QUITTERS  2:44 pm October 2, 2008

Cowardly McCain Surrenders Michigan

by Ken Layne

Better to lose the election to .. ah never mind what's the difference ....Remember how John McCain used to want to lose elections to, uh, whatever that was? Lose elections to win elections? Anyway, this week’s suspension of his campaign is happening in Michigan. Team McCain is closing up shop, pulling the teevee ads, ending the mailers, canceling all events, the end.

Jonathan Martin reports at the Politico:

But recent polls there have shown Obama extending what had been a small lead, with the economic crisis damaging an already sagging GOP brand in a state whose economy is in tatters.

B-b-but the fundamentals are strong!

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bryan j October 2, 2008 at 2:47 pm

no more walnuts!?

4tehlulz October 2, 2008 at 2:48 pm

WALNUTS blinked. Fail.

Tommy Says Soooo October 2, 2008 at 2:48 pm

It is just that the fundamentals are so strong we don’t need the temp jobs of licking envelopes, handing out fliers, and shushing the hoboes away from the campaign stops.

shortsshortsshorts October 2, 2008 at 2:49 pm

Oh man I thought Grosse Pointe was in the tank for Walnuts! Don’t go Walnuts! The 3% of wealthy whites in Michigan hate to see you go!

obamaslamma October 2, 2008 at 2:49 pm

what’s with all the beverages? peeing yellow too much gramps?

BillyClubb October 2, 2008 at 2:50 pm

Well as they say, “So goes Michigan, so goes the nation.”

Larry Fine October 2, 2008 at 2:50 pm

What misheegoss.

Special Agent Jack Mehoff October 2, 2008 at 2:51 pm

Okay, shall we continue now that our esteemed editorhas caught up with us?

NoWireHangers October 2, 2008 at 2:51 pm

Another steps towards victory.

All your states are belong to us, WALNUTS!

Texan Bulldoggette October 2, 2008 at 2:51 pm

You’d think with the popularity of Kwame & that furreigner governor, Walnuts would have a good chance. I think he lost it when Detroit found out he owned a Lexus. If he can’t drive a Chrysler K Car like the other good Americans, the hell with him!

madtowngooner October 2, 2008 at 2:52 pm

Look at a map people, for Chrissakes, everyone knows Michigan was Mitten’s state

Monkey October 2, 2008 at 2:52 pm

Michigan hates McCain because Michigan hates Palin because Michigan hates Alasky because if it weren’t for Alasky Michigan would be the coldest fuckin’ place on Earth or at least the United States of Earth, and so he’s leaving cause WTF.

tunamelt October 2, 2008 at 2:52 pm

Michigan chose to throw off their fuck-up destiny, I see. They’ll probably still all vote for Hillary.

slappypaddy October 2, 2008 at 2:52 pm

one down, forty-nine to go…

S.Luggo October 2, 2008 at 2:53 pm

“McCain pulling out of Michigan”.

Had Snowmobile Slacker only made the same the decision with regard to Bristol.

Vewol Mevemont October 2, 2008 at 2:53 pm

What a racist.

soggybottomboy October 2, 2008 at 2:53 pm

WALNUTS! You so crazy!


facehead October 2, 2008 at 2:54 pm

This is too funny. I got this from Kos:


We need a new social meme, “Life imitates comdey” or something like that.

Seriously, wouldn’t you imagine this to be a headline on Wonkette, not cnn?

Tommy Says Soooo October 2, 2008 at 2:54 pm

[re=118581]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: True story. I lives in the Mitten. I even, chance would have it, live in a normally Repuke town.

I am in the tank for Hopey, so as I motor around, I see ONE, count ‘em, ONE Walnuts sign.

I see one Hopey sign in addition to mine.

True, I still see more Paultard signs, but if this place ain’t festooned with Walnuts signs, he was always going to epic fail in Michigan.

queeraselvis v 2.0 October 2, 2008 at 2:55 pm

Today we are all Michiganers (Michiganders? Kwame Kilpatricks?).

picardia October 2, 2008 at 2:57 pm

The weird part is that I saw a McCain ad on television yesterday. I live in New York City, the bluest blue area that ever was blue. Why is he pulling out of Michigan and still spending valuable ad dollars in the absolute last city in America he would ever get?

