Wonkette
While the rest of us fight over cigarette butts in the gutter by the bus stop before the sun comes up, our nation’s powerful political and media elite are fond of elaborate “break-fast” rituals costing a normal American’s entire daily wages! Plus, all the conservative tough guys eat gay stuff like granola and yogurt. All the delicious details, after the jump.
The foodie website Saveur (which means “Jesus”) asked the fancy folks of D.C. about their breakfasting habits. Our favorite replies:
- JIM LEHRER: “A chocolate granola bar and black coffee. Sometimes, an open-face cheese sandwich.”
- SEN. MITCH MCCONNELL: “Cantaloupe and cereal with blueberries, strawberries, or peaches and a glass of orange juice.”
- DANA MILBANK: “I make myself a big latte on my espresso machine, then make some oatmeal or Egg Beaters in the microwave. On weekends, I like to take my four-year-old to Chevy Chase Diner.”
- MARION BARRY: “At home, oatmeal, a peach or a pear, and a glass of juice. Over a morning meeting, as a treat, eggs benedict with a side of fruit.” [And four hits of crack. -- Ed.]
- DAVID HOROWITZ: “Bowl of Special K, usually with blueberries, raspberries, or bananas. After that I have a cup of black coffee with a Happy Valley granola bar.”
- TOM BROKAW: “Breakfast varies for me, but the most consistent item is coffee—large and black, or a large cappuccino with skim milk. I’m mostly a granola and yogurt man, except about once a month, when I crave a toasted sesame seed bagel sandwich with two scrambled eggs and two strips of crispy bacon. Occasionally I’ll do french toast with good maple syrup.”
- BARACK OBAMA: “Four to six eggs, potatoes, and wheat toast. Every now and then, fruit, bacon, and oatmeal.”
Breakfast of Champions [Saveur]
Larry Craig: A protein shake, lightly tapped.
Dennis Kucinich: Some beautiful wet cat, followed by a tofu scramble with Gimme Lean and a tall glass of Silk.
Tom Brokaw likes his coffee like he likes his men…don’t let Warren Sapp around Tom Brokaw…
1. Who could eat that vile looking thing on that box there? Jesus!
2. Obama has four to six eggs every morning? That seems excessive.
Four to six eggs? No wonder Barry can curl 70lb dumbbells with one arm.
Actually, I feel kind of sick because I usually have fruit and yogurt for breakfast which apparently is the breakfast of douchebags.
What about dis:
http://www.batterblaster.com/
And wth Barry? What up with the wheat toast? That’s like having a diet coke with your 2lb burger and bucket-o-fries.
What, no hash browns? Pussies.
…Ted Kennedy: Scotch on the rocks
George Bush: Shit, and I will die.
You left out Madame Speaker, who imho has the best taste. Chocolate ice cream or a chocolate donut. My kinda gal!
…Cindy McCain: 4 Vicodens, 2 Percocets, 5 Valiums & a cup of Orange Juice.
biden: Scranton Scrapple
Sarah Palin: Moose tripe and baby seal Bloody Mary, after which she purges like a true beauty contestant.
Tom Brokaw likes his coffee the same way he likes his hookers.
Large and black.
“Occasionally I’ll do french toast with good maple syrup.”
Trust me, Tom; maple syrup is NOT a good lubricant. Believe me. I know.
The daily 4-6 eggs is just training for the 50 eggs he will eat at the next debate.
My boy says he can eat 50 eggs, he can eat 50 eggs!
Governor Palin: “I enjoy moose bacon, moose eggs, and polar bear pancakes with some wolf blood syrup. Occasionally I mix it up with some venison or caribou jerky. I like to wash it all down with a tall glass of vodka that I get every morning during my daily jog to Russia and back.”
Ooooh! I can play that game:
A double half-calf espressochino that I make on the $6000.00 espresso machine I bought at a kitchen store that’s… how shall I put it… sort of like William Sonoma but for filty rich liberal elites… in any case, unless you spend half the year sailing your catamaran between Cape Cod and the Virgin Islands, you’ve surely never heard of it. I then have my personal chef cook up an arugula, red onion and Couronne Lochoise (a fancy french cheese you’ve also never heard of) omelette, a couple of slices of imported Italian, hearty peasant bread toast (arrives on the Milan/Washington National flight every morning) and a side of Spanish Chorizo sausage.
And of course I eat this all while reading the New York Times and sneering at the latest news about Sarah Palin and her distasteful working class roots.
Sarah Palin: “Two scrambled moose testicles, two links of wolf sausage and the heart of a baby seal.”
Good lord, 4-6 eggs AND potatoes AND toast? And sometimes bacon?! Barry’s gotta tapeworm.
Mark Foley likes his coffee the same way he likes his interns.
With space at the top to add his own cream.
