welfare state

California Would Like Some Bailout Billions, Too

Actual photograph of California going bankrupt.Oh boo hoo, yet another broke operation wants billions from Henry “Dollar Bill” Paulson: the state of California!

Due to the end of capitalism and the collapse of global credit markets, California has no money to pay for its mandatory gay weddings and vaginal rejuvenation surgeries — there’s also no money to care for 37 million people who are mostly incredibly poor and sickly and increasingly homeless. So the governor, who is actually Arnold Schwarzenegger, wrote to Paulson last night and said “Please dude give us $7 billion or we are basically going to shut down.”

California is known for being “first” with various trends, so this means the other 49 states will all be bankrupt and out of business by, uh, probably Tuesday. [New York Times]

Photograph found at Lisanti Quarterly, not our fault, etc.

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Hola wonkerados.

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136 comments

  1. shortsshortsshorts

    Woot we the best state ever! We don’t know what to do with our moneys! WASTE IT WASTE IT RAH RAH RAH.
    Gray Davis was recalled for bullshit compared to the governator MAVERICK hatred of California’s citizens.

    And what the fuck is that picture? This is creepy….

  2. azw88

    That has to be one of the more disturbing, non-palin-lip photos ever seen on Wonkette! I don;t know wheter to cry for the poor Oommpa Loompa that seems to have lost his love-slave or laugh at the bunnies in the background engaged in some sort of pre-procreation activity!

  3. NoWireHangers

    I hope some of that sweet federal money comes my way. I really want some spinning rims for my Hyundai.

  4. Tommy Says Soooo

    I think you all should be more upset with the green-wigged midget fellating the rabbit. Oh, forget it, it’s California.

  5. AngryBlakGuy

    …what kind of surgery do you need to have to get your ASS placed on your abdomen?!?!?! And why the fukk would this person do it?

  6. pinkdc

    I was so appalled by the uh, victim? that I only just now noticed the sympathetic oompa loompa in the lower left corner…

  7. paolaccio

    Layne has been waiting and waiting for an opportunity to use the FUPA-crack photo and clearly just decided “fuck it, it’s Friday.”

    We hates you forever.

  8. tunamelt

    I live in K-town in LA so I’m like ground zero for whenever the riots start, guys. We can use my studio as base camp.

  9. Vanity Smurf

    If that’s what California looks like when it goes bankrupt, I can’t wait to see what Florida looks like.

  10. freakishlystrong

    Actual Caption:
    “No, it wasn’t my proudest night. But up until the moment where my heart seized up because Fluffy dared me to do five Jager shots and stick my entire head into the chocolate fountain, my Sammy Hagar In Drag After Undergoing a C-Section costume really was the hit of the party.”

  11. Botswana Meat Commission FC

    Larry Craig’s congressional staffers worry about his overdose on baked potatoes stuffed with meth.

  12. Doglessliberal

    My god, Layne, you have the most bizarre library of photographs ever. The bunnies, the green-wigged little people….the mind boggles.

  13. Mr Blifil

    It’s not a double layer wetsuit with dildo’s sticking out of it, but the picture amuses, that’s certain.

  14. magic titty

    Sweet jesus. This is actually the funniest picture i have ever seen. Ever.
    It’s a Blingee as found in nature..

  15. HuskyMescan

    Haha..I chatted this pic to a friend of mine while he was doing a presentation. Everyone in the conference saw it and now he’s pissed at me. Serves him right for being such a brown-noser.

  16. tunamelt

    [re=120992]Vanity Smurf[/re]: That’s California now. You don’t want to see what it will look like after the Apocalypse.

  17. whatever_dc

    this is the absolute worst photo ever on wonkette and in true wonkette fashion the comments are the all time best! i’ve got tears running specially from the oompa loompas and the rabbits. i knew a woman from eritrea once who could have been an oompa loompa without any makeup although she was a bit tall.

  18. AngryBlakGuy

    …keep making fun of this poor “woman”! Once the depression is in full swing and we are all skeletal walking corpse, women of this “girth” will be the new Jessica Alba’s and Angelina Jolies of the world! Just like in the Victorian days! Now all we need to do is take care of the fact that “she” probably has a penis.

  19. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=121005]Slabgorb[/re]: Oh. GAWD. A Blingee of that really would send me over the edge.

  20. kudzu

    [re=120959]NoWireHangers[/re]: When you get them rims, remember Chris Rock’s take on those things and say “They spinnin’ nigga, they spinnin’…!”

    Oh, and about the picture, well, the Kama Sutra is not everybody.

  21. shortsshortsshorts

    Dear Treasury,

    I have no fucking idea what I’m doing anymore. I should have never taken this gig. All I wanted was to smoke cigars and feel like an executive, but now everything is bat crazy and I do not know what to do! Phil Angelidas should have won the last election. I don’t know why I fought so hard. I should have given in like everyone was telling me to, but he’s sort of an asshat anyway, so of course I stuck to it.