(Yeah, this station is shown in NJ — but that’s blue too, and I don’t think it extends as far as Pennsylvania.)

tunamelt October 2, 2008 at 2:57 pm


Like an SNL skit or performance art.

Monkey October 2, 2008 at 2:57 pm

Michigan decided they are going to have their presidential election, for president, in Cocktober, so they lost all their votes, and McCain is protesting, or something. Florida too.

Mahousu October 2, 2008 at 2:57 pm

If you check out this map:
you’ll see Walnuts’ presence in Michigan is minimal.

I’m a little surprised to see him so prevalent in Iran, though.

S.Luggo October 2, 2008 at 2:58 pm

[re=118581]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: But why? After all, they’re all registered to vote in Boca.

askwhipple October 2, 2008 at 2:58 pm


Monkey October 2, 2008 at 2:58 pm

[re=118606]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Michigoons.

cal October 2, 2008 at 2:59 pm

Jump on board the Straight Talk Express – before it hauls ass outta town!

SayItWithWookies October 2, 2008 at 2:59 pm

That’s just one more person who can’t make a go of it in Saginaw.

StripesAndPlaids October 2, 2008 at 2:59 pm

Maybe he is just suspending it until he can get the US auto industry back on track. Or get the Lion’s back on track.

ihasasad October 2, 2008 at 2:59 pm

[re=118582]obamaslamma[/re]: I was trying to figure that one out too. He probably kept telling people different answers to the question “What do you want to drink?” Kind of like giving different answers to “What do you think of Ifill?”

shortsshortsshorts October 2, 2008 at 2:59 pm

[re=118603]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: Being in San Fran Gay Gay, I have seen but one sign not advocating Barry. I say “not advocating Barry” because it was not a sign for Walnuts, but rather it stated “IMPEACH OBAMA.” My friend and I balked and then went back to eating our arugala.

4tehlulz October 2, 2008 at 2:59 pm

[re=118613]picardia[/re]: Parts of PA receives NY stations.

magic titty October 2, 2008 at 3:00 pm

Ahhh, the withdrawal method. It’s tried and true, ‘my friends’.
Kudos, McNasty. Kudos.

Monkey October 2, 2008 at 3:00 pm

[re=118585]BillyClubb[/re]: Who the F says that? ;-)

tunamelt October 2, 2008 at 3:00 pm

[re=118613]picardia[/re]: Dude, I see like a million of them in California every time I watch anything. So nothing makes sense.

Cape Clod October 2, 2008 at 3:00 pm

[re=118600]facehead[/re]: That’s awesome. It sounds like Grampy is throwing in the towel. Can’t say that I blame him, but seriously, does he really believe his own bullshit?

TGY October 2, 2008 at 3:00 pm

Michigan won’t have John McCain to kick around anymore.

askwhipple October 2, 2008 at 3:01 pm

Might as well suspend the entire campaign Walnuts. U R dunn

sezme October 2, 2008 at 3:01 pm

If he suspends his campaign nationwide for realz before tonight’s debate, he has a chance of not losing it by as much as he will by staying in it another month.

Doglessliberal October 2, 2008 at 3:01 pm

[re=118629]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: oh, man, the conversation with the person who posted that sign would have been a humdinger. Nutjob city.

tunamelt October 2, 2008 at 3:02 pm

[re=118629]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I went to the Pirate Festival in Ojai a week or two ago and saw approximately one sign for John McCain. Next door to a house with like three signs advocating war as being “not healthy for children and other living things” and an Obama sign.

facehead October 2, 2008 at 3:02 pm

[re=118614]tunamelt[/re]: Don’t yell at me, who do you think I am, Peggy Noonan?

S.Luggo October 2, 2008 at 3:02 pm

[re=118603]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: Isn’t the Mitten the Romney family estate? I won’t even ask how you’ve come to live there. http://livingininterestingtimes.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/serf.gif

NoStyleHere October 2, 2008 at 3:03 pm

[re=118600]facehead[/re]: It has The Onion written all over it, except it doesn’t.

On a separate note, is that Cindy McCain making a few extra bucks as the stock photo model for the animated “Better than Botox” ad on the same page?

Gopherit v2.0 October 2, 2008 at 3:04 pm

[re=118600]facehead[/re]: Bwaaahhhhhh!!!!!

