Wonkette
Alaskan dingbat Sarah Palin quickly went from America’s Hottest Governor to local loser nobody wanted to talk about — and that was just here at Wonkette, before John McCain’s handlers perversely chose the empty pantsuit to be “vice presidential nominee.” Now the conservatives and even the easily amused national political media are wondering if McCain’s people will have to dump Palin before or after Thursday’s sure-to-be disastrous debate against Gaffey Joe Biden. [Christian Science Monitor/Washington Post]
Maybe a new hair style and different glasses would help.
Oh please, let it be after the ~debate~: “I gots to know, man, I gots to know.”
Do you think she’ll wear stripes?
I think Republican luck dictates she’ll be coached into competence for the debate. Which stinks - otherwise Joe Biden could have not even argued with Palin, only quote the samurai movie lines sampled in Wu Tang songs, and still sound more coherent.
Wait - isn’t the plan “Palin-McCain win in a landslide after America watches Joe Biden beat up a girl”? Even the angry left is feeling sorry for our ‘lil chillbilly…
Sarah Palin is kind of like testicular cancer.
If you’re McCain, would you rather just live with the pain and agony it causes for a while longer, or would you immediately amputate and show the world that you have no balls?
Instead of answering questions at the debate Palin could gallivant around in her camel-toed red one piece swimsuit.
Gosh… just when we liberals were starting to like her!
Who do you think Biden is using as his Palin stand-in for his debate warmups? It’d be most effective if he just got the Secret Service van to pull up to a soccer game in Milwaukee and grab the first frumpy, oblivious white trash mom cheering on the sidelines, and then shout complex foreign policy issues at the poor woman for an hour until she cries. I see that as realistic practice.
mattbolt:
Who do you think Biden is using as his Palin stand-in for his debate warmups?
He’s using this gal.
mattbolt: Easy. Tina Fey.
My concern is that the expectations are being set so low for Jesus Spice that she will be declared the winner of the debate merely by showing up. She could answer every question with “I’ll hafta get back to ya, Gwen” and that would be enough.
Personally, I’m anticipating a trainwreck of Biblical proportions. And whenever I’ve anticipated something like that, it’s always let me down.
I think the key for the McCain campaign is to have one of the two VP candidates come out in a bikini.
Oh no, dearhearts…we have it all backwards according to the tea leaf readers at the LA Times:
“After Sarah Palin VP debate, Joe Biden to step aside for Hillary Clinton?”
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2008/09/biden-palin-oba.html
As far as I can tell, this person is serious. The mind boggles.
Oh you cynics. Sarah Palin will drop a pen right in the middle of an answer and stoop over to get it. Thus her bucket will fill the airwaves. GAME OVER. GOP wins.
Rush Limbaugh and Larry Flynt will join in a chorus of affirmation and Viagra-induced sympathy dry humping.
From the CS Monitor article: “I think a lot of Nixa people would be angry if she were removed from the ticket,” wrote John Schmalzbauer, a blogger in Nixa, Mo., in an e-mail. “The McCain/Palin signs are sprouting all over town. At Wal-Mart, I saw a vehicle with a Maverick/Barracuda sticker. The same car had a Christian radio sticker. She is resonating with evangelicals.”
As Nixa goes, so goes the nation! Heed Mr Schmalzbauer, WALNUTS!, or suffer the consequences. He’s a blogger! And a Wal-Mart shopper! Ha ha ha ha….
The only thing that would scare me is if Sarah steps aside and McCain brings in Petraeus.
Serolf Divad: How is it possible for that woman to have teeth? Or are they on loan…
Way off topic, but I just saw this paragraph on the NY Times web site:
A spokesman for the pirates who hijacked a Ukrainian freighter loaded with arms said that so far, in the eyes of the world, the pirates had been misunderstood.
I think this is why Rudy’s been lurking so much. When the McCain folks are saying “but if we drop her, who would we choose instead?” he’s right there to say “Ooh, ooh, ooh! Pick me!”
He is probably using a con of Hobo Soup to spar with. Either that, or, maybe when he gets done droppin’ a duke he just gets up, turns around, and yells into the toilet before flushing.
