit! I didn’t see your post. Must hit refresh…

thedownlows October 8, 2008 at 4:01 pm

if you happen to see Walnuts at the local Quik Stop, chuck cigarettes at him, scream ‘cancer merchant’ and then buy some chewlie’s gum.

4tehlulz October 8, 2008 at 4:03 pm

So WALNUTS has had Palin several times?

obfuscator October 8, 2008 at 4:03 pm

So David… let me make sure I’m understanding this… you’re saying that willfully ignorant shitheads driven by divisive ideology make for poor governing? Whaaaaaa… ??!?!?

Someone tell Drudge to break out the biggest siren he’s got.

Sussemilch October 8, 2008 at 4:03 pm

Oh sure, it was fine to burn the innards of disemboweled intellectuals while Bush was riding high, but now that you’ve shat on the economy and the polls is unfriendly the brain thinks are suddenly important again?

In WoW we would say: HIPPO CRITS you for 24,286 damage. You die.

Worlds End October 8, 2008 at 4:03 pm

[re=126776]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: No doubt. She might have some way of giving everyone that listens to her mad cow disease. In her case mad moose disease

Gopherit v2.0 October 8, 2008 at 4:04 pm

Damn, he’s talking liking like she laughed at his penis or something.

Cogito Ergo Bibo October 8, 2008 at 4:05 pm

[re=126779]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Seriously! That’s the headline from this thing. Not that Palin is a fatal cancer, but that Brooks literally gets hard talking political philosophy with Hopey!

Baconcat October 8, 2008 at 4:05 pm

[re=126772]Serolf Divad[/re]: Sarah Palin = a sprain, Hal = rasp inhala

AnnieGetYourFun October 8, 2008 at 4:08 pm

[re=126786]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Says the vegetarian elitist.

queeraselvis v 2.0 October 8, 2008 at 4:09 pm

[re=126799]nietzscheprojectile[/re]: Not a problem. Usually the words “Chris Matthews” cause me temporary blindness, and I think seriously about chopping off my ears.

blader October 8, 2008 at 4:09 pm

awe geez, is even Bobo giving up now?

the whole infa-structure of the base is disintegrating before our very eyes!!

what fun will that become??

The Lucky Republican October 8, 2008 at 4:11 pm

This is how republicans react to one of their own whom they suspect will not allow the rich to keep looting the American Treasury.

Cogito Ergo Bibo October 8, 2008 at 4:11 pm

Damn. The market is down ANOTHER 200 points today? Isn’t that the wrong direction, now that we have international hope and love and bailouts for Eurobanks?

queeraselvis v 2.0 October 8, 2008 at 4:12 pm

[re=126810]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: One suspects that Brooks has wanked off into his copy of Moral Man and Immoral Society more than once. And, well, ew.

Gopherit v2.0 October 8, 2008 at 4:12 pm

[re=126810]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]:Getting Hard for Hopey is not a unique phenomenon, especially at the Weekly Standard, no matter what they might say.

SayItWithWookies October 8, 2008 at 4:12 pm

[re=126812]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Oh — busted! I almost said bovine spongiform encephalopathy too.

V572625694 October 8, 2008 at 4:12 pm

“….he’d rather be ruled by the first 2,000 names in the Boston phone book than by the Harvard faculty.” They weren’t on the sample ballot What about Hopey and WALNUTS!

nurple October 8, 2008 at 4:12 pm

Love the new NYT building, BTW. Oddly, it looks, from a distance, like a gothic cathedral tower.

obfuscator October 8, 2008 at 4:16 pm

Palin probably reminds Brooks of the populist mouthbreathers he encounters at the TGI Friday’s salad bar.

NoWireHangers October 8, 2008 at 4:16 pm

You know what else has been a “cancer”? Various chunks of John McCain’s face!

You made me spit food at the computer, Jim! Hehehahahaha!

facehead October 8, 2008 at 4:17 pm

Hhmph! I bet this triumvirate of terrorism (Brooks, Ayers, and Obama) all pal-around together having gay sex at Le Cirque while they secretly plot to suicide bomb an Olive Garden.

Worlds End October 8, 2008 at 4:17 pm

Any one check 538 today? Walnuts now only has a 9.5% chance to win.

Tra October 8, 2008 at 4:21 pm

And when that death tumor winked on the teevee, ol’ Mom & Pop who live on Main Street said to themselves, “Well golly, that soggy tumor was a-winkin’ at me!”