His tears are so sweet.

tunamelt October 2, 2008 at 3:05 pm

[re=118646]facehead[/re]: Wait, aren’t you Peggy Noonan?

S.Luggo October 2, 2008 at 3:06 pm

[re=118649]NoStyleHere[/re]: You’re confusing the Better than Botoxā€¯ ad with “Night of the Living Dead.”

Delicious October 2, 2008 at 3:06 pm

McCain was chased away by the hotness of Carey Torrice.


NoStyleHere October 2, 2008 at 3:07 pm

[re=118629]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Tsk tsk. Surely you have seen the 14 Nader/Gonzalez posters in that one guy’s window in the Mission? Go Matt! Locally-grown organic sustainable wheat grass toast to victory!

Tommy Says Soooo October 2, 2008 at 3:10 pm

[re=118648]S.Luggo[/re]: Former estate. I only bid $0.99 for the Saginaw house since we Michiganians only do the Dollar Store now.

So I just squat at Mitten’s old place. The Mormons sold it to the Scientologists, and apparently my personality test said I was their bitch. Who am I to argue with science?

liquiddaddy October 2, 2008 at 3:11 pm

That’s OK. Ted Nugent left too.

WagTehGod October 2, 2008 at 3:12 pm

As if Michigan hasn’t lost enough jobs already, thanks a lot WALNUTS!!!

shortsshortsshorts October 2, 2008 at 3:12 pm

[re=118663]NoStyleHere[/re]: As loud as the Natards are in this ‘ere city, it’s still easy to turn a blind eye…. you know like Newsom with the homeless folks.

Tommy Says Soooo October 2, 2008 at 3:12 pm

[re=118661]Delicious[/re]: Damn you. I will destroy you. I should have thought of that. But then again, Cindy gives Sarah the evil eye of pharmaceutical jealousy, she would have to leap on Carey and rip her eyes out. Campaign over.

Varchar October 2, 2008 at 3:15 pm

At least this time Walnuts didn’t need to be imprisoned for 5 1/2 years before they pulled out!

Rush October 2, 2008 at 3:18 pm

Can you see Canada from Michigan?

askwhipple October 2, 2008 at 3:19 pm

Who’s the bigger bitch the “Tannning Salon luvin hockey mom” or Mrs. Walnuts?

NoStyleHere October 2, 2008 at 3:20 pm

[re=118687]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Sure, he can’t see Bummy past the new solar panels on City Hall.

23 Skidoo October 2, 2008 at 3:25 pm

Well, that’s one less early bird dinner that’ll be sold in Michigan over the next month

tiger October 2, 2008 at 3:25 pm

What a giver-upper…golly, this doesn’t seem like presidential behaviour does it?
Think how he’s perform in an arms race…

tiger October 2, 2008 at 3:27 pm

oh god i HAAAATE him i’m so HAAPPY now in my hobo tent…

bigpfeifinphilly October 2, 2008 at 3:32 pm

The vultures are circling over the cryptkeeper.

Miller October 2, 2008 at 3:41 pm

Awww. I wish everyone could hear me playing a sad song for Johnny on the violin. I think you’d all be touched. Perhaps a single tear would roll down your cheek……for Michigan.


Bob Hopeless October 2, 2008 at 3:43 pm

It was what it was.

nosferatu October 2, 2008 at 3:44 pm

what’s up – did he “cut and run?” Can’t wait to see what screw up he’ll commit next.

President Beeblebrox October 2, 2008 at 3:44 pm

[re=118621]askwhipple[/re]: I will be happy to say that on November 5. Right now, things like Diebold and the Bradley Effect make me nervous as fsck.

american mutt October 2, 2008 at 3:47 pm

[re=118613]picardia[/re]: They’ve been wasting money California too. I wake up in the morning, see his ads and just laugh. I mean come on. I’m in fucking Los Angeles.

Street Organizer October 2, 2008 at 3:51 pm

They’re just ageist bastards.

ThePuckStopsHere October 2, 2008 at 3:54 pm

Fuck. Now I’m only gonna be able to throw shit at my tee-vee when the Lions are on. Fuck ‘ya and don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out, Johnny boy.

