Wonkette
When the markets tank, editors need a photograph to illustrate the terrible loss of value in equities most people either don’t own and don’t understand. The obvious photograph — poor people eating trash in the alley because they have no food and no home — is never used, because it would seem racist. Instead, the general-news media relies on a never-ending stock collection of floor traders looking exhausted, or, like in this AP-Yahoo photo used today, floor traders simultaneously vomiting into their hands. Let’s laugh at them, together.
In a groundbreaking move, today’s Marketwatch front page combines the precision of a chart with the pathos of some dude holding his forehead. Is this the new wave of stock-plunge illustration? Only the next five or six years of declining equity prices will tell!
But what do Asian traders do when stocks plunge? They look all sad and tired, the fuck do you think they do? Here is a standard example of this stock-plunge stock photo, as seen in the Washington Post, featuring an Asian trader looking at a Big Board with the symbols in Chinese characters. This shows it is happening somewhere in Asia, maybe Shanghai or Hong Kong. Wherever it is, you can bet traders are all looking sad and holding their foreheads. Asian traders: They’re just like us! (Then again, this is probably just some poorly dressed bum looking at the window display of some brokerage firm. Go get a job, bum! Flannel is so ’90s.)
Here’s a Reuters picture of this sad, sad floor trader in his sad floor-trading jacket looking super sad or tired or something. Is he praying? Clapping in sorrow? Whatever he’s doing, it really says “the Dow Jones Industrial Average closed down 430.18 points today.”
These are just traders, for fuck’s sake! At least they got paid their wages for the day! An accurate photograph of the Financial Collapse would be, maybe, some old people who had put a lot into their 401ks, and now it is all gone, just as they need money for the assisted living place, and their poor grandson needs a face implant or something. So sad!
HA! Stupid vomit munchers–I want to rub your misery over my body like lotion!
Guys in the first photo: watching “2 Girls 1 Cup” for the first time.
I’m pretty sure in that first photo the traders are giving the international sign for “Stanley farted in the pit again.”
Traders are the pigeons of the stock-market. They will carry the message but it doesn’t always get there.
I would like to see a time lapse series of photos showing children initially violently rejecting dog food fed to them by their mothers, only to come around to greedily devouring it after real starvation sets in. Like in an animated gif.
…they ain’t drownin, they’se wavin…
thank god i left america when i did. it’s never ever going to recovery. what a fucking mess. my only hope is mc-cancer face’s heart explodes right out of his chest during tomorrow’s debate. and i hope that fucking cunt brings her retarded kid to watch the whole thing go down.
Scientists have often wondered if seemingly normal men could be trained to physically react to the color red and blinking numbers…someone just got published! (to a resounding chorus of vomiting middle-aged men)
Is that what passes for “worried” in the asian stock exchanges? Wow…that’s really intense.
Hey, who knew uppity black guys could become stock traders? What’s next–president?
Ah, they’re not suffering. They make a commisssion when everybody sells as much as when everybody buys. Fuck ‘em.
Is that harsh? Well if you look behind you, pretty close to the horizon, you might be able to see my last shred of sympathy for any of these vultures. It’s long gone. If there’s a video of a bunch of them trapped in a former trading pit drawing lots to see who’s for dinner, I’ll want to watch it. Over and over again.
loudmouthredhead: Pavlovian.
did i mention i’m feeling bitter?
loudmouthredhead: That’s “Worried: the inscrutable Asian version.”
echoman2000: Wait, which Palin is retarded again? Mom or baby?
I suggest a picture of a hillbilly family dropping abandoning their 19-year-old son at the local hospital in Tennessee, or whatever hickwad state lets them do that now.
echoman2000: I fully expect his head to literally explode the first time Hopey looks at him. It will be horribly disappointing if that doesn’t come to pass.
echoman2000: And the sourpuss of the day award goes to. . .
An accurate depiction of a chaotic day in the markets would show rack upon rack of servers in a clean, air-conditioned data-center somewhere in New Jersey, fans whirring silently and efficiently as they process CDS trades. “Floor traders” are an anachronism - they only exist to be shown to tourists and photographed, sort of like those red-coated palace guards in England.
Trader in background: “Time for anonymous bathroom hookup. How’s my breath?”
Trader in foreground: See above.
Somewhere there must be a stock file photo of a train, falling off a bridge, onto a schoolbus, being crashed into by a 747, and the whole thing being crapped on by enemetic seagulls.
They may just be covering their mouths to hide what they are saying from being lip-read. The only time these guys get emotional is during the scene with Gecko’s speech.
jagorev: Are they allowed to smile?
If anyone cares, I’m pretty sure the language in the Asian picture is Japanese. You can tell because the characters are katakana, a.k.a. the sharp-cornered alphabet used for foreign things like “biggu makku” or “garbage” or “recession”.
That dude ain’t prayin, he is doin that Mr Miagi hand-rubbing, heat-building, wax on-wax off, magic karate healing hand technique so he can magically heal the kicked in the knees economy.
