ANYTHING TO STOP THIS DEBATE  3:08 pm September 30, 2008

VP Debate Moderator Gwen Ifill Breaks Ankle, HOW PECULIAR HMM?

by Jim Newell

PBS anchor Gwen Ifill, who will host Thursday’s debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin, purportedly broke her ankle “after tripping and falling down stairs at her home last night.” Oh well what a timely “accident,” and what a likely “story,” which sounds nothing like “intimidation.” CAN SOMEONE then, maybe, explain the letter found next to Ifill’s ruined body that read “no forrin polisy gotcha quesschins,” written in virgin goat blood and signed by “Thteve Thchmidt”? [TV Newser]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 103 comments }

ihasasad September 30, 2008 at 3:12 pm

Damn it – I waz juss getting used to Jesse

Tawmn September 30, 2008 at 3:12 pm

Hopefully she will be all loopy on Vicodin!

Strappo September 30, 2008 at 3:12 pm

I love Gwen! Gwen will rise to the occasion and slather them with ironic good humor! Gwen needs her own CHANNEL. Gwen will TRIUMPH!

(Did that sound too gay? Too much like a Judy moment?)

nurple September 30, 2008 at 3:13 pm

Slipped on a Hot Cheeto?

Words September 30, 2008 at 3:13 pm

Actually Sarah P. hired Tonya Harding to do the dirty work, as she is experienced at that sorta thing, and cutie pie isn’t — at anything, apparently…..

SayItWithWookies September 30, 2008 at 3:13 pm

At this point I’m afraid “What’s your favorite color” is gonna be called out as a gotcha by the McCain folks. Not that Ifill should be intimidated — if McCain’s thugs can’t even push a research-laden newslady down the stairs properly, nobody’s gonna be afraid of them.

JadedDIssonance September 30, 2008 at 3:13 pm

Maybe if you didn’t hate white freedoms so much, you wouldn’t be in this position. Obvs.

Nikolai Vsevolodovich Stavrogin September 30, 2008 at 3:14 pm

Woah. “Showgirls” flashback.

Scrodd September 30, 2008 at 3:15 pm

Her replacement is slated to be a panel comprised of Sean Hannity, Phyllis Schlafly, and Michael Savage.

El Topo September 30, 2008 at 3:15 pm

In what appears to be a “total coincidence,” Jeff Gillooly was spotted nearby with a hammer, some dowel rods, and Steve Schmidt’s beeper number written on the back of a napkin from a gay strip bar.

magic titty September 30, 2008 at 3:15 pm

Holy fucking Gillooly! This is bullshit. Which Republican ‘staffer’ broke into Gwen’s condo and jizzed some of the slippery onto the top step?!? I demand answers.

writechic September 30, 2008 at 3:16 pm

The christian crazies will think their prayers have been answered.

AngryBlakGuy September 30, 2008 at 3:16 pm

…tomorrow she is going to wake up with a horses head in her bed.

Serolf Divad September 30, 2008 at 3:17 pm

Ifill: And now a question for Ms. Palin: what’s the best way to skin a moose?

Tommy Says Soooo September 30, 2008 at 3:18 pm

If she had “cankles”, there would be no problem. Further proof that you’d want Hillary taking that 3 a.m. phone call.

tunamelt September 30, 2008 at 3:19 pm

[re=115733]writechic[/re]: I bet they’re praying for rain inside the studio, too.

El Topo September 30, 2008 at 3:21 pm

[re=115736]Serolf Divad[/re]: Palin:Well, Gwen, to create job creation and shore up the unemployment and such as that.

freakishlystrong September 30, 2008 at 3:21 pm

Poor Gwen, like the rest of us this week, she was probably pounding alcohol and was pie-eyed when she “tripped and fell down the stairs”…

Lascauxcaveman September 30, 2008 at 3:21 pm

Geez, the Repubs can’t even get this thing right?

It was supposed to be Palin falling down the stairs and breaking various bones so’s to have an excuse to not show up; or at least be ‘off her game.’

NoWireHangers September 30, 2008 at 3:21 pm

Sarah Palin can see her ankles so she is qualified to set Gwen’s broken one. Or maybe WALNUTS! could suspend his campaign to help–by which I mean help amputate Gwen’s leg. Maybe Gwen got a foot massage from one of those over zealous WALNUTS! supporters? The causes and solutions are infinite. Much like Sarah Palin jokes.

