Wonkette
Now that the economy has been saved, by the government, we can all get back to the business of America, which is “waiting for handouts from John McCain.” Remember how much John McCain hates earmarks and how when he pretends to be president he’s always vetoing any bills with earmarks? Heh heh, he was just telling lies again. He voted for the bailout, and it is so full of earmarks, it is like, uh, a large container filled with earmarks. Pork earmarks, on pigs.
So, that was pretty much the last thing McCain had for a campaign thing, “I am the old fellow who will veto the pork earmarks,” and even though it was never really true, it was something, and now it’s over, too.
But how did Wall Street react to this brave passage of the Economic Rescue Legislation of 2008? Oh, everybody just sold off whatever stocks they had, at a loss. The Dow Jones index closed 156 points lower, or about 1.5%. For the week, that’s a 7.4% loss and more than 800 points down the old money drain.
Hey, there’s something good about the new Great Depression: With the Dow back in 10,000 territory, it’s super easy to translate point drops to percentage drops. Got a hundred point drop? Well, that’s about a 1% drop! A thousand points is 10% … eh, and then we’re at 9,000 so it’s not as easy. Oh well.
Things were even worse in the broader markets, with the S&P500 index down 9.4% for the week, dropping below 1,100 for the first time since 2004.
So, it has been another wild week! This is how we start the fourth quarter of the year, with massive government intervention to the tune of 1.5 trillion dollars (of make-believe money), because remember the Fed also dumped $800+/- billion of “liquidity” into the markets, and that’s just for this week. Also: Huge job losses, plunging real-estate prices, commodities falling, treasury yields tanking, oh and residential mortgage rates are rising, because why not?
Our friends and former corporate overlords over at Gawker are also expecting hard times, and have let go 19 of our comrades and will be scaling back some of the Underperforming sites. Guess it’s good your Wonkette got out alive! (We’re still alive, right? Anybody?)
Wiggum: Why, this bill’s filled with more pork earmarks than a, uh… help me out here Lou.
Lou: Uhh… book of Chinese proverbs on making silk from sow’s ears?
Wiggum: Why don’t you lay off the Asians, Lou?
This picture won’t be so funny to you Wonkette people once we’re invaded by teapot goblin terrorists with bird heads and pomegranite bombs.
Sorry, I can’t afford to comment on teh Internets any more. It cuts into the time I need to spend pick up coal along the railroad tracks.
rattle rattle rattle…wanta buy a pencil? tin cup? kidney? sex?
I say we just start drinking until November 5.
19 bloggers are fired, 19 baristas are created. All is balanced.
Of course there was a sell off. The rich banker, CEO types have 700 billion dollars to divide between them. They don’t need any more stocks.
Whatever we can do to keep teh Wonkette alive, you let us know.
And McCain has really reached the point where I think ministroke is a real possibility. Either that or a terminal cass of Clintonitis, where he is so sure that he is entitled to this office that his brain simply cannot process information that argues against his winning, thus his circuits are frying as we speak.
We’re all gonna have to buy a *lot* of Chinese crap at Walmart and have China lend us back the money.
Hey, it’s worked so well up to this point!
cheeto_jeebus: Let’s see, two pencils and a kidney. I don’t need any sex. I’m saving myself for Sarah Palin Starbursts.
sending internet karma vodka wonkette’s way…
If Juli has a sad, we can start auctioning off more letters from her name to help the Wonkette.
memzilla: or buy Chinese milk, die, and end your worries right there!
I think you guys are alive, or perhaps cyborgs from the future here to undermind the political system so that the cybernetic overlords may simple be asked to rule rather than take over. And I, for one, welcome our new robotic overlords
I hope the Gawker 19 are given 50 lb bags of rice and beans as severance, to tide them over during the winter of our malcontent. On their last day, in the office, give them two 50 lb bags each. And then grab and post video of them trying to carry them out of the office, through the streets of Manhattan, onto and off of the subway, and up to their 6th story walk-up.
What, John McCain endured worse. So can you.
Maverick! Maverick! Maverick!