Sadly, he will soon realize that the economy was really kicked in the nuts, giving a whole new meaning to Wax-off. It worked, and that is why stocks rose a bit from their all-time flaccid lows before closing.
I want to drink their tears. (Hat tip to South Park.)
tunamelt: No. Just like the beefeaters must always be stern, the floor traders must always look like they are having a brain aneurysm.
None had guns in their mouths? And they call this a crisis.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
When Black Friday comes
I’ll stand down by the door
And catch the grey men when they
Dive from the fourteenth floor
When Black Friday comes
I’ll collect everything I’m owed
And before my friends find out
I’ll be on the road
When Black Friday falls you know it’s got to be
Don’t let it fall on me
When Black Friday comes
I’ll fly down to Muswellbrook
Gonna strike all the big red words
From my little black book
Gonna do just what I please
Gonna wear no socks and shoes
With nothing to do but feed
All the kangaroos
When Black Friday comes I’ll be on that hill
You know I will
When Black Friday comes
I’m gonna dig myself a hole
Gonna lay down in it ’til
I satisfy my soul
Gonna let the world pass by me
The Archbishop’s gonna sanctify me
And if he don’t come across
I’m gonna let it roll
When Black Friday comes
I’m gonna stake my claim
I’ll guess I’ll change my name
I still say a DOW waterslide ride would be fucking epic.
jagorev: The fact that they might actually in fact be having a brain aneurysm is just bonus, I assume.
Things are gonna be so sweet when NYC is bought by Spain.
And now, back to Main Street:
McCain is going after Medicare and Medicaid.
“But Douglas Holtz-Eakin, Sen. McCain’s senior policy adviser, said Sunday that the campaign has always planned to fund the tax credits, in part, with savings from Medicare and Medicaid. Those government health-care programs serve seniors, poor families and the disabled. Medicare spending for the fiscal year ended Sept. 30 is estimated at $457.5 billion.:
From Angry Bear’s blog. Call those Florida relatives, folks!
Thank you for this feature! By the way, what ever happened to devastated brokers flinging themselves off buildings to their doom? Is that no longer cool? Or is it that deregulation no longer requires the once-mandatory suicide jumps when the stock market crashes?
Monsieur Grumpe: Steely Dan. Very nice.
Monsieur Grumpe: Nice. You’re feeling that nostalgia too.
The gates of Hell: http://www.flickr.com/photos/laughingsquid/2919263860/
As long as they stop vomiting in MY hands, more power to ‘em.
facehead: What? No way. More like the gates of drunk, fat and awesome.
wheelie: They welded the windows shut and installed bullet-proof glass. They don’t want falling brokers landing on top of the liberal, elitist, in the tank for Obama media who are down ther covering the carnage.
wheelie: You didn’t see this with the accompanying blather on class warfare? http://www.myconfinedspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/jumpyoufackersuo1.jpg
Hooray! The bailout bill has saved our economys!
facehead: tunamelt: The gates to DIABEETUS.
Compare and contrast:
http://www.gallup.com/poll/110980/Bush-Job-Approval-25-Lowest-Yet.aspx
http://finance.yahoo.com/echarts?s=%5EDJI#chart3:symbol=^dji;range=5y;indicator=volume;charttype=line;crosshair=on;ohlcvalues=0;logscale=on;source=undefined
How long, oh Lord, must this continue?
nurple: Worst case scenario, if the city faces total fiscal collapse because no one on Wall Street is paying any taxes this year, I am sure Bloomberg could buy it with some of his rainy day cash. I’m sure his kids would love to get a city named after them instead of yet another hospital wing.
facehead: Add a Chinese massage parlor to that neighborhood, and I’ll leave my job right now to retire there.
shortsshortsshorts: But if you’re gonna get fat man cancer you might as well be drunk getting it.
What tunamelt wants to be when she grows up:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/06/sarah-palins-evening-gown_n_132318.html
Your third installment of the one and only Sarah Heath.
I choose her mountains.
jagorev: Hollywood, but the In-N-Out is technically around the block from the Hooters.
Hutch: LOL, that’s funny. I didn’t see that before.
azw88: Awww, that’s especially tough on old-school East Asian brokers on Wall Street. Now they have to be content to go to a saki bar and email their resignation and then go home to their microwave dinners. So prosaic for fans of the old Tokyo skydive.
Ah, but we should take heart. Homosexual still-president G.W. “Bush” has appointed a handsome young man, selected from the Padishah emperor’s own Republican Guard, to head up the golden parachute bureau: Kneel Kashncarry.
Glory will be restored soon to the king’s treasury! Allah be praised!
http://www.sajaforum.org/images/2007/08/23/bhogal.jpg
Whoops….wrong photo; that’s his brother, the senior advisor to Muslin terrarist O’Bama bin Barry. Here’s the real (and modestly clothed) Kashnkarry:
http://im.rediff.com/money/2008/oct/06mlook.jpg
Hypnotic, huh?!
facehead: Dude, I’m drunk and awesome, now. I’m working on fat. Unfortunately I can either afford food or alcohol and I usually pick alcohol…
wheelie: “In Raleigh, executives at RBC Bank canceled the parachuters that were supposed to appear at the grand opening of its new headquarters, saying it was not an appropriate time to have people jumping off a bank building.” (NYT, Oct 4 2008)
Let us laugh at them, together.