TeddyS September 30, 2008 at 3:22 pm

The Republican Party regrets this terrible accident that was a warning from God to all news media gotcha zombies.

nurple September 30, 2008 at 3:22 pm

Substandard lighting in our stairwells is just one of the challenges we face here at WNET, but with your generous continued support, injury rates continue to drop every year. Our phones will be open throughout the next hour of Nature’s “Hot Squid Lovin’” so you can show your support for quality television at this crucial time. And dropping by next hour, Marty Stouffer will set Gwen’s ankle live with a hickory branch. Will it hurt? Stay tuned!

Inadequate Blackmail September 30, 2008 at 3:22 pm

Great. PBS is on TV right now begging for money so they can pay for Gwen’s cast.

the deliverator September 30, 2008 at 3:23 pm

[re=115734]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Dude. Moose’s head. with all the antlers and stuff.

JadedDIssonance September 30, 2008 at 3:24 pm

[re=115746]NoWireHangers[/re]: well done.

keepinitrealyo September 30, 2008 at 3:25 pm

DON’T EAT THE FISH SOUP GWEN!

wx insider September 30, 2008 at 3:25 pm

Hillary did it

Servo September 30, 2008 at 3:26 pm

Have Captain Tenille take her place. “Get it on!”

run_said_ran September 30, 2008 at 3:27 pm

What they fail to report on was the cause of the fall.

A PBS source claims it was a caribou’s head [sic] “or maybe a moose or something” that was found on the second floor landing of Ifill’s stairwell.

Its really hard to tell the difference at this point, there’s no lipstick.

pdiddycornchips September 30, 2008 at 3:27 pm

Damn, there goes my fantasy team. Oh, my bad. I thought that was a picture of T.O.

http://usversusthem.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/terrell_owens.jpg

Lascauxcaveman September 30, 2008 at 3:27 pm

[re=115745]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: I’m probably not the first to think of this, but Sarah’s not going to excuse herself from the ticket she’s dragging down. The campaign is going to have her killed. Huckabee, who is just as nuts but polls quite a bit better, steps in, and voila! McCain wins by a whisker.

Run, Sarah! Run! I don’t like you, but I also don’t think you should have to die.

Delicious September 30, 2008 at 3:28 pm

[re=115748]nurple[/re]: And they say public television is boring.

DieOnTheTurnpike September 30, 2008 at 3:29 pm

Palin will bee using this fancy website to cultivate her answers to the debate.

greatgooglymoogly September 30, 2008 at 3:29 pm

GI: “Thank you both for appearing tonight. My first question is to Governor Palin: BITCH! Whyd’joo break my ankle, huh? What the hell is wrong with your skinny white ass? Oh, ah’m gonna come up on that stage an’ stick that microphone where the sun don’t shine. You better answer me now – WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?”

SP: (stunned, blinking) “Wha’? What? What are you talking about? Where’s John? John? Where are you?”

GI: “Ha! Gotcha! Just kidding. Seriously, my first question is, what do you perceive as the relationship between current oil prices vis a vis the commodities markets, insofar as the claim that derivatives may be involved in an artificial inflation of energy futures?”

SP: (long silence) “… Uh … Roe versus … Wade?”

chitownlib September 30, 2008 at 3:29 pm

Sarah did always know the best places to hide the moose traps.

Monkey September 30, 2008 at 3:30 pm

Gwen goes down, and Katie’s taking her place. Then what? 2 against 1?

El Topo September 30, 2008 at 3:30 pm

I wove making fun of peopwe wif thspeech impedimenth.

gjdodger September 30, 2008 at 3:30 pm

She had to jump down the stairs, to avoid Todd Palin coming at her in a snowmobile.

obfuscator September 30, 2008 at 3:30 pm

“WHYYYYY?!!?!? WHYYYYYYY!!!!???! WHYYYYY!!??!?”

4tehlulz September 30, 2008 at 3:30 pm

Was Condi around to “comfort” her?

shortsshortsshorts September 30, 2008 at 3:30 pm

[re=115762]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: I beg to differ on your latter point. Of course I wouldn’t want her to be KILLED, but accidents happen.

WadISay September 30, 2008 at 3:32 pm

Yeah, any questions for Governor Palin about the Portsmouth Naval Treaty of 1905 and you can kiss the other ankle goodbye, too, Sweetheart.

