Wonkette
To your left is the shack where her editor spent her “vacation,” getting harassed by banana slugs and watching the VP debate in a bar full of scratch-off Lotto ticket addicts who muttered angry things about “Barack HUSSEIN Obama” on their way out. (Kidding! That is another one of John McCain’s eleventy billion subprime properties, now on sale in exchange for a sack of speckled beans.) Anyhow now we are back, rested and refreshed! We hear there is some sort of a talky talky with whatsisface, Hussein, and the little angry man. What magical maps is John King drawing at this very moment to show us how Poverty will finally triumph over Racism this electoral cycle?
8:37 PM — Campbell Brown asks how both candidates can improve upon their performances from last week. Indeed, how can John McCain possibly do better?
8:39 PM — Hmm, where is this debate happening? Nashville? We should have put up a Dolly Parton photo or something. Or Keith Urban. So Campbell Brown is running these things now, huh? Her hair is so shiny. Donna Brazile: Both candidates need to tell voters how they plan to keep them out of homeless destitution and utter financial collapse this fall. Ha! No, they need to tell voters what “a low down dirty dog” that other dude is.
8:43 PM — Oh right, CNN is the network with those awful fucking squiggly lines that literally do nothing except jump when someone says “David Petraeus.”
8:45 PM — Well, this is boring. We just saw an ad for “clean coal,” though! It’s no “HEAD ON. APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD,” possibly the best ad invented since the Spong Monkeys ad by Quiznos. Hmm let us find a link there. Well here is the original Spong Monkeys masterpiece.
8:47 PM — Now! Over to MSNBC. Howard Fineman. Did you know that Howard Fineman was ubiquitous at the DNC and the RNC? Every Wonkette editor saw him thrice, and that’s not counting how his image kept popping up in urinals.
8:48 PM — Eek, Sarah Palin is “perfectly willing to touch” the “darkest levels of the American psyche.” That is Howard Fineman trying to say “race baiting” without saying “race baiting.”
8:50 PM — Olbermann wants to warn viewers that this Town Hall MIGHT not be quite as spontaneous as viewers would have hoped, thus: no impromptu falls into the Jello pit for some hot boy-on-boy hair pulling, which was probably unlikely anyhow, given their hair.
8:53 PM — T. Boone Pickens, fame whore.
8:54 PM — Silly Keith Olbermann thinks John McCain’s refusal to look at Barack Obama “might be called cowardice,” when in fact it is just rank angry scorn. Look at Olbermann and Matthews trying to commentate all sober-like, without snippy hand gestures. Oh and now Keith asks about McCain being “grumpy,” and Matthews looks bored.
8:57 PM — Clearly the strategy for Democrats — and the secret Hope of millions of Americans tonight — is that McCain will just be goaded tonight into completely crapping himself with disgust, onstage, proving once and for all that he is unfit to lead.
8:59 PM — This idea that the candidates will be more likely to directly answer questions from Real Voters instead of giving the canned, evasive answers they’re always blurping up for liberal media types is just laughable.
9:00 PM — Oh huzzah our pizza is here and the debate is starting, the stars have aligned! Out come the candydates and John McCain immediately starts scribbling something on a notepad while McCain reclines with dignity. Read on here.
Wasserman Schultz is hawt!
I’m going to be smashed after this debate.
Ah, shit. I wanted to be FIRST!
Live bloggin numero dos! Que viva!
Did you see where Cindy Trollop-Cunt said that Obama has run the dirtiest campaign ever? This stuff writes itself…
CNN has all their stars out tonight. Lookin’ good, Campbell, Suzanne. Donna, get a hair dye! But the makeup is good. Castellanos, get rid of the fascist moustach!
Does everybody like my new avatar?
That’s me everyday (channeling Hillary) until Nov. 4.
Nice little fake-out by the WALNUTS! team. Word was that they were going to “take the gloves off” and go on the attack. Now the news is that old crypty McCreamsauce will talk about the economy afterall. Way to keep the terrorist on his toes!!!!
