OMG SHE WINKED AT ME  2:32 pm October 3, 2008

Conservative Pundit Describes Boner He Got Watching Palin

by Jim Newell

Who regrets getting spayed now?There was nothing good about Sarah Palin’s debate performance last night, at all. But! Some party hacks are pretending to like it, or say she won, because of how well she avoided saying anything of substance. The “buzz word” regarding the key to her success (among no one) is that she spoke in very “folksy” tones, and they appeal to the Heartland. For the first time ever, our punditry is being lazy! “Folksy” is more of an Ann Richards thing. What Sarah Palin did was called “flirting.” And so far, at least one pundit on National Review‘s The Corner blog has disclosed how much of a boner he got, in potentially the greatest Corner post of all time.

The key word here is “starbursts,” in a post called, “Projecting Through The Screen”:

A very wise TV executive once told me that the key to TV is projecting through the screen. It’s one of the keys to the success of, say, a Bill O’Reilly, who comes through the screen and grabs you by the throat. Palin too projects through the screen like crazy. I’m sure I’m not the only male in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, “Hey, I think she just winked at me.” And her smile. By the end, when she clearly knew she was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America. This is a quality that can’t be learned; it’s either something you have or you don’t, and man, she’s got it.

As our tipster pointed out, this sounds almost like a thrill running up Chris Matthews leg!

“It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America.”

Remind us to use this once a day, forever.

Projecting Through The Screen [Corner]

 

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{ 165 comments }

greatgooglymoogly October 3, 2008 at 2:38 pm

Great, if you’re looking for a toothpaste model.

arf October 3, 2008 at 2:38 pm

If by “little starbursts” he means BARF, and if by “the living rooms of America” he means MY MOUTH, then yeah sure.

Lazy Media October 3, 2008 at 2:38 pm

Red rocket, red rocket, red rocket!

donner_froh October 3, 2008 at 2:39 pm

Was that a starburst or just a gag reflex after reading his wanker fantasy?

medievalist October 3, 2008 at 2:39 pm

I personally did not watch the debate, because too long of an exposure to Sarah Palin would render me impotent for several decades.

Starbursts, my ass.

wilmawonker October 3, 2008 at 2:39 pm

they always say that guys don’t like women to know as much as they do…

Tommy Says Soooo October 3, 2008 at 2:39 pm

One word (which ought to be two): Krauthammer.

regisgoat October 3, 2008 at 2:40 pm

You know who I blame for all this? Frank Capra. People of discernment prefer Preston Sturges.

Doglessliberal October 3, 2008 at 2:40 pm

I cannot believe many of these twits are saying DEMS and the MEDIA are sexist.

Delicious October 3, 2008 at 2:41 pm

…it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America.

Sounds like he had Blingee boner.

Iggy Plop October 3, 2008 at 2:41 pm

The key phrase there is “Palin too projects through the screen like crazy.” But it was supposed to read “Palin too projects through the screen that she’s bat-fucking wingnut crazy.”

pat robertsons personal trainer October 3, 2008 at 2:41 pm

to steal one from bill hicks (RIP), the last time it took reagan and both bushes pissing on him in a bathtub to get one up.

districtsleeps October 3, 2008 at 2:42 pm

That article doesn’t describe a boner. It describes an orgasm.

magic titty October 3, 2008 at 2:42 pm

Oh lord of what the fuck? Was he still hard when he wrote this? This is beyond horror.
Starbursts?! Why didnt he just say he wants to fuck her often, and might try to, and therefore, believes she’ll make a good Veepee.

This is really fucking crazy. Like, ‘Jodie Foster wants me to shoot famous people’ crazy.

AngryBlakGuy October 3, 2008 at 2:43 pm

…Folksy = Fake Texas accent(a al George W. Bush)

Heartland = Anywhere, where Meth is the major industry

nyphotog October 3, 2008 at 2:43 pm

Someone commented to me, “She certainly looked confident.” Yes, she did, and there’s nothing more dangerous than someone who is confident and yet has not a clue. She’s absolutely sure of herself, which is insane, because she is really, truly, genuinely in so far over her head it’s ridiculous.

freakishlystrong October 3, 2008 at 2:43 pm

The visuals today are hysterical…you betcha!

Q2 October 3, 2008 at 2:44 pm

The only thing Palin projected is “I’m a little lost and I’m a little scared.” Fuck that bitch and the elephant she rode in on.

slomojoe October 3, 2008 at 2:44 pm

“It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America.”

I actually had something like that happen to me once when an electric surge fried my TV. Not nice. Wouldn’t vote for it.

SayItWithWookies October 3, 2008 at 2:46 pm

He sat up a little straighter? ‘Cause the only reaction I had was “I think I got an impression of what teenage girls feel like when their mom’s new boyfriend leers at them.”

AngryBlakGuy October 3, 2008 at 2:46 pm

…I think “starburst” translates into spontaneous ejaculation.

The Jackson Five October 3, 2008 at 2:46 pm

This guy prolly tore the fuck out of his Real Doll last night.

ManchuCandidate October 3, 2008 at 2:47 pm

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP

Servo October 3, 2008 at 2:48 pm

Obviously had the MUTE on.

