WELFARE STATE  2:10 pm October 3, 2008

California Would Like Some Bailout Billions, Too

by Ken Layne

Actual photograph of California going bankrupt.Oh boo hoo, yet another broke operation wants billions from Henry “Dollar Bill” Paulson: the state of California!

Due to the end of capitalism and the collapse of global credit markets, California has no money to pay for its mandatory gay weddings and vaginal rejuvenation surgeries — there’s also no money to care for 37 million people who are mostly incredibly poor and sickly and increasingly homeless. So the governor, who is actually Arnold Schwarzenegger, wrote to Paulson last night and said “Please dude give us $7 billion or we are basically going to shut down.”

California is known for being “first” with various trends, so this means the other 49 states will all be bankrupt and out of business by, uh, probably Tuesday. [New York Times]

Photograph found at Lisanti Quarterly, not our fault, etc.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 136 comments }

keepinitrealyo October 3, 2008 at 2:11 pm

Don’t blame us! Enron took all our money!

denver_80203 October 3, 2008 at 2:12 pm

MOM!

CankleBiter October 3, 2008 at 2:13 pm

Oh my god.

shortsshortsshorts October 3, 2008 at 2:14 pm

Woot we the best state ever! We don’t know what to do with our moneys! WASTE IT WASTE IT RAH RAH RAH.
Gray Davis was recalled for bullshit compared to the governator MAVERICK hatred of California’s citizens.

And what the fuck is that picture? This is creepy….

Dave J. October 3, 2008 at 2:14 pm

What. The. Fuck?? Is that a butt or a FUPA?

The Gordo October 3, 2008 at 2:15 pm

Re: The picture.

W. T. F.

slappypaddy October 3, 2008 at 2:15 pm

…shee-it…

azw88 October 3, 2008 at 2:16 pm

That has to be one of the more disturbing, non-palin-lip photos ever seen on Wonkette! I don;t know wheter to cry for the poor Oommpa Loompa that seems to have lost his love-slave or laugh at the bunnies in the background engaged in some sort of pre-procreation activity!

NoWireHangers October 3, 2008 at 2:16 pm

I hope some of that sweet federal money comes my way. I really want some spinning rims for my Hyundai.

tunamelt October 3, 2008 at 2:16 pm

GIVE US YOUR MONEY, WE ARE POOR

WagTehGod October 3, 2008 at 2:16 pm

What’s the medical term for a condition where someone has an ass for a stomach?

Hairy Reed October 3, 2008 at 2:17 pm

WHAT THE HELL? Is that an ass? Why is there a rabbit?

accidental_tourist October 3, 2008 at 2:17 pm

Sweet Mary mother of Jesus.

Hairy Reed October 3, 2008 at 2:17 pm

Or the oompa loompas??? I just saw those!

Komando October 3, 2008 at 2:17 pm

What the sweet merciful crap is that picture???? Why do I have an erection!!!???!!!

Joehoya October 3, 2008 at 2:18 pm

The photo…. ack … My eyes!!!!

Tommy Says Soooo October 3, 2008 at 2:19 pm

I think you all should be more upset with the green-wigged midget fellating the rabbit. Oh, forget it, it’s California.

slappypaddy October 3, 2008 at 2:19 pm

[re=120962]Hairy Reed[/re]: one pill makes y’larger… an one pill makes y’small…

AngryBlakGuy October 3, 2008 at 2:20 pm

…what kind of surgery do you need to have to get your ASS placed on your abdomen?!?!?! And why the fukk would this person do it?

pinkdc October 3, 2008 at 2:20 pm

I was so appalled by the uh, victim? that I only just now noticed the sympathetic oompa loompa in the lower left corner…

Dientes October 3, 2008 at 2:20 pm

This was the Congressional Republicans after party for the debate?

paolaccio October 3, 2008 at 2:21 pm

Layne has been waiting and waiting for an opportunity to use the FUPA-crack photo and clearly just decided “fuck it, it’s Friday.”

We hates you forever.

dollywould October 3, 2008 at 2:22 pm

Shoulda known Lisanti would have something to do with that photo.

That poor EMT.