Gloria Borger too:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/09/30/borger.palin/index.html
My money is on Moose Kukes crying during the debate, rendering Joe as a bully, and getting her the pity vote.
V572625694: All you need to know about Nixa is that locals pronounce it “Nixie” (next door Sparta is, thusly, “Spartie”).
Oh, you also need to know they’re a bunch of morans.
Servo: There’s no crying in politics!
McCain is a clever guy, he remembers when he created the last depression that when the dollar tanks so bad that it’s cheaper than wood to burn in the fireplace, being able to field dress a moose will be a desirable trait for a candidate.
ReverendGreen: I approve this.
I’m mostly waiting for when it’s over and the wingnuts send out their press release claiming victory. It’s going to be so good. You know, maybe they won’t even claim victory. I’ll think it will be worded to demonstrate she ‘held her own’ and ‘had a firm handle of the issues’, etc…
Either way, I want that damn press release. Now. It’s already written, so they might as well leak it to the media today.
Some things that could help Palin:
1. Biden getting more plugs between now and Thursday, and not letting them fully heal.
2. Palin holds Trig during debate and has entire backwoods family stand creepily behind her.
3. Biden accidentally misses the debate.
4. Economic downturn somehow causes unbelievably rapid global cooling, giving Washington, DC the same climate as Wasilla.
5. Moose rampage caught by TV helicopters.
6. Someone finally posts the Michelle Obama ‘whitey’ tape.
7. That crazy lady from the credentials committee meeting shows up.
8. Palin accidentally misses the debate.
9. Photo uncovered of Jesus riding a dinosaur.
10. Biden accidentally wears a Saudi flag lapel pin.
11. Britney Spears marries Michael Jackson 10 minutes before the debate.
12. Obama dumps Biden for Jack Reed.
13. Ralph Nader . . . ok, just kidding, he’s completely irrelevant.
Delicious: There is so much there. It sounds like a Monty Python routine.
user-of-owls: I think Bill Clinton is shoveling this shit.
pondscum: Muskie.
I am actually afraid she is going to do fine, thus winning because the expectations are so low. She has been holed up at “Debate Camp” in AZ and no doubt is memorizing lots of facts she can regurgitate. Joe will be criticized for either 1) being mean to her or 2) not being aggressive enough with her. He cannot win.
whore4hope: AND he dresses like a girl!
Servo: She won’t cry. She won’t blink.
TJBeck: Brilliant!
whore4hope: Yeah my guess is Palin will no-show the debate, Giuliani will step in, and say Palin couldn’t be there because of September 11.
my favorite comment posted on the CSM site….[by a wonketteer?]
“LEFT WINGED LUGNUTS…..LEAVE SARAH ALONE SINCE SHE IS WELL ABLE TO STAND AGAINST BIDEN AND SHOOT A MOOSE AND HAVE SOUP AT THE SAME TIME…
THANKS”
the mention of soup is a nice touch, don’t ya think?…
TJBeck: If #8 happens, and it happens anywhere in the lower 48 outside of Montana, expect “the Moose Menace” to get turned into WcCain’s main talking point for the next week and a half.
ReverendGreen: Memorizing how to pronounce a bunch of countries using Hooked on Phonics is not debate preparation we can believe in. The only thing that wins the debate for Palin is if Joe has another rabies attack and hits Gwen with spittle on every answer.
Doglessliberal:
All Joe needs to do is ask her to explain or define the talking points.
She will reply “In what respect, Joe?” and the audience will chuckle.
The real surprise is that Palin didn’t get dumped ten minutes after giving this interview: http://tinyurl.com/4aoz6r
Serolf Divad: Holy shit. I thought I’d seen stupid before, but this rises to a whole new plane of dumb.
V572625694: After yesterday’s DOW plummet Wal-Mart is too elitist for the Hobocracy.
“I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as, uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us.”
When you see the clips of Palin working a ropeline in NY, you have to admit, she has spunk.
But then again, as Lou Grant said, I hate spunk.
