DAILY BRIEFING  8:10 am October 3, 2008

Extra Credit For Everyone

by Juli Weiner

  • Here’s what happened last night, in case you missed all the Action because you chose to plan your drinking game around every time Palin said the word “maverick,” in which case you probably died around 9:15 PM. [New York Times]
  • So even though SNL might have to write its own dialogue this week, Palin still didn’t really demonstrate even an elementary school level understanding of anything really. [Politico]
  • The House will be voting today on the new bailout plan. Pelosi says that she will cancel this thing before she lets everyone ruin it again. [Washington Post]
  • Wells Fargo is buying Wachovia for $15 billion. It will now have control of all the Wachovia bank locations, which is Important for Wells Fargo, which is looking to expand east. Hopefully this new company will be called Well, Wachovia. [New York Times]
  • Europe wants its own bailout plan for its banks — or at least France wants it, and Germany does not. [Der Spiegel]
  • Hey middle class, you know what won’t ever have toxic debt troubles? A $100,000 bottle of champagne and an emu. [Wall Street Journal]
  • Some “human remains” were found near where billionaire pilot Steve Fossett’s plane crashed last year. DNA testing forthcoming. [AP]
 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 50 comments }

Hunter Gathers October 3, 2008 at 8:21 am

“Some “human remains” were found near where billionaire pilot Steve Fossett’s plane crashed last year. DNA testing forthcoming.”

It won’t be Fosset. It turns out that he crashed his plane and was consumed by Bigfoot, who promptly died of a heart attack. Americans are by far the fattiest meat available.

ManchuCandidate October 3, 2008 at 8:29 am

Sarah Palin’s Wonderful World

Don’t know much about history
Don’t know much geography
Don’t know much about foreign policy
Don’t know much about any wordy books
But I do know that I’ll nuke you
And I know that I said nukular
What a wonderful world this would be

Don’t know much about high finance
Don’t know much economics
Don’t know much about big old facts
Don’t know what a Vice Prez is for
But I know that one and one is six
And if one could end that witch’s hex
What a wonderful world this would be

Now, I don’t claim to be a “D” student
But I’m trying to be
For maybe by being an “D” student baby
I can win your vote for me, er, McCain…

slappypaddy October 3, 2008 at 8:33 am

…that littl sally gal looked lak sech a sweet thang lass night, dint she? bless her heart, smilin an winkin an bein jess lak folk… too bad about genral mcclellan, he was such a mavrick… yall probly know he ran fer preznit way back in th’olden days… if he’d a-won, thar probly woont be no dark-skinned fella runnin fer higher office… our gummint woold be all bush league, all th’tam…

ForTheTurnstiles October 3, 2008 at 8:42 am

That Palin’s alright but she’s no Veronica Sinclair. And when they ever gonna take their clothes off?

ServiceJervixJuice October 3, 2008 at 8:42 am

If I were grand dictator, I would banish Palin to only owning and driving “Mavericks” for the rest of her life.

Tommy Says Soooo October 3, 2008 at 8:43 am

I think it was really really sad that Palin had to bring out the poor addled baby in front of the teevee cameras. I mean, I think he’s a douche, but Todd doesn’t deserve that.

Terry October 3, 2008 at 8:43 am

The McCain team’s approach to all that Bush-Cheney baggage they carry. “Oh, there you go again, lookin’ backwards….”, as if we’re supposed to ignore two wars, debt, failing financial system, etc. You betcha, Sarah, we’ll ignore all that.

Serolf Divad October 3, 2008 at 8:45 am

Massive, major, indisputable win for Palin. Consider: (a) she never once broke down crying in the middle of any answer and (b) she didn’t freeze up, stare blankly at the camera and start spewing Bible verses.

So I just can’t see how you can characterize the results other than Palin walking all over Biden (who, by the way, had an annoying habit of answering the moderator’s question in some depth rather than speaking directly to the American people from the heart about whatever the fuck came into his mind).

Borat October 3, 2008 at 8:45 am

[re=120446]slappypaddy[/re]: I’m pretty sure she’s not going to win. But unfortunately enough people up the snowbilly lingo that this won’t be the end of her. And even if it were the end of her, her spawning brood now has a taste of the limelight and we’ll have to hear about them for the rest our lives. Not yet another wining Britney (times a dozen?)

Strappo October 3, 2008 at 8:46 am

@ Juli:

You’re funny, young lady. And witty too.

Borat October 3, 2008 at 8:47 am

Can someone find out what kind of baby drug they give lil’ Trig? Man that kid can sleep through anything. I’m not really sure the effects of meth, but he’s probably over the acceptable age to start taking that now, by the law of the land in Wasilla.

ForTheTurnstiles October 3, 2008 at 8:47 am

Palin 2012. Or worse, 2112. She’s taken care of everything but she’ll be competing with Huckabee for the chubby vote.

SwanSwanH October 3, 2008 at 8:52 am

Did Bible Spice ask Biden if she could call him Joe so that she could use that horrible canned “Say it ain’t so, Joe” line?