Lazy Media: I am pretty sure tonight many of us will be think “What we have here is a failure to communicate”…that’s at least what we will think when one of the candidates is speaking…
Six eggs and spuds?!? Jeez, I thought you were kidding until I checked the link. How come he’s as thin as a broom handle on heroin then?
There goes Barry showing off his elitist tendencies again with his “wheat toast”, that helps with “digestion”. Real Americans eat nothing but loaves of preservative loaded Wonderbread that stays in an ever-growing ball inside your stomach until you die.
Barry doesn’t say how those four to six eggs are prepared. Think “Rocky Balboa”.
Joe Biden tomorrow: The remains of Sarah Palin
mookworthjwilson: thinking…i am so dumb
I bet Saxby Chambliss has grits and scrapple. One day I hope he chokes on it.
John McCain: I run from breakfast. My Admiral Grandfather taught me that if I can see an egg on a plate that makes me a chicken, which would be more shame than my family could bare.
On Wall Street now, with $700 billion to play with after hundreds of billions in pay, bonuses & commissions, they eat a variety of healthy breakfast foods, along with emeralds and chunks of gold for roughage.
No McCain? Breakfast is totally in the tank for Obama.
…Dick Cheney: Fava beans and a nice Keante
Barry’s breakfast made me hungry. I am SO in the tank for Michelle’s home cookin!
I thought Barry was a secret muslin hell bent on the destruction of our way life. Bacon, no way. Probably buttered boy scouts is more like it.
Serolf Divad: Shit, I think I’ve met you.
wheelie: Well, one of two options: 1) he’s probably got man-orexia; or 2) he and Michelle have marathon sex every. single. night. I’d vote for option 2 myself, were I a betting man.
Do you think Horowitz means Special K the cereal, or Special K the party drug?
Marion Barry likes his women like he likes his coffee.
Hot, cheaper than 3 bucks, and disposable.
wtf_files: Nah, they’re little elitist robin’s eggs, sunny side up.
Can you picture them, with their itty bitty yolks?
Trixie: I’m a bit worried about the eggs… someone check his cholesterol. Can’t have him dying before Walnuts!
AngryBlakGuy: More like Cheney: Ten souls of unborn, middle class babies and a glass of Ovaltine.
I eat a healthy Election Salad
Arugula, walnuts, falafel, and cubed moose meat. Served at Gotcha Pizza Shop for FIVE AND A HALF DOLLARS.
Ok, seriously, who the fuck eats Jimmy Dean Pancakes and Sausage on a fucking Stick? WTF people? This shit exists and people eat it????
…George Bush: a bowl of regret and large cup of self pity
AngryBlakGuy: It’s Chianti you plebian
Jesus, no wonder Barry of Obama goes to the gym 26 hours a day. You could run a small country on the energy in a breakfast like that.
wheelie: Simple. He’s Jeezus. Look it up. Or he’s the Anti Jeezus or something. Either way he has angelic/demonic good looks, so he’s all good.
Hopey Cunningham ‘08!
ProgHead777: Itty bitter yolks.
Will there be any freight trains in Heaven
Any boxcars in which we might hide
Will there be any tough cops or brakemen
Will they tell us that we cannot ride?
Will the hobo chum with the rich man
Will we always have money to spare
Will they have respect for the hobo
In that land that lies hidden up there?
PALIN: In my home state of Alaska, doncha know, we have breakfast every day and lunch too and sometimes we have breakfast later in the morning, after hunting for moose, but we don’t call it brunch because we’re not Washington insiders. We aren’t part of that culture because it’s all about job creation and the economy and social issues too, can’t forget about social issues, and we sometimes go down to the diner run by a nice Russian lesbian who is my friend and we love her dearly and God loves her too so you see it absolutely helps in the foreign policy area because we can see a Russian lesbian from our house and when Putin rears his head, where do you think he rears it. That’s right, in Alaska, where we have lesbian Russians at our diners.
So the question was, what? I’ll have to get back to ya.
Chuck Todd drinks protein shakes through a straw as he does not want to mess with his perfectly manicured goatee.
Haha I usually have 7-11 coffee and a Snickers.
Monkey: …yeah, I almost forgot that his nickname in college was “Cthulhu devour of souls, destroyer of worlds, bringer of chocolaty beverages”!
Sarah Palin: Breakfast? Of course, it’s a fungible commodity and they don’t flag, you know, the bacon and eggs, where it’s going and where it’s not. But in the sense of the Congress today, they know that there are very, very hungry people that need that breakfast first, So, I believe that what Congress is going to do, also, is not to allow the fruits like bananas for breakfast to such a degree that it’s Americans that get stuck to holding the bag without lunch that is produced here, pumped here. It’s got to flow into our domestic tummies first.