ManchuCandidate: My understanding is that there will limited or no interaction between the candidates, so it’s up to Gwen to ask questions in a such a way that reciting talking points will sound nonsensical. Even if it wasn’t Palin up there, I would expect Ifill to do that to any candidate. Joe can dance. Sarah, not so much.
user-of-owls: Lived 8 years in St Louis. I know, I know, how it is in Mizzurah.
anabellum: Oh, nice visual there. She is standing with her back braced against Biden, holding the shotgun against one shoulder with one arm and a soup spoon in the other. McCain is wandering in circles in the background muttering about kids on his lawn.
V572625694: I served (on the debate team) with John Schmalzbauer. I knew John Schmalzbauer. John Schmalzbauer was (and still is) a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no John Schmalzbauer.
magic titty: They’ll probably put a sign up tomorrow somewhere on the intertubes saying she won.
anabellum: HOBO soup even..
Delicious:
Oops forgot about that. So it will be like the beauty contests that Palin is so familiar with.
mattbolt:
The governor of Michigan, Jennifer Granholm, is standing in for Biden’s debate prep. She’s the governor of a border state (we can see Canada!), a former beauty pageant contestant, and recently met the King Carl XVI Gustav of Sweden while he was here for a clean energy summit. But oh, oops, she can actually speak in complete sentences. Sorry Joe, we did the best we could.
When you got nothin’ you ain’t got nothin’ to lose. That describes Caribou Barbie intellectually and thus when she says one thing halfway on point, she’ll be acclaimed by the MSM as the next Margaret Thatcher. Once elected, she’ll order an attack on Big Diomede Island just to show she’s tough on Putin (lick, wag finger).
Tampons! There, nuff said.
Everybody at CNBC just ganged up on Larry Kudlow for supporting Sarah Palin.
Larry: “You underestimate Palin at your own risk”
Erin Andrews: “But Larry, what WAS that Katie Couric interview?”
Larry: “Well, everyone has bad interviews”
Everyone: “No…no.”
Ha and they just mentioned Campbell Soup!
DangerousLiberal: In what respect?
agonista: She also has the unnerving face crabapples.
srsly, I find this “be nice to her because she is a woman” crap very offensive. How are people getting away with saying this. They are all saying it. She has to be treated differntly because she is a woman. That statement is the very definition of sexism.
I’ve been telling everyone for a week now that she is not going to debate.
There’s going to be a major family crisis. One that likely involves children. Or the plane will be grounded unexpectedly. Some fucking thing. She. Will. Not. Debate.
She’s already under intense supervision, having to face the reporters in the company of her big white daddy, John McCain.
Who will sit with her when McCain croaks? As he undoubtedly will?? Slavering neocon and wall street jackals will be circling that little bit of fresh meat as she’s sworn in. The moment her hand’s off the Bible, they’ll begin ripping her to pieces, and the country will be awash in the blood of . . . well, if not an innocent (5 kids and an affair, after all), of the naive and dangerously unprepared Ms. Palin.
lilblackcorvette: yes, which makes it the height of idiocy when her defenders say that the media, Democrats, etc are being sexist by asking her “tough” questions (”What are the three branches of the US government”). In fact, is being treated with kid gloves for fear of seeming sexist for beating up on the girl (again with the internal irony there).
Every time I check in on an MSM blog I find dozens of posts about how liberals are TERRIFIED of Sarah Palin. For the record, I’m not terrified of SP. I’m TERRIFIED of the people in my neighborhood who think SP is “just what this country needs”! They’re fucking dangerous!
lilblackcorvette: my bad. it is the definition of “male chauvinism”. but how can the media get away with this crap. I’m all for chilvary, but chauvinism is insulting. If Biden is all like, don’t hurt your pretty little head thinking about this darn north korea stuff, i’m going to puke.
lilblackcorvette: Actually, I think the “very definition of sexism” is the shouted plea, “Swallow my children!” Just saying.
Is this just the expectations game? Is it possible our little snowbilly actually is assimilating all sorts of complex information and is able to expound on that with subtle yet deft arguments? Are we being hustled?
