heh heh

John McCain Sure Has A Way With Those Whiny Women

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John McCain held a town hall for women last night in Denver and just could not resist making one of his patented “jokes” about women, which usually involve rape, bestiality, cunts, and chicks with dicks. This one is much simpler: he says it’s a very “emotional” town hall, “maybe because it’s a women’s town hall, heh heh, heh.” The Republican white women cheer because they are the worst demographic on Earth. UPDATE: Oh Christ there’s another awesome video out there too along the lines of, “How bout that dame in the debate, HEHH????” After the jump.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • chunkstyle

    c’mon you stupid cunts, vote for me!

  • jinmoom

    There were a few women in the crowd who booed. Those women were on their periods.

  • ManchuCandidate

    I didn’t realize that John McCain’s adviser on female voters was infamous Pick Up Artist, Mystery.

  • ihasasad

    I had an uncle who told me that Rush said that women should be in the military and fight only during ‘that time of the month.’ I thought it was funny. I was 8. My uncle is dead now.

  • SayItWithWookies

    And afterwards he stood at the front door and slapped each one of ’em on the ass as they were leaving.

  • mattbolt

    That’s right bro, gotta drop some Neg, make those made dime honeys come crawlin’

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I can just imagine WALNUTS! opening up with a joke: “Hey, what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes…”

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Why did you cut the clip right before he said “Hmmm…, it sure smells like fish in here. I really hope that you are all not on the same cycle. Cause if there is one thing my father taught me, you should never trust anything that bleeds for three days and doesn’t die.”

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    I don’t think I’d be comfortable having Grampy point at me and thank me personally. Those people pointed out probably asked tough questions and will be immediately killed, now that he’s aimed the finger of death at them.

  • greatgooglymoogly

    Good Lord. They’re all white, they’re all blond, they all shriek with delight at the silliest things? I would pay mucho dinero to see them all — collectively — in a cage fight with Michelle.

  • WagTehGod

    This is true, though. He usually meets only with Republicans in these things, and we all know they are soulless, emotionless asshats.

  • Miller

    Classic Shecky McCain. Maybe next time she can tell them he smells their scent and flick semen at them.


  • Canuckledragger

    And in a bid to win the women’s sympathy, McCain asked, “Anyone got a Midol?”

  • 1337b07

    He forgot to ask them where his sandwich is.

  • Outstando

    Doesn’t he mean hysterical?

  • Vanity Smurf

    So that’s what a room full of women who’ve never had an orgasm looks like.

  • StripesAndPlaids

    Did he ask them to iron his shirt?

  • Larry Fine

    There are some funny lines here, some of you should seek employment as McCain joke writers.

  • Improvident_Lackwit

    [re=121168]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Three days?? Try 6-8.

  • Bostoprov

    That sent little starbursts up my leg. HE’S GOT IT TOO!

  • loudmouthredhead

    At least the GOP seems to only attract the fat, white, used-up, breeder women. We get all the smart hotties. (Liz, Sara, I’m lookin atchoo!)

  • Larry Fine

    [re=121208]Larry Fine[/re]: I’m working in an area with bitches, so maybe thats why I think these comments are so funny.

  • MoodProcessor

    The ladies really went nuts at the end of the rally, when the McCampaing gave them all free vacuum cleaners.

    Eat your heart out, Oprah!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …the ironic thing is that while all these Republican women are here listening to McCrusty, their husbands are giving each other “donuts” and blowjobs.

  • loudmouthredhead

    [re=121205]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: He asked them to grind some maize on the mortar & pestle, just like his grandma used to make in the family cave, along with a side of mammoth meat.

  • whatever_dc

    hengh? hengh?

    what was that sound? it seemed like he had a lugie caught in his throat!

    hengh? hengh?

    my head is gonna explode if this thing doesn’t get over with soon… *sigh*

  • CrunchyKnee

    Smells like cunt spirit.

  • mattbolt

    *holds envelope to forehead*

    Elections… and the wives of Republicans

    *rips evelope*

    Things that only come once every 4 years

  • MoodProcessor

    He’s been taking penguin lesson from Darth.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=121226]whatever_dc[/re]: He sounded like the Penguin.

  • nietzscheprojectile

    Jesus on a popsicle. He sounds like Marge Simpson’s lost sister. Hrngh.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=121238]MoodProcessor[/re]: Damn.

  • mattbolt

    And then his alter-ego, John Dice McClay, comes out in a big studded leather biker jacket, taking exaggerated drags off a cigarette, and tells some more women jokes

    “Hey, noticin’ lotta you broads out there got watches on ya, heh, what’s that for sweetiepie, dontcha know the STOVE already has a CLOCK! OHH!”

  • Cape Clod

    “And I especially want to thank, whatshername, tootsie-face over there, for organizing this meeting.”

  • magpiegirl

    Why is Burgess Meredith running for president? Hasn’t he passed on?

  • Vanity Smurf

    [re=121238]MoodProcessor[/re]: I hadn’t noticed that before but you are right. He’s the Penguin. Does that make Bible Spice Cat Woman or Poison Ivy?