Toonces October 3, 2008 at 2:22 pm

Oh thank you. This has been a terrible day – and that picture fuckin cracked me up!

AngryBlakGuy October 3, 2008 at 2:22 pm

…WoW, Britney really let herself go!

Servo October 3, 2008 at 2:22 pm

Hillary really let herself go.

tunamelt October 3, 2008 at 2:24 pm

I live in K-town in LA so I’m like ground zero for whenever the riots start, guys. We can use my studio as base camp.

Vanity Smurf October 3, 2008 at 2:24 pm

If that’s what California looks like when it goes bankrupt, I can’t wait to see what Florida looks like.

Servo October 3, 2008 at 2:25 pm

[re=120987]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:
Ya beat me, Quick Draw.

freakishlystrong October 3, 2008 at 2:26 pm

Actual Caption:
“No, it wasn’t my proudest night. But up until the moment where my heart seized up because Fluffy dared me to do five Jager shots and stick my entire head into the chocolate fountain, my Sammy Hagar In Drag After Undergoing a C-Section costume really was the hit of the party.”

paolaccio October 3, 2008 at 2:27 pm

Michael Jackson really let himself go.

Botswana Meat Commission FC October 3, 2008 at 2:27 pm

Larry Craig’s congressional staffers worry about his overdose on baked potatoes stuffed with meth.

Fear of a Black Reagan October 3, 2008 at 2:27 pm

[re=120992]Vanity Smurf[/re]: Guatemala with Jews.

Doglessliberal October 3, 2008 at 2:28 pm

My god, Layne, you have the most bizarre library of photographs ever. The bunnies, the green-wigged little people….the mind boggles.

Mr Blifil October 3, 2008 at 2:29 pm

It’s not a double layer wetsuit with dildo’s sticking out of it, but the picture amuses, that’s certain.

ihasasad October 3, 2008 at 2:29 pm

I choked on a peppermint. Thankyou.

Slabgorb October 3, 2008 at 2:29 pm

Just glad that thing isn’t blingee’d

magic titty October 3, 2008 at 2:29 pm

Sweet jesus. This is actually the funniest picture i have ever seen. Ever.
It’s a Blingee as found in nature..

HuskyMescan October 3, 2008 at 2:31 pm

Haha..I chatted this pic to a friend of mine while he was doing a presentation. Everyone in the conference saw it and now he’s pissed at me. Serves him right for being such a brown-noser.

tunamelt October 3, 2008 at 2:31 pm

[re=120992]Vanity Smurf[/re]: That’s California now. You don’t want to see what it will look like after the Apocalypse.

Servo October 3, 2008 at 2:32 pm

Anybody else suddenly hungry for sauerkraut?

Dave J. October 3, 2008 at 2:33 pm

[re=121006]magic titty[/re]: I was thinking, we really need to blingee this photo.

whatever_dc October 3, 2008 at 2:33 pm

this is the absolute worst photo ever on wonkette and in true wonkette fashion the comments are the all time best! i’ve got tears running specially from the oompa loompas and the rabbits. i knew a woman from eritrea once who could have been an oompa loompa without any makeup although she was a bit tall.

AngryBlakGuy October 3, 2008 at 2:33 pm

…keep making fun of this poor “woman”! Once the depression is in full swing and we are all skeletal walking corpse, women of this “girth” will be the new Jessica Alba’s and Angelina Jolies of the world! Just like in the Victorian days! Now all we need to do is take care of the fact that “she” probably has a penis.

Servo October 3, 2008 at 2:33 pm

“Loompa-dee-doo.”

Cogito Ergo Bibo October 3, 2008 at 2:34 pm

[re=121005]Slabgorb[/re]: Oh. GAWD. A Blingee of that really would send me over the edge.

kudzu October 3, 2008 at 2:34 pm

[re=120959]NoWireHangers[/re]: When you get them rims, remember Chris Rock’s take on those things and say “They spinnin’ nigga, they spinnin’…!”

Oh, and about the picture, well, the Kama Sutra is not everybody.

OkieHookerinEngland October 3, 2008 at 2:35 pm

I just shot Pepsi out of my nose. Thank you.