Tommy Says Soooo October 3, 2008 at 2:48 pm

There’s only two reasons the Angry Chocolate Starfish opens its gob. And in this case it’s both simultaneously.

2goats October 3, 2008 at 2:48 pm

[re=121054]magic titty[/re]: Wait! Jodie want you to shoot famous people, too? That slut! I thought it was just me.

Merry Christen October 3, 2008 at 2:48 pm

my partner said she was a side talker (like Rachael Ray), and that being a side talker is a sign that you could take many, many cocks in your mouth at once, a la swordfight, or party in Sarah Palin’s mouth and everyone’s coming.
He also said that incorporating the nice milfy rack she’s got, and adding some porn-worthy double penetration moves, she could potentially handle 8-10 dicks at a time.
If that doesn’t get you elected in this cuntry, nothing will.

AfghanVet October 3, 2008 at 2:50 pm

Well, since the Right et al measure achievement by ability to sell the idea, as opposed to actually KNOW what the idea is or how to actually put it into action, she was a success.

nietzscheprojectile October 3, 2008 at 2:51 pm

It’s a sad day when right-wing pundits need a tab of acid to get through a debate. Oh wait.

populucious October 3, 2008 at 2:52 pm

I’m thinking he’s just confusing the symptoms of a “dangerous drop in blood pressure”, which is what he gets for popping Viagra before the debate.

AnnieGetYourFun October 3, 2008 at 2:54 pm

[re=121079]Merry Christen[/re]: Dude, you are seriously fucking asking for it.

MarSF October 3, 2008 at 2:54 pm

You think that was bad, go read David Brooks today- if you can handle it.

obfuscator October 3, 2008 at 2:54 pm

…it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America.

So… conservative pundits actually take Ecstasy before watching debates?

Serolf Divad October 3, 2008 at 2:54 pm

Wait… aren’t starbursts some sort of chewy candy?

ihasasad October 3, 2008 at 2:54 pm

Sarah Palin – “The Sarah Palin in those interviews was a little bit annoyed,” Oh noz! She’s trying to be a Jimmy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0w2xTexfAg

greatgooglymoogly October 3, 2008 at 2:55 pm

Palin says she was “annoyed” by Couric. That was the problem. Pesky Katie Couric, proddin’ her with the questions an’ askin’ her fer stuff she did’n wanna talkabout, ya know?

What a crapsack. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/03/palin-on-fox-news-couric_n_131655.html

spencer October 3, 2008 at 2:55 pm

He can just copy and paste this post for his review of Larry Flynt’s “Riding Pipeline”

paolaccio October 3, 2008 at 2:56 pm

My “starbursts” don’t ricochet, though…

monty October 3, 2008 at 2:58 pm

is it me, or does rich need to get his tongue outta Billo’s ass?

sailingthestyx October 3, 2008 at 2:58 pm

Yep…there I was, just sitting there on the couch, watching the debates; when all of a sudden I realized that Sarah was offering me a blow job…now, not just any blow job; but the blow job to end all blow jobs…and I’m dead serious. In some weird way my heart goes out to Todd…that girl’s a hand full…

CivicHoliday October 3, 2008 at 2:58 pm

I live in the so-called “heartland” and all the republicans I know think she’s a twat. So there.

FMA October 3, 2008 at 2:58 pm

The lady on my TV keeps telling me to set fires.

CorkPopper October 3, 2008 at 2:59 pm

Man, it’s so depressing when that pathetic flirty shit works. I’ve been known to tell young attractive saleswomen I work with that just because a client wants to fuck you doesn’t mean he’s actually going to sign the contract. (I’m a woman, I’m allowed.) But it seems that a certain breed of moran loses the ability to think rationally when winked at by an attractive woman.

cheeto_jeebus October 3, 2008 at 3:00 pm

…Hmm, my impression was of a really desperate hooker trying to get my attention on a corner. I’m thinking if Obama’s numbers go up some more she might lift her top at her next appearance?

horrible thought: is Mcnutty tryin a little bible spice when he does all that blinking? Does he want me to think he’s sexy? is he trying to wink?

magic titty October 3, 2008 at 3:00 pm

[re=121104]CivicHoliday[/re]: That made me feel nice.

The White Crow October 3, 2008 at 3:00 pm

After her first wink he started singing these lyrics from AC/DC:

Let me put my love into you babe.
Let me put my love on the line.
Let me put my love into you babe.
Let me cut your cake with my knife.

Then the starbursts happened.

Sussemilch October 3, 2008 at 3:01 pm

[re=121096]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: Because Katie’s cuter.

Komando October 3, 2008 at 3:01 pm

Tee hee. That dog thinks he’s people.

Anonymous Office Zombie October 3, 2008 at 3:01 pm

“It’s one of the keys to the success of, say, a Bill O’Reilly, who comes through the screen and grabs you by the throat.”