Sarah Palin: I usually start off with a couple of Bald Eagle eggs and then, if theres time (did you know I have a special needs child?) I’ll whip up some squirrel nuggets and smother those in some nice thick, delicious ‘coon gravy. It’s what keeps me so fertile don’tcha know!
grendel: That would explain it.
grendel: …blah, blah, blah, stop ruining my morning after buzz!
wheelie: The secret of staying slim and trim is to eat a good breakfast. Like they always said (and ‘they’ were always right) For good health eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, dinner like a pauper. I swear by it, but then I’ve always been somewhat of a slim, trim, strong, uber healthy elitist.
Obama/Biden ‘08
FMA: “That’s right, in Alaska, where we have lesbian Russians at our diners.”
Breakfast of champions, I always say.
ProgHead777: Quail eggs. They watch too much Iron Chef America.
grendel: Barry is a high-energy guy. He needs all that food. I read during the Olympics that Michael Phelps eats like 10 pounds of food everyday while he trains and competes.
Here’s his breakfast:
Three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and mayonnaise. Then - two cups of coffee, a five-egg omelet, a bowl of grits, three slices of French toast topped with powdered sugar and three chocolate-chip pancakes.
Monkey: I’ll bet a lot of American voters eat there breakfast on a stick.
Now everyone knows Mitch McConnell is fruity.
pondscum: Dan Quayle eggs for republicans
Boehner- A dozen oranges to keep his pumpkin face. Helps hide the brown stains left by Cheney’s prostrate.
Four to six eggs?! I think it’s Obama’s heart we should be worried out!
Judging by who he married, I’d say Bill Clinton likes his coffee the same way he likes his women. Cold and bitter.
Delicious: Monkey: hmmm, I thought it had to do with me being european not getting the combo. Kinda gave me a salted herring with wipped cream feeling.
wheelie: Come on. The guy works out every day and probably just eats the arugula for dinner.
grendel: That and the smoking…
I wonder if he is in fact eating egg whites but was afraid to say that for fear of being called a wimp. An omelet made with one yolk and 3 or 4 whites is pretty good and healthy, so he might not be mainlining the cholestrol as it seems.
Or, the blood of innocent white children drunk while performing Mulin Luo rituals might be counteracting the cholestrol effect.
Robbertjan: that is really impressive.
Doglessliberal: MUSLIN. Geez. Memo to self: do not attempt stupid humor without proofreading.
No one had the Krispy Kreme bacon cheddar cheeseburger??? elitist scum.
Robbertjan: And a baked potatoe.
kenanlipper: The fact that nobody understood what Sarah Palin was saying, proofs that she is way ahead of her time.
Doglessliberal: And I’m wagering the bacon is turkey bacon, but he is not letting on to his muslimism. Bacon is a way of communicating to the average white person that he can walk among them and refuse homestyle foods with a different excuse like “I just ate” so he will not have to partake in their filthy swine.
Where the fuck is Dan Quayle anyway?
Long ago, in the woebegone days before camera phones, my brother graduated from Marine boot camp in South Carolina. My dad and I, in town for the ceremony, tromped down to the Piggly Wiggly to get some breakfast food. And saw CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES AND SAUSAGE ON A STICK!!!!!
“Shit,” we said. “The folks up north will never believe us.”
So thank you, Wonkette. By posting that picture, now all my friends know I wasn’t shitting them. (this is a completely true story.)
grendel: Obama must have a liver as effecient as a Toyota plant to eat half a dozen eggs every day and not have a cholesterol reading off the top end of the scale.
ForeignSickSpecialist: yes, and you know the oatmeal is steel cut Irish oatmeal or organic. But hey, I am happy. I want my Hopey to continue his healthy, elitist ways.
Adrian Henty has the most faggoty breakfast EVAR!
MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend: in Latin Amercia, improving his Latin.
darbyogill: I thought the US had cornered the market in foul killer foods with the fried Twinkies, etc at county fairs, but then I learned of the English lunch delight, the “chip buddie”: white roll, heavily buttered, fried on a grill, then filled with French fries. The vegetable eaten with this sandwich is canned baked beans. Top it off with a pint or two (which is a lot of beer), and you have your multiple-thousand calorie, zero fiber, high-cholestrol and trans-fat lunch! (Metamucil pills cost extra)
queeraselvis v 2.0: Adrian Fenty is a total stud. The man does several marathons and triathalons a year, bikes and runs every day, has a gorgeous, brilliant lawyer wife (currently pregnant), and adorable twin sons. The dude is like the Energizer Bunny on steroids.
Sarah Palin: Moose pancakes.
Let’s break down cornucopia du Obama:
Four to six eggs: Top four egg producing states, 1) Iowa, 2) Ohio, 3) Indiana, 4) Pennsylvania.
Potatoes: Largest producers of potatoes, 1) Idaho, 2) Washington, 3) Wisconsin, 4) North Dakota, 5) Colorado.