Al Gore is there to root for Hopey. I hope Lieberman shows up to root for Maverick. Gore will body-slam him and gorilla rape him.
I hope they play Enter Sandman when Walnuts comes on.
I was wondering if Wasserman-Schultz was in one of those houses with the 24 hour web cams. I like her, but she is on as much as Pat Buchanan.
CNN is in the tank!
MY FRIENDS!
I am live blogging this train wreck. Feel free to pop on by.
I was in a foreign country a few years back and Campbell Brown’s bent over and her ass was like 12 inches from my face. What happened next, I’m not saying (actually nothing).
simetrias: I’m watching the Uber-man on MSNBC. He seems to be favoring Obama…
Olbermann is hatin on McCain big time. The ole third rail evoked….
Howard Fineman said Walnuts is touchin’ the third rail. I’m already sitting up a little higher in my chair and seeing starbursts.
The CNN news coverage is like being tortured with a plastic fork.
I won’t watch CNN cuz I don’t want to see that little EKG of people I wouldn’t give directions to in Times Square.
Questions from Town Hall peeps will be totally scripted. Duh.
Senator McCain, your song “Bomb Iran” was so inspiring that I decided to work on one myself. It starts out “Cheating, Keating, trollop Beating, picking Palin is self-defeating”…
we poor people have to watch blogger commentary on the cnn internet feed. who the fuck reads blogs anyway?!
The sound of “My friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, maverick, my friends” emanates from the background as McCain warms up.
Another prediction. After the debate all the family members will get on stage beat the shit out each other. I can dream can’t I?
it`s fun to take your cocaine and put it in rails that match the squiggly lines. Just kidding, no one can afford cocaine any more. It`s chalk cut with bitter ashes of a burnt out american dream.
How long until McCain sets a distraction fire and escapes through a window?
Please please please let one of the questions be about Iran-Contra…
Nashville .. hah, I used to live in Knoxville until recently and changed my voting state because there’s no HOPE of TN going for Obama .. we shame me.
CNN: it comes down to character. God help us. “I am strong” (Bush) and you are weak (Kerry).
May the force be with you.
I am waiting for the “Walnuts Wink” so I can feel a lil’ SNAP in my trousers…
Senator Obama, you’re no longer a community organizer. This is the big time. McCain is not a good man and he’s not right. Tie him to Bush, expose his cronyism, his lies, and keep after him. It’s for ALL of us now!
Remember how Gore walked over to Bush during one the debates to try to throw him off (but Bush gave him a what’s-up-weirdo look)? Obama should do that, but not directly. Somehow, they should just kind of stand near each other and McCain can look like the angry little gnome that he is.
So, is it too late to submit questions to this kind of thing?
Like: Senator McCain, WTF? No, seriously… WTF???
Delicious: Obama: “You look at me when I’m talking to you, Senator!”
chris matthews just called barry a sleeper cell, yikes tweetie.
tender: Loser, get drunk DURING IT…
CNN is destroying journalism. Stop listening to idiots on the internet, will you?
I think Hopey should come out dressed like Huey Newton escorted by Patty Hearst lookalikes.
“Sarah Palin is perfectly willing to touch it”
- Howard Fineman on Olberman. Thank you, dear man, thank you.
Prediction: Walnuts will have that smirk on his face at least 50% of the time. Oh, and it really knocks the cancer reconstruction surgery out of place…..
the TERRORIST are upon us: well, i traded with ya then. recently registered in rural tn (which beats the hell outta any major metro area when the DJIA tanks another third….)
I submitted “Quark or InDesign?” as my question.
I’m really hoping Walnuts goes all Zell Miller in there.
Wait a freakin minute, does this mean I won’t find out which fatty lost the most weight on Biggest Loser….dang, that ain’t fair! I blame Hopey, skinny bastard!