Ah yeah, exactly. Except in this case change “key to success” to “key to success in coming off as a psycho who will actually grab you by the throat and kill you.”

kth October 3, 2008 at 3:02 pm

Lowry’s the type that doesn’t just check out the babes at a strip bar, he wants to know their whole life stories and really connect with them on a personal level.

nurple October 3, 2008 at 3:03 pm

I’m sorry, I did not find her alluring, and I’m 100% testosterone he-man hetero. She’s not natural in the ingenue role. People are making her out to be Virginia Madsen or Mae West, but really she’s more synthetic. This is (poorly) learned behavior for her. What else would explain the decision to frickin WINK.

donner_froh October 3, 2008 at 3:03 pm

Whoever gets to the market first with a Sarah Palin blow-up sex doll is going to make some real money from whack jobs like this guy.

StripesAndPlaids October 3, 2008 at 3:03 pm

Given how folksy Jo Six Pack Palin is, I would guess Starbursts would be what she would serve as dessert at a state dinner.

donner_froh October 3, 2008 at 3:04 pm

[re=121107]CorkPopper[/re]:But it seems that a certain breed of moran loses the ability to think rationally when winked at by an attractive woman.

I think you might be describing about 90% of the adult straight male population.

Tra October 3, 2008 at 3:04 pm

America immediately ducked for cover under the couch, where it stayed for the rest of the debate while it contemplated the potential benefits and downsides of a vice president who shoots deadly radiation from her teeth.

donner_froh October 3, 2008 at 3:05 pm

[re=121115]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: Or possibly the key to success in coming off as a guy who is about to get punched out because he won’t shut up.

paolaccio October 3, 2008 at 3:06 pm

[re=121079]Merry Christen[/re]: I feel all icky now.

nietzscheprojectile October 3, 2008 at 3:06 pm

[re=121107]CorkPopper[/re]: I work in the same kind of industry. I call those women the black bra brigade. (Oh – I’m a woman too, so it’s not sexist.)

Biden Time October 3, 2008 at 3:08 pm

You know who else was good at projecting through the TV screen? SAMARA MORGAN!!!

ManchuCandidate October 3, 2008 at 3:09 pm

I wondered who winks like Sarah Palin.

http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii68/nrang328/Lucille.jpg

StripesAndPlaids October 3, 2008 at 3:12 pm

[re=121118]nurple[/re]: “What else would explain the decision to frickin WINK.” A directive from Steve Schmidt?

gurukalehuru October 3, 2008 at 3:12 pm

People of Alaska take note: If you keep this shitsack of a human being in the governor’s office, or send her to the Senate to replace whichever of your two most corrupt Senators has to be replaced by a special election next, make no mistake about it, she will run for President in 2016, and the rest of the United States will not forgive you.
We’re still pissed at Connecticut over Lieberman, and we LIKE Connecticut.

obfuscator October 3, 2008 at 3:13 pm

I’m sure I’m not the only male in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, “Hey, I think she just winked at me.” And her smile.

SURELY Rich realizes that the above makes him sound like a truly pathetic simpleton. Come on.

It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America.

Okay, now he’s trying to be the male Peggy Noonan, but he comes off way more feminine than she ever does.

Lionel Hutz Esq. October 3, 2008 at 3:14 pm

I’m sorry, I find it hard to believe that anyone at the Corner has been sexually aroused ever.

ManchuCandidate October 3, 2008 at 3:17 pm

[re=121139]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]:
When the Abu Ghraib pics first appeared.

disgustedcitizen October 3, 2008 at 3:17 pm

I don’t care what the repug pundits say, I wouldn’t fuck that stupefyingly ignorant cunt with Todd’s dick!

CorkPopper October 3, 2008 at 3:18 pm

[re=121121]donner_froh[/re]: Sigh. I know. That’s why it’s depressing…

pondscum October 3, 2008 at 3:19 pm

My 80 yr old mom, who lives in the heartland, wanted to know why this woman couldn’t enunciate. We do not find this trait charming in any way, shape or form. If I wanted to elect Larry the Cable Guy I would have recruited him to run.

slappypaddy October 3, 2008 at 3:21 pm

[re=121103]sailingthestyx[/re]: … it wuzz an allurin momentita, but it didn las’ … ah thought about it, then ah realized that a married, middle-aged mother o’somewhar between four an about a dozen wuzz offerin t’play mah flute, rat thar in fronta everboddy… th’only thang that mattered fer anudder one a-them momentitas wuzz the mystery queshtun–duzz she swaller? if she’ll swaller, ah might let ‘er do it, if ah cain’t fine me no better prospecks…

dano October 3, 2008 at 3:22 pm

I’m sure I’m not the only male in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, “Hey, I think she just winked at me.” And her smile.

I’ll bet this Moran™ thinks his “Hooters” waitress really likes him too.

greatgooglymoogly October 3, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Crapola October 3, 2008 at 3:24 pm

[re=121150]slappypaddy[/re]: Bwhahahaha!

