daily briefing

The Morning After

  • Oil — you’ll recall this commodity from that time before yesterday when we all owned cars and houses, yes? — is just $96 a barrel. [Reuters]
  • Instead of getting started on revising the bailout plan, Congressional leaders keep blaming each other, but mostly Nancy Pelosi, for their terrible failures. [Washington Post]
  • In response to America’s fuck-up, the Germans have turned to quoting Nietzsche, which, oh god, do you remember the last time someone gave a German a copy of Beyond Good and Evil? [Der Spiegel]
  • Even the Big Business lobbyists couldn’t persuade their friends the House Republicans to vote for the bailout. [The Hill]
  • Thanks mostly to the rejection of the bailout, Asian markets are suffering too. [AP]
  • Some poison milk found its way into some Cadbury bars in Asia, and now chocolate is ruined forever. [Times Online]

About the author

Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

View all articles by Juli Weiner
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55 comments

  1. Hunter Gathers

    Is there any way we can blame all of this on ACORN (or ACRON as the illiterate right wing calls it), minorities, libruls, Rev. Wright, Nancy Pelosi, and Obama at the same time?

    If your feelings have ever been hurt by Nancy Pelosi, I have a pacifier you can suck on for a while. And yes, it is shaped like a cock.

  2. ihasasad

    Bush is ‘posed to speak at 8:45 this morning. I hope he blames Pelosi too. For EVERYTHING bad that has EVER happened. EVER!

  3. Terry

    Worse than chocolate, even, they have screwed up White Rabbit candy. At first, it was just the White Rabbit for sale in Asia but today California announced contaminated candy was found there. I think there is a force at work trying to deny me all my simple pleasures.

  4. Giant Robot

    Good morning everyone. Today’s the day we turn this thing around. Grab your bootstraps and get ready to do your part. There’s some shakin’ up that needs to be done so let’s get out there and give some people somewhere the shakin’ that they’ve got coming. Go team!!

  5. 2druk2phluq

    This turn of events begs the obvious question, what are we going to do about the Cadbury bars? Enough is enough.

  6. Rickets Nixon Gaaaggghh Palin

    It’s OK folks. The Austrians have just re-embraced the Nazis. Nothin’ to see here. Move along.

  7. The Heckle

    Ah, but thanks to my extensive research in Asian porn, I think we can all safely say that the Asians are enjoying their suffering.

  8. Terry

    [re=114922]Rickets Nixon Gaaaggghh Palin[/re]:

    Let’s hope they haven’t started chatting to the Germans yet.

  9. dano

    I’m going to vanish into the mountains of N.C. to my unabomber style cabin and wait this whole thing out. See you in 3 years.

  10. ihasasad

    Remember that cute kid (“Thanks EastBunny! Buck! Buck!”)and all those clucking rabbits, llamas and lions in the chocolate Easter commercials? They’re all dead now.

  11. ManchuCandidate

    From the Poseidon Adv (modified version of The Morning After)

    There’s got to be a morning after
    If we stop sobbing thru the night
    We have a chance to find any food scraps
    Let’s keep on denying the plight.

    Oh can’t you see the morning after?
    It’s waiting right outside with cash
    Why don’t we buy some stock together
    And find a place that just won’t crash.

    It’s not too late, we should be hoarding
    Only have cans of food to eat
    It’s not too late, not while we’re living
    Let’s rush out to grab some loot.

    There’s got to be a morning after
    We’re drifting to bankruptcy
    I know we’ll be there by tomorrow
    And we’ll run for the border
    so We won’t end up as Soylent Green.

    There’s got to be a morning after
    (There’s got to be a morning after)

  12. grendel

    [re=114920]Giant Robot[/re]: You can’t fool us… while we’re grabbing our bootstraps you’re going to cornhole us… yeah, about right for Dubya.

  13. Servo

    Cheeto Jeebus says that Mad Mav v5.5 and Moose Kukes will fix it all…with Joel Osteen as Secretary of the Treasury. Sit, kneel, and pray to the cheesiest.

