This is pretty much perfect, except maybe somewhere you could squeeze in, “That Joe person is crying about his dead family?! –> Shout Maverick several times,” which is something that happened. [Adennak via Andrew Sullivan]

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  • jinmoom

    Jim finds us the best things.

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    Thank you, Jim. But I noticed you edited out the one arrow that went “-> Shart.” Good for you, keep this a family site.

  • Canuckledragger

    When does her reality show debut? Has anyone already taken the title “It’s Complicated?”

  • CivicHoliday

    Where’s the part about “fill time by saying the word ‘also’ every fifth word of your sentences”

  • ProfessorJukes

    That’s doggone great! You betch! – you can vote on who won! AND it has a great still of her winking!

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    I am so glad that debate is over. She was so scripted she couldn’t have said “I’m sorry your family got killed, Joe, but you betcha we need change?” Loser….

  • AfghanVet

    I don’t think she used index cards but rather a stack of those O’so clever GOP bumper stickers you see on trucks with truck nutz.

  • Terry

    Jim reads Andrew Sullivan so we don’t have to. Bravo!

  • hopebong

    OMG, we have a mole in McCain campaign!

  • cheeto_jeebus

    This needs that little kid from the Family Circle comic wandering around with the little dotted line following. You know for some warmth.

  • Noodle Salad

    Also needs a “rearing head” link.

    “With the mortgage-lenders, too who were starting to really kind of rear that head of abuse.”

    That’s the stuff.

  • Servo

    You forgot the pre-debate Biggie size NyQuil. You know, to take the edge off.

  • spartanmeg

    And adding ultimately (pron. oooooooltimately)to the middle of all of her conversations…

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Hahahaha so many of you were fucking hammered last night. I was so drunk I thought Palin had WON fucking thing.

  • spartanmeg

    Where’s the part about her adding “ultimately” (pron. in trash accent ooooltimately)to nearly every statement she makes?

  • thatonegirlsays

    Also. Is the new “Such as.”

  • grendel

    [re=120708]Canuckledragger[/re]: It started about 5 weeks ago

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …the premise of this chart initially makes sense. But the biggest problem with this flow chart is that it assumes that she has the cognitive ability to think and problem solve. That is something that I simply cannot accept. My opinion is that she operates using her reptilian brain, which dictates that everything she does is instinctual. She defines her personal “strengths”(and that term is being used loosely) as energy and her so-called maverick persona. Regardless of the question she will always fall back to what she thinks is her strength, and when she doesn’t you end up with the Katie Couric and Charles Gibson interviews.

  • Words

    [re=120722]Noodle Salad[/re]:

    She does seem to have a thing about “head.”

    And she probably thought Joe B. was stealing her act when he teared up @ the family .

  • Smurfette

    Aww thanks for more stuff that I can steal and put onto my ow blog. I think Wonkette readers will really enjoy it actually —


  • junkscience

    I’m so hungover. Fuck you Sarah (Palin)

  • grendel

    [re=120728]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: She did, didn’t you see Drudge?

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=120712]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I thought the same damn thing, I was shocked, and moved.

  • magic titty

    [re=120710]ProfessorJukes[/re]: Drudge is retardeds.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=120735]Smurfette[/re]: Two things:

    1. Your blog is pretty good.
    2. Never post it again.

  • woke up liberal

    [re=120731]thatonegirlsays[/re]: I agree, also.

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    [re=120738]grendel[/re]: See Drudge? Was the Log Cabin pried open?

  • D&#39

    Just watched a clip of 0’Reilly v. Barney Frank… I wish there was a just god, so that Bill would get what’s coming to him. Sadly, I know there’s niether justice nor god. I haz a sad.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=120738]grendel[/re]: I try to avoid the posts on Drudge that don’t have the siren. The siren means it is EXTRA important.

  • grendel

    Where’s the story about McCain voting for the Splurge on Wednesday, then calling for the preznit to veto it on Thursday? We need some more WTF around here.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=120734]Words[/re]: Yeah, dead family vs. Down Syndrome baby–not even close.

  • WhatTheHeck

    How Sarah Palin Survived Ninety Minutes Without Spontaneously Combusting?

    Jim, This chart is looking backwards so I’ll give you my answer in my own time and when I feel like it.
    OK I’m ready, here goes. Now, when I was a kid back in the day, I’d hunt an fish an kill bears as I foraged for clean green energy sources. Oh, an my dad had a six pack…

    Now what were you saying?

  • Rush
  • The Neoskeptic

    SarahPalin’s entire political career in 70 words.

    And again, i’m also ooooltimately gonna you betcha bless their hearts, because, again, as maverick lobbyist evil doesn’t really like america very much, for our freedoms, rears it’s head, i’m ill about it, there’s gonna be blunders but new energy and change washington outsider, he’s got the experience taking shots from the other party track records. who’s talkin? wishing, hoping, opportunity, actually done it bipartison effort reform.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=120752]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I quit going to Drudge a few weeks ago. He was okay during the primaries, but Bible Spice must have prayed away his gay since he’s been on the moose bandwagon lately.

