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We are all sad pandas.Seriously, what was up with that super boring debate last night? John McCain was supposed to call Barack Obama a terrorist pal, and then Barack Obama was supposed to say “Hey man that is just wrong” and rip off McCain’s testicles and sauté them gently before feeding them to Tom Brokaw with un sauce béarnaise which is precisely how an elitist is supposed to confront a grizzled old war hero in a Town Hall. Instead we got a lot of respectful disagreement, which was dull. Sure, the reaction last night was bad enough. But witness this morning’s sad collection of headlines:

John McCain has one more chance to show America he’s a steady hand at the tiller, my friends, and that means one thing: next week’s debate will feature something filthy involving Reverend Tony “Rezko” Ayers getting mauled by a moose, or else “that one” will probably definitely be president, unless Florida votes Republican.

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91 COMMENTS

  1. [re=126064]cal[/re]: Well, they can, but they have to be US born. The oldest US born pandas aren’t old enough to be president, yet. Other than that, there is absolutely no reason a panda couldn’t be president.

  2. I’m pretty sure McCain left early so he could clean the shit out of his pants. The pained smile he had during most of the debate seemed to say “I don’t think I can hold…it…much…longer.

  3. Why is being boring such a bad thing for a debate? The US Americans expect to see carnage every time they turn on their TV? I thought it was fun. We got to see McCain jerking around the stage like a wooden puppet. We got to see Mr. Cool Obama perched on his stool smiling at the antics of his elder. We got to see McCain offer the job of the Treasury Secretary to Tom Brokaw and then take it back again. And McCain says he is going to buy up my mortgage, which is cool, cause now HE can make the payments. I liked the debate.

  4. Joe Six Pack ran out of beer five minutes into his “my friends” drinking game. Luckily his Irish neighbor Case O’Beer came to the rescue.

  5. Hey, that photo reminds me: whatever happened to Butterstick, anyway, after his novel about a young, smart, Democratic campaign staffer diverting attention away from her candidate’s campaign troubles by creating a fictitious blog flopped? Didn’t he get a column on some lame magazine’s web site or something?

  6. Even my gun-toting-republican-poster-child-of-a-husband is getting a little tired of the “my friends” bit from McCain.
    And before you ask, no we don’t watch these things together. He listened on the radio while loading shotgun shells. We will be well-prepared for our hobo lives.

  7. [re=126084]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Argh! Corrections have some much impact when you don;t have to correct the corrections. “Thank you TO death…”

  8. [re=126084]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Hahaha, suck it Canada, we’re nothing if not American ingeniuses. We will melt your winter with the global warming, and Saskatchewan will become a tropical para–um, nevermind.

    Newfies slobber.

  9. Philistines!

    Sauce Béarnaise is feminine and therefore requires the article Une, as in Une sauce Béarnaise.

    In future, please leave the fancy frenchiness to the fancy frenchies.

    You Americans have no idea how annoying you are to us, do you?

  10. I think it’s crap that people are dumping on Walnuts for leaving the debate when Hopey starting shaking hands. The damn pill only gives you the hard-on for four hours then you gotta call the doctor. Sheesh, people.

  11. I actually didn’t think it was boring. I was more concerned after debate number 1. Now, I feel like Obama can go about ignoring the other side and just explain HOW THE HELL WE GET OUR 401Ks and RETIREMENT SAVINGS BACK!
    Seriously, I want my money (on paper) back. Now. Not in 15 years. Today.

  12. What? I don’t know about you first dudes and dude-ettes, but I was on the edge of my seat wondering where WALNUTS was going to wander around next. He looked like someone whose lost at the the mall, looking for his wife in the the Junior Miss section.

    I miss Oliver already.

  13. [re=126104]grendel[/re]: Yah! USA!!!! USA!!! USA!!! Fuck them and their first world economy. Unless they want to buy some nukes, then we’re all ears.

  14. [re=126103]ColdCupofHope[/re]: That’s pretty much what I was thinking. “Oh look! Grampy is lost again. Someone should help him home.”

  15. In Nashville this morning, a taxi races for the airport. A man leans out the window, hair blown back, yelling at traffic lights, urging pedestrians to cross in a timely fashion, and denying his interest in the SecTreas gig. That man is Tom Brokaw.

  16. [re=126105]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: Oh god no! You can keep Céline. Brian Adams, Alanis Morissette, Nelly Furtado, and Avril Lavigne you can keep too. Please return Joni Mitchell or we’ll get our queen to broadcast speeches on your networks until you expire of tedium.

  17. I don’t get the “boring” meme. Obama did everything but preside over McCain committing sepuku live on camera. He inflicted one of the greatest body blows in the modern history of political debating, leaving McCain almost literally gasping for breath. This was “Thrilla in Manilla” style political hardball. I wasn’t bored in the slightest.

