We are all sad pandas.Seriously, what was up with that super boring debate last night? John McCain was supposed to call Barack Obama a terrorist pal, and then Barack Obama was supposed to say “Hey man that is just wrong” and rip off McCain’s testicles and sauté them gently before feeding them to Tom Brokaw with un sauce béarnaise which is precisely how an elitist is supposed to confront a grizzled old war hero in a Town Hall. Instead we got a lot of respectful disagreement, which was dull. Sure, the reaction last night was bad enough. But witness this morning’s sad collection of headlines:

John McCain has one more chance to show America he’s a steady hand at the tiller, my friends, and that means one thing: next week’s debate will feature something filthy involving Reverend Tony “Rezko” Ayers getting mauled by a moose, or else “that one” will probably definitely be president, unless Florida votes Republican.

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  • cal

    Why can’t a panda run for President?

  • Bypartizoa

    As I’ve mentioned, McCain should have said “And who voted for it? MISS THING!”

  • ChernobylSoup

    [re=126064]cal[/re]: The Chinese eat them before they hit the eligible age of 35.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Who do you think John McCain is! Oh, you mean Panda, not panderer.

  • jodyleek

    McNuts has a steady hand at the tiller, evenly cranks the cotton gin, and doesn’t beat his darkies too much.

  • AllHat

    “Gnawingly dull” nails it for me.

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    Pandas is practically chickens.

  • TJBeck

    [re=126064]cal[/re]: Well, they can, but they have to be US born. The oldest US born pandas aren’t old enough to be president, yet. Other than that, there is absolutely no reason a panda couldn’t be president.

  • Bypartizoa

    I’m pretty sure McCain left early so he could clean the shit out of his pants. The pained smile he had during most of the debate seemed to say “I don’t think I can hold…it…much…longer.

  • InKnockYouUs

    Why is being boring such a bad thing for a debate? The US Americans expect to see carnage every time they turn on their TV? I thought it was fun. We got to see McCain jerking around the stage like a wooden puppet. We got to see Mr. Cool Obama perched on his stool smiling at the antics of his elder. We got to see McCain offer the job of the Treasury Secretary to Tom Brokaw and then take it back again. And McCain says he is going to buy up my mortgage, which is cool, cause now HE can make the payments. I liked the debate.

  • JoeFannyPack

    Joe Six Pack ran out of beer five minutes into his “my friends” drinking game. Luckily his Irish neighbor Case O’Beer came to the rescue.

  • whiteasasheet

    No more drinking games. Ever. My friends, I may never recover…

  • The Rev. Yevot

    Hey, that photo reminds me: whatever happened to Butterstick, anyway, after his novel about a young, smart, Democratic campaign staffer diverting attention away from her candidate’s campaign troubles by creating a fictitious blog flopped? Didn’t he get a column on some lame magazine’s web site or something?

  • El Bombastico

    [re=126074]TJBeck[/re]: There is also nothing in the rulebook that says a mule can’t kick field goals.

  • BeamMeUpMrSpeaker

    Im not sure if I’m confortable with John McCain palling around with people with the name Yael T. Abouhalkah.

  • Nigerian Business Executive

    As one of your new Canadian overlords (, I feel compelled to correct your French. “Sauce” is feminine for some reason, so une sauce béarnaise. We are Canadians. Fear us or we’ll thank you do death.

  • pondscum

    Even my gun-toting-republican-poster-child-of-a-husband is getting a little tired of the “my friends” bit from McCain.
    And before you ask, no we don’t watch these things together. He listened on the radio while loading shotgun shells. We will be well-prepared for our hobo lives.

  • Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=126084]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Argh! Corrections have some much impact when you don;t have to correct the corrections. “Thank you TO death…”

  • Kwame&#39

    McCain just said he meant to call him “that wonderful gorilla”.

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    [re=126084]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Hahaha, suck it Canada, we’re nothing if not American ingeniuses. We will melt your winter with the global warming, and Saskatchewan will become a tropical para–um, nevermind.

    Newfies slobber.

  • grendel

    “steady hand on the tiller” is a navy euphemism for masturbation

  • mattbolt

    Ohhhh, you Narky Old Man McCain, why you gotsta be so narky

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo
  • Serolf Divad

    [re=126087]Kwame[/re]: “A magnificent specimen, and a tribute to his people.”

  • surfacenoise76

    I just wish Brokaw had been the ref at the Palin/Biden debate.

  • TJBeck

    [re=126080]El Bombastico[/re]: But they usually go for two/

  • Hiawatha


    Sauce Béarnaise is feminine and therefore requires the article Une, as in Une sauce Béarnaise.

    In future, please leave the fancy frenchiness to the fancy frenchies.

    You Americans have no idea how annoying you are to us, do you?

  • magic titty

    [re=126065]Bypartizoa[/re]: …followed by the appropriate finger snap.

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    I think it’s crap that people are dumping on Walnuts for leaving the debate when Hopey starting shaking hands. The damn pill only gives you the hard-on for four hours then you gotta call the doctor. Sheesh, people.

