About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Gopherit v2.0

    The bonus of fucking our own economy is fucking the economies of the rest of the world, too. That’ll maake us rich! It’s called trickle-on economics.

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    Can I come back in from picking my own arugula now?

  • Too Lazy To Sign In

    You mean that hippie kids from private liberal education colleges will once again be able to backpack across Europe again!?

    God Bless the USA!

  • Lascauxcaveman

    A little tightening of the credit market will help give us some much needed self-discipline.

    [dogless liberal screams, throws shoe]

  • surfacenoise76

    Ha! And I’ll soon be going to Spain for three weeks to sit out the election!

  • grendel

    Dammit, I was just in Europe this summer and shit was expensive… motherfuckers…

  • Cape Clod

    “AMERICA FUCK YEAH, now let’s go buy all of their stuff and burn it because fuck fucking Europe, losers.”

    The Wall Street Journal had an editorial this morning that said pretty much the same thing.

  • blader

    Yeah! stick it up the asses of the Lazy fat cat european IBankers who got them into their mess!!!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …how does the old saying go:

    “When America sneezes, the rest of the world gets an STD!”

  • freakishlystrong

    Wow, Dubya is so powerful he managed to fuck the ENTIRE world in the ass! My friendsTM, that’s juju…

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=115290]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Trickle down ass-fucking… at least we’re still on top.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …damn it Jim, I don’t understand these elitist terms! Break it down for me and tell me whether or not $50 bucks can get me a BJ?!?!

  • tunamelt

    [re=115309]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I didn’t know you sneezed with a dirty cock.

  • grendel

    OT, but go read these comments… I think these people would lynch Obama if they had the chance: http://comments.realclearpolitics.com/read/1/211548/212171.html

  • nurple

    The Treasury is balking at the Paulson in Leather Pants clause.

  • Aurelio

    USA! USA! USA!

  • edgydrifter

    The magic power of America has always been to hang on just a little bit longer than everyone else through sheer bull-headedness, and then to celebrate by standing over the fallen, peeing on them while chanting “USA! USA! USA!” ‘cuz we sure showed them what-for.

  • magic titty


  • tunamelt

    [re=115323]edgydrifter[/re]: That’s the American Dream.

  • slappypaddy

    bloomberg also sez, in a diffo story, as to how the recession we’re in–doan look!–is sizin up to be the worst since the one way back when reagan ana snidely whip-congress first did neocon eco-jitsu before some o’youse was born… merka, fuck yeah! go team go… do the smaller dollar holler!

  • V572625694

    Suck it, Eurotrash! Who ever heard of a bank called “Dexia,” anyway? It deserves to fail. Banks should have secure, substantial sounding names, like “Wachovia” and “Citi.”

  • middleamerican

    [re=115313]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: So do you think that the U.S. is still qualified to be a “Superpower top” or has been relegated to plain old garden-variety “power top”?

  • nurple

    Columbian drug lords, with warehouses full of hundreds, are breathing a sigh of relief.

  • magic titty

    I’m a bit upset about this. I have been relishing in the dollar being completely dicksmacked by the Euro.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    If every damn foreigner in the world would just get their finger out of their nose and write us a check for $700 each we could fix this mess.

  • donner_froh

    The bank Dexia SA got in trouble because they read all the numbers backward.

  • OkieHookerinEngland

    [re=115316]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: 50 bucks and a can of Campbells? Me love you long long time.

  • S.Luggo

    Good news, bitches:
    “Credit Crunch Worries Solved With Fine French Food And Wine”

  • Johnny Zhivago

    If America could export hubris, we would have this whole problem under control in no time.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=115318]grendel[/re]: However, the empathy which poster “Conservative in CA” has with poor because of the way they’ve been victimized by Obama and his ilk is quite, quite moving.

  • donner_froh

    [re=115318]grendel[/re]: I only read the first 25 or so but some of them were pretty good. For example:

    “This article reeks of Republican desperation. The Party That Destroyed America and the cranky old fart it nominated are going down.”

  • Miller

    Take it Europe! We can fail your banks with our mind powers.


  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=115361]middleamerican[/re]: We may still qualify for the dirty sanchez, but by no means do we deserve the “hot carl.”

  • TGY

    This *would* happen right after I get back from London. I’ve missed the tide again. Fuckers!

  • facehead

    Seems like a good time for me to throw out my old blow up sex doll, which was actually just a balloon with a smiley face, and buy me some cheap whores!

  • Kingbee

    Our German exchange student’s parents got a bargain when they bought dollars for him in August. I can already hear his parents squeal over his next debit card transaction. Serves them right for sending me someone who won’t eat peanut butter, and beats me in chess!!!

  • Saturnin

    Belgian bank regulators: Sacre bleue, someone, zey ‘ave set us up ze bomb, non?
    Uncle Sam: All your base are belong to us! You are on the way to destruction, you pinko-commie, black-beret-wearing, effete, unfiltered chain smokers.

  • SisterTruth

    George Bush is such a global fuck up. How much do you want to bet that he manages to blow something up by accident before he leaves office. George What Happened: “Well, the red button was so pretty. i just wanted to touch it once before I left office. I didn’t even push it that hard….” Oops and there goes half of Europe and three of the 50 United States.

  • natoslug

    Let me know when those Canadian fuckers start suffering. I want my American money to be worth something again the next time I’m in Vancouver. And to be able to mock the bastards in Chinatown who wanted the check paid in Loonies only this summer. It’s the American damned continent — shouldn’t the American dollar be good everywhere on it?