TJBeck October 2, 2008 at 3:55 pm

If I were McCain, I’d just give up and blow the rest of the campaign money on hookers, blow and johnny walker blue-label. That’s gotta be more fun than running around the country preaching to retards.

ProfessorJukes October 2, 2008 at 3:57 pm

[re=118613]picardia[/re]: Definitely extends into the Lehigh Valley – Allentown, Bethlehem, etc. Although it might be cheaper to buy Philly and/or Scranton time. But that’s a lost cause, too. Joe Biden rocks eastern PA.

I think if Sarah-Bear refers to herself as “Joe Six Pack”, Biden should just say “In PA you can only buy beer by the case. Let’s split a case of Yuengling Lager – straight beer bongs – see who pukes first.” Doesn’t matter if he blows chow before she does. Just saying “Yuengling” guarantees that the Penn. bitters will vote for the dem ticket.

MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend October 2, 2008 at 3:58 pm

[re=118714]Rush[/re]: Yes, I used to be able to see Canada from my office in Detroit (before I packed my shit and left).

Now that WALNUTS! is pulling out, are they still going to disenfranchise people who lost their homes in McComb county?

madtowngooner October 2, 2008 at 4:05 pm

[re=118847]ProfessorJukes[/re]: Didn’t you see the Fox News guy in the diner in PA yesterday; it was pretty much split between Hopey and Walnuts. BTW, let ‘em buy TV time in the NY market, da stoopid dumbfucks

King of Pants October 2, 2008 at 4:11 pm

I have to wonder how much actual cash McCain has on hand. Obama’s rakin’ in all the college trim cash (and, er, my $50), but what’s McCain’s war chest actually like?

OzoneTom October 2, 2008 at 4:15 pm

[re=118592]Monkey[/re]: Alasky? You mean Joe Alaskey? Better watch what you say, there’s about 95% of Wonketeers are lawyers.

ProfessorJukes October 2, 2008 at 4:16 pm

[re=118870]madtowngooner[/re]: D’oh! That’s right. ‘Split, leaning towards Obama’.

WadISay October 2, 2008 at 4:34 pm

This is like 12-14 months ago, when the McCain campaign was in shreds, only way better.

V572625694 October 2, 2008 at 5:13 pm

[re=118684]WagTehGod[/re]: Yeah, ha ha, WALNUTS! says those jobs aren’t coming back, and this is the thanks he gets. A Kinsley Gaffe, if ever there was one: he told the truth.

WadISay October 2, 2008 at 5:22 pm

I seem to recall that, a couple of weeks ago McCain was putting together a transition team. If I were them, I would spend the next four weeks working on it in Aruba with some local “consultants”.

trondant October 2, 2008 at 6:16 pm

Behold, the Fleeing Doucheman!

rocktonsammy October 2, 2008 at 6:18 pm

Its time to give Michigan to Canada, ain’t good for nothin.

BC Peter October 2, 2008 at 6:31 pm
azw88 October 2, 2008 at 6:31 pm

[re=118661]Delicious[/re]: Take a look at her Myspace page: She is 99 years old but looks not a day over 40…. damned!!!

azw88 October 2, 2008 at 6:34 pm

What with all of them thar Mulin cuzins Obama has in MishhiGan, McCain/Palin decided to concede that state. Besides, they’ve already got Alaska locked in, they don’t need ANOTHER state that borders Canada!

AutomaticPilot October 2, 2008 at 7:00 pm

[re=118582]obamaslamma[/re]: those are all the liquids he needs to down every hour just to have a bowel movement

S. Cullen Bonz October 2, 2008 at 7:07 pm

Michigan, home of Amway! Dick DeVos, the Amway heir spent $19 million of his own money in the last gubernatorial election and got pasted by Jennifer Granholm. That’s a log of detergent.

Toomush Infermashun October 2, 2008 at 7:19 pm

Ah, does this mean I can go tell my neighbor to take his sign down, or should I just stay home tonight and drink? Decisions….

NoWireHangers October 2, 2008 at 7:48 pm

Judging from that picture WALNUTS! truly is selling snake oil.

Jukesgrrl October 2, 2008 at 8:44 pm

[re=118645]tunamelt[/re]: Ojai is not a microcosm of America the way Alaska is, so the signs don’t count.

seriesoftubescleaner October 3, 2008 at 2:23 pm

It’s so cold in the D

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