Also don’t play the blame game! Nothing ever happened before today!
Now it all makes sense and we can enjoy our weekend.
Maybe, like Hieronomous Bosch, Wonkette can marry some monied trim and keep churning out whimsical despair from the lap of kept luxury.
Tommy Says Soooo: Can we anagram her instead? Juli Weiner = Jewel I Ruin
Ken Layne can be Née Lanky I GUESS
Is that bosch ken?
Boy thanks Ken for this really nice parting shot on Friday afternoon. YOu probably had it written before the markets closed. Wouldn’t be getting depressed a bit, would you? There’s meds for that, you know.
Don’t worry! Be happy!
Tommy Says Soooo: And Sara already sold her “H” for the cause. How come Ken and Jim haven’t been required to pony up a letter or two? I call sexism!
mattbolt: Sara K Smith = Karma’s Shit, obviously
Wonkette is stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive. I’d even pay to read Wonkette. OMG, did I just say that?
Is it too late to insert a rider saying that none of the executives (business or government) who are responsible for this assininity can ever EVER say, quote or hang on their walls any kind of homily about self-sufficiency or earning their chops in the rough-and-tumble free market? ‘Cause those high-on-themselves asswipes we’re bailing out have probably already forgotten about this.
I think the answer for Wonkette is to be publicly traded. That way if the economy takes its toll, you will qualify for a bailo …. er, rescue.
Not satisfied with fucking up the US’s standing in the world, George has managed to fuck up our domestic economy as well. On the positive side, he probably won’t have the budget to start a war with Iran or even Venezuela.
There goes his legacy. Haha! Bastard. He’ll have to answer to our Chinese overlords for ruining their favorite investment. May he be sentenced to wrapping wontons or managing a losing baseball team or something.
It’s been a clusterfuck eight years and now it’s time for a drink.
yellowdogdem: I was going to say I’d pay, but was afearin’ I’d get teh flaming. But I would. I pay for magazines and the newspaper, after all.
Two things:
This is the same plan Walnuts voted for; then 2 hours later he said he’d veto if he was the president. If his neck could actually move, he’d have whip lashed himself.
“scaling back some of the Underperforming sites”: Could Wonkette be scaled back even further than it is?
Palin said in the debate:
“It’s a toxic mess, really, on Main Street that’s affecting Wall Street.”
Bush said signing the bill:
“We have acted boldly to help prevent the crisis on Wall Street from becoming a crisis in communities across our country”
So… which street is dumping their garbage in which street again? And which street am I on? And is there enough parking? Because I can’t keep driving around all day with these damn gas prices.
Please don’t go away Wonkette! I need my daily fix… Let me know if you need to pass the hat!
yellowdogdem: Doglessliberal: I’d pay, especially if we gained the ability to see the comments people made by clicking on their names.
for all the volunteering to pay to read wonkette around here, just a reminder that it probably costs more than a buck fifty to keep this blog alive, which i suspect is about how much y’all can come up with….
Texan Bulldoggette: Hey thanks for calling out WALNUTS! flip-flop on this. Didn’t any MSM besides Olberman notice this?
…well they say booze and sex are both recession proof, so I think I will invest in a bottle of Jack and a couple of whores! I wonder how much Bristol is going for?
waiting for handouts from John McCain
Hey, I’ll take handjobs from anybody.
Wait, what? Hand*outs*?
Meh, same response.
I think you’ll find John McCain saved the economy. His deft ordering of appetizers (jalapeno poppers) during his dinner with the Liebermans cinched the tenuous bailout negotiations that were going on miles away. Unless this bailout fails, then its Barack Obama who drowned the economy in a sewage pit.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
That’s some high-toned art you got there, Kenny. You trying to class this place up?
SayItWithWookies:
What do you want to bet the government goes out and hires the same math geeks who created these f*cked up things as consultants at $300/hr?
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Not so fast: Ken used to be Kenneth. But Jim does have an extra L at the end of his name that I’m sure he wouldn’t miss. I’m also doing my part, having gotten rid of an extraneous vowel and a space.