Alright, I’m gonna go get a pizza–let’s hold this whole thing up about ten minutes, OK?
brb
Olbermann: Do we not NEED follow up questions? Matthews: NO SHIT!!
Well, all of our postdate needs are about to be anticipated…. GO! WIN!
Monsieur Grumpe: ahh..a good ol’ fashioned donnybrook..
Delicious: haha due to that little ‘incident’ the candidates have specifically agreed to stay in their ‘zones’ for this one
Yo, SARA ET AL: Give us warning when you open LiveBloggin 2, ok??????
Brokaw and McCain are two old scary men
patrickman: InDesign! InDesign!
Why does Brokaw always sound slightly drunk?
No one wants to comment on the fact both Al and tipper are in the audience? I hope he gets to ask a question
i feel that if actually watched this spectacle i would develop an un-needed level of anger. therefor i will watch law and order reruns on tnt and semi-frequently hit f5 on this liveblog. oh good, its the one about a citywide blackout, telling?
Self congratulatory much, tom?
Is Brokaw slurring his words?
No Tom, I AM constrained……by listening to you.
[They come out and shake hands.]
McCain: Senator Obama, may I call you Saddam?
Damn right we aren’t constrained at home! Walnuts!!! You are stiffer than a board when you walk (and the only time!)
oh boy! Tommy gave us permission to have outbursts in our home
grendel: She wants some of that strappin’ black man
Thank God Tom Brokaw is in charge. I have high hopes for this being the first competently-moderated debate of the year.
80 undecided voters? What edge of teh crazy did these folks come from?
Many questions on economics? Cue McCain shitting himself.
chatroom URL??
“80 undecided voters” - who the fuck are these people?
It’s just like in 2004. If a month before the election you honestly were “torn” between Kerry and Bush, you either weren’t paying attention, or probably should’ve had your voting rights revoked for being mentally disabled. Either way you weren’t particularly worth fighting for.
Livebloggin 2 is up, peeps, go there.
yay Obama!
Will the next question be about reveenuuers to stop hassle grandpa and takin his still and corn squeezins
Goddamn it. I wish MY pizza was here. Conspiracy!
simetrias: I’ve noticed that! The reason I sound drunk is because I AM drunk, but Brokaw? No idea.
I don’t like the way that white man asked that question
McCain looks awfully stiff.
the CNN line just plummets when mccain picks up the mic.
“Senator Obama, it’s good to be with you in a town hall meeting.”
Walnuts: Let. it. GO.
Hey, McCain said “Senator Obama” and his head didn’t burst into flames. What gives?
McCain’s walk is reminiscent of a teenage mutant ninja turle.
God the old man is twitch worse than Johnny Carson, I though he was going give us a zinger!
is it just me or does John McCain appear stiff and arthritic?
yay Warren Buffett!
Meg Whitman…. yeah, she created jobs..
McCain did horrid on that Treas Secty question…..
Opps, called McCain on the carpet about time!!!
Yeaaaaaah, Oliver’s undecided….
You know what i keep thinking about is that knife fight in the “beat it” video. why wouldn’t you just stab the hell out of the hand of the guy tied to you and then work him down until you win the electoral vote by 153.
Oliver you got to vote for the brotha.
the lines like BO!
Seriously. Like I want the CEO of FeeBay to be Treasury Secretary. Bitch has ripped me off enough already. Elitist McCain is clearly out of touch with those of us who need to sell last season’s Manolos on eBay for booze money.
Letter, where’s the letter??
Damn! WALNUTS is gonna get in that chick’s lap in a minute.
With energy reform and eBay, we can fix this whole mess.
Gentlemen, I’m going to remind you one more time. Stop your damn yammering! The end is night!
Senator Earmark is a one trick pony. Dude, stop with the freakin’ earmarks…
Hey, is “Korupt Fashion” code for Keating Five???? Please advise quickly so I can foller this danged debate…
I KNEW IT! Everyone was drunk but me! Time to crack open that Crown I was savin.
McCain and Hoover used to hang out…you know, pal around.