  • hockeymom

    I actually didn’t think it was boring. I was more concerned after debate number 1. Now, I feel like Obama can go about ignoring the other side and just explain HOW THE HELL WE GET OUR 401Ks and RETIREMENT SAVINGS BACK!
    Seriously, I want my money (on paper) back. Now. Not in 15 years. Today.

  • bearbait

    I was waiting for the “McCain, you ignorant slut.” line but it never came. Barack should hire me to write his stuff.

  • ColdCupofHope

    What? I don’t know about you first dudes and dude-ettes, but I was on the edge of my seat wondering where WALNUTS was going to wander around next. He looked like someone whose lost at the the mall, looking for his wife in the the Junior Miss section.

    I miss Oliver already.

  • grendel

    [re=126098]Hiawatha[/re]: We’ll get right on nuking you.

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    [re=126098]Hiawatha[/re]: Well, we can send Celine Dion back if you’d like. We’ll keep Shania, though.

  • Delicious

    I never figured the End of Times would be so boring, yet, here we are.

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    [re=126104]grendel[/re]: Yah! USA!!!! USA!!! USA!!! Fuck them and their first world economy. Unless they want to buy some nukes, then we’re all ears.

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=126103]ColdCupofHope[/re]: That’s pretty much what I was thinking. “Oh look! Grampy is lost again. Someone should help him home.”

  • VeraClouzot

    I was too busy looking for a vacation home that someone has walked away from online – what did I miss?

  • grendel

    [re=126107]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: We’ve got the nukes, let’s just hold everyone hostage until they send us their gold and wimmens!

  • WadISay

    In Nashville this morning, a taxi races for the airport. A man leans out the window, hair blown back, yelling at traffic lights, urging pedestrians to cross in a timely fashion, and denying his interest in the SecTreas gig. That man is Tom Brokaw.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=126073]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: Tastes more like deep fried bald eagle with just a tiny hint of spotted owl.

  • Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=126105]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: Oh god no! You can keep Céline. Brian Adams, Alanis Morissette, Nelly Furtado, and Avril Lavigne you can keep too. Please return Joni Mitchell or we’ll get our queen to broadcast speeches on your networks until you expire of tedium.

  • Mr Blifil

    I don’t get the “boring” meme. Obama did everything but preside over McCain committing sepuku live on camera. He inflicted one of the greatest body blows in the modern history of political debating, leaving McCain almost literally gasping for breath. This was “Thrilla in Manilla” style political hardball. I wasn’t bored in the slightest.

  • wilmawonker

    [re=126064]cal[/re]: i loves it!

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    [re=126123]Mr Blifil[/re]: Andrew Sullivan, is that you? You bitch!

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=126121]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: We’re keeping Joni Mitchell and Neil Young. But you can have Shatner.

  • JoeFannyPack

    Was it just me or did it appear that McCain filled most of his forehead wrinkles with skin spackle?

  • NoWireHangers

    [re=126092]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Ha

    God that debate was horribly boring. It was so terrible that I couldn’t even muster the interest to get seriously drunk. It wasn’t worth it. I just wanted it to be over. No more debates.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=126111]VeraClouzot[/re]: Yes. The Committee of Public Safety (in Canadian: Comité de salut public) has been reformulated to deal with people who own vacation homes. Its first task is to depopulate Aspen through the introduction this piece of exercise equipment at local health clubs: The rich are so stupid.

  • Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=126130]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Neither Mitchell nor Young are what they used to be, so let’s just exchange Shatner for Feist and call it even. Also! Free French lessons to piss off your Rubelican neighbours and coworkers!

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    From the Irish paper:
    He talked about Herbert Hoover, Ronald Reagan and Teddy Roosevelt.

    But will it count? Americans are not renowned for their knowledge and concern about history.

    Hey! At least we’re not still hung up on a battle that took place in 1690.

  • Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=126138]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Dammmit! “Republican.”

  • Hart88

    Ann Althouse was obviously using “my friends” as a drinking trigger (as if she really needed one):

  • Cape Clod

    Did anyone else get the impression that the debate looked like it was between a black Fred Astaire and Grampa Simpson? McCain isn’t going to win a single one of these things because of the visuals alone. Oh, and truck nutz, butt sex, et al.

  • Cape Clod

    [re=126140]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: I resent that. I have a bedspread celebrating the Hawley-Smoot Act. Go eat a potato you Irish fuckers.

  • Norbert

    boring is going to look so sweet when Snowbilly and her Mob of Survivalist Trackers stage a coup d’état in 2012(ish).

    [re=126121]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: p.s. all your Anne Murray is belong to us

  • Meaux

    [re=126145]Cape Clod[/re]: A black Fred Astaire–I had not thought of that. I did think he could step right into a Rat Pack moment and fit right in. I love me some Smooth Barry!

  • Sara K. Smith

    I love that this site is so crawling with elitists that they jump all over me to correct my French. Correction noted, but I will let the original stand so that all these bajillion elitist comments will still make sense to readers.

  • The Rev. Yevot

    [re=126141]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: No, actually, you got the “rube” part right.

  • magic titty

    [re=126140]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: That’s hilarious. When Irish people call you ignorant, you know you’ve got problems. See: Scotland.