Tommy Says Soooo September 30, 2008 at 3:32 pm

I think it was Rachel Maddow for Gwen stealing her lesbian haircut.

2druk2phluq September 30, 2008 at 3:32 pm

[re=115734]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I knew somebody already wrote that. Blast!

“We will release your family members after the debate. Remember, no funny stuff, and NO COPS.”

surfacenoise76 September 30, 2008 at 3:33 pm

Does Steve Schmidt really have a lisp? I’ve never heard him speak.

ihasasad September 30, 2008 at 3:34 pm

“Oh no, it’s nothing negative at all. He’s got a lot of experience and just stating the fact there, that we’ve been hearing his speeches for all these years. So he’s got a tremendous amount of experience and, you know, I’m the new energy, the new face, the new ideas and he’s got the experience based on many many years in the Senate and voters are gonna have a choice there of what it is that they want in these next four years.” [americablog]

I’m a moose. Please just shoot me in the head.

sarahconnor September 30, 2008 at 3:36 pm

Am ready for this debate drinking game to start at any time, say, in 5, 4…? Takers?

ProfessorJukes September 30, 2008 at 3:36 pm

[re=115722]Strappo[/re]: It sounded gay, but not *too* gay. And yes, Gwen rules.

I’m willing to bet she was tripped by a skillfully wielded hockey stick.

lonewolfbear September 30, 2008 at 3:41 pm

I thought it was virgin Moose blood. Whatever…

ihasasad September 30, 2008 at 3:42 pm

[re=115784]sarahconnor[/re]: Shouldn’t you be takin care of your kid who’s supposed to beat down the robots? If the Palin wins, the computers don’t have to be as smart to take over the world and they’ll do it next year at 2:43pm.

magic titty September 30, 2008 at 3:42 pm

[re=115780]surfacenoise76[/re]: [re=115770]El Topo[/re]: I don’t think it was a lisp being referenced. It was likely a thinly veiled ‘disguised’ name.

sirhotspur September 30, 2008 at 3:43 pm

It was Todd Gallooli Palin.

run_said_ran September 30, 2008 at 3:45 pm

[re=115784]sarahconnor[/re]:

I’m with ya! I think I’ll choose the worthy phrase ‘In what respect?’ as my cue.

ForeignSickSpecialist September 30, 2008 at 3:45 pm

It was a Jesus horse that knocked her down the steps.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bar-art/414998399/

PentagonBookkeeper September 30, 2008 at 3:45 pm

“We’re told Ifill had been walking up a staircase, carrying research related to her moderating duties at Thursday’s Vice Presidential debate in St. Louis, when she took a wrong step.”

According to most actuarial tables, most accidents happen at home just before apocalyptic Vice Presidential debates.

bhosp September 30, 2008 at 3:46 pm

50+ comments and no Blingee? Wonkette = fail.

thesycophant September 30, 2008 at 3:49 pm

“CAN SOMEONE then, maybe, explain the letter found next to Ifill’s ruined body that read “no forrin polisy gotcha quesschins,” written in virgin goat blood and signed by “Thteve Thchmidt”?”

I like the investigator who walked onto the scene and immediately recognized that not only was it goat blood, it was virgin goat blood.

Squiggyfm September 30, 2008 at 3:53 pm

Dear God! Someone make sure her cat is still alive!

loquaciousmusic September 30, 2008 at 3:56 pm

“In other news, Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin broke her brain last night. Sources said that she had ‘just been using it too much’ lately.”

Harvey Birdman September 30, 2008 at 3:56 pm

[re=115730]magic titty[/re]: Technically, I think they just had one of the congressional pages fart on the steps.

cynbot September 30, 2008 at 3:56 pm

Is Ifill’s lipstick tattooed on, too? It’s suspiciously shiny. Maybe that’s the gotcha question she was preparing: “honey, can I get the name of your tattooist? Your work is AMAZING.”

Yuppie September 30, 2008 at 3:57 pm

Does anyone know where John McCain was yesterday??

AnnieGetYourFun September 30, 2008 at 3:57 pm

[re=115746]NoWireHangers[/re]: Curses. Beat me to it. Why is the Wonkette site so slow today? Just me?

ForeignSickSpecialist September 30, 2008 at 4:00 pm

[re=115799]Squiggyfm[/re]: I think the Condi reference by 4tehlulz was concerning Gwen’s cat. Then again, I could be mistaken.

thatonegirlsays September 30, 2008 at 4:00 pm

[re=115784]sarahconnor[/re]:
I need rules for this one! I don’t even know where to start, there’s too much material. And I value my liver.