Ha ha. No, you’re right. More likely that they’ll wheel out Caribou Barbie, someone will pull the string on her back, and she’ll start spitting out incoherent and isolated talking points. “It’s all about job creation! Reformers! Kill wolves, not babies! I can see Russia! I can’t believe John wanted me to suck on that shriveled little nugget! I said ‘Thanks but no thanks!’”
I hope Gwen wears something hot.
ProfessorJukes: I think the string on her back is entirely likely, but it will be connected to a radio receiver picking up a signal from someone in the back giving her answers.
TJBeck: Another possiblity is that McCain will stand next to her podium during the debate complaining about “Gotcha” journalism and pizza, for some reason.
Tommy Says Soooo: err. no. That’s the definition of ecstasy.
Cape Clod: and that is just arrogance on the part of McChauvinistpig to think that the presence of his ceepy ass instills confidence in anybody. It’s hard to think when your skin is crawling. Ewww. he touched me!
Cape Clod: and that is just arrogance on the part of McChauvinistpig to think that the presence of his ceepy ass instills confidence in anybody. It’s hard to think when your skin is crawling. Ewww. his leg bumped into mine !
user-of-owls: I’ve also read that rumor on the Internets, most recently in an anti-Obama Facebook group whose member rank consists of high school seniors who aren’t very good at spelling. I don’t know how you poison someone with an aneurysm…but it seems Hillary will find a way.
Holy Shit! Epiphany! Moose Kukes played Vera on the old television show, “Alice”. She’s the one Mel always called Dingy.
well either scenario! darn submit button
Juan just said Sonic can’t get a loan. And they had the cutuest commercials
If you happen to read the Monitor article, do check out their ever so cute way of axing comments not in keeping with the faith…..”our readers felt that this comment did not add to the conversation”…or words to that effect. so be warned: comments about menus for thursday night’s debate that include reference to “mooseburgers” or “blackberries with extra virgin baby seal oil” will probably be deleted. does anybody know where I can buy some EV seal oil?
Serolf Divad: I just let out a scream on that one.
Actually, I think he should use our Receptionist, she is Bible Spice part deux. Even came to work wearing her hair and glasses like Bible Spice One. She loves Bible Spice One. I can see the connection, they both claim to be Christians and behave just the opposite. Maybe they can sit down and have a pizza together. Me, I’ll be in jail for beating the shit out of Bible Spice part deux if she keeps lippin’ Hopey.
Servo: I feel a snark coming from her about Roosevelt and TeeVee. Then, the gloves are off and Biden can kick her snarky ass all the way back to Alaska.
More over, I would like for him to grab her by the shoulders and scream in her face.
How do you think Gwen will do? Will Gwen bend over backwards to appear even-handed and not follow up when Palin recites talking points or uses nasty little quips instead of answering the question?
I hope Gwen listened to Nancy Puffnstuff yesterday, when she started putting out trial balloons about the debate format and questions being stacked against Palin.
WadISay: Actually, Fonzie said it first (to Ritchie Cunningham, who uncharacteristically, stood up to the Fonz over some disagreement.)
mattbolt: Wow. That is the about the most apt and touching simile I’ve ever encountered on this site.
And! Eww! Caveman just said “touching” in reference to McAngry’s cancerous Balls! (channeling Jim here…)
Itsjustme:
One of her heels breaking while fleeing a thrown podium.
Giant Robot: Lucky for me i dont have any ignorant losers in my neighborhood. What would liberals be terrified of, exactly? The woman is a fucking loser and a nitwit - how is that worrisome?
They’ll dump her the night before the debate.
Joe Biden, who has been using a rotating crew of junior varsity cheerleaders as his stand-ins for practice debates, will be totally thrown off guard.
Right before he goes on stage to debate Joseph Lieberman, Howard Dean will tell him “Just imagine him naked with a set of pom-poms.”
Biden will start giggling uncontrollably whenever he looks at Lieberman, just like Marcia Brady did.
Best part of the CSM post: the first 160+ comments have all been deleted as “not adding anything to the discussion”