If so, she really stepped on the “there you go again” Reagan call-back line right afterwards. I guess the type must’ve been set a little to close on her “bon mot” index card.

p.s. Germany said that they’ll just take Alsace-Lorraine, thank-you-very-much.

slappypaddy October 3, 2008 at 8:56 am

[re=120454]Borat[/re]: oh, sweet jeezuss, ah ain’t even thought o’that… thass a wakin natmare… ah ain’t gonna live long enuff t’see th’end o’this… thar ain’t no lat at th’end o’this tunnel, cuzz it ain’t no tunnel, it’s jess a hole, an it jess keeps gettin deeper an deeper an deeper… everboddy stopp diggin…

SwanSwanH October 3, 2008 at 8:56 am

Er, “too close.” Sumbitch.

freakishlystrong October 3, 2008 at 8:59 am

I think Buchanan splooged his blowhard GOP Old man pants, don’tcha know..*wink..Jesus…

Canuckledragger October 3, 2008 at 9:02 am

I haz major disappointment. I’d been awaiting last night with great anticipation…. a veritable telethon of Haiku To Nowhere, that impenetrably cryptic spew of nouns, verbs and nonsense to which I’ve grown hideously addicted.

Instead, I got a contestant who barely won the Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader contest. But she spoke in sentences, her answers made enough sense to pass the sniff test, and not ONE of her multiple mistakes led me to spittake.

If Sarah Plain’s gonna withhold her inner Aspergers from us, where can I go for the daily dose of unhinged whack that I’m now jonesing for? Huh? WALNUTS! is a surefire daily disaster, but dagnabbit he still makes too much sense. I need a regular fix of gobbledeegook with a frisson of downright mean and Sarah Plain just doesn’t seem to be putting out anymore.

Woe is me.

ALIVE! October 3, 2008 at 9:15 am

[re=120450]ServiceJervixJuice[/re]: This is genius.

surfacenoise76 October 3, 2008 at 9:16 am

The “shout-outs” to everyone at the end were so fucking trashy I couldn’t believe it.

I seriously think she didn’t know the meaning fo the term Achilles’ heal, either.

I can’t even go into not addressing the questions asked.

Borat October 3, 2008 at 9:16 am

[re=120458]SwanSwanH[/re]: Oh, that’s gotta be the reason she asked to call him Joe. If only he had said NO, that would have caused some short (further) short circuit in the memory card somewhere and the it would have thrown her for the whole debate.

mattbolt October 3, 2008 at 9:16 am

[re=120464]Canuckledragger[/re]: If you wanted entertainment, why not watch the Canadian PM debate that was on at the same time? Basically 4 people in a row would say “Fuck you, Harper” in a row while Stephey sat there like a sack of shit, then finally Harper would go “No shut up you’re all wrong” while still smirking and it would turn into a big fight and the moderator egged them on and it was great TV

ThePuckStopsHere October 3, 2008 at 9:16 am

Clearly Josephene Six-Pack knows whereof she speaks. Just yesterday here in Michigan (golly gee, dontcha know)we got to see Walnuts “waving the white flag of surrender” up close and personal. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081002/ap_on_el_pr/mccain

ihasasad October 3, 2008 at 9:16 am

I was looking over at the side panel and noticed W. the movie and thought to myself: “Self, Oliver is going to be able to redistribute that movie in a year with a few minor changes and be able to call it M.” Because the only difference between Bush and McCain is that Bush was a better pilot. (rollingstone rocks)

dano October 3, 2008 at 9:19 am

All of this debate stuff is moot. The real issue is what will the October surprise be? I’m sure Karl Rove has been holding nightly seances and communing will the evil spirit of Lee Atwater. The plan they concoct will be diabolical in it’s simplicity. It may even be as simple as McCain holding a press conference and shouting, “For fuck’s sake, can’t you people see that Obama’s a negro!!!”

Servo October 3, 2008 at 9:20 am

[re=120457]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]:
We’ve taken care of everything
The words you read
The songs you sing
The pictures that give pleasure to your eye

dano October 3, 2008 at 9:24 am

[re=120476]Servo[/re]: Nice one. Rarely do I get hit with a “2112″ reference before 10:00 am.

ellette October 3, 2008 at 9:25 am

Juli is funny. More articles from Juli please!!!

pondscum October 3, 2008 at 9:26 am

[re=120444]Hunter Gathers[/re]: Fossett is living on Branson’s island. The remains are a bear. Or some poor bastard who just happened to be hiking there at the time.

freakishlystrong October 3, 2008 at 9:34 am

[re=120475]dano[/re]: It’s like Blazing Saddles, “The Canidate is a nig-DONG!”