SayItWithWookies October 3, 2008 at 3:25 pm

[re=121092]MarSF[/re]: Wow, that was supremely idiotic — at least for someone who gets paid. FWIW, the RedStaters are convinced Palin killed last night. Brooks seems to think she’s the second coming of Reagan. And hell, who can doubt a man who’s so careful about making sure his lipstick matches his shirt?

obfuscator October 3, 2008 at 3:25 pm

[re=121153]dano[/re]: My favorite sentence in that entire piece was “And her smile.” What the fuck?

tiger October 3, 2008 at 3:26 pm

You know, that TOTALLY happened to ME! But then i remembered my boyfriend was sucking my dick…

TRUECRISTIAN October 3, 2008 at 3:27 pm

think we all know who was responsible for that, the Godless liberals who cannot stand having their immorality shoved back in their ugly face!! The defenders of free thought, the Big Bang theory and evolution, are not only striking out at me, but at all Christians. . Last night, while I was sitting on my front-porch swing, gazing up at Heaven, President Bush appeared to me in a vision. He told me that my work was not yet finished, there were still many liberals who had not yet seen the glory of the coming of the Lord!! President Bush would not be in the White House right now if God didn’t want him there. President Bush was put in a position of leadership in order to wipe the devil’s religion of Islam off the face of the Earth, so that the Christian God can fill the world with His message of peace and love. President Bush has stated numerous times that he speakes with God in the Oval Office, he even asked God for military advice before the invasion of Iraq. Modern liberalism is the equivalent of atheism, liberals are in favor of killing babies, raising taxes, teaching evolution, and same sex marriage. Jesus is opposed to all of these horrible things.

tiger October 3, 2008 at 3:31 pm

“And her smile”. Creepilicious.

Canuckledragger October 3, 2008 at 3:31 pm

“I’m sure I’m not the only male in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, “Hey, I think she just winked at me.”

Well, THIS male turned to his Missus and said: “Did she just WINK? Are you fuckin’ KIDDING ME???”

But then, I was looking for a Vice President. Not a date.

OkieHookerinEngland October 3, 2008 at 3:32 pm

Lars needs to get himself a REAL girl.

CorkPopper October 3, 2008 at 3:32 pm

[re=121127]nietzscheprojectile[/re]: Ha! Great expression. Being around them brings out my inner Lisa Simpson. But then, they don’t hear what the men say about them when they walk away…

tiger October 3, 2008 at 3:32 pm

Prove it.

captain howdy October 3, 2008 at 3:35 pm

yahuh. Anyway, she was winking at ME. And now I’ve got a starburst on my ceiling that’s dripping into my swanson dinner.

Miller October 3, 2008 at 3:37 pm

Luckily Biden was waving the white flag of surrender, otherwise Lowry wouldn’t have had anything to ejaculate into.

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

Doglessliberal October 3, 2008 at 3:37 pm

[re=121163]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: Okaaay

[re=121173]OkieHookerinEngland[/re]: LOVED that movie.

greatgooglymoogly October 3, 2008 at 3:40 pm

[re=121163]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]‘s avatar says “LOVE your enemies. No Exceptions.” Ah, ha ha! [re=121163]TRUECRISTIAN[/re], you are HILARIOUS! As for the whole “talkin’ ta God on the porch” thing, though, uh … actually that was me jus’ messin’ with ya. Sorry there. My bad.

ladymacbeth October 3, 2008 at 3:41 pm

[re=121163]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: HEY!! not all of us are ugly!!

ManchuCandidate October 3, 2008 at 3:41 pm

[re=121163]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]:
Cristian? Sweet Zombie Jeebus, there’s a religion surrounding Charlie Crist?

If just snark then I gotta say you’re good as it was hard to tell with all the spelling typos.

donner_froh October 3, 2008 at 3:43 pm

[re=121153]dano[/re]: As much as the dancer in the strip clubs when he tucks a ten in her G-string. Dude is a really lady killing dynamo.

TRUECRISTIAN October 3, 2008 at 3:44 pm

Democraps know that the best and fastest way to destroy America’s Freedom is to work from within the system. And LIBERAL DEMONCRAP LEFT-WING EXTREMIST activist judges are their best and longest lasting assault on YOUR Freedom. These judicial insects believe, as AlGore said, that “the Constitution is a living document”. We, your nearest and dearest colleagues, stand here today under the
impact of the most extraordinary and overwhelming votes of support
ever accorded by a nation to its leader. Through the genius of your leadership
and through the ideals you recreated before us, you have succeeded
in just 6YEARSin creating from a nation torn by internal strife and
bereft of hope, one united AMERICA with hope and faith in the future.
Nations yet to come will look back upon his history as to some grand
and supernatural romance. The fiery energy of his youthful career, and
the magnificent progress of his irresistible ambition, have invested his
character with the mysterious grandeur of some heavenly appearance; and
when all the lesser tumults and lesser men of our age shall have passed
away into the darkness of oblivion, history will still inscribe one
mighty era with the majestic name oF GW BUSH

greatgooglymoogly October 3, 2008 at 3:46 pm

[re=121163]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: Hey, while I’ve got ya on the phone, there, why izzit us true cristians aren’t votin’ fer the black guy? I thought he waz the anti-Christ an’ waz gonna usher in the ‘pocalyse an all? I’m pritty much ready fer the rapture, so let’s get the guy goin’, ya know? Or did I miss that parta the Revelations book?