Mr Blifil September 30, 2008 at 4:01 pm

She obviously slipped on a puddle of lube as she was donning her strap-on as part of some informal debate prep, between just her and Sarah. Because sisters have to look out for each other.

TJBeck September 30, 2008 at 4:01 pm

If it turns out a moose caused this, it could be a huge plus for Palin.

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 30, 2008 at 4:02 pm

Gwen is very lucky. Very few people get charged by a rampaging moose and survive.

Barack Like Me September 30, 2008 at 4:03 pm

Wing Nut Alert.

Drudge linked to a story about a bar owner in Chi-Town that painted a nude of The Disaster From Alaska that he hung on the wall in his place that’s got the mouth-breathers all in a tizzy, partly because he used his daughter as the model.

Much hilarity in the comments:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-talk-naked-sarahsep30,0,4944201.story

Joe Bob Briggs sez ‘Check It Out’.

ihasasad September 30, 2008 at 4:03 pm

[re=115801]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Snapzizzle!

slappypaddy September 30, 2008 at 4:04 pm

[re=115796]thesycophant[/re]: damn, they got mah goat, bless their hearts… wundered whar she wundered off to… she’z a virgin, too, i was savin her up fer somethin speshil, like one a-them bible spicey witchin thangies…

The Station Manager September 30, 2008 at 4:04 pm

And these people expect us to trust our precious Vice-Presidential Debate with this drunk?!

Mr Blifil September 30, 2008 at 4:06 pm

She and Condi were boot shopping at Ferragamo for a kind of girl’s day out, when one thing led to another, Gwen wanted Condi’s opinion on an especially provocative bustierre, when all of a sudden Condi cracked her full on the ankle with a short length of iron pipe, before jumping into a waiting limo where she could just be seen accepting a large briefcase stuffed with cash before the driver shut the rear passenger door.

tunamelt September 30, 2008 at 4:07 pm

[re=115810]thatonegirlsays[/re]: VP drinking game rules.

iwillsavethispatient September 30, 2008 at 4:07 pm

Gwen will she be back on her feet?
Sorry, that pun was truely Ifill.

Thankyouverymuch. Don’t forget to tip your waitress.

TGY September 30, 2008 at 4:09 pm

Jesse Ventura is already on the case of the Debate-Host-Falling conspiracy theory.

iwillsavethispatient September 30, 2008 at 4:15 pm

[re=115830]tunamelt[/re]: Hahaha… That’s awesome! Only trouble is, I’m going to have to get in a supply of Coors, unimpregnated 16-year-olds, and phone numbers of freshmen.

Cogito Ergo Bibo September 30, 2008 at 4:17 pm

[re=115830]tunamelt[/re]: Once again, Tunamelt, GREAT layout of the rules! What would we do without you? Thanks!

HomoPolitico September 30, 2008 at 4:17 pm

Can I just vote for Ms Ifill instead?

Lascauxcaveman September 30, 2008 at 4:20 pm

[re=115774]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Bonus points if they can find a guy named Hussein Hussein to pull the trigger.

And stage it so it happens in the kitchen of, oh, maybe a pizza joint in Philly?

And have him wearing an Obama T-shirt.

Yuppie September 30, 2008 at 4:26 pm

BREAKING NEWS: John McCain has just suspended his campaign in order to help authorities determine what, exactly, caused Gwen Iffil to fall down her staircase. He is in Iffel’s house as we speak with his CSI Starter’s Kit by Hasbro® dusting for fingerprints and setting up laser bullet trajectories.

nurple September 30, 2008 at 4:31 pm

I DON’T wanna see her “Gwennabes”.

Smoke Filled Roommate September 30, 2008 at 4:50 pm

We’re told Ifill had been walking up a staircase, carrying research related to her moderating duties at Thursday’s Vice Presidential debate in St. Louis, when she took a wrong step.

Happy Birthday, Gwen! I personally think she tied one on to celebrate her Bday, but also drown her sorrows in having to pose questions to Female Quayle. Last night must have been a stanky-ass drunk night for her..

teebob2000 September 30, 2008 at 4:53 pm

In what respect, Gwen?

