Wonkette
Let this mark the first time in American History that Wonkette used the exact real-world news headline as the funny comedy news headline. Thanks to Wonkette Operative “Facehead” for the find. [CNN Wire]
ACTUAL CNN HEADLINE
McCain Says Obama Lead Growing Because ‘Life Isn’t Fair’
Read More:
AND YENNO WHAT, I’M TELLING MY MOM!
Loser.
Good to Walnuts finally facing reality.
Let me get this straight. You get tortured for five and a half years, but losing an election is what prompts you to complain about life? Priorities Mr. Nuts… Priorities.
Funny, that’s exactly the same thing Palin says to pregnant raped women.
Dang Walnuts, you need some Palin Syrah wine to go with that whine.
“Get off my lawn,” mumbled McNuts, furtively.
Please let me know when CNN has this on a T-shirt.
Yeah, if life was fair, he wouldn’t be saddled with a witless moose sniper who thinks living 600 miles away from Russia is a foreign policy credential. Oh, wait.
And people say that my generation suffers from entitlement.
Today we are all faceheads.
Walnuts! That quote should turn things around for the campaign.
Does this mean we are winning the war now? Hooray!
tonashideska: YES.
SayItWithWookies: Now now now… He did that to himself
“I suffered five and a half years to tank this campaign! Why don’t you wuv me? I haz a sad.”
Nice find, Facehead
That’s right. Life isn’t fair to the guy who owns 12 houses, has a bazillion dollars and left his crippled first wife for a younger, hotter, richer version.
I’m unemployed and can barely afford rent. Fuck you, McCain.
“Obama lead continues to grow after McCain spends entire debate mumbling “I coulda been a contender.”
ShortShadey: That’s funny as hell. Also a little sad.
MAVERICK is so MAVERICK he doesn’t want to be elected at all, by anyone, ever. WHAT A MAVERICK!
It would be even funnier if the Onion bought the story from cnn and put it in their paper word for word.
PS when does the economy get bad enough that I can steal a jalopy and do this?
If life was fair the U.S. Government would get paid back for all those wrecked airplane you Jackass!
How Tina Fey of you.
facehead: someone call the onion.
SayItWithWookies: Laughed out loud. Glad my officemates aren’t here.
Witless moose sniper. Heh.
From the article: “[Obama]certainly did nothing for the first few days,” McCain said Thursday on Fox News. “I suspended my campaign, took our ads down, came back to Washington, met with the House folks and got on the phone, and also had face-to-face meetings.”
Right, Walnuts. You went in and fucked things up. In a fair world, all the fuck-ups would be rewarded. What went wrong? Is there no justice?
facehead: Epic win. Today I salute you.
I’m sure the guy who McCain bumped from US Navy flight school (it is very odd to say the least when a ass end grad gets a flight school slot) feels the same way.
Walnuts is right. Life isn’t fair. Where’s my goddamn beer heiress!!!
I hope Harvey Weinstein gets Roberto Benigni to play Walnuts in the title role.
“Senator McCain then commented on the relative toughness of titties & noogies, after which campaign advisor Mark Salter went on to describe on the manner in which cookies crumbled.”
If he only had a beer to cry into….alas, he only has budweiser.
And if McBitter want’s to see how unfair life can be, he should watch the shredding of his running mate tonight. It would be more kind to just throw her in a wood chipper.
I hear ya Walnuts. If life was fair my four Aces wouldn’t have lost to that fucking straight flush two weeks ago. (in this metaphor Obama is the straight flush)
Cue the world’s smallest violin! Cry me a river! Boo-hoo! Somebody call a waaah-mbulance! GIVE ME A BREAK!
tonashideska: It’d be like “Shit Happens… to WALNUTS!!”
Yeah well, lucky for us, WALNUTS!, life isn’t too long either…
For McCorpse, trying to win voters in Michigan would be like trying to ask patients at Walter Reed to re-enlist.
My husband’s response to this headline: “maybe he did have a stroke”.
Aurelio: right, and he suspended his campaign by giving interviews and making blatantly partisan comments. What a hypocritical, lying twit.
Life has been known to have a liberal bias.
When he loses the election McCain will explain it by noting that “shit happens.”
Why not just yell, “The black kid gave me a wedgie!” and be done w/ it?
McCain needs his blankey and teddy.