  • WadISay

    [re=126145]Cape Clod[/re]: True dat; I had the Fred Astaire thought too last night. Also that — as was said of Bob Dole — I bet he reminds a lot of women of their first husband.

  • The Rev. Yevot

    [re=126158]The Rev. Yevot[/re]: [re=126141]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: [re=126138]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: You should stop using the Brit spellings, though. Seriously, after two years up here with you people, I’m getting weary of always correcting you, eh?

  • Tra

    I would offer commentary on the debate, but I’m too wrapped up in the overwhelming cuteness of the panda picture. More pandas! Pandas all the time!

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=126163]Tra[/re]: Be careful what you wish for. We narrowly escaped being overtaken by pandas at one point, here. I would have been a criminally cute and bloodless coup, but a takeover, nonetheless.

  • WagTehGod

    “I thought it was riveting and that McCain was way better than that other one.”

    Famous Person

  • pdiddycornchips

    I know how the media treated Gore when he changed to sweaters and earthtones but I seriously think it’s the clothing that makes these debates so damn boring. Instead of matching blue suits, the next debate should be done inside a steel cage and both candidates have to wear singlets.

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    [re=126157]Sara K. Smith[/re]: You are so in the tank for the umlauts.

  • jimh

    [re=126157](Sara K. Smith[/re]: (That’s what you get when you cater to the whine and cheese commenters, Sara!)

    McCain’s “steady hand and the tiller” remark only reminds voters that his hand is in the till, steadily, pulling the pork and Petraeus, my friends.

  • jimh

    [re=126169]pdiddycornchips[/re]: I vote donkey and elephant costumes. To pull in the undecided furry vote.

  • TGY

    [re=126064]cal[/re]: Um, cause that would be pandamoneum?

  • pdiddycornchips


    Furry’s can’t be undecided. They HAVE to be for Hopey. Why you ask? Ever wear one of those things? Imagine wearing one in the middle of July in Arizona. There are no furry’s in the sunbelt.
    If there is one or two, they’re really just masocists with unique costumes.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=126157]Sara K. Smith[/re]: Keep in mind that French majors will soon be the new hobos. We need them to make the rest of us feel better about ourselves.

  • Dreamer

    The elitist editors at Wonkette are rounding up foreign papers to shore up support for That One.

    Is anyone watching Biden – he is killing McPalin.

  • Dreamer

    [re=126077]JoeFannyPack[/re]: LOL, best comment

  • Dreamer

    [re=126100]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: I think it is unfair to criticize McGrumpy for leaving soon after the debate ended. Don’t you know he was a POW and cannot stand that long. It was insensitive of Hopey to show off his agility.

  • Cape Clod

    [re=126157]Sara K. Smith[/re]: I’ll let it go on the French but if you start putting up some uncongegated latin, there is going to be hell to pay. (Sniff)

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=126199]Dreamer[/re]: I listened. It was great! The healthcare portion was awesome.

    It’s sad when a cogent explanation of health insurance options is capable of grabbing a person’s attention. Welcome to the new America.

  • Miller

    Oh MSM, you spend all your time punishing any deviation from the norm, forcing candidates into protective bubbles, then you complain about the sterility. It’s so precious. I can’t wait to see the exact same questions, answers, and post-debate analysis after debate 3.

  • Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=126162]The Rev. Yevot[/re]: Not to worry. I clearly can’t spell in any case.

  • frailamerica

    The Stick!

  • sanantonerose

    Hey, McCain poked fun at hairplugs and Hopey jabbed at Arizona and cancer. What else do you people want? Fisticuffs?

  • edgydrifter

    Narky–it’s like snarky but withered and feeble.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=126141]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Naw, I like the way you spelled it the first time. It sounds more Frencher that way.

    Also, we’ll swap the White Stripes straight across for the Bare Naked Ladies, even if all the other trades fall through.

  • yellowdogdem

    Am I the only one who thought McCain’s “hair plugs” remark was aimed at Joe Biden? Or is McCain so bat-s*** that he brings up the topic of hair plugs out of nowhere?

  • donner_froh

    [re=126143]Hart88[/re]: For example when she wrote: “You know, just because the thing I saw wasn’t there doesn’t mean there wasn’t something there that I didn’t see.”

  • oldguy


  • zenferretwork

    [re=126098]Hiawatha[/re]: Freedom sauce?

  • Jerk Cade

    [re=126351]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: and we’ll be keeping Rachel McAdams until she and I can do some conjugating. Verbs. Conjugating verbs. (ahem) French-style.

  • TeddyS

    I liked the way Walnuts kept walking aimlessly around the stage last night, clutching his microphone, wandering into closets and then being scooped up and carted off early by Sindy. Whatever the hell he had to say was overshadowed by what he did, which was being lost.

  • wheelie

    [re=126140]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: Sorry to disappoint you, but the Irish article was written by US journalist Harry Browne, who also writes for angry leftie thing Typical leftie American, always criticizing America! Boo!!

  • heronimule

    There is only one certainty in this universe: Florida will ALWAYS disappoint you.

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