  18. [re=126092]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Ha

    God that debate was horribly boring. It was so terrible that I couldn’t even muster the interest to get seriously drunk. It wasn’t worth it. I just wanted it to be over. No more debates.

  19. [re=126130]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Neither Mitchell nor Young are what they used to be, so let’s just exchange Shatner for Feist and call it even. Also! Free French lessons to piss off your Rubelican neighbours and coworkers!

  20. Did anyone else get the impression that the debate looked like it was between a black Fred Astaire and Grampa Simpson? McCain isn’t going to win a single one of these things because of the visuals alone. Oh, and truck nutz, butt sex, et al.

  21. [re=126140]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: I resent that. I have a bedspread celebrating the Hawley-Smoot Act. Go eat a potato you Irish fuckers.

  22. boring is going to look so sweet when Snowbilly and her Mob of Survivalist Trackers stage a coup d’état in 2012(ish).

    [re=126121]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: p.s. all your Anne Murray is belong to us

  23. [re=126145]Cape Clod[/re]: A black Fred Astaire–I had not thought of that. I did think he could step right into a Rat Pack moment and fit right in. I love me some Smooth Barry!

  24. I love that this site is so crawling with elitists that they jump all over me to correct my French. Correction noted, but I will let the original stand so that all these bajillion elitist comments will still make sense to readers.

  25. [re=126140]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: That’s hilarious. When Irish people call you ignorant, you know you’ve got problems. See: Scotland.

  26. [re=126145]Cape Clod[/re]: True dat; I had the Fred Astaire thought too last night. Also that — as was said of Bob Dole — I bet he reminds a lot of women of their first husband.

  27. [re=126158]The Rev. Yevot[/re]: [re=126141]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: [re=126138]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: You should stop using the Brit spellings, though. Seriously, after two years up here with you people, I’m getting weary of always correcting you, eh?

  28. [re=126163]Tra[/re]: Be careful what you wish for. We narrowly escaped being overtaken by pandas at one point, here. I would have been a criminally cute and bloodless coup, but a takeover, nonetheless.

  29. I know how the media treated Gore when he changed to sweaters and earthtones but I seriously think it’s the clothing that makes these debates so damn boring. Instead of matching blue suits, the next debate should be done inside a steel cage and both candidates have to wear singlets.

  30. [re=126157](Sara K. Smith[/re]: (That’s what you get when you cater to the whine and cheese commenters, Sara!)

    McCain’s “steady hand and the tiller” remark only reminds voters that his hand is in the till, steadily, pulling the pork and Petraeus, my friends.

  31. [re=126177]jimh[/re]:

    Furry’s can’t be undecided. They HAVE to be for Hopey. Why you ask? Ever wear one of those things? Imagine wearing one in the middle of July in Arizona. There are no furry’s in the sunbelt.
    If there is one or two, they’re really just masocists with unique costumes.

  32. The elitist editors at Wonkette are rounding up foreign papers to shore up support for That One.

    Is anyone watching Biden – he is killing McPalin.

  33. [re=126100]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: I think it is unfair to criticize McGrumpy for leaving soon after the debate ended. Don’t you know he was a POW and cannot stand that long. It was insensitive of Hopey to show off his agility.

  34. [re=126157]Sara K. Smith[/re]: I’ll let it go on the French but if you start putting up some uncongegated latin, there is going to be hell to pay. (Sniff)

  35. [re=126199]Dreamer[/re]: I listened. It was great! The healthcare portion was awesome.

    It’s sad when a cogent explanation of health insurance options is capable of grabbing a person’s attention. Welcome to the new America.

  36. [re=126141]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Naw, I like the way you spelled it the first time. It sounds more Frencher that way.

    Also, we’ll swap the White Stripes straight across for the Bare Naked Ladies, even if all the other trades fall through.

  37. Am I the only one who thought McCain’s “hair plugs” remark was aimed at Joe Biden? Or is McCain so bat-s*** that he brings up the topic of hair plugs out of nowhere?

  38. [re=126143]Hart88[/re]: For example when she wrote: “You know, just because the thing I saw wasn’t there doesn’t mean there wasn’t something there that I didn’t see.”

  39. [re=126351]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: and we’ll be keeping Rachel McAdams until she and I can do some conjugating. Verbs. Conjugating verbs. (ahem) French-style.

  40. I liked the way Walnuts kept walking aimlessly around the stage last night, clutching his microphone, wandering into closets and then being scooped up and carted off early by Sindy. Whatever the hell he had to say was overshadowed by what he did, which was being lost.

  41. [re=126140]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: Sorry to disappoint you, but the Irish article was written by US journalist Harry Browne, who also writes for angry leftie thing CounterPunch.org. Typical leftie American, always criticizing America! Boo!!

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