Servo October 3, 2008 at 9:35 am

[re=120478]dano[/re]:
Not as good as Caress of Steel after smoking a big, sticky fat one. Ah, the memories.

nurple October 3, 2008 at 9:37 am

She fuckin’ WINKED. Great way to drive away Republican ladies by the boatload. Roz down at the Tip-Top Inn on route 34, now she’s a winker. And the dudes love her, but…

run_said_ran October 3, 2008 at 9:39 am

[re=120468]surfacenoise76[/re]:

Great, I’m not alone in this sentiment. A ‘home-spun’ VP or gods help us President, is not what the fifty some odd Americans I guffawed with last night want. We want someone literate. We want someone who can speak eloquently, COMMUNICATE CLEARLY, and competently address representatives of other countries, cultures, etc. I do not want someone like Palin addressing a diplomatic leader as ‘Joe Sixpack’ or reciting her well-rehearsed and memorized ‘You betcha’ policy. Does she even understand the connotation behind that little gem she spews?

I am so serious when I say I’m thankful I bottomed out of the game before she revisted ‘Energy’ for the twentieth time within an hour. Overall I was a bit disappointed in the debate itself, with the exception of Biden finally tearing into that ‘Maverick’ sod. Its a shame that occured the last ten minutes of the debate.

Mavericks of the Misinformed? You betcha!

dano October 3, 2008 at 9:39 am

[re=120485]Servo[/re]: “Caress of Steel” is an ongoing argument amongst my circle of Friends. Some say that it’s ham-handed Tolkien references are hard to take, but I say the song “I Think I Going Bald” saves the whole enterprise.

Tommy Says Soooo October 3, 2008 at 9:43 am

You know, I usually don’t care for the Quenn Cougar of ‘em all but this Martha Stewart quote regarding Palin on HuffPo nails it:

“The home-spun homilies have to go,” Martha Stewart told me. “And, oh my god, words do have ending consonants.”

Except for dildo, though.

nurple October 3, 2008 at 9:44 am

They ust replayed the “say it ain’t so” line on KNX and you can hear the audience rumble.

Terry October 3, 2008 at 9:47 am

[re=120468]surfacenoise76[/re]:

That was my read on the Achilles heel thing. She talked neither about her main weakness nor did she actually talk about herself. Her main weaknesses appear to be her inability to understand basic cultural references and to stick to the subject at hand.

Tommy Says Soooo October 3, 2008 at 9:57 am

[re=120499]nurple[/re]: Rumble good or rumble bad? I winced so hard at hit I don’t recall it.

nurple October 3, 2008 at 9:59 am

Tommy: watcha think?

Tommy Says Soooo October 3, 2008 at 10:35 am

[re=120512]nurple[/re]: I am praying for rumble bad. You betcha. But then again, does it really resonate? I thought Walnuts scored with the Iran/Holocaust/”don’t do that” line ’cause there was laughter in the hall but no one brought it up later. The rumble bad is great news because non-tard audiences aren’t giving her any leeway in canned crap.

Serolf Divad October 3, 2008 at 11:13 am

[re=120493]dano[/re]:

I’m kinda fond of “Bastille Day” it’s how I learned the word “cacophony.” And the live version of “By-Tor and the Snow Dog” from “All the World’s a Stage” is a pretty decent attempt at approximating a Zeppelin concert. But I must confess that neither of those two albums survived my transition from LPs to CD.

TGY October 3, 2008 at 11:20 am

Oh, how the headlines love lost millionaires.

gurukalehuru October 3, 2008 at 11:29 am

[re=120446]slappypaddy[/re]: If’n McLellan had won in ’64, then the South would have won the war between the States and, also, we’d all be a lot better off, youbetcha, leastwise anybody not living in the South.

Servo October 3, 2008 at 11:36 am

[re=120608]Serolf Divad[/re]:
Ya gotta admit, Neil Peart is pretty much unparalleled as a lyricist and drummer.

DangerousLiberal October 3, 2008 at 11:54 am

Thank god for this morning news roundup–it spares me from having to scan the “news” at the CNN, WaPo, NYT, etc. etc. If we didn’t have wonkette, we’d not have news, and that would be sad.

DemmeFatale October 3, 2008 at 12:17 pm

Isn’t “Joe Six-pack” derogatory?

azw88 October 3, 2008 at 12:52 pm

[re=120457]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: 2112, great Rush Album!

azw88 October 3, 2008 at 12:56 pm

I would quote “The Trees” but Sarah doesn’t give a fuck about any of the, as they tend to get in the way making a good shot from her helicopter when she is out hunting.

The Changes aren’t permanent, but change is….

Miller October 3, 2008 at 1:12 pm

I think that third grade class she shouted out to is where she spent the previous week learning foreign policy. She certainly didn’t spend it in a 5th grade class, they know better than to say some of the shit she said.

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

Lascauxcaveman October 3, 2008 at 1:36 pm

[re=120455]Strappo[/re]: Dittos.

Mr. Layne, it’s time give Juli a raise so she can at least afford the e that rightly belongs on the end of her name.

ihatepolls October 3, 2008 at 6:43 pm

Wait a second.

I think Citigroup wants some of that sweet, sweet Wachovia action.

Maybe that can have a threesome or merge or something.

http://www.allheadlinenews.com/articles/7012526673

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