Lazy Media October 3, 2008 at 2:35 pm

The NY Post already has the page laid out and ready: Bush to Cali: Drop Dead

scotterl October 3, 2008 at 2:35 pm

We can’t just givee that kind of money to California. That’s like, ya know, completely like what we spen in on Bush’s two wars every two weeks or so.
http://theiraqinsider.blogspot.com/2008/02/how-much-does-iraq-war-cost-per-month.html

shortsshortsshorts October 3, 2008 at 2:35 pm

Dear Treasury,

I have no fucking idea what I’m doing anymore. I should have never taken this gig. All I wanted was to smoke cigars and feel like an executive, but now everything is bat crazy and I do not know what to do! Phil Angelidas should have won the last election. I don’t know why I fought so hard. I should have given in like everyone was telling me to, but he’s sort of an asshat anyway, so of course I stuck to it.

I regret every decision I have made in the last 5 years. I want to die. I really do. Please send me some of them sweet green backs before people fully realize what a pathetic failure I am.

Sincerely,

AWWNOLD

HuskyMescan October 3, 2008 at 2:36 pm

[re=121013]Dave J.[/re]: How can you possibly add anything else to it? It’s got old school blingee. Easter bunnies, a thing with an ass for a stomach, oompa loompas, etc etc.

Dolla' October 3, 2008 at 2:36 pm

Hi, I’m Henry Paulson. I disagree with this blog article.

tunamelt October 3, 2008 at 2:36 pm

[re=121013]Dave J.[/re]: I’m too hungover to look at that and not throw up. But please include Tinkerbell.

AngryBlakGuy October 3, 2008 at 2:36 pm

…I see that Ken Layne has broken out his private fetish collection of photos. Now I’m going to scrub my eyes with steel wool and sulfuric acid :-)

JamesMichaelCurley October 3, 2008 at 2:37 pm

I know, its Nevada, and the jury is back in the O.J. trial.

The Jackson Five October 3, 2008 at 2:37 pm

Haha, we’re first in line suckers! Californians will have first pick of the new Bush Bindle- the finest in hobo acoutremont.

Tommy Says Soooo October 3, 2008 at 2:38 pm

I’m FREAKIN’ tired of all the snark! After all the good Sally Struthers did, you cain’t let the poor woman alone.

Q2 October 3, 2008 at 2:38 pm

Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do
I have another puzzle for you
Oompa Loompa doom-pa-da-dee
If you are wise, you’ll listen to me
Who do you blame when The Street takes a hit?
Pampered and spoiled and greedy as shit
Blaming The Street is a lie and a shame
You know exactly who is to blame

Servo October 3, 2008 at 2:40 pm

[re=121016]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:
Actually, I’ll think she’ll be a food source. Fingerhut junk will be the currency.

SayItWithWookies October 3, 2008 at 2:41 pm

Holy crap. And I thought Hieronymous Bosch was dead. Or is it Bruegel? Anyway, I thought they were both dead. Somebody hold me. As long as you don’t look like anyone in that picture.

tunamelt October 3, 2008 at 2:41 pm

It’s funny what not having a budget for ever and ever and ever will do to you.

TGY October 3, 2008 at 2:42 pm

Seven billion will nearly buy one 2-bedroom house on Redondo beach.

obfuscator October 3, 2008 at 2:42 pm

Who got a front butt?

You got a front butt!

Clancy_Pants October 3, 2008 at 2:42 pm

http://vegasblog.latimes.com/vegas/2007/10/big-britney-wad.html

In his latest stunt, promoter Jeff Beacher, dressed a Big Britney, “collapsed” at Jet nightclub at The Mirage and was wheeled to an awaiting ambulance. Wee Matt, one of Beacher’s Oompa Loompas, is holding Beacher’s hand.

FalconerHK October 3, 2008 at 2:42 pm

Can’t breathe… laughing too hard!

wait… MOM, IS THAT YOU? And WHY IS DAD ON THAT STRETCHER?