Where’s his fucked up I-sued-my-first-daughter-in-law-and-then-lied-on-the-bible-about-it momma? Maybe he needs to go put his head in her lap and quit whining all over the airwaves. cocksucker
Tra: “…instead of a bum, which is what I am…let’s face it…”
Life’s Been Bad
John McCain (Joe Walsh)
I have some mansions, forgot to count
Ain’t never been there, they tell me it’s nice
I live with a trollop, drugged out all the time
I have accountants pay for it all
They say I’m crazy but I have a mad time
I’m just looking to blame at the scene of the crash
Life’s been unfair to me so far
My SUV costs one-eighty-five
I lost my Skyhawk, now I don’t fly
I have a limo, ride in the back
I lock the doors in case I’m attacked
I tell fake stories, my supporters can’t wait
They write me letters, tell me I’m great
So I got me an office, VC skulls on the wall
Just leave a message, maybe I’ll call
Lucky I’m insane after all I’ve been through
(Everybody say “I’m mad”……”He’s mad”)
I can’t complain but sometimes I still do
Life’s been unfair to me so far
I go to parties, sometimes until four
It’s hard to leave when you making them ribs
It’s tough to handle this fortune and fame
Everybody’s so different, I haven’t changed
They say I’m senile but it takes all my time
(Everybody say “Oh, yeah”….. “Oh, yeah”)
I keep on goin’ guess I’ll never know why
Life’s been unfair to me so far
Doglessliberal: It’s beginning to seem like the only logical conclusion.
Gopherit v2.0: True dat.
Barry: HOPE.
McCain: Life isn’t fair. Here’s a cookie. I ate it.
american mutt: Win.ner.
Somehow, I imagine him watching the VP debate all by himself somewhere. Drinking something other than the “goddamned Budweiser that bitch wife of [his] makes [him] drink,” throwing stress squeezee balls at the screen and mumbling incoherently to himself about how no one in this country knows how to treat fucking hero.
“He certainly did nothing for the first few days,” McCain said Thursday on Fox News. “I called up more troops for a Michigan surge, readied the Unicorn Extermination Team, and called my wife a cunt. Repeatedly. Meanwhile Obama stole my lead. Life isn’t just unfair, it’s UNAMERICAN.” After a brief pause for blinking and twitching McCain added, “Kathleen Parker is cunt, too.”
Doglessliberal: You know, couple this with this morning’s incoherent rambling on Morning Joe, and you might have a point. It honestly could be a medical condition.
Life is in the tank for Obama?
tonashideska: yes plz.
I think McCain needs to make it clearer to the American people that he is owed the Presidency as a result of his service. If he put it like that, they’d probably want to vote for him more.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
In all seriousness, I think John McCain essentially sold his soul in 2004, agreeing to stand beside torture-fan George W. Bush in the election, b/c GOP higher-ups told him if he did so, the next go-round would be his. Now he is facing the fact that he sold his soul to lose hard. You’d be bitter too.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: tunamelt: That’s what I told my husband–that I think he is right. Let’s hope McNastypants stays alive, but slightly off center through the election so people see more and more odd behavior from him. He cannot die or become incapacited before then or we could end up with Pres. Mittens or something like that
Wait.
Obama’s poll numbers are rising as the economy as sinking, and it’s the former rather than the latter that sends McCain into a sulk? Life isn’t fair *because you’re getting beaten*, not because other people are losing their homes and jobs?
Damn. Phil Gramm was right…there is alot of whining going on.
OMG! Check out McCain’s new ad:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYzsskE5ObA
Remember, folks: life owed McCain the presidency. Just keep that in mind.
Outstando: nice!
McCain is crazy, spoiled and childish. I know that’s obvious to most of us, but not all. Spread the word in swing states.
http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=ksloew
picardia: That’s pretty astute for this place.
obfuscator: Yes, and Mikey is in the tank for Obama, too, because although Mikey hates EVERYTHING, Mikey actually likes Life cereal.
The press is SO over him. Keep bringing on the the Yummy political crack! More of McCain publicly imploding, please!
Outstando: DUDE! ya gotta give a a warning about N-words in videos like that. Whole office turned and looked at me when I played that! Sheez!
azw88: NSFW! Sorry! Tell them it was ironic?
I remember when my pappy, Admiral General Farnsworth McCain, used to take me out in the backyard for some waterboarding…they didn’t call it waterboarding in those days, they called it watering the lawn…and, I was a kid you know, had a immature way of looking at things, and I would look up at him, choking and spitting our water, and say “Other kids get to have paddle pools in their backyard, it’s not Fair”, and he would say “Goddamn it you p*ssy! I don’t care if you are 4 years old! Life’s Not Fair! Now go sit in the box!”
So, you know, that’s when I learned…that’s what I told Cindy when she brought home the two lil Bangaloredeshy kids…”I said Cindy, you can keep them both if you can name all of your other children.” and she said “But Johnny, That’s not FAIR”, and I sprayed her with the hose and said “Fair shmare! Leave the other one on the plane!”
So that’s why I’m losing right now…not enough waterboarding of young children…to much backtalk from the wife…is any of it Fair? F*ck no, but the American people are p*ssies and what can you do?
azw88: You mean you don’t automatically assume NSFW coming here?
Oh Hillary, shut the hell up… I mean Bill… I mean McCain… all of you shut up!
Speaking of WALNUTS, why haven’t our editors reported about his alleged affair with funny looking boob?
http://gawker.com/5058219/did-john-mccain-and-pj-orourke-share-a-love-triangle-with-this-lady
Schadenfried: Shit, that should have LADY with the funny looking boob.
ihasasad: Sued her daughter-in-laws? Details!
I think he meant ‘fair-skinned’.