  14. WIDTAP

    As chocolate is finally seen for the great evil that it is, stocks finally rise for the deserving but unacknowledged little yellow marshmallow peeps.

  15. Canuckledragger

    Ha ha. Now that chocolate is fatal, those chicks who used to prefer chocolate to sex will have to rethink their position.

    I’m betting that with this news, chicks will now break for sex about 50/50.

    I hope it’s the good looking babes who will abstain from chocolate, otherwise we’ll be reduced to fucking some really hideous women.

    [Because THAT'S never happened before..... Old joke: I never sleep with ugly women; I just keep waking up with them. Damn that demon alcohol.]

  16. Serolf Divad

    Meanwhile, Morning Joe this morning was barfalicious, with Scarborough in full Republican spin mode and Mika and Barnacle kissing his hairy ass. It was like listening to the Rush Limbaugh show. Couldn’t watch for more than15 minutes. Actually had to turn the dial to CNN. It was all “Nancy Pelosi’s failure to push through a bill” never mind that the Dems delivered 140 votes, far more than 50% of those needed. Then Joe pulled out the ol’ white hood and blamed the whole financial crisis on Clinton era attempts to increase minority home ownership. Guest Tucker Carlson couldn’t agree more.

    What a farce!

  17. wheelie

    “Steinbrück: Overall, we have to conclude that certain elements of Marxist theory are not all that incorrect.”

    Hooray! Workers of the world, unite! With Comrade Bush the great nationalizer of banks in the US, and brother Steinbrück of our German chapter embracing Marxism, we now have nothing to lose but our fast food chains! Hail to the glorious worldwide Communist revolution!!!

  18. Servo

    [re=114937]Canuckledragger[/re]:
    Perhaps you should stop meeting them on your late night post-drinking Tim Horton’s fixes.

  19. Uncle Al

    Is it me, or have the Rethugs completely jumped the shark? Since when do they listen to Nancy Pelosi? They might as well say they were forced to vote against the bailout because it was humid out and humidity always makes them vote no.

  20. graceless

    I’m still trying to figure out what a girl’s gotta do to get laid in this town…[re=114937]Canuckledragger[/re]:

  21. mattbolt

    I’m diversifying my portfolio into new recession-proof companies!

    Vagrant’s Choice Fortified Scotch
    GeneriCo “Cream of Food” Soup
    American Consolidated Adult Video & Ammunition Wholesale
    Jugs o’ Sustenance! Meat-Like Liquid Food Replacement

  22. dano

    [re=114938]Serolf Divad[/re]: Yes! Just as I suspected black people are to blame for this mess. Why won’t Obama apologize for this?

  23. DoctorCulturae

    [re=114938]Serolf Divad[/re]: Thanks for the report and allowing me to urp up some of my “morning joe” onto the keyboard.

    Methinks they protesteth too much. The louder the blame the more responsibility they bear. Asshats. Watching the loose cannon wingnuts react to the fury of fate is [place modifier here].

  24. Tommy Says Soooo

    Sarah Palin first heard a speech from Joe Biden when she was in the second grade. That’s why you miscreants should elect her, she was watching the C-Span when she was eight! And it wasn’t even invented yet. Vote for second graders! Yeah!

    Then she gave up the politics until after she got married because, you know, everyone goes through phases and beauty contests.

  25. stew

    [re=114916]Hunter Gathers[/re]: Butt ugly, neocon whackjob Mona Charen is arguing just that: it not greedy Wall Street types–it’s the coloreds!!!

  26. Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    I can’t wait for the T. Boone Pickens commercial where he’s all, “Hi, I’m T. Boone Pickens, and I STILL have like $2 million after the fall of capitalism, so SUCK IT America!”

  27. Serolf Divad

    [re=114962]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]:

    Seriously… does it make any sense for Palin to start making jokes about Biden’s age? I mean any sense at all?!