    I regret every decision I have made in the last 5 years. I want to die. I really do. Please send me some of them sweet green backs before people fully realize what a pathetic failure I am.

    Sincerely,

    AWWNOLD

  22. HuskyMescan

    [re=121013]Dave J.[/re]: How can you possibly add anything else to it? It’s got old school blingee. Easter bunnies, a thing with an ass for a stomach, oompa loompas, etc etc.

  23. tunamelt

    [re=121013]Dave J.[/re]: I’m too hungover to look at that and not throw up. But please include Tinkerbell.

  24. AngryBlakGuy

    …I see that Ken Layne has broken out his private fetish collection of photos. Now I’m going to scrub my eyes with steel wool and sulfuric acid :-)

  25. The Jackson Five

    Haha, we’re first in line suckers! Californians will have first pick of the new Bush Bindle- the finest in hobo acoutremont.

  26. Tommy Says Soooo

    I’m FREAKIN’ tired of all the snark! After all the good Sally Struthers did, you cain’t let the poor woman alone.

  27. Q2

    Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do
    I have another puzzle for you
    Oompa Loompa doom-pa-da-dee
    If you are wise, you’ll listen to me
    Who do you blame when The Street takes a hit?
    Pampered and spoiled and greedy as shit
    Blaming The Street is a lie and a shame
    You know exactly who is to blame

  28. Servo

    [re=121016]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:
    Actually, I’ll think she’ll be a food source. Fingerhut junk will be the currency.

  29. SayItWithWookies

    Holy crap. And I thought Hieronymous Bosch was dead. Or is it Bruegel? Anyway, I thought they were both dead. Somebody hold me. As long as you don’t look like anyone in that picture.

  30. FalconerHK

    Can’t breathe… laughing too hard!

    wait… MOM, IS THAT YOU? And WHY IS DAD ON THAT STRETCHER?

  31. Senator Bateman

    This is ricockulous….California has the seventh strongest economy in the world. If we seceded we wouldn’t have to foot the bill for the rest of the country….Join the California secessionist movement today and join us for gay, white, Christian baby orgies while we do lines of stemcells off of stripper’s asses with the Constitution rolled up like a twenty dollar bill!

  32. obfuscator

    [re=121046]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It looks like a naked legless person is on top of that guygirl’s stomach.

  33. WhatTheHeck

    Oh dera god.
    that is a picture of the entire state of California which sometimes is ass backwards.

  34. Doglessliberal

    [re=121057]FalconerHK[/re]: I am crying with laughter and trying to stifle. I am going to rupture something. Thank you thank you, Ken. We all needed a laugh today before we went back to the depths of depression (facing reality).

  35. AngryBlakGuy

    [re=121065]WhatTheHeck[/re]: …makes sense, if Florida is the penis of America then California has to be the ass.

  36. Rusty Shackleford

    Thanks Ken, for showing us all the seedy underbelly of the Hollywood Halloween Parade. I could have gone my entire lifetime without ever having seen that. Excuse me now while I go and gouge out my eyeballs so I can pour Draino directly into my brain, in a desperate attempt to erase the last 10 minutes.

  37. ManchuCandidate

    Ahnold: “You Paulson when I told you that I would never ask for money?”
    Paulson (hanging upside down over a cliff): “Yeyeyeah?”
    Ahnold: “Well, I lied.”

  38. whatever_dc

    [re=121080]Dave J.[/re]: and to think that the finale of “america’s got talent” has already passed for this year. oh well — there’s always 2009!

  39. populucious

    That is the best photographic representation of California I have ever, probably will ever, see.

    Thank you, Wonkette.

  40. CivicHoliday

    Oh my god. That was not what I needed to see to sober me up after having margaritas at lunch with my girls and coming back into the office to “work” for the next few hours. Is there another midget stuck under her gut? Is she going to the ER to have him removed after she fell on him during their “fat lady and midget ride a unicycle” act?

  41. DogSniff

    Gawd – I love how the REPUBS are the first to have the hand-out.

    I mean – California in winter is so much harder than let’s say DETROIT or CHICAGO – because they may have to sleep on a cold beach instead of a sub-zero frozen bench. Dumpster diving isn’t as good either.

    Demolish the Republican Party – it’s just time.

  42. greatgooglymoogly

    [re=121080]Dave J.[/re]: Good. God. … The man has … two asses? Did my brain completely implode last night? And why are the rabbits crying? I have to go home now.

  43. SmilingMightyJesus

    [re=120961]WagTehGod[/re]: Gluteus frontalis. Whats the word for having one’s face on the back of the head?

  44. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Ken, your interns made a mistake with your picture. That is clearly Cindy McCain being taken away from last night’s post debate party. You can tell because John McCain is holding her hand, and Sarah and the First Dude are in the background hugging.

  45. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Whatever. Are those rabbits single or in an open relationship? C’mon, spill it.