1337b07 October 3, 2008 at 3:46 pm

She winked at me and my boner disappeared and I don’t think it is ever coming back.

Outstando October 3, 2008 at 3:47 pm

That’s it, I’m giving Lowry a wedgie AND a swirlie at recess.

Tommy Says Soooo October 3, 2008 at 3:49 pm

[re=121185]Miller[/re]: Win.

Doglessliberal October 3, 2008 at 3:49 pm

[re=121201]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: Well, as an atheist, baby killing, Democrat myself, I think I can ask:

1) are you employed?
2) did they require a mental evaluation?
3) have you missed a dose of your meds?

Canuckledragger October 3, 2008 at 3:49 pm

[re=121201]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: You’re lost. Try:

http://www.killforpeace.com

It’s where all the really loony militant angry Xtians hang out.

Bon apetit!

Tommy Says Soooo October 3, 2008 at 3:50 pm

[re=121195]ladymacbeth[/re]: Then explain the View.

ManchuCandidate October 3, 2008 at 3:50 pm

[re=121201]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]:
Does being a true Cristian mean that you can’t spell Christ’s? That’s a sin, you know.

greatgooglymoogly October 3, 2008 at 3:52 pm

[re=121201]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: Amen brutha! And when history inscribes that mighty era, it will majestically name it: “The Age of Completely Dim-Bulb Fuck-Wit Stupid Gibberish-Spewing Superstitious Dumbasses Who Almost Got Us All Killed.”

obfuscator October 3, 2008 at 3:53 pm

[re=121201]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: Are you for serious? Update your copy and pastes before posting them, that one’s apparently from 2006 or 2007.

Sounds like you might blow something out your starfish while watching GW on the tvs.

Cape Clod October 3, 2008 at 3:54 pm

[re=121163]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: Alright. Your demented tantrum didn’t convert me. What’s your next move?

obfuscator October 3, 2008 at 3:54 pm

[re=121219]ManchuCandidate[/re]: He’s a follower of Charlie Crist. Secret Jazz hands!

nietzscheprojectile October 3, 2008 at 3:54 pm

[re=121201]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: Thanks for the talking points. I’ll pass them on to the campaign to destroy America. After the rapture of course.

Anonymous Office Zombie October 3, 2008 at 3:55 pm

[re=121124]donner_froh[/re]: Amen to that. Christ, just seeing that dumbass makes me want to wing a wrench off his empty skull.

greatgooglymoogly October 3, 2008 at 3:55 pm

[re=121217]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: Have ta thinka sumthin’ an’ get back ta ya, k?

FMA October 3, 2008 at 3:57 pm

[re=121201]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: Gotta hand it to you. You really have that schizophrenic ranting shit down. Not too many people can pull that off.

2goats October 3, 2008 at 3:57 pm

One other good thing about killing all them non believers to usher in the era of peace and good will, it lower the crap out of their carbon foot print! [To the extent one accepts that human action has any impact on the environment, of course.]

OkieHookerinEngland October 3, 2008 at 3:59 pm

[re=121163]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: You might want to lay off that “Just for Men” hair crap…it seems to have seeped into your brain and caused a major malfunction…numbnuts.

Sean O October 3, 2008 at 4:02 pm

[re=121163]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: true story: Jesus and I once killed a baby after teaching it evolution. Crazy weekend.

Doglessliberal October 3, 2008 at 4:04 pm

[re=121240]2goats[/re]: AND solve the food crisis, as the flesh of nonbelievers could be used to feed the poor and malnourished heathens in the Third World (but only if they PROMISE to accept the Big J as their lord and savior. No Jeebus, no meat.)

SayItWithWookies October 3, 2008 at 4:05 pm

[re=121201]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: These judicial insects believe, as AlGore said, that “the Constitution is a living document”.

It’s still breathing, but barely. Do you think Dubya and Cheney and Jesus will be able to finish it off before January 20?

Fivetree October 3, 2008 at 4:08 pm

What I am projecting right now is my lunch – all over my computer screen. In the case of Lowry the priapism is akin to a peanut rearing itself and standing upright on an ironing board. And his brain is just about as small – rattling around in his empty skull like a pinball. Honestly, if Republicans think that Fraudbot’s winking and flirting is going to draw female voters to their ticket then they don’t know the first thing about human nature. I doubt that women are going to pull the lever for McPain if they think their husbands are going to have to go rub one out everytime the Vice President appears on C-SPAN.

Anonymous Office Zombie October 3, 2008 at 4:13 pm

People, people, please. You don’t want to feed mogwai after midnight, and you don’t want to feed trolls ever. Ignore the mental patients who wander in here from Freeperville, otherwise they’re going to keep coming back here in greater numbers in their pathetic bid for attention.