  • Smurfette


    hey ok thanks ..please pass it around ..

    why not post it agn, btw?

  • springfield_meltdown

    [re=120755]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Yup, Biden won the “motherhood is hard” portion of the debate.
    The chart should make some reference to sounding like a queen of the PTA or being a mayor and governor of a state no one really cares about. I’d almost rather hear gibberish than hear her talk about Alaska again.

  • carerer

    Is this a circuit diagram of Palin’s brain? Could an electrical engineer reproduce it in the lab?

  • natteringnaybob

    I thought if I heard nukular one more time my head would explode. So I went upstairs to watch the Cubs. Head exploded anyway.

  • tunamelt

    Her winking is like all I remember from last night.

  • grendel

    [re=120769]carerer[/re]: Only if they could get the ever-so-abundant-but-impossibly-difficult-to-refine element Retardium.

  • scotterl

    How come no one has noticed that Sarah Palin is Reese Witherspoon’s character in Election come to life in the most scary way imaginable?

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    BTW: what’s the drinking game plan for Tuesday’s Town Hall debate with Walnuts & Barry?

    1. Do we drink every time a Republican plant says “I’m an independent & undecided”
    2. The # of times Tom Brokaw calls Walnuts a ‘warrior’
    3. The # of times Tom misstates facts/stats in Walnuts favor?

    As you can see I don’t have high hopes for this one.

  • tunamelt

    [re=120772]natteringnaybob[/re]: Viva los Doyers!

  • tunamelt

    [re=120775]scotterl[/re]: No, because she actually… knew things.

  • Servo

    Yup. A simple series-parallel circuit with a bunch of shunts.

  • scotterl

    Well maybe that’s not entirely true, Tracey Flick had much more experience and substance.

  • Adolphus

    If McCain is struck down tomorrow by an infarctus, does Palin go automatically to the top of the ticket and sweep to power on a sympathy vote? Just wondering.

  • natteringnaybob

    [re=120778]tunamelt[/re]: las Doyers

  • Kev-O-Tron

    [re=120752]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I get very confused by the siren. I always try to pull over and let him pass but it never seems to work.

  • TGY

    Hum. I need a ‘Wonkette Post Flowchart’.

  • tunamelt

    [re=120789]natteringnaybob[/re]: My Spanish is terrible.

  • Miller

    Wheres the “devolve into cheap Fargo-esque Marge Gunderson parody” option? Sarah picked that one a lot last night.

  • Big Al1317

    I was sooo disappointed that Caribou Barbie didn’t use one of her lifelines during the debate. I think she really engaged Joe Sixpack, you betcha. Let’s face it, there are 51 million morons out there who will vote for the Mavericks. Me, I’m ordering up extra heroin to get through this shit.

  • Kev-O-Tron

    [re=120776]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: ugh… the fucking undecideds. They had a couple of them on GMA this morning. Dude was all “nah, I still don’t know who I’m gonna vote for. I think I’ll wait a couple of more weeks and see what happens.”

    Give me a fucking break. It’s not like your choosing between McDonalds and Burger King here jackass! Could the choice be any more clear? What would you rather eat after 8 years of Texas BBQ?

    Walnuts or Oreos? Those are your choices. Please choose one and then kindly move to Mexico. kthnksbye.

  • Smurfette
  • AmericanValues

    Palin thought bubble: ‘uh oh, what’s the line I memorized about NUKULAR WEPONNREE… Oh right…”

    “Be all, END ALL.”

    Palin thought bubble: ‘heh. I’m such a good debater. heh.’

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=120800]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: I was just wondering how ANYONE could be undecided right now. Me thinks undecided means ‘we’re not sure we can trust the colored fella.’

  • tunamelt

    [re=120800]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: I want to know how you manage to get this far into it without an opinion. This election is literally inescapable.

  • natteringnaybob

    [re=120795]tunamelt[/re]: Your Spanish is fine. I said las as a joke to imply that the Dodgers were female. But in fairness the Chubs were the ones who played like girls last night. So Viva las mujeres tener cachorros!

    Oh yeah. And Bible Spice had a tit job. Spread it.

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    [re=120800]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Actually, Kev, snark aside, don’t mail order the auto-asphyxiation kit. These boneheads will say the same thing even after the last Hopey-Walnuts debate. These muthas always break on the last weekend before the election.

    McCain could crap on the stage Tuesday and offer to tongue-feed it to Julie Newmar, and these morans ain’t going nowhere. Not til that weekend.

    They’re Merkins, they have rights.

    The good news is that these undecideds will break mostly for Hopey if Hopey has the mo’ then because they are victory tards.

    Hang in there, really. Because that’s all there is.

  • azw88

    [re=120787]Adolphus[/re]: Could be, the Party would decide who they SAY they want, but in reality, the Electoral College gets the final say….. Scary thought, though….

