Wonkette
Once upon a time there was a congressman named John Boehner, and everybody made fun of him because his name looked like “boner.” And then day somebody sent one of his local offices a Mysterious Package, which was leaking an Oily Substance, and everybody panicked because of the Terrorists. But! Turns out it was just bacon in the package: the sly prankster’s symbol for pork-barrel spending, or maybe how John Boner’s “package” is always “leaking oily substances.” [WLWT Cincinnati]
…damn it, I know there is a pigs in a blanket or wrapping bacon around your boner joke in here somewhere!
What? More Pork? JEEBUS can’t this guy get enough?
oh god that’s gay
Either that, or it’s a longer term biological warfare tactic to kill politicians through blood clots and heart attacks by having them eat delicious bacon every day.
In that case: DEAR TERRRIST FUCK YOU (please send delicious bacon)
…no one likes a greasy Boehner!
Magoo ditched letterman and flew straight to dc to put an end to those awful earmarks. the end.
Every dog’s dream: Mailman delivering a box of bacon.
Hey, if people can afford to send food through the mail as a taunt, that must mean the economy is getting better. The bailout’s working! Yaaaay! Can I has foods now? Plz?
Ahh the old Bacon Mailbomb, classic, especially useful to taunt your kosher vegan ex-girlfriend.
No injuries were reported, and the incident remains under investigation. A note found in the package with the bacon was not disclosed by authorities.
A couple problems there:
1. Is there any possible way anyone could have been hurt in this incident? Why include that line in the report?
2. What is there to investigate? A guy sent bacon. End of story. Is this really going to be prosecuted as someone trying to terrorize John Boner?
3. OK, which ever Georgia wonkette commenter sent this, please post the contents of the note in this thread. The public must see your manifesto.
Sarah, welcome back, your mad skillz at the snark were missed, but I beg you; please never write this “or maybe how John Boner’s “package” is always “leaking oily substances.” again.
Thanks,
freakishlystrong’s libido
Bacon is the gateway drug of meat.
AngryBlakGuy: And we have a wiener!
I think this means Boehner is a secret Muslim. I mean Muslin.
Bacon is the white man’s leggings.
This is all wrong. Boehner simply subscribed to the new “meat of the month” club. He’ll be receiving the peppered salami in November.
All this does is make me want a BLTA.
Hamster: Soon, they’ll be sending standar issue Zappa Pork Grenades.
slow news day. we’re hearing about JOE SIX PAC, light-up nuts, and the bacon bomb. Is there a traffic accident we can cover or something?
He should have just eaten the bacon, then shit in the box, and include a note explaining what the shit is made of. So much more affective.
Kev-O-Tron: You’re talking about the Weekly Standard again, aren’t you?
Pork. It’s the other white meat.
Kev-O-Tron: The reason he was so confused was because he thought he had signed up for the Man Meat of the Month club—a gigolo delivery service.
Obviously bacon is not the same thing as a sinewy, oiled-up man, wearing nothing but a banana hammock.
tunamelt: Don’t you mean BLTGA?
Hamster: What are you trying to get Georgetown student interns all sick again after they swore off the buttsecks?
I think this is part of Boehner’s new Stimulus Package. Free Fatty Meat is exactly what America expects from our government
Hamster: sorry, that’s effective. …and tasty I might add.
John Boner. Heh. Heh.
tunamelt: Is there something you want to tell us, tuna? That description seemed almost too well crafted.
In other news, several young congressional staff members have contracted salmonella poisoning from John Boehner’s penis. Developing- video at 11.
John Boehner’s Bacon Index
This was an attempted terrorist attack! Te bacon was meant for Tailgunner Joe
Lieberman
The Rev. Yevot: Ooooh, what is this G?
Tommy Says Soooo: Dude, there is some Patient Zero who is traveling between Georgetown and USC who carried that virus because like 300 USC students have that disease, also.
Gopherit v2.0: What? No. Never.
tunamelt: Wow, that gives Pac 10 a whole new meaning.
freakishlystrong: I will second that. I’m trying to abstain from drinking but that image is just begging to be rinsed away in a vodka bath.
tunamelt: Wonkette is no place to be talking about such things, you cretin.
tunamelt: Well, since we’re talking about a Republican poltician, I guess it really should be a little “g” in parentheses. And a closet. In the men’s room at an airport. (Sorry, thought you were punning on the LGBTA, but then I remembered that in Boehner’s Fly-over state, they don’t like teh gayz to be out in the open, so I probably missed the point of your reference.)
Think that’s clever? I’m gonna find a severed human ear (don’t ask; there are ways) and draw all over it with crayons… BECAUSE OF EARMARKS!!!
rofl.
So is that picture of Piglet being used because Piglet = pork = bacon, or because of the shy and embarrassed way he’s trying to hide his Boehner?
Cape Clod: As every good wonketteer know, some things once seen can never be unseen. That includes mental images. Just stuff it in the happy place, because no amount of vodka will make that go away.
There is a very real possibility someone could have been hurt. If it wasn’t packaged properly and someone were to eat it, they could get some serious food poisoning.
Gopherit v2.0: I believe it was PeteJayHawk who made that comment back when Hillary was still with us. Gawd bless that meme.
Gopherit v2.0: Well, there goes my lame excuse for drinking vodka on a Tuesday.
Maybe he can ship it to me. We may need all the free food we can get in the upcoming months.
Spam trumps bacon as pork. Plus, you can ‘craft’ with it.
Do you know who else would complain about receiving delicious bacon?
Terrorists.
That’s right, I said it.
TGY: That sounds like a new wonkette contest to me.
boner got porked
Hamster: Don’t you think the man has shat upon the American public enough without having him resort to doing it via return mail??
I hope he didn’t throw it away. We’re going to want that bacon pretty soon for wrapping around grilled squirrels.
tunamelt: It would appear you are still hungry…in more ways than one.
Yes, it’s true. Mooselems won’t be using pig in a terrorist message.
However, they might go for a dingbat caribou breast and thigh package… if they’re into stringy, gamey meat.
This could be an ironic attempt to kill him slowly with high cholesterol and fatty foods. Lindsay Graham will eat absolutely any food you send him.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
AngryBlakGuy: Speak for yourself.
In Ohio, if you have a name that even vaguely resembles “boner”, growing up, your ass is kicked every single day; which pretty much describes all the pricks in the Republican party…
Speaking of Bacon, CO State Rep Bob Bacon is facing challenger Matt Fries on the ballot this year.
thank god i’m not voting in that race; every time I tried to do a little research I’d be so hungry.
http://www.coloradoan.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080922/NEWS01/809220315
“Boehner” When two vowels go a walking the first does the talking. I’m just saying
No animals were harmed in the making of this prank. Oh, wait…
If terrorism involves the use of Bacon, then sign me up! MMMMMM! Bacon! Best terror plot ever.