I’d even pay to read Wonkette.
I’m sure Ken would never prostitute himself for money.
Also! Wonkette could try to attract ads from Campbells Soup. Big Soup owes Wonkette!
This reminds me of the time those Bush tax cuts created all those jobs.
elfranko: Bullshit. I’d sell my body if I had to. That should bring in 75 cents right there.
…if Wonkette charged per post, they would be repossessing my laptop as I ty…
Sorry, Ken. You’ve already hit your high point for the day, and it’s time to throw in the towel. This image has nothing on the one four posts down. Somewhere, Bosch is weeping.
SayItWithWookies: and i’m sure it’s worth every penny.
Tra: This? c’mon, it would be hard to top that.
SayItWithWookies: If you have an ass belly like Big Britney, I will offer you one whole dollar. CASH.
captain howdy: I for one welcome our new teapot goblin overlords, you betcha.
OkieHookerinEngland: If I had one of those I’d rent myself to a circus and save the whole goddamn economy.
tunamelt: Doglessliberal: yellowdogdem: I’d pay too, particularly if we could edit comments before posting ‘em, and have pictures in the comments like we usta. Me likey pix!
I wonder how long it would take to printout 1.5 trillion bucks, 50 years?
BTW, creepy photo of gay day at Disneyland ya got there.
elfranko: Since I don’t do pity fucks — not even for free — you’ll just have to ask find out from your mom.
pdiddycornchips: …three hunnert’s chump change… pin anuther zero on that an you’ll be closer…
i just gabe $25 to planned parenthood in sarah palin’s name.
maybe we could start a similar fund for wonkette?
qwerty42: That’s what I’m sayin’
(Please excuse the grammar, I was touched by the poverty on display in last night’s debate, and am donating all my “g”s to Sarah.)
Oh man, I hope the Gawkers don’t take down Jalopnik.com, I’m pretty sure I’m this close to winning a dream date with that hottie Ms. Murilee Martin.
Also, Ken. Have you considered a tip jar? Ask jfruh if it does any good for him at the curmudgeonly site he runs. Once Hopey’s campaign is through, some of us who still have money may need a place which to send our regularly spaced knee-jerk $25 donations. It’s habit forming, donchaknow.
$100 million for NASCAR? WTF? What lameass douche put that in the bill? C’mon Walnuts, ‘make’m famous’
your alive Wonkette because you’re a Maverick!!
Good gosh! Hieronymus Bosch!
Thanks, friends! We are doing okay with advertising for now, so hang onto your dollars and get some Ron Paul Ameros. We won’t be too proud to beg, when the time comes.
nurple: Maybe, like Hieronomous Bosch, Wonkette can marry some monied trim and keep churning out whimsical despair from the lap of kept luxury.
“Maybe, like Hieronomous Bosch, Wonkette can marry some monied trim and keep churning out whimsical despair from the lap of kept luxury.’
As if Wonkette plots to double-dutching on anything lately. At least, my phone call hasn’t been returned….
Speaking of the “make-believe-money”: Yesterday NPR was doing its usual bit of interviewing folks on the street about an issue and the reporter was talking to some early bird-special types in a restaurant about the bail-out plan. Most common point of view expressed? “I’d like me some of that money.” What money? You mean the money from the future? Your grandkids’ money? I guess in parts of the country where Pay-Day Loan shops are the dominant financial institutions that sort of logic flies.
Great Article! Food for thought read this blog http://got700billion.blogspot.com/
i watched mccain and obama bouth run to vote for the bail out even thou 70 percent of america sayed to vote no, how can we think they are going be part of a goverment of the people. in my schooling the goverment is of the people we git to get back to that.when any in washington sees them ask about that.
Don’t blame me, I voted for Ron Paul. heh I have a feeling I’m going to be saying that a lot from now on.
McCain is such a maverick, he’s even a maverick against himself, voting for $100B in pork. “We came to change Washington, but Washington changed us.”–McCain.
“Washington might have changed you, but it didn’t change me.”–Paul
It’s so much fun to gloat.