Senator Bateman October 3, 2008 at 2:42 pm

This is ricockulous….California has the seventh strongest economy in the world. If we seceded we wouldn’t have to foot the bill for the rest of the country….Join the California secessionist movement today and join us for gay, white, Christian baby orgies while we do lines of stemcells off of stripper’s asses with the Constitution rolled up like a twenty dollar bill!

magic titty October 3, 2008 at 2:42 pm

[re=121013]Dave J.[/re]: We could only harm it.

obfuscator October 3, 2008 at 2:43 pm

[re=121046]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It looks like a naked legless person is on top of that guygirl’s stomach.

WhatTheHeck October 3, 2008 at 2:44 pm

Oh dera god.
that is a picture of the entire state of California which sometimes is ass backwards.

regisgoat October 3, 2008 at 2:45 pm

Front-butt make bunnies cry.

Doglessliberal October 3, 2008 at 2:46 pm

[re=121057]FalconerHK[/re]: I am crying with laughter and trying to stifle. I am going to rupture something. Thank you thank you, Ken. We all needed a laugh today before we went back to the depths of depression (facing reality).

obfuscator October 3, 2008 at 2:48 pm

The grieving bunnies make it comedy gold.

Dave J. October 3, 2008 at 2:49 pm

[re=121056]Clancy_Pants[/re]: This is an even more disturbing photo of that guy, sans Oompa Loompas and Rabbits. Holy crap, that stomach could have entire books written about it.

AngryBlakGuy October 3, 2008 at 2:51 pm

[re=121065]WhatTheHeck[/re]: …makes sense, if Florida is the penis of America then California has to be the ass.

Rusty Shackleford October 3, 2008 at 2:51 pm

Thanks Ken, for showing us all the seedy underbelly of the Hollywood Halloween Parade. I could have gone my entire lifetime without ever having seen that. Excuse me now while I go and gouge out my eyeballs so I can pour Draino directly into my brain, in a desperate attempt to erase the last 10 minutes.

ManchuCandidate October 3, 2008 at 2:51 pm

Ahnold: “You Paulson when I told you that I would never ask for money?”
Paulson (hanging upside down over a cliff): “Yeyeyeah?”
Ahnold: “Well, I lied.”

whatever_dc October 3, 2008 at 2:52 pm

[re=121080]Dave J.[/re]: and to think that the finale of “america’s got talent” has already passed for this year. oh well — there’s always 2009!

populucious October 3, 2008 at 2:55 pm

That is the best photographic representation of California I have ever, probably will ever, see.

Thank you, Wonkette.

CivicHoliday October 3, 2008 at 2:56 pm

Oh my god. That was not what I needed to see to sober me up after having margaritas at lunch with my girls and coming back into the office to “work” for the next few hours. Is there another midget stuck under her gut? Is she going to the ER to have him removed after she fell on him during their “fat lady and midget ride a unicycle” act?

DogSniff October 3, 2008 at 2:59 pm

Gawd – I love how the REPUBS are the first to have the hand-out.

I mean – California in winter is so much harder than let’s say DETROIT or CHICAGO – because they may have to sleep on a cold beach instead of a sub-zero frozen bench. Dumpster diving isn’t as good either.

Demolish the Republican Party – it’s just time.

Servo October 3, 2008 at 3:00 pm

“Can of corn. Can of corn and I’ll be fine…”

greatgooglymoogly October 3, 2008 at 3:02 pm

[re=121080]Dave J.[/re]: Good. God. … The man has … two asses? Did my brain completely implode last night? And why are the rabbits crying? I have to go home now.

SmilingMightyJesus October 3, 2008 at 3:05 pm

[re=120961]WagTehGod[/re]: Gluteus frontalis. Whats the word for having one’s face on the back of the head?

Lionel Hutz Esq. October 3, 2008 at 3:07 pm

Ken, your interns made a mistake with your picture. That is clearly Cindy McCain being taken away from last night’s post debate party. You can tell because John McCain is holding her hand, and Sarah and the First Dude are in the background hugging.

Gopherit v2.0 October 3, 2008 at 3:08 pm

Good choice on skipping the alt-text. What could you say?

Naked Bunny with a Whip October 3, 2008 at 3:09 pm

Whatever. Are those rabbits single or in an open relationship? C’mon, spill it.