  46. Doglessliberal

    [re=121130]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: there is some: “Actual photograph of California going bankrupt”, which is pretty damn funny.

  47. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    I’ll admit, I’m confused. The story is about California, but the picture is obviously from the Republican National Convention a month ago.

  48. Doglessliberal

    [re=121131]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: sorry, they only go outside the relationship for green-haired little people.

  49. Canuckledragger

    Dawg The Bounty Hunter wears fishnets? Who knew?

    I’m not surprised. I just didn’t know.

  50. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    [re=121144]Doglessliberal[/re]:
    Hmm. You obviously haven’t seen any pictures of me lately.

  51. TGY

    Also, will Ahnold beat up George to steal his pocket change?

    State resources should be tapped. Perhaps CA should have a ‘bake sale’ with all that medical marijuana.

  52. Kev-O-Tron

    For old times sake:

    I realize that this was an important time in our history but that photo is too much. Please remove…

    How did it go again?

  53. iwillsavethispatient

    The real question is, why hasn’t that picture been Blingee’d up? Does going bankrupt mean that Wonkette no longer can afford to melt our brains with Blingee-ness?

  54. Tommy Says Soooo

    Did you ever pour bacon grease in a coffee can? Then it cools off. Then you remember you’ve forgotten about it for three days? For some strange reason, I can almost smell that.

  55. Doglessliberal

    [re=121197]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Blingee-ing that pic would be like putting lipstick on a pig or gilding the lily or. . . something.

  56. Hooray For Anything

    You know, I’m unemployed so I’m taking in no money and so can’t pay off my debts so can I have a bailout too? I won’t be too greedy about it, I’d just like maybe a mil or two.

    Thanks :)

  57. junkscience

    I got past my initial hysterical crying laughter and now I just really love this photograph.

  58. IslandTwit

    I’m just a stupid ex democratic official before & after Carter (who started this mess) and now an old libertarian fart. So WTF with this pic? Well, at least I admit I’m now stupid for listening to these guys. I mean Biden thinks his 101 IQ is am A++ !! So WTF with this pic? .. So WTF with this pic?

  59. facehead

    The worst part of this photo is I’m pretty sure I know one of the people in it.

    Bonus Comment: I’m not kidding.

  60. cal

    Oh ye who cannot see… this scene is a modern-day “Pieta.”

    The Oompa Loompa is Mary Magdelene.

    The bunnies are Mary and Whatsherface, her sister.

    And the obese tranny is, of course, our Hopey.

    He/she shall rise again!

  61. S. Cullen Bonz

    That’s a picture of Halloween in Venice Beach. It looks like the guy in the jacket and tie is the only one who bothered to dress up.

  62. S. Cullen Bonz

    Does his doctor say “lift up your shirt” when he want to examine his prostate gland?

  63. tocute2btrue

    This Pic is an obvious ploy by the Republicians to get all my Homies HOT and forget to Vote for me,
    Hell I’d stick her myself if that dam Rabbit would leave.

  64. OffTheRecord

    I couldn’t look at this post at work because I would start laughing hysterically every time, but you know what everyone else said. Two thumbs up!

  65. CivicHoliday

    You know, after looking at this excellent example of photojournalism for about the 50th time, I just realized there is a secret service agent on the right-hand side. Who in this photo requires protection?? Dear lord, it’s RUDY IN DRAG on that stretcher! And Huckabee and Romney in bunny suits gay hugging in the background.

  66. Bigbruther

    My favorite part about this is that the photo is just so apropos the title of Layne’s post.

  67. sanantonerose

    Whoa. Tim Curry has really let himself go. Well, he did say that getting fat was a “fuck you” to Rocky Horror fans.

  68. trai_dep

    Thanks to Ken’s picture, I finally know what use those two-pronged dildoes are for.
    Can’t wait to tell everyone at Catechism this weekend – BOY were we confused. (And yes, that’s CA Catechism – how’d you guess?)

  69. trai_dep

    The bunnies are crying because with the prompt arrival of the EMTs, they know there’s NO way to retrieve their carrot before the ambulance drives her off.

  70. lawrenceofthedesert

    Instead of a depressing, everyday-grind California photo of Cesar Milan’s Dog Psychology Center, couldn’t you have run something more festive? Maybe the Lamb Canyon landfill, or an oil painting on velvet of Don Perata?

  71. azw88

    i want to know who the friggin weirdo in the suit and tie is…. CIA? Or head of the Committee for Moral Order.

  72. vaish.rajan

    The Bailout though became need of the hour,is not the only solution to meet the crisis.$700Billion is a huge huge amount of money,according to The Borgen Project ( http://borgenproject.org ) $30Billions is the Annual Shortfall to end world hunger i.e with this amount U.S. can end world’s hunger 23 times.U.S. has already committed to the U.N Millennium Development Goals to eliminate world’s hunger by 2025.America really needs the President who addresses this pressing issue.

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