  • azw88

    [re=120821]natteringnaybob[/re]: I would think that sort of thing would be dangerous, what with those cold Alaskan winter….. Maybe that’s why she turned to her hubby;s business partner when Todd was doing Alaska’s version of NASCAR: She needed someone to help defrost her tits!

  • Tra

    This left me in awe:

    “I’m sure I’m not the only male in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, “Hey, I think she just winked at me.” And her smile. By the end, when she clearly knew she was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America.”

    Rich Lowry, editor of the National Review

    In his defense, Rich also thinks that the actors in commercials are carrying on intimate personal conversations with him about his floor cleaner, accident injury case, and hemorrhoid cream. And when you’re completely stoned, Sarah Palin does have a tendency to turn into Rainbow Brite. Youbetcha.

  • One Yield Regular

    [re=120842]Tra[/re]: “…sat up a little straighter on the couch…” Heh.

    Sarah Palin doth murder sleep.

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    [re=120842]Tra[/re]: Win. Though I think it could have been the crank to hide teh gay because it’s showing a redecorating fetish. I woulda understood if he wanted to pump and dump her. But starburst splooge across America’s living room spells “latent”.

  • Doc Gerbil

    My wife went apeshit when failin ignored Joe’s little show of humanity.

    Of course we were both rolling on the floor with laughter for the rest of it.

  • Baseproduct

    [re=120735]Smurfette[/re]: If you’re lifting from Wonkette, it seems likely.

  • Homo Motors

    [re=120733]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: It’s not that she can make decisions. This was the card on her podium.

  • Hairy Reed

    [re=120763]The Neoskeptic[/re]: You left out about 14 also’s.

  • TeddyS

    If you weren’t scared of her before the debate, you should be now, you betcha.

  • FMA

    [re=120842]Tra[/re]: “It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America.”
    America’s apparently on mescaline.

    By the way, do they pay that douchebag to actually write shit that bad?

  • Tra


    And he’s the EDITOR.

  • IslandTwit



  • Craig

    Hey, there’s been a rumor going around that the blue Kool-aid is poison. It’s not poison, it’s just bad Kool-aid.

    It’s ridiculously illogical and poorly thought out.

    It’s not poison, it’s just bad Kool-aid.

    Seriously, you people are unbelievable. Biden makes stuff up on the fly as per the SOP since he first ran for office. But hey, why not give that guy a pass?

    You are so lost in your little echo-chamber world, where you’re strange little opinions just keep bouncing around, rebounding off skulls as thick as your own, that you can’t even keep track of reality.

    Honestly, with each passing day my most basic, most firmly help opinion of this race grows more concrete: McCain has some SERIOUS issues, as does Palin.

    But anyone, ANYONE, who thinks that Barack Obama would be better for this country is in one of three categories: The Liars, who hide the truth of their goals behind drivel and blatant falsehood, the Fools, who believe whateve their spoonfed by their professors, the media, or their Lying friends, and the Dupes, who mean well, but who have been fooled by members of the first two groups.

    I maintain my social circle by assuming my friends who are playing on voting for the O fall into the latter category.

    But you guys?

    Sorry for the bad news, folks, but WAY too many of you are smack dab in Category II.

    I got here through a link from a former student (Category III all the way), and now, I must go, before my IQ falls any farther than it already has, just reading your lovely, well-thought out, and articulate analyses of last night’s farce.

  • edgydrifter

    Craig, Craig, Craig… you are a stupid sack of shit. Despite your claim to be bolting before your IQ falls any farther (as IF ), we know you’re still hanging around waiting for a response because you’re a total dramabear. It’s OK. It’s perfectly normal. While waiting for the inevitable flames, perhaps you’d like to snack on a nice Bag-o-Diks? Trolls and retards swear by ’em!

  • Tra

    “You are so lost in your little echo-chamber world, where you’re strange little opinions just keep bouncing around …”

    Um, yeah. You have a student, but can’t spell your. The homeschool-er alarms are going off.

  • Terry

    The best thing about Palin holding up her Wasilla “main street” values as a plus? Meth Capital of Alaska. Certainly there are values in that, but not the ones she might be intending to push.

  • villageatrois

    Who’s gonna program her photo op with the Honorable Judge Michalski?

    Judge: Did you ever…?

    Palin: Todd and I never broke faith with the people of Alaska and also that’s a cornerstone of John McCain’s incredible service to the people of our State and nation, also the Iraq and such as.

    Judge: On any occasion did you or Mr. Palin follow an injured State trooper taking photographs of his activities?

    Palin: We occasionally have occasions, and John McCain secretly wants us to have the occasion to go to Michigan, to connect on a personal level with the average people who are in despair and have committed suicide, and also people in Michigan have many more Worker’s Comp claims than Alaskans because the fundamentally strong economy has been so destroyed by the Democrats. Now, you betcha I won’t take pictures. Michiganderites are hunters too, and I know what it is to hunt with a back injury when Workman’s Comp is all you have on to feed five children, and one, two, well maybe three tops, on the way.

  • artofthespa

    This is hilarious!!! and so right on….

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