Toomush Infermashun October 3, 2008 at 3:12 pm

This is unfair to elephants elsewhere!

Doglessliberal October 3, 2008 at 3:14 pm

[re=121130]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: there is some: “Actual photograph of California going bankrupt”, which is pretty damn funny.

Naked Bunny with a Whip October 3, 2008 at 3:15 pm

I’ll admit, I’m confused. The story is about California, but the picture is obviously from the Republican National Convention a month ago.

Doglessliberal October 3, 2008 at 3:17 pm

[re=121131]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: sorry, they only go outside the relationship for green-haired little people.

Canuckledragger October 3, 2008 at 3:19 pm

Dawg The Bounty Hunter wears fishnets? Who knew?

I’m not surprised. I just didn’t know.

TGY October 3, 2008 at 3:32 pm

Alas, the patient died, but the good new is the carrot was removed successfully!

Naked Bunny with a Whip October 3, 2008 at 3:32 pm

[re=121144]Doglessliberal[/re]:
Hmm. You obviously haven’t seen any pictures of me lately.

TGY October 3, 2008 at 3:34 pm

Also, will Ahnold beat up George to steal his pocket change?

State resources should be tapped. Perhaps CA should have a ‘bake sale’ with all that medical marijuana.

tiger October 3, 2008 at 3:36 pm

Hobo sticks! Get yer hobo sticks!!

Miller October 3, 2008 at 3:38 pm

Is that Oompa Loompa pulling Ms. Tranny Wasilla’s finger?

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

Kev-O-Tron October 3, 2008 at 3:38 pm

For old times sake:

I realize that this was an important time in our history but that photo is too much. Please remove…

How did it go again?

Outstando October 3, 2008 at 3:39 pm

Arnold is waiving the white flab of surrender.

Hart88 October 3, 2008 at 3:40 pm

I have absolutely nothing to add. I’m struck dumb by the awesomeness of that photo.

iwillsavethispatient October 3, 2008 at 3:41 pm

The real question is, why hasn’t that picture been Blingee’d up? Does going bankrupt mean that Wonkette no longer can afford to melt our brains with Blingee-ness?

Tommy Says Soooo October 3, 2008 at 3:44 pm

Did you ever pour bacon grease in a coffee can? Then it cools off. Then you remember you’ve forgotten about it for three days? For some strange reason, I can almost smell that.

Doglessliberal October 3, 2008 at 3:45 pm

[re=121197]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Blingee-ing that pic would be like putting lipstick on a pig or gilding the lily or. . . something.

choinski October 3, 2008 at 3:47 pm

The hugging rabbits in the background are priceless…

Canuck13652 October 3, 2008 at 3:51 pm

When will people remember that taxes are actually useful for raising moniez?

Hooray For Anything October 3, 2008 at 3:55 pm

You know, I’m unemployed so I’m taking in no money and so can’t pay off my debts so can I have a bailout too? I won’t be too greedy about it, I’d just like maybe a mil or two.

Thanks :)

junkscience October 3, 2008 at 3:55 pm

I got past my initial hysterical crying laughter and now I just really love this photograph.

HuskyMescan October 3, 2008 at 3:58 pm

Life sucks when you have to wipe twice as much.

Hedley Lamar October 3, 2008 at 4:22 pm

This body modification thing is really getting out of hand.

IslandTwit October 3, 2008 at 4:25 pm

I’m just a stupid ex democratic official before & after Carter (who started this mess) and now an old libertarian fart. So WTF with this pic? Well, at least I admit I’m now stupid for listening to these guys. I mean Biden thinks his 101 IQ is am A++ !! So WTF with this pic? .. So WTF with this pic?

Itsjustme October 3, 2008 at 4:27 pm

Shouldn’t be so mean…the bunny is really upset.

natoslug October 3, 2008 at 5:05 pm

The original is better than anything blinged, but here’s a sad attempt at improving on it: http://blingee.com/blingee/view/72109577-California-Burning

facehead October 3, 2008 at 5:07 pm

The worst part of this photo is I’m pretty sure I know one of the people in it.