No, no, no. Only the freaking editor of the freaking National Review, who lives, by the way, in that den of iniquity known as New York City on a wingnut welfare salary where he doubtless spends lots of time at elitist cocktail parties where they serve argula, was stupid enough to think that.

Let’s please give mom and pop a little credit for not being as blindingly, headsmackingly stupid as Rich Lowry. Remember that very few creatures who have achieved multi-cell status are, in fact, as stupid as Rich Lowry. This includes mythical constructs who live on nonexistent main streets. Thank you.

WadISay October 8, 2008 at 4:21 pm

Rats, this is your call to abandon ship.

Gopherit v2.0 October 8, 2008 at 4:22 pm

[re=126822]V572625694[/re]: I call bullshit on this quote. As an Anglophile, Buckley would rather have been told what to do by a liberal than a Mick from Boston.

nurple October 8, 2008 at 4:23 pm

This is too easy, people…three weeks left…plenty of time to dance in the end zone after your candidate has actually won.

Of course, the only thing that could cause an Obama defeat now would be unsavoury pictures, unless they were with Britney.

sezme October 8, 2008 at 4:26 pm

[re=126804]obfuscator[/re]: “So David… let me make sure I’m understanding this… you’re saying that willfully ignorant shitheads driven by divisive ideology make for poor governing? Whaaaaaa… ??!?!?”

I don’t think that’s what he’s saying. I think he’s just worried that there’s no place for the likes of a David Poindexter Brooks in a the new knuckle-dragging Palin ‘Publican Party.

bluebrazos October 8, 2008 at 4:30 pm

I want to know what made Brooks change his mind so quickly from she’s a “radical alternative” to she’s a “fatal cancer to the Republican party”. What could have caused that?
a) Mad at Palin for laughing at his penis (thank you Gopherit 2.0)
b) Unhappy with crappy glory hole blowjob from McOnion
c) Mentally unstable due to own brain tumor
d) Utterly full of shit most of time

Dientes October 8, 2008 at 4:37 pm

[re=126833]obfuscator[/re]: Elitist! Ruby Tuesday has the salad bar(and the most obese patrons). Get your chain/day of the week restaurant right. ;)

Not_So_Much October 8, 2008 at 4:39 pm

[re=126807]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Well, who among us hasn’t laughed at his penis?

No wonder he’s a bit sensitive…

facehead October 8, 2008 at 4:42 pm

The sad thing is Republican intellectuals are, for the most part, poliitically impotent. Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Bill O’Reilly, and Sean Hannity are about as elite as it gets when it comes to Republican intellectuals who actually have influence on the Republican party, all the others (huddling in the corner on NRO) only influence other Republican intellectuals (read: conservative circle jerk). THE REPUBLICAN BASE (Mr. Joeseph Sixpack) does not give a FLYING CRAPCAKE what David Brooks thinks, nor do they even know who he is.

Me haz a sad for him.

lawrenceofthedesert October 8, 2008 at 4:46 pm

William Buckley was a fraud, not just intellectually but as a human being, and anyone who admired him is a sucker — so let’s join hands and sing, “David Brooks, my friend, is blowin’ with the wind, David Brooks is blowin’ with the wind.”

Great photo of David — we loved him as McLovin’ in “Superbad.”

CivicHoliday October 8, 2008 at 4:46 pm

OH MY GOD. I understand it now. Robert Novak’s brain expelled the tumor, and sent it back in time, where it gave birth to five children and ran for Mayor of Wasilla and is now running for VP. If she wins, it will be the end of times, as she merges with her true father and together, like that creepy guy in Total Recall, they shall rule the world and usher in an age of darkness!!!

professor.cj October 8, 2008 at 5:00 pm

You should animate that tumor and get it up on the youtubes. It sounds cute! America would love it. It would sell lots of Happy Meals.

ManchuCandidate October 8, 2008 at 5:08 pm

An angel’s wink is what you sell
You promise me drilling, then put me through hell
Brains of duh got a hold on me
When flirting’s a prison, you can’t break free

You’re a loaded gun
There’s nowhere to run
No one can save Cons
The damage is done

[Chorus:]
Shot like a wolf
And you’re to blame
You give Cons a bad name
You play your part and I say your name
You give Cons a bad name
You give Cons a bad name

Tattooed lipstick on your lips
Blood red suits over your nice tits
A Joe six pack’s dream, you act so sly
Your very first wink was your first wink goodbye

You’re a loaded gun
There’s nowhere to run
No one can save Cons
The damage is done

Shot like a wolf
And you’re to blame
You give Cons a bad name
You play your part and I say your name
You give Cons a bad name
You give Cons a bad name

rupert_pupkin October 8, 2008 at 5:15 pm

better late than never, i guess. i’ll still cringe whenever it’s his editorial day in the NYT though. Flip-flopper!!!