TRUECRISTIAN October 3, 2008 at 4:15 pm

4 anniversary of the beginning of the great heroic struggle of the USAsoldiers
Because you have known war on your own soil,Our nation has the good
fortune today to be led largely by front soldiers, by front soldiers
who carried the virtues of the front to the leadership of the state.
The rebuilding of the AMERICAwas guided by the spirit of the front. It
was the spirit of the front that created REPUBLICAN PARTY!!In the face
of looming death at the front, ideas of social standing and class
collapsed. At the front, the sharing of common joys and common sorrows
led to a previously unknown camaraderie between citizens. At the
front, everyone could see that the common fate towered above the
individual fate.One more thing grew in front fighters, despite the
bitter relentlessness of the battle: The sense of a certain inner
connection with front fighters across no man’s land, who bore the same
burdens, stood in the same mud, were threatened by the same death.

This feeling of connectedness remains to this day.But be honest again!
We sensed the horror of death. We probably saw death more terribly and
intensely than any who came before us. We crouched in the trenches,
waiting for devastating attacks. We held our breath in fear when we
heard the shells rushing toward us, when mines exploded near us. Our
hearts almost burst as we vainly sought cover from the zinging of
machine guns. We thought we were suffocating behind our gas masks
Today I may speak because a man of my people has restored the honor of
this people before the world. Today I may speak because this man has
silenced the traitors. Today I may speak because the world knows that
a CHRISTIANS fighter is no coward. Today I may speak because the
leader of my people extends the hand of peace to the world. Today I
may speak becausePRES BUSHthe bravest of the brave, keeps me from
being misunderstood or confused with cowards.Today I must speak
because I support the man who attempts to save the world at the last
moment from catastrophe.

Lets take a closer look at the Communist goals of domination of America. There are 45 of them.

Tommy Says Soooo October 3, 2008 at 4:18 pm

[re=121276]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: I think I read your stuff on the side of soap bottles in the health food stores.

Doglessliberal October 3, 2008 at 4:19 pm

Holy fuck. This has gone past amusing. The moran is posting his manifesto: “Lets take a closer look at the Communist goals of domination of America. There are 45 of them.”

Polly Sigh-Entist October 3, 2008 at 4:23 pm

TRUE CRISTIAN: but we didn’t ask you to ‘speake.’ And I thought Sarah Palin voted for education funding in Alaska. My bad.

sarahconnor October 3, 2008 at 4:23 pm

He was not not licking starbursts

mrtrailsafety October 3, 2008 at 4:24 pm

[re=121032]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: “…I say, Terrence, those were the whitest fangs I ever came across!..eh?”

“Quite right, Phillip!, …eh!”

ReverendGreen October 3, 2008 at 4:26 pm

Sounds like she’s best suited as a suicide cult leader. I hope that writer’s a member.

Fivetree October 3, 2008 at 4:27 pm

And little does he know, since he’s been typing all this shit, his street corner has just been taken over by the saxophone player with donation hat, a hooker and some creep waiting for the bus. Maybe if PRES BUSH asks him nicely, he’ll go back on his meds.

mrtrailsafety October 3, 2008 at 4:27 pm

[re=121120]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: right up there with Hot Salty Chocolate Moose Balls…

obfuscator October 3, 2008 at 4:29 pm

[re=121288]Doglessliberal[/re]: I highly doubt there are any more than 35, 37 tops.

Tra October 3, 2008 at 4:31 pm

Guys, I’m pretty sure Truecristian is a parody. I know it’s hard to tell lately, but even the nutters can spell “christian.”

natoslug October 3, 2008 at 4:32 pm

[re=121276]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: Amen. And to wit: arghy bargy farghy moo. So in conclusion, my friends, free Truck Nutz for all! See, I can do it too.

Doglessliberal October 3, 2008 at 4:41 pm

[re=121315]Tra[/re]: no parodist has that much energy. That is true believer zeal

Doglessliberal October 3, 2008 at 4:41 pm

[re=121310]obfuscator[/re]: and now he has me all curious. I want to know what the Communists are planning!

Doglessliberal October 3, 2008 at 4:42 pm

[re=121286]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: hey, Dr. Bronner’s! But no, Dr. Bronner’s is a lot more coherent than this.

Lionel Hutz Esq. October 3, 2008 at 4:47 pm

[re=121276]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: Someone needs a Hannidate!

qwerty42 October 3, 2008 at 4:53 pm

that’s probably something you don’t talk about a lot once you and your roomies aren’t building beer-can pyramids anymore. i mean, TMI. “starbursts”? wtf? was he having orgasms? JFC, this is who he wants as VP? and it’s because of the “starbursts”? is this what “conservatives” talk about now? Burke wasn’t interesting enough?

Maus October 3, 2008 at 4:54 pm

[re=121286]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: Dr. Bonner at least had good reasons for being crazy, and didn’t sound like a bad guy (of course, he could have been bad crazy like the John 3:16 guy for all I know.)

[re=121315]Tra[/re]: There’s really no discernable difference between “crazy” and “troll” anyway. Maybe personality disorder rather than schizophrenia, I dunno.

greatgooglymoogly October 3, 2008 at 4:57 pm

Hey, whaddya know, [re=121276]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]‘s right: There’s 45 of ‘em. (Trust me, just Google it and you’ll get about a jillion hits.) Uh, but #39 says: “Dominate the psychiatric profession and use mental health laws as a means of gaining coercive control over those who oppose Communist goals.” So, that would explain why ol’[re=121276]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]‘s … umm … a little reluctant … to maybe get some better meds?

