Liveblogging The Weirdest Debate In History, Part II

Trying. To keep. Blood pressure. Down. Musn't DIE. Watching the lady lie about literally everything. Oh, she has some complete sentences alright. "Congratulations." You're still not a human though! STILL NOT THERE! Oh and Joe -- less numbers! We realize numbers are your defense mechanism whenever you really want to say "SHUT THE HELL UP FRAUDBOT," but still. Here's the pre-blog and part 1. 

9: 31 -- Palin reinforces her position that "it doesn't matter" whether global warming is man-made or not. REALLY? Then how are we supposed to solve it, if we don't know what causes it? This is an actual logical fallacy. You decide how to act on issues based on the mistakes of the past. This is called, what is that thing, "the study of history."

9: 32 -- Thank you Joe for just saying that to her. Oh now he wants to drill. He wants to drill? Sure, why not.

9: 33 -- Palin says that we are "raping the intercontinental shelf," for some reason. What is this now? That sounds like a "rape" joke and it's racist. Also: would she make the intercontinental shelf pay for a rape kit? Saves tax money!

9: 34 -- Joe Biden explains his plan to poison the Chinese with coal-cleanin' jobs. "Look, no one cars about the damn Orientals, lady," he says.

9: 36 -- Joe also wants to give the gays some rights or whatever the hell they want, fur coats, whatever.

9: 38 -- Sarah Palin won't let the gays have any rights because they may want to get married at some time, AND THEN WHAT? It's their choice, they know the implications.

9: 40 -- Gwen, who is in the tank because she writes blaxpoitation scripts about the Obamas for the Black Panthers, makes fun of Sarah Palin and says it's time to talk about foreign policy.

9: 41 -- [Surge crap talk for a while. Barack Obama didn't like the Surge and John McCain didn't like the Surge so much as he liked killing people in general, for more years, etc.] STUFF HAPPENED.

9: 42 -- Biden lays out his plan to leave Iraq in 16 months, clearly.

9: 43 -- Ha ha, Sarah Palin is silent for a few seconds and then spits at Joe, "YOU ARE RAISING THE WHITE FLAG OF SURRENDER." That's one of the lines she memorized or saw George Bush say on the teevee in 2005 during her once-yearly "check the news" day, in which she watches the Leno monologue.

9: 46 -- Joe Biden gives more facts about foreign policy for two minutes, whatever, no one cares. Oh, Sarah Palin knows that there's sand in the Middle East, and pretty camels! She is CRUSHING HIM in the expectations game.

9: 47 -- Sarah Palin's response. We just had like 50 things we wanted to comment on but now we forget them all. Let's just say she squealed at one point, about Muslim hatred. Oh, here's one: she said "nucular" and her CNN independent Ohio voter chart SKYROCKETED in happiness. Otherwise, they hate her.

9: 48 -- Joe's look is hilarious. He is DYING to go at her. Instead he just says the word "TALK" repeatedly. It's his safe word to shut out the hate demons. Anyway, Joe Biden wants to talk to the Muslims.

9: 52 -- Sarah just thanked Joe for liking Israel, because she does too! OMG they have so much in common!!! They're like the same person and should date. Joe, for one, could use a solid hate-fuck right now.

9: 56 -- She just talked for five minutes about how she will reform, uh, the various foreign policies, and that it doesn't matter what George Bush did -- everyone screws up! -- but it does matter that the past happened, because things that happened in the past are, uh, former events, and former events... nucular weapons. They hate America! Reform, they call the... it's Maverick. George Bush is the thing that no maverick weapons, kill Americans will they?! Oh and Afghanistan about Gwen? Maverchanger sand Bush happy flower fart die.

10: 02 -- Oh god is the site down? Thanks Sarah. Ken's turn, if this thing ever comes back on.