Yuck.Here’s something fun to look forward to, this Friday, other than the End of Capitalism and Electricity or whatever: There’s going to be a fun report on that legal investigation into Sarah Palin’s “abuse of power” in Alaska, when she fired all her sister’s rape victims or something. Troopergate! Nobody knows what it’s about, other than Governor Palin is some cheap crook who has many enemies — mostly the ex-husbands of her white-trash family members — and she destroys their lives by taking away their jobs. Way to fight for the little people, Maverickita! [Crooks & Liars]

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  1. No worries for sista Sarah. They’ll just slap her with a wild salmon across her face…
    nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say n’more, say n’more.

  2. Just like Hillary put all those crackers on the ceiling, Mooselini is hokay because Travelgate came before Troopergate.

    Now all we need for the trifecta is Todd to be caught pants down with an intern. Since he isn’t official, this is somewhat problematic, since he hab no interns.

    Therefore I propose Juli fly to Alaska and service the First Dude. Your country (or snow theme park) needs you.

  3. No, No, No… the actual story is: Palin and her pregnant husband raped a bunch of state troopers and then made them pay for it, and then drove away in kit, a futuristic care which can talk to moose.

  4. I don’t know what’s in that report, but here’s what I HOPE is in it–blowjobs. Lots of ’em. In the Governor’s Doublewide, no less. That would be the final straw breaking the back of the right-wing media shitbeast, and it would cause punditards like Kristol to bite down on their own phalluses and consume themselves Ouroboros-style.

  5. [re=123023]edgydrifter[/re]:

    The act of oral sex may not have made it that far north west to Alaska yet.

    I can personally vouch for the state of Washington, ain’t nobody blowing anybody up there

    Now ass fucking, thats another story!!!!

  6. We all know the real reason Palin will not be elected and called back to AK, is Alaska needs every last woman up there. If Palin is out of ‘the dance’, one more guy is gonna lose his turn. Do it for your male brothers in Anchorage and Point Barrow- don’t vote for McCain/Palin.

  7. Will this report contain Trig’s birth certificate and DNA test? While we’re at it, I want a drug test to see what the baby takes to make it sleep.

  8. So if the guy snowbilly caught for corruption in the Ministry of Oil only got a $10k fine, then I expect this fine to equal Caribou Ken’s annual snowmobile racing winnings (less allowable IRS deductions and other payoffs)

  9. [re=123020]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: I’ll take one for the team and fly to Alaska to blow the first dood (gay blowjobs are better for teh skandalz). He’s kinda hunky. In a sort of redneck, puffer-jacked used-snowmobile-salesman kinda way.

  10. Todd, after FIVE AND A HALF WEEKS of prep from McCain’s handlers is now read to give his statements in the Tooper-gate probe:

    I can here his statements to the press afterwards “I did not exchange e-mails with that woman”.

    I hope they have some hard evidence on the Palin’s and lure them into lies, ala Bill “cigars, they ain’t just for smokin” Clinton.

    Wonder if Todd or one of the staffers is set to fall on the sword for Sarah?

  11. I want to get excited about this but I have a bad feeling that the report will be sorely lacking in white trash exploits. Palin is of no use to me unless she’s talkin’ funny or shooting ping pong balls out of her ladybits.

  12. [re=123023]edgydrifter[/re]: It won’t be blowjobs. Alaska is full of freaks. They eat mooseburgers. They elected a woman with a whose grasp of foreign policy is placenta-based.

    Regarding the fun-loving people of Alaska, may I direct you here:

    The second one disturbs me most. Who looks for a cool brutha to fly a kite with?

    There must be a gas leak in one of those pipelines impairing the entire state’s cognitive abilities. It’s the only explanation.

  13. [re=123030]rocktonsammy[/re]: Speaking as someone who attended high school (long ago) in WA, I can assure you that you are incorrect. If things have changed since then, I pity you all. Ah, memories.

    [re=123072]professor.cj[/re]: Wow. The next “cool brutha” I see flying kites will be the first. Perhaps this is not the case in Alaska? Maybe kite flying is what all the cool kids do there. And meth. Or maybe “kite flying” is craigslist code for meth? That’s probably more like it.

  14. So she resigns just before the election, and then Cheney gets on the ticket as VP nominee, and then McCain has a mysterious accident with a wood chipper that was delivered to his Senate Office by mistake, and so Cheney ascends to the — um — Oval Office by popular acclaim of the National Guard vehicles deployed in every neighborhood. Hmmmm…I think I’m going to buy several tons of burlap so I can corner the market on the Cheney-era fashion industry. And Dobermans. Because that’s what the little guy’ll be wearing for the next four years — burlap and dobermans.

  15. [re=123020]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: I hate to be serious here, but I think if Todd was caught with an intern it could just up the sympathy for this strange arctic creature. What would be REALLY scandalous is if she herself were caught herself with someone — I recommend ol’ whatsisname, that columnist with the blingee erection from her winking?

  16. How about — we cain’t hab no ‘lections cause we is griefin’ up our dumb butts for the late Senator McCain. And the Supremes cain’t tell us whether that makes Palin’ the candy-date for Prez cause they is still havin’ their recess, like they mostly do. So, then, Sarah gets convicted of being ape-shit crazy in governatin them Alaska sumbitches, takin herself all the way off the teevees. So the Senate has to sort out the results of the non-election, and it’s the Senate tie-breaker, Dick Cheney, and the real tie-breaker, Joe Lieberman.

    After that, basic citizen compliance deteriorates, especially regarding stop signs near the borders.

  17. Cop-tober!

    Please, all I want for Cop-tober is evidence that Palin misused her position as Governor for personal vendettas or gain.

    We know it happened. They just have to show the evidence.

  18. Mr. Dude is only going to answer in written form. Okay, that should take until Christmas. Besides being as stupid as his wife, it’s going to take him forever to assemble that many sharp crayons.

  19. I had to check Michele Malkin, the woman who aspires to be Ann Coulter when she grows up, and how she didn’t care for Wonkette mainstreaming something offensive to her.

    I’d never seen her egregious excuse for whatever that is–her blog? Sweet Jesus, is there no conservative in the world who has anything resembling a sense of humor. All they have is mean. It’s on the level of, “Hey, liberal, you’ve got a face like a frog. Get it? Get it?”

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