SlouchingTowardsWasilla October 8, 2008 at 5:21 pm

“Ronald Reagan had an immense faith in the power of ideas.”

wtf? Where do these douchebags get this shit?

tiger October 8, 2008 at 5:31 pm

Bill Buckley? Eeew gross. Who fucking cares David fucking Brooks. These douchebags will do and say ANYTHING to hold onto their (families’) money.

hopebong October 8, 2008 at 5:36 pm

“….he’d rather be ruled by the first 2,000 names in the Boston phone book than by the Harvard faculty.”
Is he saying something about people whose name starts with A?

Mr. Herpes October 8, 2008 at 5:40 pm

Good morning, Mr. Brooks! This is your wake-up call. That pole dancer you just couldn’t get enough of last night as you poked dollars in her cooch? Yep, that’s her next to you in bed this morning and that’s your ring on her finger. And that is indeed a map of Alaska tattooed on her ass. Don’t look so horror stricken. What do you mean you can’t take her home to mother? And those rubbers on the nightstand? Yep, still in the wrapper. Happy bloodtest!

TeddyS October 8, 2008 at 5:45 pm

Poor Sister Sarah. Republicans fuck things up for eight years, then pull her out of the freezer and get to blame their coming looming losses on that dopey girl from Alaska. Not that I mind them doing that, because they will continue fucking things up and she goes on the mooseburger lecture circuit, if she’s not in jail by then.

Dreamer October 8, 2008 at 5:45 pm

Oh my God, David Brooks has a major crush on Hopey. I knew all those endless columns of his were about his conflicted emotions. Remember his fast Eddy and Dr. Barack column – that was him rationalizing why he loves Hopey. It’s so cute!

iolanthe October 8, 2008 at 5:48 pm

[re=126932]SlouchingTowardsWasilla[/re]: Not only did Ronald Reagan have an immense faith in the power of ideas, but he had a bag full of Magic Fairy Dust that he sprinkled all over everything and everyone, to make America strong and proud and rich and free and *happy*, and one day he will return again in glory, riding on Pegasus’ back through the clouds!

Don’t you know *anything*? You need to talk to more half-educated neoconservatives, clearly.

RushLickBall October 8, 2008 at 5:56 pm

[re=126873]facehead[/re]: Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Bill O’Reilly, and Sean Hannity as intellectuals? What you been smokin? The true conservative intellectuals (Andrew Sullivan comes to mind) (ok no pun intended) have left the Repugs…

keepinitrealyo October 8, 2008 at 6:36 pm

Man, I hope Brooks has an unlisted address, ’cause they’re gonna eviscerate him.

WIDTAP October 8, 2008 at 6:43 pm

But which of Srah’s faithful followers will shout “Kill him!” When Sarah denounces Brooks as another MSM terrorist apologist at her next KKK rally.

nurple October 8, 2008 at 6:53 pm

Hopebong: Aldrich, Alden, Bartlett, Bradford, Cabot – ’nuff said!

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez October 8, 2008 at 7:11 pm

I preferred it back when Brooks was on the other side of a Times paywall and I didn’t have to sully my pretty little mind with his ditherings

ServiceJervixJuice October 8, 2008 at 8:42 pm

Every time the Ice Princess of Mooseburg opens that yammerin’ trap of hers, I begin to consider that death may be bliss.

RiccotaCheeseImperator October 9, 2008 at 12:00 am

@Gopherit v. 2.0: I’m afraid I know that WFB quote is authentic, but I’m too ashamed to say why I know. Not that he meant it, of course.

facehead October 9, 2008 at 3:10 am

Don’t ask how I found this… but apparently, Palindromes (i.e. Palindromic sequences of DNA) are actually associated with some diseases, in particular some cancers.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/07/080714171157.htm

Of course, this means David Brooks is a genius.

huffybike October 9, 2008 at 11:34 am

About time someone went on the record with this: http://tinyurl.com/3hru7h

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