  • BaxterJones

    Oh, John. You know so much about women! Ugh. I just find him so repulsive.

  • OhYeahAlright

    [re=121166]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: You call her a cunt! That’s how it goes right? No? no…. Ah well, I never was too good at emulating McCain’s HILARIOUS sense of humor.

  • whatever_dc

    [re=121241]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: yeah kinda but i’m gonna put on the protective glasses just in case…

    (that noise is going to invade my dreams tonight — i just know it! must. drink. lots.)

  • NoWireHangers

    They’re cheering because they’re “emotional” because they’re women? Yeah Republican women suck.

  • Doglessliberal

    Any Hillary voters who vote for this piece of crap deserve forced impregnation with triplets and the requirement to raise the children by themselves with no government assistance and no spouse.

  • mattbolt

    Jokes I know of that McCain’s told:

    > Calling women emotional
    > Saying women love getting raped by gorillas
    > Singing “Bomb Iran” to a Beach Boys song
    > Saying “Gotcha Journalism” sounds like a pizza place

    So, he’s batting 0 for 4 in his career of intentional jokes. Unintentional, though…

  • Weeping Jesus

    I want to see the gay town hall meeting video where he opens with “This might be the most mauve I’ve ever seen in one place”, makes a few homo jokes, and says, “yeah, I had a bit of man-to-man action with Bush but hey, we go way back…”

  • Bay Area Blue

    Ehhhh! Ehhh! He sounds like the Penguin. Not the Danny DeVito character, but the Burgess Meredith version.

  • Itsjustme

    [re=121160]ihasasad[/re]: As is Rush

  • Itsjustme

    Ass Clown!

  • bizzy

    Ohgod Ohgod, that grunting ‘hrrreh?’ is beyond revolting. As for the woman (lower left) gazing up at him in rapt adoration … I mean, you know, whatever does it for you, but how seriously f’ed up do you have to be before Walnuts!McCain makes you hot?

  • iolanthe

    [re=121172]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: *I* want to see Elizabeth Hasselbeck and Michelle Obama mud-wrestling. My money’s on Michelle, obviously. I just want to see somebody slam Miss Dollface Prissbutt Squeakyvoice’s soashy little simpering face into the mud, and I think Michelle’d be just the person to do it.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    [re=121252]OhYeahAlright[/re]: …ANSWER: Nothing you already told her twice.

  • floofy

    McMange will soon stage a come-back, in the spirit of the first Britney fake comeback complete with belly shirt. Then he will prostitute out Cindy again to more bikers.

  • soymocha

    And then they all went to the mall, returned some blouses, and hit Sbarro at the food court.

  • zoink

    Oh, he also said that McCain/Palin would bring a new broom to Washington and clean out that swamp…

  • graceless

    I’m sorry, why did they cheer? Were they impressed that he noticed that there were women in the room?

  • jimh

    “Would you kiss a bunny rabbit between the ears?, HENH!?!
    *pulls out pockets*

  • tennessee Jed clampett

    HENH?!? Edith — STIFLE!

  • FreshCliches

    Where’s your God nowwwwwww? HHHENGGGGGHHHHHHHHH???

  • villageatrois

    “That’s right, mam. If I were one scintilla smarter than this, I’d be in the NFL. You do know what ‘NFL’ is, doncha?”

  • Kazoom

    [re=121250]Vanity Smurf[/re]: Harley Quinn; she hangs on the Joker’s every word.

  • FreshCliches

    Wonketteers, welcome to The Official Howard Dean Sound Bite Of Campaign 2008.

  • jasonelias

    Looks like his arms are getting shorter. His Arms Too Short To Box With God, Heah? Heah?

  • Angry Sam

    “HEEEEHHH” is the new “BYAAAAH.” Let’s get this baby viral, boys and girls!

  • peterPerfect

    HEHH???? Johnny Walnuts has really lost it…

  • peterPerfect

    Walnuts, “Wow, I’ve really won you ladies, over. Now would you like to hear a joke about an ape?” Cue minders dragging him offstage and cutting the microphone…

  • Sarah Louise

    Sigmund Freud tried to talk to McNutz back in Vienna in the 1920s – John was touring Europe with the Great White Fleet, he and some buddies stopped in Austria “to have some fun” – Freud felt that McCranky’s weird views of the feminine sex had a lot to do with his mixed feelings about Cindy (who is actually much younger than she appears – did you know she was born in 1876?)

    But Walnuts! would have nothing of it, and in fact resumed regularly beating up Cindy and leaving her tied up in the garage overnight once he returned home to the Arizona compound. Sad…he coulda been somebody!

  • Beans

    Cindy is such a hag–how can Walnuts keep his hot hands off Sarah?

    Oh, I remember–she isn’t rich.

    Seriously, why doesn’t that skinny-assed Cindy (wanta’ bet she eats her fist for dessrt?) get some value out of the thousands they pay stylists hourly? One more bottle of peroxide, and that cotton candy is going to fall out at the roots. And does any woman on the planet choose more unflattering colors?

    I could really do the white witch some good, believe me. I can barely stand to look at her. Even her makeup is crap.