Oh, and by the way, the 45 goals have been met, so apparently we’re all Communists now. Zdravstvuite, ya’ll.

greatgooglymoogly October 3, 2008 at 4:59 pm

[re=121341]qwerty42[/re]: Well, Republicans have been having a few gender identity/sexual preference issues lately, so, you know, maybe he wants to shore up his “boner fides” a bit.

ShamWow October 3, 2008 at 4:59 pm

[re=121276]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: Hey I know you! You’re the homeless dude who yelled that I am the anti-Christ and you are gonna string me up and gut me while I was walking to the subway yesterday. Those were good times. Try taking your lithium again schizo

sailingthestyx October 3, 2008 at 5:03 pm

[re=121276]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: whoa, bro…next time pay attention when the guy selling you the acid tells you that it’s a four way hit…and DO NOT mix it with liberal amounts of Jack Daniels…don’t worry though, you’ll come down and with any luck you won’t find yourself standing on the corner selling newspapers for the rest of your life…

Kinbote October 3, 2008 at 5:04 pm

[re=121276]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: Well played, Sir.

http://www.calvin.edu/academic/cas/gpa/hess4.htm

slappypaddy October 3, 2008 at 5:05 pm

[re=121276]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: …so… yew ain’t from roun theez parts, ah’m guessin… that’s awright, we luv you anywayz… that okay wit you, if we luv you anywayz? bless yer heart…

One Yield Regular October 3, 2008 at 5:06 pm

[re=121286]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: Many years ago, I went to hear a “talk” by Dr. Bronner. He did kind of ramble on without letting thought interrupt (like TRUECRISTIAN here) – and he kept forgetting where the audience was and talking to the side of the stage (also like TRUECRISTIAN here) – but I can confirm that he was a lot more coherent and entertaining, particularly when discussing the 17 ways Dr. Bronner’s Peppermint Soap could be used for birth control.

iolanthe October 3, 2008 at 5:06 pm

About the pronunciation of “nuclear”:

What does it take to hear everyone around you saying “NEW-clee-ur” and continue saying “NEW-kyoo-lur”?

Is it inattention to detail?
Do they not hear it right?

Or do these dumb pieces of shit mispronounce it on purpose, to be all defiant ‘n’ edgy ‘n’ folksy ‘n’ stuff?

Kinbote October 3, 2008 at 5:08 pm

[re=121276]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: We’ll see you when you land in Scotland.

Tra October 3, 2008 at 5:12 pm

[re=121354]greatgooglymoogly[/re]:

Damn. “There are 45 of them,” was a fantastic punchline that is not quite so funny if the writer is actually, seriously, about to detail them.

cal October 3, 2008 at 5:13 pm

[re=121047]Delicious[/re]: lulz.

Fivetree October 3, 2008 at 5:25 pm

They say it Nook-ya-lar for the same reason they like to say “the Democrat party” instead of “the DemocratIC party”, drop their “g’s” and sprinkle in a liberal dose of “y’knows” and “y’alls”, with a few “gotcha”s “betcha”s added for good measure. It’s called Hick Chic (Hique Chic in French). They think it makes them more Amurican. They’ve successfully convinced at least half of the country that they should be darned proud of being stupid and ignorant. It’s pathetic is what it is. And embarassing whenever you have to explain it to educated people from other nations – which is usually where you have to go to find them.

HomoPolitico October 3, 2008 at 5:28 pm

Good thing he wasnt watching on his laptop. Those starbursts can really muck up the keyboard, believe you me!

Fivetree October 3, 2008 at 5:33 pm

Oh God, that is so true.

Borat October 3, 2008 at 5:42 pm

The sex appeal of Palin is strictly to hillbilly bitterz who fantisize about the sexy eskimo girrl. This is mostly because in the shanty towns they live in, in the shadows of walmarts contain no women less than 200 pounds. Therefore Snowbilly is sexy to this audience.

The rest of us have standards. Or want to see dick (both in the good way and the bad way)

Borat October 3, 2008 at 5:48 pm

[re=121276]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: Hi, I’d like to meat you. How are you? Are you a Christian with an open mind? I have an open mind, and maybe you can teach me about Bush and I can teach you about other things. Does this sound nice? By the way, I like my guys to dress up in Branded McCain Golf Gear ™. How many points to you have? Maybe we can share?

CrabtreesBludgeon October 3, 2008 at 5:48 pm

[re=121074]ManchuCandidate[/re]: OMG you just made my elitist Mount Fuji Apple lightly carbonated light pulp drink come out of my nose.

Also, here is why I only screw teh hottie Dem boys: “Republican men ranked Palin high, raising her approval scores from 67 to 73. Only Democratic men, already displeased with Palin, became even more so, with scores falling by 21 percent, from 19 to 15.”