Bonus Comment: I’m not kidding.

cal October 3, 2008 at 5:08 pm

Oh ye who cannot see… this scene is a modern-day “Pieta.”

The Oompa Loompa is Mary Magdelene.

The bunnies are Mary and Whatsherface, her sister.

And the obese tranny is, of course, our Hopey.

He/she shall rise again!

ihatepolls October 3, 2008 at 6:37 pm

Please, do not ever post that photo again.

Really.

Tra October 3, 2008 at 6:39 pm

I think I’m changing my screen name to “weeping bunnies.”

S. Cullen Bonz October 3, 2008 at 7:01 pm

That’s a picture of Halloween in Venice Beach. It looks like the guy in the jacket and tie is the only one who bothered to dress up.

S. Cullen Bonz October 3, 2008 at 7:10 pm

Does his doctor say “lift up your shirt” when he want to examine his prostate gland?

nurple October 3, 2008 at 7:12 pm

If California goes bankrupt, I have dibs on Pickfair, second choice Hollyhock House!

President Beeblebrox October 3, 2008 at 7:24 pm

NEVAR FORGET teh Venice Beach Halloween photoes!!!1

tocute2btrue October 3, 2008 at 7:46 pm

My God they are giving Hilliary an Autopsy.

tocute2btrue October 3, 2008 at 7:57 pm

This Pic is an obvious ploy by the Republicians to get all my Homies HOT and forget to Vote for me,
Hell I’d stick her myself if that dam Rabbit would leave.

OffTheRecord October 3, 2008 at 7:59 pm

I couldn’t look at this post at work because I would start laughing hysterically every time, but you know what everyone else said. Two thumbs up!

CivicHoliday October 3, 2008 at 10:42 pm

You know, after looking at this excellent example of photojournalism for about the 50th time, I just realized there is a secret service agent on the right-hand side. Who in this photo requires protection?? Dear lord, it’s RUDY IN DRAG on that stretcher! And Huckabee and Romney in bunny suits gay hugging in the background.

Bigbruther October 4, 2008 at 2:34 am

My favorite part about this is that the photo is just so apropos the title of Layne’s post.

sanantonerose October 4, 2008 at 3:05 am

Whoa. Tim Curry has really let himself go. Well, he did say that getting fat was a “fuck you” to Rocky Horror fans.

trai_dep October 4, 2008 at 3:42 am

Thanks to Ken’s picture, I finally know what use those two-pronged dildoes are for.
Can’t wait to tell everyone at Catechism this weekend – BOY were we confused. (And yes, that’s CA Catechism – how’d you guess?)

trai_dep October 4, 2008 at 3:52 am

The bunnies are crying because with the prompt arrival of the EMTs, they know there’s NO way to retrieve their carrot before the ambulance drives her off.

lawrenceofthedesert October 4, 2008 at 2:49 pm

Instead of a depressing, everyday-grind California photo of Cesar Milan’s Dog Psychology Center, couldn’t you have run something more festive? Maybe the Lamb Canyon landfill, or an oil painting on velvet of Don Perata?

Rush October 4, 2008 at 4:44 pm

the photo is yet another example of “gotcha” jounalism

azw88 October 6, 2008 at 1:44 am

i want to know who the friggin weirdo in the suit and tie is…. CIA? Or head of the Committee for Moral Order.

frailamerica October 6, 2008 at 1:49 am
Sabre_Justice October 6, 2008 at 9:53 am

Whatever’s going on in that picture, I want in.

vaish.rajan October 6, 2008 at 9:56 am

The Bailout though became need of the hour,is not the only solution to meet the crisis.$700Billion is a huge huge amount of money,according to The Borgen Project ( http://borgenproject.org ) $30Billions is the Annual Shortfall to end world hunger i.e with this amount U.S. can end world’s hunger 23 times.U.S. has already committed to the U.N Millennium Development Goals to eliminate world’s hunger by 2025.America really needs the President who addresses this pressing issue.

JohnnyMeatworth May 19, 2009 at 2:47 pm

[re=121907]frailamerica[/re]: you’re my hero

Snerdley May 20, 2009 at 12:30 pm

Thanks for making me look up fupa, fuckers.

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