  28. Serolf Divad

    [re=114974]WWJGD[/re]:

    That depends, the empty barrels are $17.00 before or $14.00 after the guy who wipes out the insides with a rag that he then rings out into a crate of 1 gallon milk-jugs.

  29. cheeto_jeebus

    may i recommend the delicious bag o fritos slit down the side and one ladle of canned chili. eaten with your fingers. gassy yes but Mmm good. Tomorrow’s recipe can be found scrawled in chalk on the mailbox on 5th halfway up the block from the liquor store.

    and while the intertubes still work: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHPrNCQQBvY

  30. Freshly Minted Hobo Jack Mehoff

    [re=114977]Serolf Divad[/re]: I think her angle was that she’s been hearing about Joe’s gaffes since she was a kid, as if she ever paid attention to politics for more thasn a combined total of 45 seconds before running for city council.

  31. Tommy Says Soooo

    [re=114977]Serolf Divad[/re]: Seriously, hell no. Hopey’s problem is older white guys who, truth be told, may think Sarah is the daughter in law they shoulda had (after they’ve seen the meth addict their sons did marry).

    Crazy Joe will tone it down and, if she cracks wise about his age, Joey will turn it aside and it will play well in PA, IA, MI and other places where old fellas may not like the African guy but Joe will tell them it is okay.

  32. JamesMichaelCurley

    [re=114935]fuzznuts[/re]: Every time I hear someone bemoan the “Nancy Pelosi took the impeachment of Bush off the table.” meme, my first response is, “You want Dick Cheney to become President?”

    Look at the dynamics of it.

    Bush impeached and convicted – Dick Cheney becomes President.
    Cheney and convicted – Bush still President.
    Bush and Cheney impeached, Bush only convicted – Dick Cheney becomes President.
    Bush and Cheney impeached, Cheney only convicted – Bush remains as President.
    Bush and Cheney impeached, Bush and Cheney convicted – Nancy Pelosi becomes President.

    Even if the last scenario is acceptible – she looses tons of House impeachment votes when she is seen as self serving and should it go to the Senate she looses just enough democrats (one at the least) to loose on the conviction.

  33. TGY

    Ah, Nietzsche. If it was only a matter of

    A) Kills you

    B) Makes you stronger

    ..things would be cool, providing the results were option B). I like to think of the rule as ‘That which does not kill us must’ve missed us.’

    “Steinbrück: No. No one should be worried about savings accounts. We will see a tectonic shift in the global financial system.”

    He means a ‘teutonic shift’, obvs.

  34. DemmeFatale

    No matter how you feel about the bail out…
    Won’t a new deal with the shit-sack House Repubs contain even more concessions than before?

    (God, I hate their smug little faces!)

  35. mattbolt

    [re=115005]graceless[/re]: Alright, let’s hammer out a plan. Step 1, do you know the bar where Republican congressmen hang out, and how much do you look like a 13 year old boy

  36. 102415

    Quite frankly I’m glad Nancy said what she did. Really, someone needed to say it and after the next two days of blaming the so called poor who were really the once upon a time middle class trying to buy into the Republican ownership society ala the Contract on America, it will be good to review just what she said.
    Considering the crappy things the Republicans mail out about her every day to my home, really get a grip children. It was up to Boner to deliver his votes and he and Walnuts! failed. Again.
    Just leave Nancy alone. Pigs with lipstick. Investing has it’s risks and if you don’t risk you won’t never get rich. Anyway I’ve only lost a third and I’m just an old hippie mom with no federal contracts.Yet.
    The chocolate problem is another matter.

  37. d4g33z

    Actually, if the Der Spiegel interview is anything to go by, the Germans are just revisiting some basic principles of Dialectical Materialism.

  38. OzoneTom

    [re=115049]DemmeFatale[/re]: Since the Republican leadership cannot deliver the votes, I say go the other way and give the more liberal Democrats some of what they want, with more regulation at least.

    If you are going to take ownership of something make it something that you can defend in November.

Comments are closed.