Fruit: Florida, (sometimes Idaho, see e.g. senior senator).
Wheat: Kansas, Montana.
Oats: North Dakota and Minnesota.
Bacon: Fat Americans.
Doglessliberal: So he is a total stud who eats a gay breakfast. Works for me.
You missed the most astonishing response: NANCY PELOSI, Speaker of the House of Representatives: Chocolate ice cream
Doglessliberal: Proofread twice… unless you meant fabric and not religion.
“‘ANDREW SULLIVAN, political writer, The Atlantic Monthly: “A large coffee and ginger snaps. Terrible, I know.’”
Happy Valley granola bar is code for an anonymous blumpy at the bus terminal.
Doglessliberal: Apologies for the misconception. As a proud faggot(tm), I intended “faggoty” in a positive way (like there’s any other?).
McCain’s breakfast consists of Viagra, Vicki Iseman, and barely pent-up rage.
Who the fukk is James Fallows and why does it take him six paragraphs to answer the goddamn question? Jesus christ.
Trixie: “2. Obama has four to six eggs every morning? That seems excessive.”
They’re tiny, tiny elitist quails eggs scrambled with a tablespoon of Beluga and washed down with a flute of chilled Dom Pérignon ‘98. I hope that set your mind at ease. Corpus sana, mens sana.
like Hitchens’ answer: “Old-fashioned Irish oatmeal”….you know, the 80 proof kind.
And 4 min of total body wortkout? Explains the body made by Hostess.
CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS, self-absorbed fuckwad: “My own bile, upon which I usually choke.”
Gopherit v2.0: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
I’m hoping what Barry means is Michelle scrambles four to six eggs? I just can’t see him eating that many fried eggs. If the later is true, I’m gonna need to see those medical records, Mr. President.
McCain: Five and a half eggs, beaten.
tunamelt: I meant Muslin, as he has been referred to that several times by bigoted morans.
queeraselvis v 2.0: oh, and I didn’t mean stud was the opposite of faggot. I was just going off on a riff about Adrian “I Can Run Farther Than You” Fenty. The guy is ridiculously fit.
ihasasad: I can’t get over the Batter Blaster. I love that aerosol pancakes are also organic, because it shows the manufacturer _really_ cares. I also can’t help but wonder what the focus groups looked like for both the Blaster and the chocolate chip pancakes-on-a-stick. State fairs are clearly a hotbed of American food product innovation…
You missed the best one of the original Saveur listings:
“NANCY PELOSI, Speaker of the House of Representatives: Chocolate ice cream, but a chocolate doughnut will do in a pinch.”
Four to six eggs is just code for “Christian baby.”
Personally I just had some kind of French pork belly charcuterie thing, half a glass of pinot, an Anchor Steam and 2/3rds of a Reese’s Pieces. But I “work” nights.
And now I’m craving a Christian baby. Over easy!
TonstantWeader: Oddly enough, the Batter Blaster is Michelle’s nickname for well Barry’s…ummm…you know…
Serolf Divad: This is the most fun Wonkette post ever. And I want to come eat at your house for breakfast every day. You might be my soul mate.
ManchuCandidate: Now, now, be honest here! Sarah Palin weighs more than 70lbs!
O.K., its ten minutes to on the west coast, I just got to work unbreakfasted, and you guys are making me REALLY hungry.
nobody mentioned Krispy Kremes! now we know that these are all lies made up by godless liburls.
mattbolt: Winner!
dougbob: Well, the Kripsy Kremes in AZ closed down a few years ago….. Krispy Kreme is in the tank for Obama or Johnny Mac chased them away!
he’s like gaston
grendel: yeah, besides EVERYONE knows you drink ZINFANDEL with Fava Beans and liver!
Barry and Walnuts should engage in an egg-eating contest. The champion wins America’s hearts and pocket books and a $25 gift certificate to the Sizzler.
(Sizzler being labeled by the press an elitist celebrity hotspot if Obama wins)
McCain: A hardboiled dodo bird egg impaled on a unicorn horn.
No coffee enemas or raw pig hearts. Hmmm. I would have figured two or three at least.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Barack should check his cholesterol. That tends to fell Afros in their 50s pretty hard. 1 egg is like, 75% of your daily cholesterol.
God, how annoying does Mike Barnicle sound? I guarantee he is hated by every diner worker in America.
Please note: Jimmy Dean product pictured available in suppository form only.
I don’t know, Obama eatin’ bacon has got to put his muslim memborship in jeopardy.
FAGS!
On most mornings, I’m still puking till noon. Then I start drinking beer.
tunamelt: I was gonna say something about being a moran but not sure who. Maybe me.
All the chicks here have double standards. When I pop my jacket like the image on the box, all I get are the “ewwwwwww…I didn’t think any guy dodged the scalpel anymore.”