And there was much rejoicing.
Wheelie: sadly, see today’s LA papers, in re shooting in gated community. Finance professional killed his family and self.
wheelie: Let the Defenestration begin!
It definitely proves one thing. “Floor trading” is not nearly as hot as it sounds.
nurple: Porter Ranch, yes?
So do I still have to pay back my kids colleges loans?
“You betcha” is not an acceptable answer. :WINK:
WadISay: Closest thing I’ve got is this one, from John McCain’s first marriage.
nurple: The 45-year-old suspect used a handgun he purchased Sept. 16, Moore said. The weapon was found next to the gunman’s body, officials said.
God bless Sarah Palin and John McCain.
Philippe’s in downtown LA is offering 10 cent French dip sandwiches (it’s where they were “invented”) from 4:00 pm until 8:00 pm.
This is what the line looks like.
tunamelt: Tuna, come in the chat room so we can give you bad sex advice.
Delicious: Totally Carter’s fault. Fucking murderous peanut farmer.
facehead: I can’t access it while in the office, though I’d love some bad sex advice.
Who farted?
These stock photos of distraught Wall St. guys (they’re always men and they always look like they’re passing a stone or something) are gonna be NUTHIN’ (did you get that, Snowbilly?) compared to the photos of poor witty bitty Wepubwicans in Novmeber when the voters hand them their ass and show them to the door. I, for one, can’t wait to see defeat plastered all over Walnut’s wizened, pasty, lying, scumbag face.
facehead: I guess she’s had that hunchback removed, huh?
A very sadistic part of me is enjoying this, the same part that thinks it would be hilarious if McCain was elected and also enjoys disaster movies like Deep Impact.
boy do i feel sorry for those sorry bastards-NOT!
by the way was it on wonkette where there were pictures of the the new blue tent cities in reno? i can’t remember. does anybody else remember? ( want to send that picture to my skanky whore of a senator.)
nurple: This really does suck. I like the idea of these guys eating dog food, but this is, really and truly, no snark, sad.
Come on now people show some sympathy. Just think how you would feel if you realized your 100 million dollar nest egg that you worked hard for just dropped a couple of million in a few minutes. Think of the pain you would feel if that hundred million you had in July is now worth a measly sixty million. Then it gets even worse when you realize that there are no more pension plans to pillage, no more life savings to loot. You may be stuck at only sixty million for the rest of your life. Apparently the worst thing that ever happens in life is when you have to give up the private jet and start flying business class again. The hurt and shame never goes away.
Here’s a dissection of those obvious stock market photos from when they took their first 80-billion-point nosedive last month…
http://lostwatermelon.blogspot.com/2008/09/art-of-financial-ruin.html
crunkanada: Yeah, that’s definitely katakana.
I think my favorite sad-trader pic thus far was the guy facepalming on the homepage of the NYTimes. Too lazy to track it down though.
Those are Kana. Duder is in Japan.
Ken Layne: That pick was pre-marriage, back when Walnuts was courting a beautiful bank of late 1700’s liberators to join the movement.
Perhaps there should be NYSE Barfbags™ for all involved. (Merck is formulating a drug™ as we™ speak for NYSE-induced Ulcers™).
It looks like he’s eating a handful of peanuts.
Secondly, how ironic that our ol’ friend Billy “Must crush capitalism” Ayers is about to have his butt buddy in the seat of power at the same time capitalism is violently crushed under its own weight right before our very eyes?! See, Billy, it’s doesn’t take nail bombs. Sub-prime mortgages will do the trick, just fine. Yep.
HAHA i so HATE these douchebags…they’re all over Manhattan talking nonsense on their play-phones. White, over-weight, and forever searching out sports bars.
BURN BABY BURN!!!
Sorry, I mean “ironic” in an Alanis Morissette kind of way. Don’t bite my head off.
These guys are stunned….at how many out-of-work new hoboes they can hire dirt cheap since they already made their money…..I mean, to compare apples to apples, if you could have a Guatemalan beauty fluff you on your way out to work for fiddy cents, wouldn’t you just be staggered?
Back in the late 90s, the entire Albanian budget collapsed when the pyramid scheme in which every man, woman, and child in the country had invested all their money (such as it was) went the way of all pyramids schemes.
I’m watching Whathisname from the Fed or whatever. Today we can say what the men in the above photo are saying:
We are all Albanians now.
Hey, I work in a lab. When the cameras are in, if I hold a colored tube to the light it draws the poor photographers in like helpless flies. Similarly, those in the pit over the next few days know all they need to do is look glum/shocked/whatever and they get in the paper. So I’m thinking they are trying their best to look expressionless.