Strappo September 30, 2008 at 4:54 pm

[re=115778]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: Gwen had it first!

Strappo September 30, 2008 at 4:55 pm

[re=115785]ProfessorJukes[/re]: y’know, since I am gay, I’m not exactly afraid of being outed. The hockey stick — sounds like a loving butch marriage to me.

bitchincamaro September 30, 2008 at 5:04 pm

Let’s see…renegade journalist…not afraid to speak truth to power…I smell the hand of Putin!

Ewwww.[re=115748]nurple[/re]: Nicely done, sir. You’ve not lost your acid wit.

Borat September 30, 2008 at 5:05 pm

[re=115730]magic titty[/re]: umm, i highly doubt some GOP staffer jizzed on her steps. A) she’s not a man…as far as I know, B) according to the bible (page 202) spilling your seed is a sin

run_said_ran September 30, 2008 at 5:05 pm

[re=115727]Nikolai Vsevolodovich Stavrogin[/re]:

And how! You think we’ll get a gratuitous McCain/Palin pool humpin’?

Borat September 30, 2008 at 5:11 pm

Well since she’s clearly unavailable, I suggest a neutral moderator. Putin has to opt out since he’s neighbors with Snowbilly, I guess only Newt is left.

Seriously, I’d love to see Tony Blair or even better some take-no-shit British journalist run one of these debates. Moosilini would jump off the ledge and Biden would only break into tears (therefore Biden wins). It’s a shame the US only produces ‘communications majors’ now

nurple September 30, 2008 at 5:37 pm

Bitchin:

I’ve so missed you all. The terms of my release require me to be here every day, yay.

Freshly Minted Hobo Jack Mehoff September 30, 2008 at 5:50 pm

The note was clearly written by Palin. It was clearly signed by Tucker Bounds.

nurple September 30, 2008 at 5:55 pm

Gwen will do the entire debate with her injured foot right on top of the desk, in a big Frye boot. Bonus, it pisses of the Middle-East fundies.

shortsshortsshorts September 30, 2008 at 5:56 pm

[re=115865]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: BOO YA. Barry would surely have it in the bag. Especially if the shooters name was “Barack Obama.”

duke1033 September 30, 2008 at 10:06 pm

Imus says she fell why vacuuming.

angrymommy September 30, 2008 at 10:33 pm

i heard that gwen was on her cell phone objecting to the rule against follow-up questions at the precise time of her “accident”

ifthethunderdontgetya September 30, 2008 at 10:54 pm

[re=116087]nurple[/re]: Panties, or non?

SisterTruth October 1, 2008 at 1:22 am

Gwen was reading the transcript from Palin’s Katie Couric interview, and was so stunned by Palin’s stupidity that she tripped and fell.

Please, watch the racism/sexism, when you talk about Gwen. She is a brilliant and ethical reporter. No need to trash black women just because you’ve never met any in real life before.

Lascauxcaveman October 1, 2008 at 1:33 am

[re=116091]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I was making a Sirhan Sirhan joke there, but you aren’t old then, are you? Restaurant kitchen? Same first and last name?

Bobby Kennedy died in vain, it seems. Ah well, the guy in the Obama shirt knows what I’m talking about.

Mojopo October 1, 2008 at 3:39 am

My friends, Sarah had a mild nervous breakdown but Gwen is okay. Let us focus on Palin’s nervous breakdown before we build conspiracy theories. I have scoopage at Mojopost about Palin losing her shit.
http://mojopo.blogspot.com/2008/10/palin-preparing-for-thursday-debate.html

villageatrois October 1, 2008 at 4:54 am

So, it’s three a.m. and the phone rings in Gwen Ifill’s house. It’s a WAPO reporter looking for background on the breaking story — nuclear war launched from Alaska. Hils and Obama are asleep and not returning calls. McCain has been asleep for two days, which has made his public appearances more memorable than deniable.

So, as Gwen walks down the staircase with the phone to her ear, she sees a cross burning on her lawn. Rushing down in surprise, she misses a step, falls, and breaks her ankle. She is very relieved to know that she was not attacked by Unitarians. They would have burned a question mark.

Min October 1, 2008 at 9:58 am

Never fear. Gwen will pop a couple of aspirin, put on a mildly annoyed expression, and kick some vice-presidential ass.

OzoneTom October 1, 2008 at 4:06 pm

[re=115794]bhosp[/re]: Blingee is SOOO last week.

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