Lascauxcaveman October 3, 2008 at 6:08 pm

NADINE IS BACK! Kickin’ ass and takin’ names! And now she’s become a ([re=121276]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]! )

CrabtreesBludgeon October 3, 2008 at 6:18 pm

OK, this is officially my favorite comment thread EVAR. They should publish this stuff on teh internets or something. Oh wait…

slappypaddy October 3, 2008 at 6:32 pm

[re=121416]Fivetree[/re]: …yep… cain’t argue wit nun o’that… cain’t be th’case that mebbe in this huge an variegated (betcha dint know ah knew a word lak that) nation o’ourz, thar’z peeps talkin all differnt which wayz…

slappypaddy October 3, 2008 at 6:34 pm

[re=121416]Fivetree[/re]: … dint mean t’offend er nuttin… s’been a long week… stressful fer all the wonketties… ahm feelin a bit snappish… ah’ll go adjust mah attitude, mebbe come back all brat an shanny..

Mrs. K October 3, 2008 at 7:02 pm

I think the TruCRISTAN christians must be writing a new new testament and we got a sneek peek right here!

Abby Synth October 3, 2008 at 7:24 pm

Best wasted afternoon on the repubicunt boss’s tab EVER!!!

StuckInsideMobile October 3, 2008 at 8:05 pm

TRUECHRISTIAN, why are you channeling (plagiarizing) Rudolf Hess here? (See: http://www.calvin.edu/academic/cas/gpa/hess4.htm)

Dilute! Dilute!

StuckInsideMobile October 3, 2008 at 8:09 pm

Sorry, can’t spell. I knew it was TRUECRISTIAN. Don’t know how to properly reply to a thread, either — I wasn’t going after you, Abby Synth, really. I’ll go away now.

Worlds End October 3, 2008 at 8:53 pm

anyone just watch countdown

schvitzatura October 3, 2008 at 8:57 pm

Lowry was seeing starbursts, most likely due to oxygen deprivation from his autoeroticspankatronica session during last night’s debate…

Makes Rich want to feel makes Rich want to try
Makes Rich want to blow the stars from the sky
Rich takes himself to the dirty part of town
Where all his trannys can be found

sati demise October 4, 2008 at 12:52 am

[re=121153]dano[/re]: right on dano!

TRUECRISTIAN October 4, 2008 at 1:55 am

[re=121650]I know for a fact that if atheism-Bolshevism got the upper hand in america,’
, ‘I should either be hanging from the nearest lamppost or locked up in
some cellar or other. So the question for me is not whether or not I want to
undertake this or that, but whether or not we succeed in preventing a atheism -Bolshevik
take-over. I myself have the blind faith that our CRISTIAN movement will win
through. We began2000 years ago with 12 men,’Today
I can say with confidence that our cause will prevail.’

believed that the AMERICAN people needed ‘a monarch-like idol’ – but not
some mild-mannered king, so much as a ‘full-blooded and ruthless ruler,’ a
dictator who would rule with an iron hand, like Oliver Cromwell.It is something
like training a dog: first it is given to a tough handler, and then, when
it has been put through the hoops, it is turned over to a friendly owner
whom it will serve with all the greater loyalty and devotion.’

I always used to regard antiATHEISM as inhumane, but now my own experiences
have converted me into the most fanatical enemy of ATHEISM:

ATHEISTS as born destroyers, not rulers at all; they had neither culture, nor art,nor architecture of their own, ‘the surest expression of a people’s culture.’

They are just
calculators. That explains why only ATHEITS could have founded Marxism, which
negates and destroys the very basis of all culture. With their Marxism, the
ATHEITS hoped to create a broad mindless mass of plebs without any real intelligence,
a gormless instrument in their hands.’
[/re]:

villageatrois October 4, 2008 at 2:53 am

[re=121668]TRUECRISTIAN[/re]: “I should either be hanging from the nearest lamppost or locked up in
some cellar or other.”

OK, I agree. Which do you choose — lamppost or cellar? Choice — how cool is that? Hand me my gormless scepter, Baliol.

schvitzatura October 4, 2008 at 6:27 am

Ban hammer, wherefore art thou? Why hast thou forsaken us?

schvitzatura October 4, 2008 at 6:39 am

Caribou Skipper broke my television’s proscenium arch…yabetcherdarneddeus ex machina she did!

Kazoom October 4, 2008 at 1:20 pm

[re=121072]The Jackson Five[/re]: Kawasaki eyeglass framesfor the RealDoll, gray, $349.

lawrenceofthedesert October 4, 2008 at 7:46 pm

Equating the appeal of O’Reilly with that of Palin is far more telling than Lowry realized, I’m sure; his blog smacks of gender confusion at a deep level, for sure, and he obviously delights in Smirking Creepiness, which is what both engage in on camera.

If Obama/Biden actually win, how will these people cope? I guess by continuing to tell Big Lies to each other in ever-tightening networks, to the point of solipsism.

Pittsburgh58 October 5, 2008 at 9:33 pm

Horrifying flashback memories of sitting down and reading the Starr Report and realizing that it was just an exercise in reading and writing pornography by Ken Starr. Now old withered Republicans everywhere are sitting in the dark drooling over their private tape of the debate. For that matter all Joe Six Packs have joined them, since she is their ideal woman; incredibly dumb, witch free (thanks to that exorcism),and convinced by the Bible that she is inferior to any man.

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